What? Me complain?

We were discussing life at work the other night. How our lives turned out, and how we felt about the way it didn't as opposed to the way we thought it would in highschool. And I said, "If someone were living my life and complaining about it, I would be concerned. Does that make sense?"

Well does it? Not that my life is what anyone would consider perfect, except me. I mean I complain about things in my life, but that is more about me enjoying a good rant. If I really hated something that was going on in my life, I would get rid of it. The only thing I would like to change is my finances. But short of winning the lottery its not something I can change or waste my time worrying about.

I really think that if you are unhappy with your life you should just change it. It is that simple. There is really nothing on this planet that you can not change if you want to. Don't try and name one, I will have a simple answer for you if you do.

An outsider could look at my life and think it sucks. I have never really traveled, I never went to college, I am a single mother. I don't go to bars or party. Sounds kind of boring, but I like boring.

My perfect day would be spent alone, on the computer or watching tv. Laying on the couch in my bunny slippers. It would be a perfect day if the phone never rang. I am a simple person, and this life is not for everyone. But it is a life I chose, if I didn't like it, I would change it. That is what I meant, I am in the life I want to be in. Clear as mud, eh?

And another thing...

Here at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™, people are always complaining about what a crappy job this is. I think it is a hoot. I mean the job itself is interesting and amusing. It's the politics within management that get to you, but I have learned to ignore most of it.

The social aspect of it is bizaar. You would never get to converse with this kind of widely diverse group if you just hit the bars. You look around at work and think that you would have never crossed paths with a lot of these people through just social gatherings.

You have 20 something Dungeons and Dragons types sitting next to 40 something bar hoppers. You got the goths sitting next to the geeks, and both are loving it because in this job the geeks are a font of information and the goths can handle a screamer like no other.

You have grandmothers sitting next to party girls. The party girls regaling you with stories of their exploits and the grandmothers shocking the party girls with stories of their biker days.

The only ones that no one wants to be around is the ones who take the job seriously, but even they are good for a laugh. After all we are not curing cancer here even if they make it seem like a matter of life and death. Those are the ones you watch closely, they are the ones who snap.

There really is never a dull moment. Even when it is so slow that someone falls asleep. The hidden frat boy in us all comes out and you end up piling candy wrappers all over the guy till his phone rings and he jumps up and sends half a bag of garbage flying all over the place.

The calls will make you pull your hair out or piss your pants laughing. But you are never at a loss for conversational material.

When your number is up...

We had a death at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™™. Very sad, the girl was only 26 years old. She had three kids, who were in the car with her when it hit black ice, left the road and hit a pole. The kids walked away without injury, including 2 of her sister's children, but she was killed instantly.

When you hear these things the first thing you think, of course, is how sad for the kids. But then you have to wonder? What made this day and time her day and time?

I won't pretend we were friends, we weren't. I think it is insincere and disrespectful when a person is suddenly inundated with 'oh what a wonderful person she was' after they are dead. I am sure even Mother Theresa had people in her life that thought she was a jerk. Frankly I didn't even know this girl outside of work, but we spoke.

I remember a couple months ago, she was planning a trip to Ireland and Germany. The plans came right out of the blue, I think it was her uncle who offhandedly offered to pay for a trip for her. She didn't even know if she could get the vacation time, since she had just gotten rehired at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™™, but it was one of those things, she said, that she just had to go for. She wasn't even going to tell her boyfriend till after she had tickets in hand, for fear he might try and talk her out of it. She didn't worry about what to do with the kids, they had fathers who could and frankly should step up. This was something she felt she may never get another chance to do. You think someone was trying to tell her something?

When she said Ireland, specifically Belfast, I looked at her funny. "Why would you want to go to Belfast? Not exactly a stable place to begin with." She said it was just something she always wanted to do and added 'before I die' in that sort of flippant way a person does. But I don't think she was back a week before this accident happened.

I didn't get a chance to hear about her trip, but others have said she had a blast. If I remember correctly she would spend some time in Ireland, take a small plane or possibly a train to Germany and back to Ireland then home. In all that time, including her stint in Belfast, I assume without incident, she really was doing something 'before she died'.

Makes you think. What do we hope to accomplish in this life before we die? And how many of us will never have time to do anything? Just last week there was a 14 year old kid that the boy knew killed in a car accident. What did he get to do before he died?

In these cases I really do hope there is reincarnation.

For the sake of children and young mothers.

Just what are little boys made of?

Just when I thought I was bored with the internet, Radmilla to the rescue. Her November 26th blog entry about Maverick Mothers.

Referencing an article about this book: Drexler, Peggy F. with Linden Gross. Raising Boys Without Men: How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men.

Ya, this sounds more like someone figured out a way to get money from the government for another bogus research project.

Even if these boys are raised by just their mother lesbian or not, it does not mean they have no male influence and she does qualify her research by saying,

"Maverick mothers, ... seek out male role models, collect friends to form an extended family around their sons, and often go outside their comfort zone to offer a variety of activities and enriching experiences."

In a perfect world this would mean that these boys would be influenced by only the most perfect specimens of men. But in reality it is more likely that the 'Maverick Mothers' have little or no control over which male is influencing their sons or how.

Consider this. Forget for a moment that the boy even has a father. I got him a Big Brother. He was a perfect specimen, a college student (but not a geek), responsible, loved sports and his mother, no criminal record, fiance (a perky cheerleader type) who he eventually married. They had a baby, he became a teacher and a perfect hands-on father. He is a perfect role model.

Now, did that keep my son from becoming an occasional asshole? No. He says and does things that his big brother wouldn't in a million years. I often think that giving him this man in his life may have been a double edged sword. On one side you have the perfect nuclear family, something to aspire to? On the other it may have caused some resentment. Like, why can't my father be like this or why isn't my mother like her.

Even if you could control which male influence you subject your son to, you can't control how that figure influences your son. Am I making any sense? It is 6:30 in the AM.

I think that the only way for this chick, Drexler, to prove her theory is to raise these boys on an island with just women. No tv, video, or even interaction with the other boys. Male influence is male influence. They are going to get it whether she likes it or not. She can only control the where of the equation.

See the only thing she is proving is that a boy without a father in the home is a boy without a father in the home.

All you can do is love them and hope for the best. Boys are not just lab experiments, they have brains that are influenced by everything around them.

Save me from myself.

Ok, it has happened. I am bored with the internet. I have finally reached the last page of the internet. I am finally on a shift at work where I can surf the net all night if I want and I can't find one place on this world wide web to hold my attention.

I go through my Daily Read blog list and that takes about 10 minutes. I have already read all the archives of those blogs, now I am stuck.

It's 6am and I am thinking about hauling out a box of record albums and get them entered into my music database.

I am a freakin wild woman.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

... and your little dog too!

Holy Crap! Felt like Dorothy last night. We had a pretty intense storm. Rain and 120km/h winds. My whole house was shaking and swaying all night long. The power was going off and on, interfering with my web activity. Bastards!

If you live in an older home you know what I mean. Not a very peaceful sleep, I tell ya. Everything creeks and shudders and sways. Every once in a while all three and you wonder if the place is going to come apart. Once the power went off however I lost interest and went to bed. The boy, however, was not convinced that the house would not come down so he didn't get much sleep at all.

At any rate that is the excuse he is using this morning for not going to school.

And another thing...

Something interesting in our local news this morning. A local couple were in the
one billionth car to cross the MacKay/MacDonald bridge. A toll bridge by the way.

That got me thinking. Shouldn't it be free by now? Consider that it costs 75 cents today to cross these bridges. Even if it started out as a quarter. A billion quarters is like a 25 million dollars isn't it?

I have no idea about math, and I can't use the calculator since I don't know how many zeros there are in a billion. But it is still a crapload of money at any rate. Much more than these two bridges could have cost.

High tea with the Politically Incorrect Sisters.

Went to the war memorial on the 11th with my mother. If you remember, the woman is 77 and off her gourd on a good day. As luck would have it, this day is also the wedding anniversary of her sister. This means that after the service, we all meet at a local restaurant for lunch to celebrate.

Picture it. My off-her-gourd mother and her deaf sister in a crowded restaurant with 20 other relatives who have to pay attention to them whether they like it or not.

Every time I heard, "Trin! Give me your good ear." I cringed.

Let me see if I can set the scene:

First, our waiter. If he wasn't gay, he played one on TV. (If you are an old girl like me you get the joke referring to the old commercials, "I am not a doctor but I play one on TV.") Actually, I know him and he is gay. Anyway, I digress.

Ok, where was I? Oh right, the scene. I am sitting in a booth with the Sisters directly across from me. You might also remember that cousin Sonny the Geek (Like Zorba the Greek) is marrying a Chinese girl. She and Sonny are sitting two tables down and to my left. One more table down sits his sister, with her baby boy (freakin adorable) who she had with (if I remember correctly) a Jamaican guy she met out west. And like me, out of wedlock (my mother loves to say). Add the gay waiter and hilarity ensues.

Now I also have to qualify this, for those of you who may think I am about to tell you that the sisters are raging racists or homophobes. They are not. They are just of a generation that used different language in their day to day lives. They absolutely adore Sonny's fiance (frankly everyone thinks he isn't good enough for her) and they brag that baby up like it is the second coming of Christ. And they are as old as shit and, as you all know, old people don't give a shit what they say or how they say it.

There is no way, however, to clean up the language and still tell a decent story, so here goes.

"So, Trin, where did Elle meet the Negro boy?" I give her the look that says 'will you fuck off somewhere?' "What? You can't call them (she uses the N word) anymore or colored." Now I know why we usually get a private room for these functions.

Note to self: Never go out in public with these two.

Trin is nodding, "True, true." She looks at me as if she is asking something as innocent as what the time is. "What is so bad about that word? It's just a word. I never understood why people get so upset over it."

I look at her like she just fed me a spoonful of shit, and it ain't going down well. "It's not just a word, it's a derogatory term and I don't want to hear it."

"It's sort of like....if I were to call you a bitch. You might be a bitch but you don't like to be called one do you?" This goes completely over her head. And it didn't quite hit the mark anyway but I couldn't think of a worse word.

The empty gourd pipes in, "Half the time you don't know which word to use anyway, they keep changing it. How are we supposed to keep up?"

"How about we just change the subject?", I say, "That would be peachy." I am now drilling daggers through Sonny. Trying to telepathically get him to come and get his mother. These two together make me want to crawl under a rock. Luckily the gay waiter shows up with our coffee.

"You know the queers are getting married now, isn't that nice for them?" Trin misses this because the empty gourd is talking into her bad ear.

I have had it, "Will you shut up! For the love of God!" She doesn't understand what might have upset me this time. "Can we just eat in silence?"

"Trin, give me your good ear!" Holy shit, what now? "You know, Sonny's girl doesn't look Chinese. Does she look Chinese to you?"

Trin considers this, "I don't know what it is, but your right, she doesn't look Chinese. But she says she is not Chinese anyway, she is Hong Kong." She is pleased with herself that she has remembered that she was told this.

"Uh, Hong Kong is China." I say.

A lightbulb goes off above the head of the empty gourd. "I KNOW WHAT IT IS NOW!" Oh Christ! I will so leave her behind to walk home if she doesn't shut the fuck up.

She proceeds to put her fingers up to the outsides of her eyes, "She doesn't have this." and stretches them out! I kid you not!

"Your right!" Trin says, as if my mother just revealed the cure for cancer. And proceeds to mimic the actions of the empty gourd. "She doesn't!" Please God, don't let Sonny's fiance look this way while these two bittys are making faces. Pleased with themselves like they figured out the meaning of life.

Thankfully the food arrives and they stuff their pie holes. As soon as my mother finishes the last bite I hustle her out of there.

I know they were not being malicious, but for some reason I want the world to believe, (at least while I am with her) that my mother is not a complete social retard.

Revenge is sweet.

This guy has been scamming the scammers for years. Read all about his escapades in:

Ebola Monkey Man: Pissing Off Nigerian Scammers One At a Time!

It really is a hoot. He eventually gets them to send a picture of themselves holding up a sign with their code name written on it. Usually something obnoxious like Iama Wayne Kerr.

About time. Hilarious.

And another thing...

It's a rainy windy day today. The boy is at a friends since last night so I am bored. I have been surfing since 8am and thought I would fill you in on a few more interesting sites I have discovered, and a couple I have rediscovered.

Cockeyed.com - the pranks page. Check out Image Listing Imposter, very funny.

Rabbit Blog - I used to read this back in the early days of blogging, can't believe I ran across it again.

Greates Internet Moments - it was my starting off point, lots of off the wall things here. Including this.

Monkey Call - For 10 bucks (American, go figure) these people will call you and pretend to be a monkey. I kid you not.

Sucks.com - daily updates on everything that, well...sucks.

Homestarrunner - fun with cartoons. Especially funny is the 404 Error messages.

And this is just disturbing. But you have to expect disturbing when you surf the net. It is definitely not for the faint of heart.

Well that should be enough to keep anyone busy, I know it did me. I am off now to watch all the pirated tv I downloaded. I know, I could have watched it last night when it was actually on, but where is the fun in that?

Ciao.

It's Snowing!

Not enough yet to make a snowman,(it's melting as fast as it hits the pavement) but it's snowing!

Snow
It won't be long before we'll all be there with snow
Snow
I want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow

Snow
I long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
Snow
Oh, to see a great big man entirely made of snow

I just dated myself with those lyrics, but I love snow. I am probably going to upset people by saying that. But I think that you can not possibly get into a Christmas spirit without it.



And even though I am broke beyond words, I will get into a Christmas spirit.

I am thinking.....spiked eggnog? Whatcha think?

Merging on the information highway.

My sister is on the internet, although I am not entirely sure she realizes it yet.

My sister moved, again. This time she has bought a trailor in the middle of Butt-Fuck-Nowhere. Last week she called and asked if I would come over if the cable guy hadn't shown up before she had to go to work.

"I thought you already had cable?"

"Ya, this is for the high speed internet." I didn't think she even knew what that was.

"Do you even have a computer?" I don't remember moving a computer the last 15 times she moved in the last month.

"Ya, the old one from the house." Holy shit.

The 'old one' from her old house that we coudln't even get dialup to work on properly. The old one running windows 95. The old one that we couldn't find USB ports to work with. This is what she thinks the cable guy is going to hook up high speed internet on.

Time to call cousin Sonny, the family geek. "What do you got that is internet ready?" Thankfully he had something kicking around.

"It's nothing fancy, but it will run high speed."

"No worries, she doesn't need anything fancy. As long as it won't make the cable guy laugh out loud."

So, we are ready for the internet. Cute, young eye candy cable guy shows up to hook up hook us up. In a few we are online. I do all the standard updates and install the instant messeging agent and away we go. Before I leave I add myself to her messenger.

That is the last I heard of her. I can see her online, but I assume that she has just never logged off since I was there. I try and messege her, but I am positive that she has no idea what that flashing orange thing is.

Turns out the only reason she got high speed internet is so she could get free cable. She will aparently wait a few weeks and cancel the cable and then splice it back through her cable internet. The internet she never uses.

I do not pretend to know how her mind works. I just pray every day that she doesn't become an grease spot while trying to cross the street on her own.

Kids today are vegetables.

Just take a look at what is popular today. It makes ya want to lock up your kids, and force feed them some classic rock, sans video. Video killed not just the radio star, it also slaughtered the idea that you had to have actual talent.

Point in fact. Take a look at this crayon.



File this under WTF? This is Buckethead. Apparently a famous band? Person? Group? Who the hell knows. And yes, that is a bucket on his head. Not exactly a Rhodes scholar. His mother must be so proud. She is probably the one who insisted on the disguise.

These guys are so embarrassed by their dubious career that they won't even show their own faces, and probably never will.



And Marilyn Manson? Please, is this guy/chick/thing on crack? I swear kids today are just lemmings. They eat this shit up, and they don't even expect people to be able to carry a tune or play a decent lick. All they need is some weirdo to put a drum beat behind some spastic screaming.



Unfortunately, I could go on and on. Kids today are just mindless vegetables that are willingly fed this shit intravenously. It makes me want to drive a sharp object into my eye socket.

What about you?

Happy Birthday!

To Me!

How pitiful is that? Although I think the gummie bear makes it that much more special.

Hey Mom! What's a rack?

During the Iraqi war, we (Bloggers) first heard of Salam Pax through a blog entitled Where is Raed? It was actually more like January of 2002 when I started reading it. Just after President Bush directed my attention to the fact that he might go over there and blow the shit out of something. About time!

Anyway, Salam Pax became very famous in the blog world. Many of us sat and patiently waited for him to post and worried when he didn't. He was blogging from Baghdad, giving us day to day commentary on the state of affairs. Most of what went on on that blog during 2002 has been removed. But now Salam Pax has written a book and released a video diary of his experiences during that time. It was quite interesting to hear about the war from the ground. From ordinary people that were living it day to day. We (Bloggers) did not have to rely on the media's take on things or official press conferences. We had blogs from Iraqi citizens as well as a few from military personnel stationed in and around Baghdad.

One in particular that I enjoyed was Lieutenant Smash. The weblog of a member of the military stationed in the Middle East with his first person perspective on the war. It was interesting when he returned home and revealed that he was actually incognito in Iraq and his true identity as the Indepundit, a well known blogger state side. Unfortunately I could not find any posts from his LT. SMASH days but it was very interesting hearing of his experience living in the desert during that time. Learning just how many baby whipes a grown man can go through in the absense of an actual baby. These days he is out of the military and posting as Citizen Smash - The Indepundit.

More recent ramblings from Salam Pax can be pieced together from a couple of other blogs he has such as the Fat Whiner and Shut Up You Fat Whiner.

There were many other blogs that I used to read daily such as A Small Victory, and the Command Post but most of them are either gone now or I just can't remember the names of them anymore.

Does anyone care about the war in Iraq anymore? Most of us can point it out on the map now but that's about all we know. Do we even know if the war had an end? Has it ended? Maybe that is the problem. It dragged on so long, we lost interest after the excitement of the bombing of Baghdad, and the capture of Saddam. I am not even interested in Saddam's trial. I couldn't care less. I know he won't get exactly what he deserves.

What do you think?

UPS SUCKS!
And I am pretty sure they hire retards to deliver packages. Their HR motto? "Dude, if you have ever checked your gas level with a Bic lighter? We want you!"

On October 5th I bought a skateboard for the boy on eBay. I guess it went wrong from the beginning. The 'seller' of this item was a real tool. I checked out his other feedback and it all said fast delivery, great communication. So about a few days after my payment went through I emailed the seller for the UPS tracking number.

No response.

I emailed again, nothing. Two days later, again nothing. I was starting to get worried. Here is what I finally got out of him.

FROM ME:October 18/05 I was reading your feedback, keep seeing 'great communication' I am
starting to worry that you are not even getting these emails.

Blink once if you can see this.

TOOL SELLER: (that is to say seller who is a tool, not a seller of tools, but I digress)October 18/05 get alot of email
only answer importnat ones

That made my blood boil. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? He took the time to send a snotty reply but couldn't be bothered to copy and past the fucking tracking number.

FROM ME: October 22/05 I paid you promptly, I assume you already shipped the board. I don't see the problem with sending me a tracking number so I can find out where this item is in the world. I don't know what you constitute as important to you, but this is important to me.

FROM TOOL: not in office til monday
shipped the day of feedback

FROM ME: October 26/05 Day 20, no skateboard.

FROM TOOL: will call ups

What a fucking concept! I was thinking the same thing. SIXTEEN FUCKING DAYS AGO! You can see how he got all the 'great communication' feedback.

FROM TOOL: October 27/05

1P 6L2 18B 68 4027 332 9 (AH THE ILLUSIVE TRACKING NUMBER!)
Delivered
Delivered on: Oct 12, 2005
11:14 A.M.
Delivered to: NEW GLASGOW, CA
Signed by: RELEASED BY DRI
Service Type: STANDARD

Now he gets all 'I told you so' when in fact that was the whole problem. If he had just given me the tracking number that he clearly had on the 6th all would have been well with the world. As it stands now I have to tear UPS a new one.

So, since they (UPS) say they delivered a skateboard, I have to inform them that I did not receive the skateboard. I call and get a very nice girl, Allison, who informed me that, yes the driver delivered that package. I know that is what they think, but I tell her that I never received it. I know this because I never signed for it. I ask her what 'Signed by: RELEASED BY DRI' means.

"Oh, that means he left it at the door."

"Are you kidding me? What door?"

"Front door."

"Ah, Allison? Can you see the shipping instructions? What do they say, dear?"

"Name, date, oh!... upstairs rear entrance..."

"Exactly. He left it in front of the house, at noon, right next to a High School. What do you suppose happened to it?"

So now she is gathering information to file a claim. Someone will notify me. Of what? They delivered the package, it was stolen from in front of the house, of that I am certain. Hello? Free skateboard! Pick it up on your way to lunch! What else could have happened to it?

The boy is upset, but I will just have to get him another one. It's too late now for him to use it this year anyway.

All I can say is if the seller had just given me the tracking number when he had it, we could have avoided all this. Believe me, I will never buy from this guy again.

UPS SUCKS?ROCKS????
UPDATE: Just got a call from Sharon at UPS, she is sending out the driver to retrace his steps, if he doesn't find the package (which I am sure he will not) then she will contact the seller and reimburse him and then he can send me a replacement board.

I may have to revise the title of this post. Cuz right now? UPS? Sucking? Not so much.

But I am positive that the seller will pick up the slack. You know, for the lack of sucking and all.

Happy Birthday Mariea.

We won't say how old you are,



Just that you are older than me, have a good one.

White Sox Win!
Big Fuckin' Deal.

Holy shit, I am sitting here watching reaction footage to the Sox win of the world series.

(READ THIS SLOW)

They - are - jumping - up - and - down. They - are - crying - and - hugging - each - other.

WTF? Its a baseball game. They didn't find a cure for cancer. No ones life was saved, they didn't find a baby after 6 days lost in the woods.

I don't understand sports fanatics. Say it with me. It - is - a - base - ball - game.

If you haven't seen any coverage, I am not sure you can grasp the utter rediculousness of it all.

"This is unreal, this is incredible, we're blessed,'' said Bryant, as parishioners around him, who had gathered to watch the game, hugged and smiled.

Are you kidding me? Blessed?

One man who joined the throng screamed into a cell phone with tears in his eyes: "We did it! We did it! We did it!''

Ok, nuttbar? You did nothing.

"This is wonderful, it's a dream come true,'' 31-year-old Robert Cruz said as he stood with a soggy black White Sox flag slung over his shoulder. "2005 is the best year of my life!''

Ok, that is just sad. This is how you define your happiness? What happens when you cure cancer? Your gonna have to retract that statement.

Ya, I don't think we have to worry about this guy curing anything but a ham.

Random spatterings of a 40 year old brain.

On November 3rd, I turn 40.

FORTY. 4-0. Four times 10. These are random thoughts from my last week of being 39.

I am not all that sure how I feel about turning 40. On the one hand I am essentially in mid-life, my youth is over. On the other there was a lot of shit that you were expected to do when you were young that your not obligated to do now. Like go out to bars, drink, smoke dope. All of which bore the hell out of me.

When you find yourself surrounded by twenty something people day in and day out, thinking back can really be depressing in some instances but some of it can make you think 'thank God I am done with that'.

Sex for instance. Back when I was young it was still safe to have it. You couldn't talk about it, but you sure could have it. And the worst that could happen is that you got knocked up. Now-a-days you can die from it. In highschool if people knew you were having sex you were a slut, now they talk openly about it and if your not having it there is something wrong with you. I prefer the old days in that regard.

Other things you lament the dying of. Like playing outside. We actually chomped at the bit to be let outside, it was torture if we had to stay in. Rain, snow, sleet hail it didn't matter. Not much kept us in, maybe a blizzard, but we sat and watched it until it calmed down enough for us to go out.

The excitement of something new. Kids today take technology for granted. The day the cable finally made it out our way. I remember watching them string the lines and praying they would make it to our house before they stopped for the day. Up until then we had two channels. Two Canadian channels. If you don't have any inkling of how bad that is, check out the CBC schedule. Even today Canadian tv is pretty crappy with very few exceptions.

The invention of the VCR. Its amazing when you think that I am only 40 but I have lived through the entire rise and fall of a technology, namely the VCR. I remember the first BETA machine that we got, it had a remote control with a 6 foot cord. Mind you it didn't last long, the dog took a liking to it. But at the time it was state of the art.

Its not really that cool that I remember these things, only that I remember NOT having these things. Things that seem commonplace now, but some of you don't remember when they weren't so.

I REMEMBER WHEN THESE THINGS DID NOT EXIST: (at least not for me)

Post-it notes - we had to use tape, the horror.
VCR's - if you missed it the first time you were SOL.
DVD's - your movie collection took up space...lots of space.
Cell Phones - we had pay phones on every corner. Good luck finding one that even works now.
Camcorders - we had those ones that you had to turn with a crank, it took a steady hand and there was no audio
Personal Computers - the comming of these things was very exciting and I lived for the next best thing. Now it's just par for the course.
Floppy disks - before this it was 5 1/4
CD's - I used to have shelves and shelves of floppy disks. These turned out to be mostly a space saver.
Walk/Disk-man's - you wanted to listen to music, you had to stay home to do it.
Liposuction - I am still waiting on the pill though.
Madonna - I know, don't you wish you were me?
Starwars - all we had was StarTrek and we were happy to think that space was just a place for Kirk to get layed.
Microsoft - the reason Nerds are hot.
AIDS - the worst std there was were herpes or crabs.
The Internet - penpals were the best we could do.Then we got something called BBS (Bulletin Board System) it was like internet lite. Some of them could host up to 12 people at one time. WOW!
School shootings - but then again, back then your father could give you the back of his hand if you acted like an asshole. Ah, the good old days.
Email - ya, you had to write it down and stick a stamp on it.
Organ Transplants - I was in highschool when someone got an artificial heart. Now they can just clone you for spare parts.
Single Fathers - you got a girl knocked up, you married her. Then again, I never thought that was a good idea anyway.
Rap - again, bet you wish you were me and could go to 'that' happy place.
Law and Order - hard to believe, I know, but there was a time when this was not on the air in any form.
Music Videos - artist had to actually have talent, not just a six pack and a cute belly button ring.
The Price is Right - yes there was a time it did not exist. However, Bob has always been on the planet since the beginning of time. It was just the name of the show that was different. Remember Truth or Consequences? I actually preferred Let's Make A Deal, but that is because it was much more cut-throat.

Any of you old timers out there want to share your recollections?

Ignore that Flaming Red G.

I just totally screwed my internet connection without realizing it. Then I left for work. When I got home I had no internet connection and had no idea why.

The reason for the Flaming Red G?

I figured out what I did, and fixed it.

I am not an officially trained geek so the G is not huge, but G it is.

I fuckin' rock sometimes.

I painted it. It was not as hard as I thought it would be.



Sometimes I scare myself. It isn't really this shiny. It is still wet. In case anyone wants to know. I used Tremclad rust paint. I did not prime or sand it. All I did was rip off the mac-tac and paint it with a roller. Couldn't use a spray because I couldn't really move it.



And I think it looks a lot better without the fake mable mac-tac.



Oh, and ignore the thumb print on the handle. I actually painted the door shut and had to force it open. I will fix that later.

Hey, I never said I was Martha Stewart.

Ok, I might have said that once. But cut me some slack.

Draft from the past.

Thought I would share with you the comments I received on a post I made to another site. This has been sitting in draft for a while waiting for a day I couldn't think of anything to blog about. This particular post was one I put here as well on June 26th. Incidentally me in this instance is not me but a pompous windbag with a superiority complex.

Comments for: Best way to get your call times up? Argue with an asshole.

I realize customers are a big PITA, but you sound like a jerk. It's not your job to be such a smartass with people - you are paid to assist them with their problem, not give them an attitude, regardless of whether they started it. If I was your employer, you'd have been fired.
Posted by me at June 29, 2004 12:22 AM

Yeah, baby! You've got some ATTITUDE. ;)
Um...can you create a case for me, please?
Posted by m. at June 29, 2004 10:52 AM

Excuse me? But I am not paid enough to be told I am an asshole by a person who has no idea who I am. Don't fucking steal my VCR and then get attitude with me when I won't show you how to work the remote.

I don't see why I should have to show common courtesy to people with none.

How's that hearts and flowers shit working for you? I would love to see you after a ten hour shift of these idiots.
Posted by Evel at June 30, 2004 03:19 AM

I would have paid $$$ to hear that call!
But you know even if he does go buy a M.ac he's still going to call you for support. Because you are computers:)
Posted July 1, 2004 01:56 AM

And by the way....I am NOT a jerk. I am a bitch, therein lies the difference.Posted by Evel at July 1, 2004 07:01 AM

I had a customer one time who did not want to tell me his name, and we had to have it to create a ticket. In frustration he said that his name was Dick. I didn't say his name at all during the call until the end and I said "thanks for calling DICK!"
Posted by Me at July 1, 2004 10:55 PM

Fine, you're being a bitch. Regardless of how much you get paid, you're not being paid to be a bitch to the customers. And honey, I HAVE worked customer service, and I KNOW it sucks, but that is your job to take their shit. It's unfortunate, and I am not saying that person isn't an asshole, but what I AM saying is that you better watch your attitude before you're canned.
Posted by me at July 2, 2004 02:30 AM

Someone takes life waaaay too seriously. How sad.
Posted by Evel at July 2, 2004 04:56 AM

Personally I'm tickled that you're Canadian and that you remember the torching of the white house!

As far as 'me' is concerned, I personally assume that anyone posting here may actually not be posting 'real life' verbatim, but rather what they wish they either had or could have said. Why would someone read this site and assume that everyone says exactly what happens in reality? (Even if you are, Cube 420, I wouldn't assume you are)

This is a venting site. These days, the most stressful jobs around are those which require being cheerful to people (because they're customers) no matter what. Flight attendants are getting chronic fatigue syndrome from having to smile all day long - I can't recall the exact term for 'smilitis', but it's increasingly being recognized as a major organizational behavior problem in the service industry.

So why pick on people here? This is effectively a health benefit. Why not bugger off and annoy someone who's actually done something to you rather than going trolling on sites that everyone else is enjoying?

If you don't like it, don't come back... it's a simple solution to a simple problem
Posted by Maggie at July 2, 2004 07:32 AM

I wouldn't say I'm trolling because I read all the entries on a daily basis and rarely comment, and when I have, it's not been in disagreement with what was said. Obviously, this girl's posts have touched a nerve of mine, and the reason why is because I have worked in the customer service industry and I have overheard people being rude and nasty like this girl claims she is and I think it's wrong. I understand this is a place to vent, but then tell it like it is, don't pretend to be so nasty. And I wouldn't be surprised if she really is that nasty either. That's my issue. Just wanted to explain. Now I will stop posting and everyone can feel good about their attitudes again. :)
Posted by me at July 2, 2004 02:55 PM

Oh and one more thing - I take life too seriously? I'm not posting long entries all the time about how nasty I am, or wish I was, to customers. Furthermore, if you're posting in a public forum, don't expect everyone to agree with you 100% of the time. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks you have an attitude problem, I'm just the only one who said it.
Posted by me at July 2, 2004 03:00 PM

HAHAHA! Comment all you like. I personally don't have a problem with my attitude.

And for the record that is exactly what I said. Not apologizing for it. I don't care what service you are providing to a 'customer' (which incidentally is not the case here since this guy was stealing the software) it does not give them the right to treat you like a second class citizen. That guy was nasty from hello. And he got it back, in spades.

You have to be a real asshole to me to illicit that kind of response, so when you are, you get it back, its that simple. I am not arbitrarily snotty to people. That guy deserved it.
Posted by Evel at July 3, 2004 03:46 AM

Never did find our who 'me' was, he was so sure of his own self-righteousness that he remained anonymous. Most idiots do.

I'm sorry, but it's over.

"It's not you, it's me."

"Ok, I lied, it's you."

Recently I discovered that my fridge had something against milk products. I thought we could work it out, possibly seek therapy but it just refused to keep them cold.

It was in denial that it even had a problem. It thought I should be satisfied with the perfect freezer performance it was giving me. That I was being unreasonable for wanting it all. We may have been able to get past that, but then it started exhibiting some passive aggressive behavior by pissing all over the floor.

That, I'm afraid, was the last straw. It is all so sad when a relationship ends. It's the kids that suffer.

So, the fridge and I had to part ways. It just wasn't working out. I called the landlord and he says, "No problem, I will bring you a new one."

He, of course, meant new in the sense that I had never laid eyes on it before. Not that it was brand new. This is what he brings me.



And yes, that is mac-tac. (Sticky paper, or whatever you call it in your neck of the woods.) That's fake marble mac-tac. Only the best for this chick. Posh! The mac-tac is, of course, to cover most of the rust.



I did say, 'most of the rust'. He looks at me and says, "Well you can change the mac-tac." Gee, thanks.

Oh well, it does keep things cold and the boy will just have to adjust to having a new fridge in the family. The old fridge is in the barn and has visitation rights. It was the least I could do.

I plan to paint the 'new' one. I might even get the sister to paint a big sunflower on it. Could be cool.

How to embarass a 14 year old in a grocery store.

Hold up a large tube of bolonga and say,loudly, "Hey Boy! How about a big fat balogny?" Then burst into fits of laughter. (You have to say Bah Lone EE and drag it out for effect.)

The boy is not amused, "Jeez Mom, your embarassing me." Looking around to see if anyone notices that he is with me.

"What? There is nothing funnier than a big ole hunk of balogny." Grab another equally large rolled meat product. "Unless it is a big hunk of salami." I am laughing so hard I snort.

The boy walks away from me like he has no idea who that crazy lady is.

Sometimes, I just crack myself up.

Dangers of sneezing.

Sneezing is the single most dangerous thing you can do. Avoid at all cost. I sneezed last night and fortunately I live to regret it.

Oh, I was throwing up at that moment. Probably should have mentioned that.

One other pearl of wisdom before I die:

When rushing to the bathroom to talk to Ralph, whatever else you forget to do in that moment, do not, under any circumstances, forget to turn on the light and fan.

These two items, while they will in no way affect the outcome of your conversation with Ralph, will prevent you from falling asleep on the porcelain phone and wake up unable to straighten into a complete standing position. The worst possible thing you could do, at that moment as well, is to sneeze.

Just a tip, carry on with your lives. Nothing to see here.

Can I get an Amen?

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ my name is blah blah blah..."

CUSTOMER: "I have this software on my computer."

ME: "Ok." I will play your silly game.

CUSTOMER: "I am trying to activate it and it won't work."

Long story short. Volume license software. OEM key.

ME: "Sorry, you have to use a volume license key for that software."

CUSTOMER: "But I want to use my OEM key for that."

ME: "I want my car to be a Fararri, but we can't always get what we want."

CUSTOMER: "That is retarded, I want to use my OEM key." I am thinking he doesn't have volume licensing. I am also thinking his mother and father were blood relations.

ME: "You can, if you install your OEM software, but if you are going to use your volume license software you will have to use your volume license key."

CUSTOMER: "I don't get it." Clearly.

ME: "I will put it this way. You are trying to start your car.....with your cat."

How did you get this number?

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ my name is blah blah blah..."

Customer calls in, she has purchased Product A. It included a tutorial, which you need Product B to view. You don't have to purchase Product B, there is a free viewer download you can use instead. She never gives me the chance to tell her this.

CUSTOMER: "I purchased Product A, it says it is designed for Product B but it is not on the disk."
ME: "Product A?"
CUSTOMER: "No Product B, it is telling me it is not on the computer, but the box says it is designed for Product B so Product B IS on the disk."
ME: "No, it says it is designed for Product B and you don't have it."
CUSTOMER: "But it says it is included."
ME: "No it says it is designed for Product B."
CUSTOMER: "Ya, that means it is supposed to be included." In what universe?
ME: "Consider this, Product B costs $400. You paid $60 for Product A, did you really think Product B was included?"

SILENCE

CUSTOMER: This is a rip off! CLICK

And the conspiracy theory guy. He is always fun.

CUSTOMER: "I want to report a bug, and if you don't fix it I will file a complaint with the De.par.tme.nt of Ju.st.ice."
ME: "Ok, shoot."
CUSTOMER: "Your OS is preventing me from installing a different OS on my system."
ME: "How's that?" Can't wait to hear this one.
CUSTOMER: "It is intentionally deleting track 00 on every one of my cd's. So I cannot make a boot disk."
ME: "Let's get some additional information."

He is running an OS that is 6 years old. Let's call it 'Doors You'.

ME: "And what OS are you trying to install. Li.nix?"
CUSTOMER: "No, OS2."
ME: "Is that Ma.cIn.to.sh?"
CUSTOMER: "No, I.BM."
ME: "Really, I wasn't aware they even had an OS on the market." Neither did you, you say? Not suprising, considering the last version came out in '96.
CUSTOMER: "Yes they do, and the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ is activly sabotaging my attempts to install it on my pc." Like we give a shit.

I won't draw this out, you can see where it was going. This guy was going to take this all the way to the supreme court. I gave him his support options for the 5 year old software that he did have on his system. Considering it does not have its own CD burning capabilities, it is most likely the third party software he is using that is causing his cd's to be ruined. Or it could possibly be the fact that he is a moron and did not download (yes I said download) the OS2 software properly. It was going to cost him, and I am not sure how we could help with the other OS, but we would give it a try. He was fun.

CUSTOMER: "I am not paying for this. You will give me free support or I will file a complaint with the DOJ."
ME: "Ok then, is there anything else I can help you with? No, then thanks for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™, you have a nice day."

Next crayon.

Feedback, Schmeedback.

Got the feedback for my TM interview. You know, for the job I didn't get? Incidentally, the feedback was not delivered by either of the 'women' that interviewed me. They pawned the job off on my TM. She told me I could have a meeting with one of the two if 'I insisted'. They're yella!

It appears that I am a, lets see, what did she call it? Oh ya, a ring-leader and a bad influence. I apparently influence those around me to bend to my will. Wouldn't that be a good thing? I mean, in a leadership position?

One of the two also did not appreciate some of the emails I sent to her voicing my concerns over some of the scheduled company events that repeatedly overlook half the company population. Events that are always scheduled for weekends, when half the center cannot attend because they work on the weekends. Apparently they do not appreciate the fact that I point out their thoughtlessness. I even got blamed for other people's emails along the same line.

Here's the thing. I suspect that they (meaning upper management) fear that I may 'influence' my team and others against them. But wouldn't that inspire 'them' more to make me one of 'them'? But I guess they can't risk it.

Anyway that is their story and they are sticking to it. That is the excuse they are peddling this time. If I was everyone else in this scenario I would be very insulted. To imply that these people have no mind of their own and I can make them do pretty much what I want? (not really seeing the downside here)

Ok, I suppose I can. However, I would never use my powers for evil.

Ok, I would. But I wouldn't do it to intentionally hurt anyone.

I need to stop now, I am not even convincing myself.

This looks interesting.

Found at Hohmann by way of Radmilla.

1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

Since mine are not numbered, it took a bit of counting to find.

" Am I dying? "

I don't know what this says about me, or even if I care.

But whatever, tag, your it.

The boy is wired wrong. Part Two.

I go to bed at 4pm (I work at 1am)

8:00pm - Boy crashes into the room. "Dad just came with the child support, can I get a pizza?" ME: "Fill your boots."

8:05pm - Boy crashes into the room. "Cover your eyes, I am turning on the light." He is looking for the phone book. In my room. The one with no phone.

8:10pm - Boy crashes into the room. "What do I ask for?" I don't know...ask for what you want?

8:15pm - Boy crashes into the room. "I don't know if they deliver." ME: "IT'S A FUCKING PIZZA PLACE, THEY ALL DELIVER!"

8:20pm - Now that I am awake, I have to pee. I walk out into the living room, "How long before the pizza gets here?" THE BOY: "I never ordered it, I don't know what to say." ME: "Here's a shot in the dark, how about 'bring me a pizza'?"

I end up ordering the pizza, and never getting back to sleep.

13 hour shifts are fun on 4 hours sleep. I highly recommend it.

The boy is wired wrong.

I am getting ready for work Friday night. The usual, shit, shower, shave and shove off. I reach for the toothbrush (in a glass beside the sink) I add the paste, begin to brush and ....holy shit, what is that taste? I take it out of my mouth and I notice it is black. WTF?

I find the boy in the living room. "What is up with this?" I stick it in his face.

He looks at me like I should know this, "I cleaned my trucks today." Matter of factly, like it was a regular day in the life of the boy. BTW, in case you are unaware, trucks are the part of the skateboard that attach the wheels to the board. Like an axel.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Why? Is that your toothbrush?"

"No, why would I put my toothbrush right next to the sink, in a glass? That would be retarded." Is he kidding me?

"Sorry."

Sorry, he says. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had used it and tossed it, but he felt the need to put it back in the glass next to the sink. You know, so I could continue to use it. He says he didn't know it was my toothbrush. Who's toothbrush could it have been? I am not running a flop house. If it wasn't his, logic would dictate that it had to be mine.

I get the pissing on the toilet seat, men are genetically wired for that. But some of the stuff this boy does, totally baffles me.

Using a roll of toilet paper a day to wipe his shitty arse. Is this because he is destined to be a big arsehole?

Leaving garbage on the counter directly above the garbage can.

Walking past the bathroom, into my room, to tell me he has to throw up.

Using a bottle of shampoo a week on half an inch of hair.

Cleaning his sneakers. Every night. With a face cloth.

Waking me up to remind me to wake him up. (You mean like I have been doing every morning since you were born?)

I guess you can chalk all that up to being male. But this? I do not get this.

I am in some sort of parallel universe....I think.

The boy just cleaned the house. The entire house. I am officially in the Twilight Zone.

Ok, from a distance it appears clean. But upon closer inspection I have to say it's half-assed. The floor is clean but the corners are full of crumbs. When you walk into the bathroom, again it appears clean, but you look in the sink and it is full of toothpaste. The garbage is taken out, but just barely, it sits on my doorstep.

But hey, at least I didn't have to do it, and I didn't ask him to do it either. What is up with that? What has he done? What is broken? Should I expect a visit from the police or an angry father of a knocked up teenage girl?

I have decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and just go with it. I will let you know if I hear shots fired.

Wrong Word gets around.
We had a bit of a meltdown here a couple days ago. And it was all over gas, and I ain't talking flatulence here.

On the 22nd I was minding my own business when my friend called me. As I was talking to her I could hear the newscaster say 'a dollar seventy nine a litre'. She says, "Mom is stuck in a gas line, she heard that gas was going up to a dollar seventy nine a litre." Just as she said this I heard the newscaster say, 'it's just a rumor'. So, I say, "It's just a rumor."

"No way, Jimmy's friend said it is already $2.11 in Halifax!"

Again I say, "Just a rumor, it's all over the news." She is having none of it.

Later, I head out to visit a friend. You would not believe it. People were lined up for a quarter mile in each direction at every gas station. Police were directing traffic. Stations were running out of gas.

Don't these people ever listen to the news? I inch my way past one gas station and come up along side a cop directing traffic. "Have you thought to mention to these people that it is just a rumor?" The cop shrugs his shoulders and waves me by. As I look up at the station sign, it is still at $1.12 the same as it has been for over a month.

I get to my friends house and she is buzzing, "It's just a rumor." I say, feeling like a broken record. "Nope, we just passed the station down there and it is already up to $1.26 a litre." The same station I had just passed. You think this is how things get started?

"I am telling you it is just a rumor, it was all over the news."

"Your wrong, the guy at Walmart...."

"What guy at Walmart?"

"A guy, I don't know his name, he said it was already $2.11 in Halifax." Possibly it was Jimmy's friend, spreading the word.

"Oh, well then! If the guy from Walmart says it is so, then it must be so. I, foolishly, was getting my information from the national news. But the guy from Walmart is a much more reliable source."

I wonder sometimes how these people make it across the street on their own without becoming a grease spot?

Rifinito!

Finally it is all complete and the boy is safely ensconced in his brand new room.





And the piece de resistance!

This logo for R.ed Dr.ago.n Socie.ty. I think it turned out pretty good.

Maybe the boy will stay now.

And another thing...

We can't forget the final touch. This is what the boy will see when he sits down to do his homework.


(See How Much I Love You!)

Finished....well almost.

I think it turned out pretty well. And the boy likes it.

     

     

The boy wants to sleep in there tonight so I didn't get a chance to put the logo on the door.



But this is the logo, I have already traced it on the door, but will do it tomorrow when the boy is in school



I have complete faith....ya right.

Please do not try this at home.

Wish I had taken my own advice.

Just an update. I have most of it done.


Just have to put the white stripe on.


This wall might be a little tricky.


And the boy wants some sort of skateboard logo on the door.

There are muscles in my body that I had no idea I possessed.

And right this moment, I wish we had never met.

And another thing...

J.D. Fortune, wins Rockstar INXS and becomes the newest front man for that band. And he is from right here in Pictou County.

I had thought people were obnoxious when George Canyon came in second for Nashville Star. People have lost their minds here.

I just don't have the bone structure for this anymore.

Started to paint the boys room. This used to be panelling.


I first had to black out the windows so the boy would stop nailing a blanket up in front of it. He likes his room pitch black.


I just finished the priming and the trim.


Now I just have to paint the green and the stripes. I started it Monday and every bone in my entire body is screaming.

Pray for me.

David Blaine - Street weirdo Performer

What is it with this crayon?

I mean, I get the whole magic trick schtick. But what the hell does that have to do with standing on a fuckin' pole for hours? Endurance? And I should give a shit, why?

Pick a career and go with it psycho.

When this freak talks, he sounds like he is definitely on something. Supposed to make him sound deep I guess, he just sounds like he is on crack.

He gives me a headache, from rolling my eyes into the back of my head so much.

You know, your 'career' might go a little better if you tried not to creep people out so much.

End of rant.

Don't know what it is, but this guy really rubs me the wrong way.

PFO!

I might start wallpapering my room with all the PFO letters I get.

Can't be too disappointed though. At least this time they didn't give the job to some idiot.

Can't wait to hear what sort of feedback they will give me this time. Just to remind you, the feedback I got on my resume last time was - 'mention actual humans'. Should be interesting.

I will let you know what ridiculous pearls of wisdom they impart upon me this time.

I'm an astronaut and I own this bar...

Had my interview for the TM position today. I thought I would take a stroke, but I am ok. This being only the third interview I have ever had in my life.

The first was when I was in high school, and the interviewer was Japanese. Didn't go well since he didn't speak a word of English. Didn't get that job.

The second was for the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™™, and now this one. I never really had to interview for jobs before. People asked me to work for them, period.

So I get into the interview and it starts out normal enough. Work experience, educational background. Then they start in with the behavioral interview. Have you heard of this?

It makes sense I suppose but it lends itself to subterfuge. I mean, they ask you to 'Can you give us a situation where you anticipated a problem and the result was favorable'?

Now, how the hell would they know if it is true or not? It's not like they ask you to prove it. "Ya, I guess it would have to be the time I landed on the moon and Neil tripped on his space boots. He could have bounced right out into outer space had I not had the forethought to tether us together before we left the shuttle. That was a close call, I tell you what."

Ok, I will admit, they may have not bought that one, but you get the picture. It's a ridiculous process.

Anyway, they tell me that as soon as they finish the last interview on Friday that they will be choosing the successful applicants. That we will find out by end of day Friday and that person will start on Monday.

At least I won't have to stew too long.

Showing up early only works if you are the only one to think of it.

Went for bloodwork this morning. They open at 7am so I figured I would get there at 6:30am.

Good plan, eh?

It would have been if I was the only one to think of it. As it was, I was #3, and they were serving 80. WTF?

Some of these people were pro's. Probably there once a week. I propose that they take their own blood at home, they probably know how its done by now. That way they can just drop it off and I don't have to wait 3 hours for my sample after fasting (food and water) for 12 hours. Or, as an alternative, don't bother with the whole blood thing. After all, if you have to have blood drawn every week, you might just want to give up and live your life while you still have life left. It's just a big money grab, you don't really need all these tests.

Can you tell I am a little cranky now?

I wait the 3 hours and finally get in to have my sample taken. As I wait my turn I notice a teenager in scrubs and I suddenly get nervous. Please not him, please not him.

Guess what? Yeah, I got him. He takes me in the cube. I ask him which arm. He says, "Which do you prefer?"

"I only ever did this once before, so I have no idea." I say. Then it dawns on me, "You've done this before, right?" This gets snickers from the other techs. "Yes." he says. Then he starts to poke at my inner elbow. Poke, poke, poke...poke poke poke.

"Are you looking for something in particular?" Silence. Poke, poke, poke.

I couldn't see any change affected by the poking but apparently he did. He brings out the needle and I think I saw a look on his face like, 'here goes nothing'. JESUS H CHRIST! OUCH! He got it though.

You would think the initial entry of the needle to be the most painful part. Not true. Its the changing of the vials. Taking one out and pushing another in, while trying not to move the needle in the arm. FUCK ME GENTLY!

Now I have a nice large bruise to remember him by.

Now I have to turn around in another half hour and take the boy in for his ECG. At his last doctor visit she noticed an irregular heart beat. I am trying not to let it freak me out and amazingly the boy is not freaking out over it. I will let you know how that turned out.

And another thing...

Got my PFO letter for the associate trainer job, wasn't really disappointed since I really did not want the job. However, I was told I would get an interview for the TM job.Which means, behavioral interview. Once again the politically correct, Oprah crowd rules the world.

Have you heard of this shit? Behavioral interview? "Give me an example of when you showed initiative and took the lead." Wow, could that be any more vague? Fingers crossed.

"Throw him in the lock-up 'til he's sober."

Ok, is anyone else following Canadian Idol? I mean any sober people?

What kind of crack is the Canadian voting public on? Have we become a country of toned-deaf, internet voting freaks?

The chick, Mellisa O'Neil? Ok, she is not bad, but the other two left in the competition? WTF?

Aaron Walpole, God love him. He can carry a tune but he turns every song into a lounge act. Can you say Cheesy?

And the dude from Newfoundland, Rex Goudie. I am sorry, but this dude could not carry a note in a bucket. Not even if he had a forklift.

I think RockStar INXS has the right idea. Give the public a vote for the bottom three but let the professionals decide who stays and who goes. Not some Drunken Sailor's pre-teen daughters.

Let's get these people detox'ed for next year, eh? It's embarrassing.

Selfless act of charity?

N.S. man preserves record of historic explosion.

Sounds like a good idea eh?

Well today there was a spot on tv about him. How he found the last resting place of a little girl who died that day and was buried in an unmarked grave. Well it is marked now thanks to him and a local funeral home. Sounds sweet, don't it?

Here's the catch. Along with the name of the little girl and of course the date of her death, the headstone has HIS name on it and the name of the funeral home. I kid you not! I wish I had a picture of it.

What the fuck is up with that? That is about the tackiest thing I think I have ever seen. I think the little girl and her family would just as soon leave her grave unmarked as have it be an advertising for a funeral home or an employment reference for some asshole genealogists.

What do you think?

They blame it on Katrina.

Is anyone buying it?

New Glasgow, Nova Scotia Gas Prices
September 02nd, 2005 04:47 PM 138.9 cents per litre
September 04th, 2005 09:03 PM 145.9 cents per litre

They blame it on Kartina, but the government has no problem taking its cut.



But what are ya gonna do?

Some days you're the windshield, other days you're the bug.

I have a trojan. I can't get rid of it.



Will have to format and re-install.

I hate formatting and re-installing.

Paging Mr. Dover, Mr. Ben Dover?

Thursdays price for gas - 128.9 cents a litre.

Bend over and take it like a man.

Please people, don't panic.

I am driving to my friends house yesterday and see a huge line up of cars at one of the gas stations. This is weird because there are four gas stations within spitting distance of each other.

I look at the sign, nothing strange, 109.9 per litre. It's been that for a while. What do these people know that I don't?

I get on the highway and take the exit to my friends house and all becomes clear to me. The garage on that exit has a tall lighted sign that announces the price of gas.

119.9 per litre! Holy Shit! No wonder there was a line-up. However, I am of the mind that I don't have time to wait in a line-up for half an hour just to save a couple of bucks on gas.

And another thing...

Think of the gas you waste idling your engine in the gas line-up.

I'll pass. I am just glad I don't have to pay for heating oil this year.

Elvis has left the building!

Was sitting in the smoking area at work the other day and PW came out.

VISUAL: Minimal makup, baggy jeans, oversized grungy sweatshirt, sans hooker boots.

Elvis has definately left the building.

On a lighter note.

Just sitting here giggling over commercials. The Keith's Angry Scot commercials are my favorites. They haven't got the Scurvy one up yet (my all time favorite) but here are a couple of the better ones.

Spilly Talker
Neck Brace

And the Joe Canadian commercial. The one we all want every single American on the planet to commit to memory.

Got any favorites you want to share?

A call to arms.

I spent a couple hours on the 23rd rallying the troops.

I came in to submit my resume for the trainer position only to discover that I was but one of two to do so. Not happening, we are not making it that easy for him. If he wants to stack the deck, I will make damn sure it's a full deck.

So, I went through the center bullying encouraging anyone with a resume on the system to submit it for the associate trainer position. People who didn't even want the position, it didn't matter, I even updated a couple myself at home. Now when they give the position to PW, we can all get together to tear the MO a new one.

Won't that be fun?

And they continue to poke the bear. WTF?

Ok, I get that you are pissed off about being a garbage man but don't fling my garbage cans in the middle of my driveway and screech your tires as you drive away. I was not the one who fucked around through high school and now has to clean up after everyone else.

Not sure if I mentioned this before. (just checked, and no I didn't)Big drama surrounding the new training.

There was this one chick in our training class, we will call her PowerWhore or PW for short. First a visual. Long hair to her ass. Caked on makeup, hooker boots and a mini skirt.

PW was the cheerleader of the group. Every time someone said anything negative, she flew up the trainers ass and massaged. "You are such a smart man!" "What can we do to make you feel good about us?" She went so far as to sing to the Extremely Huge Head from the home planet. A song she had learned in 'his' native tongue, Lebanese. Immediately following the song, she asked for a private moment in one of our conference rooms. You can fill in the blanks, use your imagination.

Fast forward to end of training. She is asked to be a SME (Subject Matter Expert). Forget the fact that she has no idea about the subject matter. Then when the second wave of training begins, she announces that "They" (whoever they are) have asked her to come in and 'monitor' the training. Gee, wonder how she got that gig?

Then the rumors begin. She will be 'given' the Associate Trainer position. Needless to say I fire off an email to the Big Giant Head. He says, "No one will be 'given' anything. The position will be posted and qualified person given the job" We'll see.

Next day, job is posted by HR. Start date 19th (but posted on the 22nd) and end date 23rd.

OH NO YOU FUCKING DON'T! I go find my TM.

"You need to go talk to the Big Giant Head, or I will." She really doesn't want that, and neither does the Big Giant Head.

Needless to say they are extending it for a couple of days.

Moral of the story: If you want to get ahead in this world, make damn sure you can sing in a foreign language. Or at the very least look decent in a pair of hooker boots.

Half a bubble offa plumb.

Well another weekend shift under my belt. This one was easier than the last, thank God.

I get home on Saturday afternoon and the neighbors rush out of their house to greet me. "The cops were here last night!"

"Great, what the hell did the boy do now?"

"No." she says, "I asked if it was him and they said the boy was too young. They were looking for someone older." Turns out they told her husband,(the brain surgeon) the name of the boy they were looking for be he forgets. WTF? Four mounties surround your home at 1 in the morning and you forget who they were looking for? That man is half a bubble offa plumb.

Anyway they said they would be back but never did. They must have realized they had the wrong place.

Then this morning I wake up to a strange cat in my living room, the brain surgeons cat came through my screen! And it cannot fly either. Who knew?

I think they might be sharing the whiskas.

Bite Me!

My cousin Sonny's fiance, Rebecca, is finally here in Canada for good. She is from Hong Kong. She has been back and forth a couple times but she is here for good now.

The last time she was here I forgot to ask her to take a look at my tattoo. If you remember my friend and I got identical tattoos last year that said 'bite me' in Chinese. Well that was what we hoped they said. Since neither of us actually speak Chinese, we had to go on faith.

Well when Rebecca walked in today I flashed her the leg and she said,in the most adorable accent, "Oooo, bite you?"

"Well thank God, for all I knew it said 'stupid Canadian'."

I have to remember to tell Kimmy, the friend I got the tattoo with. I remember when we got them we said, "So what if it doesn't say what we want it to say, it's not like we will be running into an actual Chinese person who will point out our stupidity. Right?"

Then Sonny goes and chats up a Chinese chick. Way to make us sweat.

Four days, whatever will I do with myself?

Finished my first 'week' on the new backshift schedule. What fun. Working 1am till 2pm for three days.

The first night was brutal. I could not for the life of me sleep all that day, although I tried. By the time I got into work I was already tired. That first night I didn't get a call till 10:30am.
Nine and a half hours before I got a call! It was rough. We basically just sat around and talked, played cards and bored ourselves stiff. By the time I got home I was that tired that I don't even think I took my shoes off.
I just crashed.

The next night was a little better, although I still only took 3 calls in 13 hours. I at least had a little more sleep. But since there is only 10 hours between the shifts, I didn't get much else accomplished. I got home and was in bed at 2:13pm.

I was really rested for the last shift, and it was a good thing. We actually started to get quite a few calls on Monday morning, but it wasn't till the day shift had already arrived so I still only took 12 calls in total. But before that, we played Trivial Pursuit for about 3 hours.

Now here I sit, Tuesday afternoon, (I think) and I am tired. Must go take a nap.

And another thing...

You can disregard the 'vote for Kaysar' thing in the previous post. I have discovered a program that will send in my votes automatically. You just put in how many times you want to vote and presto. So far I have voted 10,345 times and counting. Every 5 seconds.

Don't ya just love technology?

Your Oh Kay Sar!

Ok, I have lost my mind again over Big Brother. Again.

Click to vote to bring back Kaysar. Do me a big favor and make sure that sanctimonious, holier than thou, Eric does not get back on, or I will have to cease watching. I can not stomach one more second of his little flock saying, "What would Cappy do?"

Fuck Cappy, what would McGuyver do?

He would vote for Kaysar, that's what!

Ok, I am just off three 13 hour shifts. I am just a little punchy. I will let you know how it went after a little shut-eye.

One shift down...

So, we got one shift in. Didn't go too bad. No one was killed and nothing blew up.

I start my backshift tonight at 1am. I am sure it will take a while to get my body into the rhythm. As long as I have some decent tools.

Last night I had a headset without an amp, which makes it impossible to hear yourself. If you can't hear yourself, you can't tell if you are talking loud enough. It was annoying.

I told a TM, "I will file a ticket on it." Oh great! That will make it all right. Considering I filed a ticket for roaming profile. TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO!

Then I spot the MO milling about, looking very much NOT busy. I sign off the phone and stand beside him.

"Hey, busy?"
"No." He says.
"Well, I can't hear on my phone, I need an amp."
"Did you file a ticket?" I roll my eyes at him.
"How hard can it be, I can just boost you up over the Great Wall of China over there and you can fetch me one." He looks at me like I am kidding, and then realizes I am not.
"I will see what I can do."
"Your on it then?"
"Ya, I'm on it."
"Your the man."

So he proceeds to tell another MO, "Evel needs an amp." She turns to the TM, "Evel needs an amp." The TM goes purple. -- evil grin --

I believe if you want something done, you go to the top.

It's not like he was busy or anything.

Stress? What stress?

My eyelid has been twitching for the past 3 weeks and it has been driving me crazy. But like a good little 60's baby I avoid the doctor like the plague.

What the hell do I need a doctor for? I have the internet. Looks like it all points to Eyelid Myokymia.

Stress? Check.
No Sleep? Check.
Caffeine? Check.

Benign, I'll take it.



Tim might be upset when I switch to decaf,
but you'll just have to suck it up, Princess.

It's official....sort of.

I passed the test, and the min skills. So I guess I am officially a ...what?

We are not even sure what they are going to call us. Tech routers? Something to that effect. Well we will soon find out. We hit the floor, live tomorrow.

Meanwhile back at the farm, they fire one of the MO's and an assortment of other upper management. Not sure what that is about. They say downsizing, then they announce another new project as well as hiring 40+ more techs. Make any sense?

The moral of the story? - Don't buy any green bananas.

Can you say, "Four days off" ?

That's right, I got the backshift. 1am till 2pm, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. 13 hour shifts but 4 days off.

Initailly I was not on the list. But I poked and bitched and whined until I got what I wanted. The best part about it is that the other shifts will start on Thursday, so the Extrememly Huge Head said we could come in and listen to calls and the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ would foot the bill. So we will be able to hear some live calls without being at all responsible for them. And get paid.
-- insert evil grin --

And another thing...

I was up all last night studying, got to sleep about 5:30am. I get up at 9 to pee and hear the downstairs neighbor yelling through the connecting door. "EVEL! THE BUG GUY IS HERE TO SPRAY!"

FUCK! Thanks for the advanced warning.

Guess I forgot to mention that I had been having an ant problem since I moved in here. I was hoping that the destruction of the old rotting deck would take care of the problem but I woke up one day last week to this.

And these are just the ones I caught on film before most had scurried away. EEEWW!

So the boy and I had to find somewhere to go for a few hours. Since I am not ever off on the weekends, I had no idea where that would be. Finally we headed out to my brothers. The boy snuck off to a bedroom and went back to sleep and I visited with my brothers fiance. By the time it was safe to go back home I was ready to crash and barely made it in the door. Made a B-line for the bedroom and dropped dead.

Got back up at 7, drove the boy to meet his friend and got back to studying.

I am such a wild and crazy gal.

"Stand back, and make sure you are wearing your protective goggles."

I think I might get through this training as long as my head doesn't explode.

The Extremely Huge Head announced that we are doing so well he has decided we will hit the floor next week. If you only knew the amount of information there is you would understand what he said next.

He looks at me, "Are you ok?"

I was purple. I could literally feel my blood rushing through my veins. All I could think was, 'How the hell am I going to retain all this information?' There are a kazillion developer products and at that moment I could not tell you what one of them were.

Then the trainer let us listen to some calls. Whew!

I think if I can just get past the written tests I will be ok. I totally suck on paper. On paper I second guess myself, but I can bluff the shit out of a phone call if I have to.

The coolest thing about this new job is the power. In CC and in Pro, we did a lot of complaining about the techs. They liked to refuse to take calls, they would send customers back to CC if they thought they were misrouted. Customers could end up talking to 6 people before they actually got their issue resolved. (usually by the first group they had been transferred to.)

But with this job we will be taking the customer to the tech. Explaining the issue and taking names. When we are done with a customer we will know that that customer will be helped and by whom. And if the tech refuses? God help them!

"Ah, you don't want to take this case? Oops, I just assigned it to you. You think it belongs somewhere else? Hold please, I will get that tech on the line and the two of you can fight it out amongst yourselves. B-Bye!"

This is going to be cool!

Baldry won't be back this time.

Long John Baldry

When I was a teenager, this guy was it for me. We would all sit around smoking weed and listening to 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'. I don't care who has done it before or since, his version was the best.

A couple years ago I had to spend months on eBay trying to replace one of his cd's. I remember how excited I was to finally find it. I played 'Baldry's Back' till the boy threatened mutiny.

Back before the dawn of video and MTV, artists had to rely on talent not hype. I don't think we even knew what he looked like back then. He was a great talent and that is all we based our opinion on.

It is sad when you have to let go of that. Video's are cool and all but now a days anyone with a couple bucks and a bellybutton ring can get themselves a record deal.

Sadly missed, but never forgotten.


Long John Baldry
1941 - 2005