Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Where to begin?

How did I end up here? Living in butt-fuck-nowhere in a trailer with my sister?

Many planets aligned to make this happen. I was living alone, happily (despite my rednecked neighbors)in a two bedroom apartment in our little town. My sister was living not so happily alone in a trailer in butt-fuck-nowhere and working away on a ridiculously well paying job in another province. The Boy was living with his father and enjoying making his father and step monster miserable with his mere presence in their home.

All was right with the world.

The Boy is still living with his father and experiencing the joy of living there only because it makes them miserable. Not really a tough job since everything seems to make TBF and the step monster miserable. They have refined it to an art. However, The Sister and I became another story.

First The Sister's job came to an end and her unemployment insurance was soon to follow. She asked me a couple of times if I would consider moving in with her. She owned her own home, so there would be no rent and two incomes would be better than one. Sounded good, but I was enjoying living alone for the first time in forever. I had already converted (somewhat) the boys room into an exercise room. I had my home the way I liked it I was livin' (in my opinion) the dream.

The second set of rednecks (brother of the first) that lived below me were preparing to move and I was told by the landlord that(for the new tenant) he would be fishing from a different gene pool. That being said, I was very surprised to find the younger brother of the previous two tenants moving in one day. Give me strength!

Let me give you just a brief rundown of the first two. Sister redneck was the first. She and her 'husband' had triplets and stole the bed I had in stored in the barn and used it for two years. I thought someone stole it from the barn but when they moved out, thankfully, they left it behind.

The next to move in was the brother. He had two children and as many derelict cars in the driveway. None of his friends could grasp the concept of not blocking me in the three car wide driveway. No matter when they arrived, day or night when given the option of who to park behind, it was always me. Fuckin' maddening. Also when given the option of where on the property to set up their fireworks display they inveritably chose six inches from the front bumper of my car. (no matter where it was parked)

This is just a drop in the bucket as to what I had to deal with. I could go on but I won't. So you may understand why my heart sank when I saw the third installment moving in. But hey, I thought, this may not be as bad as I think.

Wrong. This is turning into a long drawn out post but it has to be said. First problem...they had a dog. A puppy, really. Keep in mind that I work from home. As far as I could tell, neither of the two people that moved in seemed to have a job so I wasn't concerned about the dog to start with. However, the first time they left it at home alone, he lost his mind.

I mention that this is unacceptable and that he can't leave the dog inside alone because I work from home and can't work with the dog howling. His solution? Leave him outside...alone. Guess what? He still howled. So I head down to leave a note on his door that his solution does not work when the little shit comes in the drive. "Dude, you can't leave the dog tied up."

He tries to ignore me. "You said I can't keep him inside so I put him out." and starts to get back in the car.

"In or out, he howls."

"Well I can't take him with me everywhere."

"Then I guess you can't have a dog then."

"Yes I can."

"Actually, no you can't. You can't have a dog in city limits if it disturbs the fucking peace and it is disturbing my fucking peace."

and he gets into the car and drives away.

THAT IS FUCKIN' IT! This was not a one day thing, and I had experience with this particular gene pool before so I knew how this was not going to be an easy road.

I called my sister, "You still want to live together?"

"Are you sure?"

"Question is, are you sure. I know I can deal with you, but you need to be sure you can deal with me."

"I can deal, but I don't think you mean it."

"As soon as we hang up, I am ordering a dumpster."

And that was it. Decision made, I phoned the landlord and gave notice.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

We seem to be back...for now.

So, its been a while since I have blogged and a lot has gone on.

The main reason that I haven't been posting is because in August of last year I moved in with The Sister. As you can imagine since i work from home, and The Sister is not currently working, we are together pretty much 24/7.

Herein lies the dilemma. Poking fun at The Sister's insanity is fine when it happens, perhaps once or twice a year but now that we live together, I have to think before I blog.

Previous to us 'shacking up together', I would see her perhaps once a month and she didn't always say or do anything that would merit ridicule. When she did do something that struck me as funny and blog worthy I would not hesitate to blog it. She would then either be amused or slightly less than amused but she would eventually get over it.

During our first months together, I decided that it was not worth the grief or drama to poke fun at her obvious dementia for the amusement of (quite possibly) five or six readers that I have never met. And of course I didn't have to sit across from her at the dinner table every night while she was 'getting over it'.

Okay, so five or six might be stretching it, but you get the idea. Any as we were driving home I said something that cracked her up and she said to me. "You should write that on your blog."

After I explained the reason I was not blogging, she gave me her blessing.(I know...I told you she was insane.)

So, from this day forward I will not sensor myself as far as the blog goes. She has promised not to get her panties in a bunch and because of the aforementioned dementia I figure she will forget it as soon as she reads it anyway. You don't know what I am talking about but in the weeks to come...all will be revealed.

Stay tuned!