Friday, August 31, 2007

Stick it to 'em!

I just had to stop yesterday and take a picture of the local Subway sign.

Don't worry, the sign facing McDonald's does not say this. You do not want to get the clown riled.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Bump? Possibly, but definately not grind.

You know you are old when you start identifying where you are based on what used to be there 10 years ago.

"I'm just passing where the Pink Panther used to be."


"Take a right at the old Canadian Tire building."

I don't know why, but I am feeling my age more now. Thirty wasn't such a big deal, neither was 40 really. But that might all just be because I wasn't really around a lot of people younger than me before I started at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™.

The last few weekends I have been invited out drinking. In my mind I think for a second, 'hey, it might be fun.' Then I really give it some thought, reality hits me and I realize that I am really not interested. The thought of watching a bunch of 20-somethings bump and grind, drinking themselves stupid makes my skin crawl. I would sooner gouge my eyes out with a melon baller.

I am, however, of the age where I could totally get behind a house party. maybe not an 'entire' house party, but what we call in the Maritimes a kitchen party. The difference? I guess a house party implies enough people to fill your house. Whereas a 'kitchen' party is much more intimate. Let me look that up in Wikipedia...Looks like there is nothing on the web, that is curious.

Ok, for those not from around here, a kitchen party is the traditional Atlantic Canadian social gathering. It usually involves someone playing a musical instrument. Definitely guitar and sometimes fiddles, harmonicas or spoons if you are lucky. These types of gatherings are always a blast. There is no bumping and definately no grinding. Unless you count Uncle Bob who has about as much rhythm as a bag of hammers.

I miss the days of the kitchen party. There were no plans, people just showed up (usually at the same kitchen every weekend) and you would sit around, drink and shoot the shit. There was food, so no one got too shit faced. You can still find them, I suppose, if you look hard enough but they are few and far between.

I think I will have to try and look a little harder since I am definately long past my bumping and grinding expiry date.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Job Update.

Had my interview along with every other person on the planet.

It went well, I think. They say we will know early next week who got it.

Oh, the stress of it all.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


He can't 'subject' himself or his family to me. And yet he still comes here to read all about it.

Yes, Dave....I can see you.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

YOU ARE HERE - 08-26-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- another word for the same thing (Ontario) (#?) Uh, synonym?
- videos of chicks losing there clothes in fights (Tunkhannock,Pennsylvania) (#3) Classic.
- fuckin crap employers (England) (#5) OH, OH....I know this one!
- slang for boring (Virginia) (#5) I will tell you what boring is....looking for a slang word for boring on the internet.
- gangsta funk blogspot (France) (#4) [Giggle]

Shouldn't you be working or studying?

Botswanna High Commission (London)
Dadavidson & Co (Great Falls, Montana)
Hungarian News Agency (Budapest)
Mi Group (Ontario)
University Of British Columbia (Vancouver)
Embarq Corporation (Apopka, Florida)

Can You See Your House From Here?

HINT: Ever visit the National Széchényi Library or admire the statue of György Dózsa?

Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

Answers to previous weeks.
06-03-07 - Isle of man
06-10-07 - Kingston, Jamaica
06-17-07 - Ljubljana, slovenia
06-24-07 - Hard Rock Cafe Miami, Florida
06-30-07 - Washington DC (Thayer Capital)
07-08-07 - Knox Basketball - Melbourn AU
07-15-07 - Google Inc (Mountain View, California)
07-22-07 - U.s. Patent And Trademark Office -Woodbridge, Virginia
07-29-07 - Dynetics Inc - Huntsville, Alabama
08-12-07 - California State Polytechnic University (Pomona)
08-19-07 - Indiana University (Bloomington)

Saturday, August 25, 2007


Got into a debate the other night about the Mayor of one of our towns refusing to fly the Gay Pride flag on the town hall during pride week.

Potsie and I were sitting outside smoking with 'Don'. "It's just a stupid flag. What's the big deal?" The mayor didn't think it was appropriate to fly it on the town hall building, frankly neither do I.

Don pipes up, "What if they said that during the Million Man March, told them they couldn't fly their flag." I don't even think they had a flag.

ME: "Are you seriously comparing the Million Man March with Potsie's desire to 'take one for the team'?" Potsie is busting a gut.

DON: "Well it's their rights..."

ME: "Oh please! Have you been to a gay pride parade, nothing says 'legal joint tax return' like a big harry guy in bondage garb.

The only thing that makes Potsie here any different from any other human on the planet is his sexual preference. WTF? Why does he get a flag?

Look, I really don't give a shit who you love, live with, fuck, whatever. But where does it end, do we have to fly the foot fetish flag? Or the wife swapper flag. What? All they have to do is organize a parade and they can plaster the government buildings with flags?"

Don is just shaking his head. Potsie is in stitches.

ME: "Where is my Heterosexual, Fat Chick, Missionary Position Flag? That's what I want to know! How come I don't get a fuckin' parade?"

POTSIE: "We had a meeting but the Mayor vetoed it."

ME: "Thank God for that, my buttless chaps are in the shop."

Friday, August 24, 2007

I can't win the lottery, but maybe...?

I applied for a job with the local Undisclosed Internet Service Provider™ to do tech support from home.

Unfortunately, everyone else at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ had the same idea and there are only 15 openings. What would be really cool is if they hired everyone that applied. We could all do a stampede out the door at the same time. Trampling the Big Giant Head on the way out. (A girl can dream)

I would kill for this job. The mere fact that I could smoke at my desk again would convince me to take a cut in pay. Not to mention the whole 'bunny slipper' aspect of the job.

They supply you with a dedicated phone line, high speed internet, computer, phone, the works. Some reports say desk and chair, but that is not confirmed. Factor in that as an employee, you would get a deal on your internet, cable and phone service and that alone justifies the cut in pay. Their base salary is only 40 cents less than I am making now.

The cutoff for applications was on Wednesday and people were already getting callbacks yesterday. I, of course, was not one of them but there is still hope.

Fingers and toes crossed.


I had a 25 minute phone interview at noon today. The interviewer said he was impressed with my resume and how I handled myself on the phone.

There is a catch, however. He wants my last employers name as a reference. That would be the one that fired me. You would think this would be an upsetting turn of events. But alas, the planets have aligned themselves for Evel and this particular turn could not come at a better time. (All will be revealed in a later post)

Anyway, I have a face-to-face next Wednesday with another person who will grill me on the technical.

Just a little nervous.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Things that make you go...hmmmm.

I spend a lot of time in front of this computer, and every time I think I have seen it all, I realize I never will. I have been on here a long time and I like to consider myself jaded but there is always something that makes me say WTF? Maybe it is because people are so bombarded with information 24/7 that everything is becoming boring. We are desensitized by the onslaught.

I was watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels the other night and they were in Vegas. What the hell is going on with Carrot Top? He's like Chucky....all cute at the beginning and now he is horror movie scary.

He was so fun to watch, all goofy hair, gangly arms and legs. Now he is just a freak show, you can't take your eyes off him. I kept waiting for his arms to pop or somethibng. Reminds me of those body builder chicks who's faces get all distorted. [Shiver]

I came across this the other night while searching for movies, R. Kelly - Trapped In The Closet Chapters 13-22???? Are you kidding me? Would someone just pull the trigger on this idiot already?

Monday, August 20, 2007

Scuse me while I kiss the sky ground.

I am not sure my nerves will survive teaching two new drivers to drive.

Took my friend Kimmy driving today. This is the third or forth time she has had a learners permit. She never quite makes it to the actual road test. She is 41 and has never had a license. I think The Boy is doing a lot better, only because when you are 16 you have no fear.

She is not comfortable driving in town yet, so we go mostly through the country, occasionally on some dirt roads. I am trying very hard to stay positive, telling her she is doing fine, trying not to freak her out. You know, so she doesn't wrap us around a tree.

"Do you think I am too close to the side of the road?"

"Uh, well, I shouldn't be able to pick flowers out of the ditch. So ya, you're a bit close."

Took me a minute to get my sea legs back, I was never so happy to get behind the wheel.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

YOU ARE HERE - 08-19-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- fuck buddy poughkeepsie (New York) (#4)
- black thing that gets bigger in peripheral vision (Georgia) (#5)
- another meaning for shit (Virginia) (#3)
- gung ho! gift of goose (Texas) (#6)


Shouldn't you be working or studying?

Indiana University (Bloomington)
University Of Miami (Florida)
Watson Wyatt & Company (DC)
Hall Booth Smith & Slover Pc (Atlanta)

Can You See Your House From Here?

HINT: Ever hang out at Uncle Fester's House of Blooze?
Or catch a Hoosiers game?

Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I refuse to call you Doctor unless you call me Princess.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah...Can I get your name and your case number please?"

"My name is Doctor Snooty and my case number is blah blah blah." Big emphasis on Doctor.

Oh great, one of 'those'. I am sorry bitch, but unless you are between my legs diagnosing some foreign disease or hauling my heart out of my chest to give it the once over, I am not calling you doctor.

"Ok, how can I help?"

She proceeds to tell me that she tried to send out an email in LookOut Quick with an attachment that she realizes is too big but she tried it anyway. Now it will not send and it will not delete.

We navigate to her personal folder and delete the out box. We reopen LookOut Quick and the email is gone.

"So, I will be closing this case as resolved."

"Is that it?"
She can't believe it is that simple.

"Yes." It is 'just' that simple.

After she hangs up I notice that she actually paid $59 for that 6 minute call. I turn to Potsie. "That call was under 10 minutes, you think I should refund her?"

"Sure, I would."

"Ok, but when I asked her her name, she said 'Doctor' Snooty."

He laughs, "Well then, no!"

"Your right, that'll be a $59 stupid tax for 'Doctor' Snooty."

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

They really don't pay me enough.

Work has been tedious lately. It is really slow for our project in the summer since our product is mainly broken used by students, so we spend a lot of time off the phones. Which is great because I am on crayon overload right about now, but it does get boring.

Even though they take us off the phones they are loathe to send us home, just in case the unthinkable happens like the donkey dies in India and we go into queue.

Don't laugh. We have gone into queue for weirder reasons. Like an actor dying or everyone in India suddenly getting up and leaving because the bus was and hour early.

So it's almost quittin' time before I have to take a call.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"Ya, I want to change my email." Ok, I assume he switched service providers and needs to setup the new email. Although, why they never call the ISP is beyond me.

"Ok, I am just going to verify the information we have now."
I verify his phone number and email address.

"That's the thing, right now it it rocketscientist at ISP dot com. I want it to be madscientist at Orange dot com."

After stifling a belly laugh at the rocket scientist part of it I ask him. "Do you work at Orange?"


"So how did you get the email address?"

"Well I don't have it yet. But that is what I want it to be."

"Oh, I get it. Well, unless you work for Orange you can't get an email address with at Orange dot com."

"The hell I can't! This is America, I can have whatever I want!" Give me strength.

"You can't just make up an email address, and you can't have 'at' Orange in it if you are not 'at' Orange. My email is at Orange dot com because I actually work 'at' Orange. See what I mean?"

"I want to speak with your manager!"

"Excuse me?" Is this crayon for real?

"You are refusing me support, I want to speak to your manager."
I look at the clock, 1:02am. You know what? Peddle your crazy somewhere else! [CLICK]

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The subconscious knows.

I am getting a call monitor review from my senior tech, Derwood. Basically he listens to the call and grades me on how I did. I usually spend the time arguing one point or another. Not because I disagree necessarily, but it wastes time. Time that I don't have to spend on the phone helping some schmuck. Plus it is really fun giving Derwood a hard time.

For instance, he notes that I used the word 'wonky', and that I was lucky the customer was British so he knew what it meant.

"Don't you know what it means?"

"It's slang isn't it?"
We are not suppose to use slang,

"Of course it is not, I would never use a slang word!"

I have no idea if it is slang or not, but I have a 50-50 chance that if it is not, he will change my score. So I act like I am absolutely certain and make him look it up. He heads to Merriam-Websters.

Drum roll please...
Main Entry: won·ky
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): won·ki·er; -est
Etymology: probably alteration of English dialect wankle, from Middle English wankel, from Old English wancol; akin to Old High German wankOn to totter -- more at WENCH
2 chiefly British : AWRY, WRONG

"Well it is mainly British, if he wasn't British he wouldn't know what it meant."

"I am not British and I know what it means."
As I am speaking he is frantically googling 'wonky' for another definition. His eyes light up, he turns the screen so I can see the entry for Dictionary dot com and gives me an 'AH HA' look.
won·ky /'w??ki/
Pronunciation[wong-kee]–adjective, -ki·er, -ki·est.
1. British Slang.
a. shaky, groggy, or unsteady.
b. unreliable; not trustworthy.
2. Slang. stupid; boring; unattractive.

He says, "It's on the internet, so it must be true."

"Oh please, Dictionary dot com? I have never heard of them."

"Ok, you pick one."

"Ok, if this next one says adjective, you will change the score?"
He is confident, he agrees. "Fine, check out Funk & Wagnalls." And I sit back, confident. He does not know what I know.
Main Entry: won·ky
Function: adjective
Etymology: probably alteration of English dialect wankle, from Middle English wankel, from Old English wancol; akin to Old High German wankOn to totter -- more at WENCH
2 British : AWRY, WRONG

As he is changing my score I am bursting to tell him that the site he chose when he searched for Funk & Wagnalls, took him to Britannica. When you search Britannica and choose dictionary, like he did, it pulls it from Websters. You will notice, although he did not, that it is the same, word for word.

Like shootin` fish in a barrel.

The absolute best part of this? As he closes the tool, I get a look at his desktop wallpaper and I lose it. I could not stop laughing. He is looking at me like I lost my mind, "What?"

"Crayons, priceless!" I continue to laugh, harder since he doesn't realize what it means.

"What? I think it's a cool picture." He still can't see why I would be laughing.

I can't stand it, I have to walk away. You can fill him in, Yvette.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Where has all the good music gone?

I have had the same playlist for about as long as I have had a playlist. I might add 2 songs a year. Mostly older music that I have forgotten about or, on rare occasions, I will hear something I really like on the radio.

Maybe because I am of the radio generation. Back then, you had to have talent to get yourself on the radio. I know, you are saying as you watch MTV, "These Dude's have talent!" But are you really hearing the music? The lyrics? Or are you just reacting to the 'awesome' music video. Remember 'Video Killed the Radio Star'? It really did. Bunnie's daughter, The Lump, sends me new music every once in a while and some of it is listen-able but most of it is not. Most of it is angry or obscene. Not interested. And is it just me or does a lot of bands out there sound just like Nickleback?

The music industry is up in arms over the downloading of music, but if they actually put out a cd that had more than one decent song on it, people might actually buy it. If they were truly interested in curbing the downloads, they would spend less on the splashy videos and more on vocal coaching and decent songwriters.

I am not a music snob, my playlist has everything from Alabama to Zappa. From to Aerosmith to Zucchero. Everything except for Rap, can't stand it. I used to be able to stomach some of the earlier works of rap artists but since 'gangsta' rap came on the scene I have to take a pass.

I am the record companies worst nightmare. I demand talent. I will not listen to a song, just because the video has hot chicks or explosions. The song has to be well written with lyrics I can hear and understand and that make fuckin' sense. And most of all the artist has to be able to actually sing.

Talent. That is all I am asking for. Deliver it and I will gladly run out and buy the CD. I am like this, I am sure, because I am of the pre-video generation.

What does your playlist look like? Does it reflect your age?

Maybe we should take this opportunity to exchange information. Do you have someone on your playlist you think I would appreciate? Drop me a line, Here are a few of mine.
Andrea Bocelli - Even if you don't understand Italian, you can appreciate the talent. The man has mad skills, his voice is like velvet. He has range and control.

Josh Groban - Also has mad skills. First seen on Aly McBeal, the boy is talented.

Frank Zappa - he is good for a laugh.

A really good Monster Rock Ballad like High Enough - Damn Yankees. You can't help but turn the stereo up full blast.

You want a story that will tug at your heartstrings,(grab a tissue for that one) or make a really great point? Turn on the country station.

Come on, share your playlist.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

YOU ARE HERE - 08-12-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- famous canadian indian (Australia) (#3)
- ign arch. and design gb (Italy) (#6)
- kids posing as celebrities (New York) (#3)
- annoying little flashlights csi (Arizona) (#3)
- dynetics blog (Alabama) (#4)
- whyrustalkingme (Washington) (#)
- blog working zurich insurance (Chicago) (#10) Hey...they stopped by earlier...but they are gone now.
- freeze mother bitches wav (Virginia) (#2)

Shouldn't you be working or studying?

United States Postal Service (California)
Salomon Inc (New York)
Health Care Plan-choicecare (New York)
California State Polytechnic University - Pomona
Electric Lightwave Inc
Hall Booth Smith & Slover Pc (Georgia)
Watson Wyatt & Company (DC)

Can You See Your House From Here?

HINT: Ever eat at Jojo's Pizza Kitchen?
Or play a round at Via Verde country club?

Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Not enough hours in the day.

I haven't blogged all week and I am not sure why. The Boy has been working with his father and we have been ships passing in the night. So I can't blame it on the Boy this time. The house looks like a cyclone hit it, so I can't say I was busy with housework.

Ok, I confess. Holy shit is this an intervention? Where is the camera crew?

"Hi, my name is Evel and I am addicted to Big Brother." There, I said it, are you happy now?

I don't really watch the show, since I already know what happens. I do download it to skip though for the America's Player thing but mostly I just read the live updates (holy shit, people watch the live feeds 24/7 and transcribe it word-for-word) or watch video highlights from the live feeds.

If you only caught an episode here and there on the actual CBS show, you have no idea what it is all about. By this time in the 'game' the back stabbing starts. This year you can thank the presence of Evil Dick (so far all I can figure out is that he is a actor/rock groupie), an absolute social retard, for all the mayhem. His MySpace shows him dressed up as a pedophile priest and a bloody tampon for Halloween. 'Nuff said.

With Dick around, it is fight fight fight, pretty much all the time now. He started just picking on one girl, now it is everyone. He is crude and rude, the others would say nothing in the girls defense, because they were scared he would turn it on them. However, they have had enough and are starting to fight back which is making it interesting.

He had an evil plan to back-door someone that failed miserably, so he has been ranting like a lunatic for the past few days.

It's fun to watch people lose their minds. I am addicted.

Don't worry, someone will piss me off soon, and I will start posting more often

Monday, August 6, 2007

Happy'?' Natal Day.

This holiday always confused me. It is really a fucked up holiday that no one here seems to understand. It is a civic holiday and we assume it has something to do with the Navy. I know that it hasn't always been a holiday here, but for the life of me I can't remember why. I can tell you that I, personally, embrace it only because we observe it at work and I get double time and a half for being there, so HAPPY NATAL DAY!

Since I am sitting here doing nothing but having my morning coffee, I thought I would investigate Natal Day. Simple right? This is the information highway, I shouldn't have to wonder about anything on this earth, I have Google. Not as simple as I thought it would be.

Today’s Natal Day festivities sprang from humble beginnings more than a century ago, when it was just a single city celebration held in Dartmouth in 1895.

By the mid-1970s, the event had evolved into a local-municipal holiday for both Halifax and Dartmouth.

Doesn't tell me much, so I move on.

All Wikipedia has under Public holidays in Canada is : Natal Day - First Monday in August is not a statutory holiday but a common day off. No mention on the why? Did someone just make this shit up and sell it to the masses?

Google defines natal as - birthday: the date on which a person was born

Ok, getting closer...
Natal Day is the annual birthday celebration of the communities of Halifax and Dartmouth. It is a time where citizens, former citizens, guests and tourists celebrate our civic holiday.

So, I guess it has nothing to do with the Navy. And I am not sure why the rest of the Maritimes gives a flying fuck about the birthday of Halifax and Dartmouth other than the fact that Halifax is the capitol of the province.

Someone, somewhere was just pissed that Halifax/Dartmouth got an extra paid holiday so I guess they had to give it to the rest of the province too.

That just goes to prove that in the Maritimes, we will do anything for a long weekend party.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

He's super feak'eh, Yeow!

The boy is a freak. He does not think he is a freak, but he clearly is.

The Evidence:
- He washes his sneakers, by hand, in the bathroom sink. Every single night. Inside and out. With bleach and a fingernail brush.
- You can put nothing in his room that does not belong there. NOTHING. This includes his own dirty clothes. He dumps it right outside his door, which is the kitchen.
- He printed out a picture of his MP3 player and taped it to his night stand. That is where he puts the MP3 player when it is charging. In that exact spot. You cannot move it under penalty of death.
- His room is the warmest in the house (summer or winter). I hate it in there, too hot for me. But I asked if I could put a pair of sneakers in there that were just washed, so they could dry out. He couldn't sleep with them there. He had to have them gone.
- He cannot sleep if the chair is pushed out from the desk. So if you sneak in at night to do tech support and leave the chair out, he will wake up and lose his mind.
- I bought him a wireless keyboard and mouse, it has never left his desk. EVER.

This is but a smidgen of the freakishness that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Don't wonder why my blood pressure is so high.