Thursday, October 30, 2008

How did I not know about this?

How to 'unshrink' your clothes.

How to make an Easter Egg Glow

How to Power a TV using a AAA battery

How to Create a High-Def speaker for under a buck.

You will wonder what you ever did before

Check out more helpful videos on their YouTube page.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Neo-Nazis charged over Obama 'assassination plot'

I think if this is driving force in the neo-nazi movement, authorities should have the whole thing wrapped up by suppertime.
On the exterior of Cowart’s car were racially motivated words and symbols, including, on its hood, a swastika and the numbers “14” and “88”

Nothing like keeping a low profile.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Decisions, decisions.

My cat Milo is the kind of cat that will annoy the shit out of you if you let it. He has a real problem. Every single time the door is opened, he has to go through it. He can never decide if he wants to be in or out.

It doesn't matter that he just came in, if you open the door again, he is compelled to go out. You can stand at the door for an hour opening and closing it, he will go through it every time. There is no rhyme or reason to it. You just learn to not open the door unless you want him in or out. Leaving the decision to him will drive you bat shit.

So today I am heading to the bathroom and of course Milo gets up and as soon as I reach the door, he is standing there ready to go out. I open the door as a reflex. As I get half way through the kitchen I hear this weird sound, like air leaving a tire, only it sounds sort of (I don't know)...harsher? Very strange.

Then it registers that I never actually heard the door close completely. As I turn back towards the door the hissing is louder. I reach for the door handle and there it is, Milo's tail on the inside of the door, minus Milo.

Perhaps this will force him to make better decisions in the future. Like, when the door opens...haul ass.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Kill them with kindness culture.

For the past week or so, the people downstairs have been taking to playing their music extremely loud, very early in the morning. I am talking before eight in the morning. One morning I took a hammer to the floor. Hint not taken.

Now I can pretty much sleep through anything, we live beside a school so I am used to the buses and large trucks. But the one thing I can't sleep through is the loud base line of a pop song. Since it is the only thing you can hear.


So this morning, I put my speakers and sub woofer next to the heating vent and turned the speakers up as loud as they would go and set this on a loop.

Along with a few other Italian tenors.

Fuck yeah! I might just leave the house and forget to turn it off.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Saturday, October 18, 2008

What a wonderful world.

Did you know, that you can buy 'half' a pie?

I was at the grocery store, in the mood for some pie but not able to decide between pecan and blueberry.

What was I to do? I couldn't eat two whole pies, some would go bad....even I can't stand that much pie. But when I was about to say the hell with any pie at all I see this wondrous site.


I buy half a pecan and half a blueberry pie. I am also informed that you can buy quarter-cakes. So you can have 4 different kinds of cake in one cake.

What a wonderful world we live in. (I need to get out more)

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Road Retarded.

Why can't men grasp the concept of the four-way stop?

We had a power outage and people lost their minds. I mean, really. Ok, so 5 minutes ago there were traffic lights and now they are dark. Whatever will you do?

Duh. You treat it like a four-way stop. Simple, right?

You would think, but no. You always get that one idiot that has to play traffic cop. Things are going smoothly, people taking turns, one after another clockwise. Til you get to this idiot who decides he is going to 'let you go' ahead of him. He is sitting there waving me on.

If I go, then he will go after me, which will effectively make everyone think that we are switching the whole direction of the four-way stop. I sit there hoping he will get the message and just take his turn, but no. He flashes his lights for me to go.

That is when I lose it, I start screaming at him, "Holy Fuck! Just fucking go! It's your turn and you will just fuck the rest of these idiots up."

He gives me the finger like he is hurting my feelings. I don't give a shit if he moons me, as long as he moves his ass along.

And here I was, thinking I was going to drive around wasting time til the power came back on. After that, I had to get off the road before I hurt someone.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Keep your stick on the ice.

Getting ready for hockey season.

And no highlight reel would be complete without our boy, Sydney. The 'next' one.

* Pittsburgh Penguins' franchise record for assists in a season by a rookie (63)
* Pittsburgh Penguins' franchise record for points in a season by a rookie (102)
* First rookie to record 100 points and 100 penalty minutes in a season
* Youngest player in NHL history to record 100 points in a season
* Youngest player in NHL history to record 200 career points (19 years and 207 days)
* Youngest player in NHL history to have 2 consecutive 100 point seasons.
* Youngest player to be voted to the NHL All-Star Game
* Youngest player in NHL history to win the Art Ross Trophy
* Youngest player in NHL history to win the Lester B. Pearson Award
* Youngest player in NHL history to be named to the First All-Star Team
* Youngest player in NHL history to be named a full team captain (In January 1984, Brian Bellows of the Minnesota North Stars was made interim captain at 5 months younger than Crosby, but he only served the latter half of the 1983-84 season replacing injured captain Craig Hartsburg)

Let's add Joey MacDonald. Another local boy. (I actually video taped his wedding for him way back when.)

Colin White,

and Jon Sim, both from New Glasgow, NS.

Let's just say, we have seen the Stanley Cup, up close and personal, more than once around here.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Gee, I really hope they crack the case.

In the news today...
"The death of a mainland moose near Pictou on Thursday, Oct. 2, is being investigated by the Department of Natural Resources."

Big news around here. Thankfully we have a crack team of investigators.
"Department officials that spoke to media Thursday were not aware that the moose had fallen from the sling as the helicopter took off. The moose may have been ill, and may have died from a combination of stress, the tranquilizer, and the fall."

Ah, I am no Gil Grissom, but I think you can safely say that falling from a helicopter is the probable cause of death.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Will he 'end up' like me?

SUBTITLE: Another crayon conversation with TBF.

The Boys father called me this morning at 7:30am. He has been calling a lot lately. Where is The Boy? Did he go to school, was he really at work? What is he doing with all his money? He lives with you, why don't you fuckin' ask him?

I know the boy has been trying to save up for an iPod Touch. But was foiled recently when he had to use that money to buy hockey gear. (Gear his father should have paid for, but was conveniently out of town and unable to purchase.)The Boy was defeated.

I had to giggle at the 'all his money' question. He works at Wendy's he might make $150 a week, if he is lucky. And since getting the job his father won't even give him 5 bucks for his ice time for hockey. 'All his money' is what he is living on.

So this morning, he finds a business card from the Cash Store (payday loans) on the bathroom floor. He calls me and goes ballistic, "If I catch him at that place I will rip his head off. "

"What the hell are you on about?" I didn't hear much of his ramblings, except for the last part.

"I don't want him to end up like you!" And then of course he hangs up. One of the many reasons we are no longer together, he doesn't fight. He is more of a hit and run kinda asshole.

I am not completely sure what he meant by that, or how he imagines I ended up.

Luckily we live in the 21st century so I get out my mobile phone. And text him.
End up like me? Just remember that YOU are the common denominator in this scenario, Asshole!

No reply.

As long as he doesn't meet some asshole and have to try and figure out how to raise a child ALL BY HIMSELF, he should be fine.

Still nothing

And what exactly are you doing about it? Except treating him the same way you treated me? We'll be lucky if he doesn't turn out like you.

The man is lucky he was not standing in front of me, I would have dropped him like a rock.

Turns out The Boy needed something to write a confirmation code on, he had ordered a meal at Swiss Chalet. TBF will be disappointed that there was no cloak or daggers involved. Sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in him. Wait, now I remember, it was the car.

They say it takes a village? Well my sister is the Queen of that village. She heard about the boy having to spend his money on hockey gear and promptly ordered an iPod touch for The Boy. It will be here in a few days. She wanted to have it engraved 'Because your father is a prick' but I went with 'Love Aunt Adah'. I think the prick thing is implied.

TBF wouldn't even think of lifting a finger for anyone, ever. Unless, of course, there was something in it for him.

That is the difference in the gene pool between our family and TBF's. I am sorry I ever swam in the shallow end of his.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

What happened to customer service?

I walked into a local store at the beginning of the summer to get a cell phone. I was looking on the shelf and wasn't finding what I was looking for. Fortunately a nice (very) young man was on me in seconds, "Can I help you find something?"

"Yes, there is a phone on the website, fifty bucks."

He walks over to the counter where the other 5 very young employees are, there is a short exchange and he comes back, "All we have is on the shelf."

Really? This is a huge chain, they couldn't possibly have all the merchandise on the shelf. He thinks he is dismissed and turns to walk back, I follow him.

"Nothing out back then?" They all look at me with blank stares. Another of them repeats the line, "All we have is on the shelf."

"You are seriously telling me that there is nothing out back but empty shelves. Did you get robbed? Shouldn't we notify the authorities?"
They are not getting the hint.

"Okay, let me spell this out. I want you to check."

More blank stares, they are still not moving and I am getting irritated. "Ah, one of you is going back there, decide amongst yourselves who that will be." Then I turned my back on them and leaned on the counter, waiting.

I leave with a new cell phone

After that fiasco, I go to the local burger joint to get lunch. I get to the speaker and give my order, "What? I can't hear you." No, sorry, no nothing. I repeat my order.

"What? I can't hear you, drive up." Are you kidding me? However, I am committed now. I am in the lineup, cars in front and behind me. Nothing to do but drive up.

I get to the window and turn my head to order and am literally startled by what I see. The 'girl' sticks her head out the window so she can hear me. She has piercings all over her face. Two in her bottom lip, one through her nose and another (I believe) through her eyebrow. No wonder she couldn't hear me, she was probably getting feedback from all that metal. Am I supposed to find this appetizing?

I remember that just a few years ago, if you had a piercing you not only had to remove it but some places would make you put a band aid over the hole in your head. A practice I whole-heartedly support. You don't want their brains to seep out, do you?

I applaud student employment in the summer, but do you have to go lax on the dress code and the customer service training? I realize they won’t be there long, but don’t you want us (the consumers) to return when the summer is over?

The establishments who employ teenagers that have metal protruding out of their heads know that customer service, or lack there of, will not stop you from patronizing their establishments.

Mama and Papa need their fix.