Sunday, December 31, 2006

6 Weird Things About Me-Me.

Taken from Radmila.

1. I have unusually high self-esteem with absolutely nothing to back it up.

2. I am not a cat person, but I have two.

3. I dream in color. And I can dictate what dream I am going to have and continue it if I wake up in the middle. I can also wake myself from a dead sleep, if I don't like where it is going.

4. I never get bad breath. No matter how long I go without brushing my teeth.

5. I never get totally sick. When I get a cold, I get one symptom a day, one symptom at a time. So I am never sick enough to stay in bed, just enough to make me miserable for a week.

6. When I drive by myself, I keep a running commentary on the stupidity of others on the road. Out loud. I never shut up, its like talk radio. And sorry, I hardly ever remember any of it to blog later. But trust me, I crack myself up sometimes.

I won't tag anyone either. Same deal, you can do it in the comments or put a link in there and let me know where you posted.

I won't tag the boy either, he would have a hard time keeping his list of weirdness down to six.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

You are here...12-30.06

-godfather christmas movie
-it nearly wasnt christmas movie
-wings xmas 1977

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Blast from the past.

When I was out shopping for the boys stocking I came across a huge display of gum. When I first saw it I thought 'Oh my God, I used to love these!'

Then it struck me. Why? Yes, it really does taste like soap.

Anyway, just now, the boy asks me if I want a gum. "Sure." Then he snickers. I pop it into my mouth and start to chew, yup, just how I remember it.

He looks at me, "You like that?"

"Uh huh."

"But it tastes awful. "

"Ya, says 'still tastes like soap' right on the package."

He looks at it, he thought it was joke gum. "And you like it?"

"Ya, used to eat it all the time when I was a kid."


"No earthly idea."

Monday, December 25, 2006

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas Cheer.

Driving out to visit my sister the other day, I am enjoying the lights and decorations displayed by the various home owners. It is about a 15 minute drive so there is quite a bit to see.

Everything was going relatively well till I came across this one house. I see a lawn filled with decorations. Among them were these 'things', I don't know if you have seen them where you live. But they are called Shy Kids. Dolls dressed up like little kids, hiding there faces. They are just fuckin' creepy.

So, I had to rush right home and cram some real Christmas cheer into me.

And believe me, it is really hard to get into the Christmas spirit, when it is 7 degrees outside.(Again, that's Celsius, so it's about 45 degrees for you yanks out there.)This is the view from my deck.

Some Christmas video to get us in the spirit or, at the very least, erase that creepy feeling.

Let this be a warning.

See even these two can get along.

I missed this guy.

Anyway, hope this post finds everyone having a Merry Christmas.

Ya, I said 'Merry Christmas'. If it offends you, go take a flying fuck somewhere.

Oh, and Happy Hanukkah.

You are here... 12-24-06

Well, I warned you it would be pretty boring, but here it is.

Dec. 18 & 19
50.00%   home for christmas movie 1949
16.67%   getting the movie a christmas carol for free
8.33%    home for christmas,1949 movie
8.33%    wing night
8.33%    home for christmas, 1949 movie
8.33%    i am left brained

Dec. 20 & 21
16.67%   you know your from nova scotia when! joke
16.67%   a list of christmas movies from the 70's
16.67%    when is a very brady christmas vacation on television
16.67%    movie entitled the holly and the ivy
16.67%    ebbie on tv?
16.67%    nova scotia surfing

Dec. 23 & 24
25.00%   nova scotia surfing
25.00%   a picture of a stoned santa clause
25.00%   when is a very brady christmas vacation on television
25.00%   bad santa holly and the ivy christmas toy

I am not sure what the Nova Scotia surfing thing is. We only have really big waves when it is too dangerous to surf, like during a hurricane. But whatever, idiot, if that's what you are into, give 'er.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

Just got back from another stint with the John Howard Society.

Before the cop arrived, I conveyed to the JH lady that the Boy was ready to take full responsibility for what he had done but that I was completely offended by being there at all. I wanted to know if she had the notes from the police, that I wanted to see them. I wanted to know what justification they had for sending us through this process again.

"I am just curious as to why we eliminated the middle man this time. I mean, the police didn't even try and contact me to say they were charging the Boy. It just went straight to you people." I find a strategically placed 'you people' helps to convey your opinion in as few words as possible. The mood was set.

That is when she rifled through the file and saw the notes from when I called up after I got this last letter from them. It was a long note, word for word.

And then the cop showed up.

I had to ask what made him pick the boy up. (The boy of course was shooting daggers at me.) I told him I was getting pretty tired of this, that all they were teaching my son was to lie. I made it clear that the boy was completely ready to take responsibility for what he did, but I had a real problem with being there at all.

I wanted to know if they legitimately picked him up because he was drunk (they couldn't say that, cuz he wasn't, I was there.) or was he picked up because he was with the wrong people? I told him that I was aware that the other kid was picked up before and just taken home, why wasn't the boy given the same consideration?

He gave me some bullshit about it being a crackdown, that the kids were starting to get out of control in the town and that night they were not letting anyone go, they arrested 25 different kids. I was about to say, so what? You were just trying to get the numbers?

"I am just concerned with the logistics of it all. The boy was never charged formally, nor was a statement taken, no one at the police station contacted me before I got the letter from (I turn to her) you. I find that curious."

This is when the 'lady' from John Howard lost her mind. She leans forward to look past me and addresses the boy. "Just a minute, Boy, I thought you were prepared to take responsibility for this..."

I am clearly losing patience. I had to stop her, "I guess you were not paying attention, but the first thing I said was that the Boy was fully prepared to take responsibility for this, and that it was me that had the problem with this whole process."

I guess I should mention that, along with the JH 'lady', there was a new guy. He was clearly trying to justify his existence, so he asked the Boy to tell his story.

The Boy proceeds to tell the story, adding that he drank 4 or 5 beer. I just looked at him, I knew it was a lie, but I let it go.

The Boy is a genius, because as soon as it was out of his mouth, the 'lady' said, "I think that is more believable than your first story of just one beer." The 'lady' was all over that. Since that meant the cop wasn't just phoning it in and they were completely justified in bringing this action.

Again, the boy is learning the art of a good lie. This is what the John Howard Society teaches him. Oh, they say they want the truth, but that is not true, they want you to agree with what they already believe, or (they say, although no one can confirm this, since no one has ever refused them before) you go to court. I could tell, this cop did not like where this was going, he did not want to end up in court.

Then they move on to what punishment the Boy thinks he should have. Of course the Boy says, "I don't know." The 'lady' and the newbie both speak at once. They figure community service would be a good choice. The cop takes one look at my face, I lean forward in my chair, I am about to speak when the cop jumps in.

"I think that an essay would be sufficient." I lean back. He winks at me. I am fuming. The newbie suggests 3 pages, hand written. The cop looks at me, I roll my eyes, he stands up. He is pointing to the 'legal' pad the newbie is writing in. "Now when you say 3 pages, that's double spaced, right? And the paper would be half that size? I think one page would be better, don't you think?" He is asking them, but he is looking at me.

By the end of it, it was one page, typed. I could live with that, he winks at me again. I am not impressed. At that point, the cop gives us the bum's rush. He wants me out of there before I lose my mind and demand my day in court.

On the way out, I look at the Boy, "Why did you tell them you drank 4 beer?"

"You heard her. She wouldn't have believed one."
And he was right.

I am still writing a letter to my MP. Their shit needs to be looked into. Someone is definitely cooking the books at the John Howard Society.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

You can do it.

Sometimes I feel it is my duty to spread cheer and help all the other domestically challenged people out there.

I found this recipe for fudge. Yes, I said fudge, don't cringe.

2c        Brown Sugar
2/3c    canned milk (not sweetened)
2/3c    butter (NOT margarine, it will not work with margarine, break out the good stuff)

Combine in a glass bowl (plastic will make it taste funny and it won't form right) and microwave for 9 minutes, stirring every 3 minutes. (that's 3 minutes, stir, 3 minutes, stir, 3 minutes, stir)

At the end of the 9 minutes, you just mix in 2 cups of icing sugar.

This is where you can add nuts if you want, I have tried it with walnuts before it is very tasty.

This shit will melt in your mouth. I defy you to fuck this up. It just isn't possible.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Hello? Is this thing on?

Radmilla has the Sunday Click Around.

Me? I am pretty boring and no one reads this enough to care what the hell I am surfing. But I thought I would revise my You Are Here postings. I had to abandon the idea because, well, no one came here so the pickin's were getting mighty slim. I did notice, however, that there are a lot more people reading this thing recently but none of them are commenting. A girl could get a complex. You could say 'hey', would it kill ya?

I always thought it was interesting how some people ended up on your site, so every Sunday I will post the search engine results.

"Holy Shit! Evel, you are so brilliant! How do you function in a society that is so completely not as interesting as you? This has, like, never been done before!

Ok, cut the sarcasm, I know it's boring, but its all I got, so deal with it.

So, without further ado...I give you...


Dec 17 if you have switched from heat to a/c in the same day
Dec 16 ernest saves christmas plot (there was a plot? I hope he isn't doing a film school paper}
Dec 16 it nearly wasn't christmas movie
Dec 15 the gathering xmas tv movie
Dec 15 when and how did they make the movie called the snowman 1982 (I think you already answered your first question)

That reminds me. On my post entitled live in Nova Scotia, I got the most interesting reaction from another Nova Scotian. He was totally offended by the whole thing. I don't think he realized that I was a Nova Scotian too. He was really bent out of shape. Dude, if you can't take a joke, you need to stay off the internet. You will make yourself ill. I wonder if it was he who found me from searching this way? Probably not.

Wing night 2006 - Review

Wing night went fine. Although, I think age is starting to creep up on us.

T showed up right after work so I thought we might pace ourselves this time. (Last year we gorged all at once and made ourselves sick) So I started a batch as soon as she got there. So basically we ate at 6 and then again at 9. We listened to Christmas music while I cooked and old 70's cartoons while we ate.

I got the tree in from outside and stood it up, but never got around to decorating it. (it still sits, bare, in the corner)

By 11 o'clock, we were fading. After spending the month downloading every Christmas movie I could think of, we ended up only watching a couple of cartoons and one movie, Scrooged.

We did manage to get caught up with each others lives. We don't get to see each other that often, but we make a point to do this 'wing night' every year. It was nice.

So, today I started the baking. The mice are done, the cherry balls are all made (they just need to be chocolate covered) and the shortbread dough is ready for rolling tomorrow.

The boy is going to the semi-formal so I had to go to Sears with my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Debbie, and get him something to wear. Then I came home and watched a couple Christmas movies while I put the mice together.

Still not feeling the whole Christmas spirit thing, but I tried. I think it is because there is no snow, it was around 8 degrees (celsius) here today.

I can't believe I am saying this, but I wish it would snow.

I will tell you all about the great NetGear fiasco of 2006 in the next post. It was quite the experience with a tech support woman named Sharon (not her real name, but after trying to pronounce it 6 times, we settled on Sharon) from 'across the pond'.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

How do you spell relief?


Day one in training. Day one of ten working days with no headset.

I was actually able to wear my hair down yesterday. Usually I have to tie it up since after about an hour you can tell where I work from the indent on my head.

I have to tell you that the new OS is very cool. They have really dumbed it down for people. However, they have built in some job security for all of us in the Undisclosed Technical Support Department™.

It's called 'features'.

As we were going though the gazillion (holy crap, that is an actual word) features in this version people were commenting that everything was so easy, and the OS was so self-healing. Then they started worrying about their jobs, "This is too easy, they won't need us."

Of course, I see the silver lining right away. "Dude, there is way too many features. How many of those crayons are going to remember where to find them, let alone use them."

"I see a lot of 'how-to' calls in my future."
Gotta love it.

I should mention that I am the only female in the class, although it did take me a couple of hours to notice. I was wondering why the class was out of control most of the time. The instructor had to stop and ask for order more than a dozen times. As I am looking around with a quizzical look on my face, the instructor notices and asks me if I have a question.

"No, I just realized why your having such a hard time keeping control."


"The testosterone level in this room is off the charts. This many men in one room? You can't be surprised they revert to being 12 year olds."

And it wasn't ten minutes later that I was proven right. The instructor lost control of the children once again and tried an old elementary school trick, "Joe! You want to come up here and teach this class?" He was just about to say 'then shut the fuck up' when Joe piped up and said, "Sure," and got out of his seat. "what page are we on?"

He totally shocked the instructor. The poor man did not know what to do, I could tell he was at a loss as he watched the little shit get up from his seat and make his way to the front of the class. I had had enough, I don't have time for this crap, so before the idiot could make it to the front, I piped up, "Excuse me, I don't know about anyone else but I would much rather learn this shit from a professional."

We did manage to get a few things done after that, however, total control was never achieved.

Hopefully he can move this shit along at a little faster pace, I am growing old over here!

Friday, December 8, 2006

It has been a long week.

And I have been sick for all of it.

Sick as a dog! I can't wait for this week to be over. I start training for the new operating system on Monday. Two weeks off the phones.

Two weeks of higher learning (snicker)before Christmas.

Can't wait. Did I say that already?

Saturday, December 2, 2006

I am in the wrong business.

Why do all 'patrons of the arts' speak the same way? Perhaps they think the mere overuse of multi syllable words will somehow make them sound more profound. If they give you time to think about the crap they just spewed you would realize that the sentence made no sense whatsoever.

Take this crayon, for instance. He's one of those 'new age' whack-jobs who puts a gum wrapper on the floor and calls it art.

And critics who don't want to seem like they don't 'get' it stand around sipping champagne and staring quizzically at a urinal stuck to the wall and say stuff like its
"a deliberately confrontational experiment with socio-political edge, a dramatic fusion of manifesto like poetical statements commenting on the divers aspects of discriminative tendencies in technological society"

What the hell does that mean? It means that your an idiot, its a fucking urinal. This moron couldn't come up with anything remotely artistic, so he stuck a urinal on the wall.

Actually, it appears that this 'artist' spends a lot of his time throwing his own blood on other peoples art. In protest. Of what? Who the hell knows, or cares.

This 'creation', by Thom Flanders, is described as graphite and gesso on paper. Hello? It pencil scribble. Now, while some of this guys stuff is decent (and I use the term loosely), you get the feeling that he just phoned this one in. This one is actually taking up space at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, I kid you not.

Um, Jo? Not to be a smart ass or anything, but did you forget something? Like, I don't know, paint?

Judging from this article, even the museums aren't sure anymore.

If your going to say your an artist, you better show me some skill. I was once presented with a picture from a famous art gallery. It was a picture of a huge pile of, what appeared to be, sweet-n-low packets. I wish I had a picture to show you, it is not to be believed.

Oh, but you mustn't stick your nose up. For what you cannot see is the one lonely cube of sugar buried deep within it. Profound!

Holy Crap! Who raised these retards?

Drugs in the workplace.

Your either for it or aggin' it! And I am for it.

I woke up today with a sore throat and a dry cough. Not really an option when you work on the phones. So, to the drugstore I go. Of course, I must have extra-strength. Come big, or don't come at all.

By the time I got to work I was thoroughly stoned. Head to toe body-stone. I couldn't even think straight. And, of course, all my cases were snowballs. Go to fix one problem find another, it was hard to keep everything straight. And when I had to call up to our 'Mensa' line for help I am sure they thought I was drunk.

I think they finally all got together and ambushed the floor coordinator to send me home early.

Thanks Guys. In customer service you would have to be bleeding from the jugular and even then you would have to beg for it.

It really is a different world 'over there'.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Finally back to 5-1 peeps!

For those in the not-know, that means 5pm to 1am. That also means weekends off.

The night shift is more laid-back, however, all the crayons come out at night.

Take last night for instance. I got a frantic man who was ready to kill his friend for 'messing up' his computer. He was considering throwing the thing out and buying another one. He was flipping out. He has left a message on his friends machine telling him that he is going to kill him and that this is the last straw, he is a total moron and he is never speaking to him again. This goes on for about ten minutes before he even gets to what is wrong.

"Ok, let's take a breath, it may not be as bad as all that."
It rarely is. "Describe to me what the computer is doing."

"Ok, I went out and paid three hundred dollars for this upgrade software and my friend put it in."

"Uh, huh, so far so good."

"Ya, well, he has totally fucked it, will I have to throw it out and buy another computer?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. What is the problem?"

"Well, for days now there has been a blue star in the task bar that says this software must be activated!" Are you fucking kidding me? "He ruined it, that asshole, he didn't install it right and now it is not activated." I don't think he even knows what that means. No, scratch that, I am positive he has no idea what that means.

"So, what happens when you click on the star?"

"Huh?" I kid you not. I couldn't possibly make this shit up.

"When you click on that star, what happens?"

"Uh, you want me to click on it?" That would be helpful, you fucking idiot!

"Let's try it shall we?"

"Ok, here goes. It says 'this software must be activated, do you want to activate now?"


"And what?"
Kill me now!

"Do you want to activate now?"

"I don't know, do I?"
How do these people make it across the street without becoming a grease spot? The 'friend' must be an absolute saint for putting up with this crayon. He will be so relieved to find out that he no longer has to deal with him. Christmas came early.

"Let's give it a shot." I almost add 'just for shits and giggles'.

"Says I can activate by phone or over the internet. I am already on the phone." Good, means he at least has self awareness, we are making progress

"Let's choose internet anyway."

"Says, activation successful."

"Ok, then. I will close this case as resolved."

"Is that it?"

"Pretty much."

"Are you kidding?" Are you?

"Nope, all software has to be activated, not a big deal."

Silence. I know he is trying to figure out how to take back that answering machine messege.

"Shit!" Ya, now his brain catches up with his mouth.

"Thanks for calling, you have a nice day."

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Annual Christmas Wing Night!

Scheduled for December 15th.

No I am not tearing the wings off angels and eating them.

One of my oldest friends and I started a tradition many moons ago. For her birthday, which is the end of November, we do a wing night. She loves my wings, they are one of the few things I can actually cook without poisoning people (I have no idea why). The tradition includes an evening of decorating the Christmas tree (if I haven't already done so), gorging on wings and watching Christmas Movies (the cheesier the better).

Every year we try and add a new movie if there is a decent one out there, but we usually end up watching the same ones. It's a Wonderful Life, Santa Clause and Scrooged. So this year I decided to try and find a new one to throw into the mix.

I am told this is a list of every Christmas movie ever made. I am not sure about some of the movies listed. The Godfather? A Christmas movie? I have linked to the full list but I will be deleting the ones not truly Christmas movies. I have left the ones with 'Christmas' in the title, unless the plot has little to do with the season. I am also deleting the ones that were filmed before my mother was born, that's a little too retro, even for me.

How many have you seen? Can you recommend a favorite that is off the beaten path, but you feel I should see?

All I Want for Christmas (1991)
American Christmas Carol, An (TV) (1979)
Babes in Toyland (1934)(1961)(1986)
Bad Santa (2003) This was one of the worst movies I have ever had to sit through.
Bells of St. Mary's, The (1945) Oh, I had forgotten about this one, I love Bing.
Best Christmas Pageant Ever (1983) (TV)
Beyond Tomorrow (1940)
Bishop's Wife, The (1947)
Blackadder's Christmas Carol (1988) (TV)
Bush Christmas (1947)(1983)
Captain's Christmas, The (1938)
Carol for Another Christmas (1964) (TV)
A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
Christmas Box, The (1995) (TV)
Christmas Carol, A (1917) (1938) (1951) (1954) (1972) (1984) (1995) I have seen pretty much every version even the Muppets.
Christmas carol The Musical, A (2004) (TV)
Christmas Comes to Willow Creek (1987) (TV)
Christmas Comes but Once a Year (1936)
Christmas Eve (1947)(1986)
Christmas Gift, The (1986) (TV)
Christmas Holiday (1944)
Christmas in Connecticut (1945)(1992)I love this one, I have seen both versions.
Christmas in July (1940)
Christmas Kid, The (1967)
Christmas Lilies of the Field (1979) (TV)
Christmas Miracle in Caulfield, U.S.A. (1977) (TV)
Christmas Mountain (1980)
Christmas on Division Street (1991) (TV)
Christmas Romance, A (1994) (TV)
Christmas Stallion, The (1992) (TV)
Christmas Star, The (1986) (TV)
Christmas Story, A (1983) Who hasn't?
Christmas That Almost Wasn't, The (1966)
Christmas to Remember, A (1978) (TV)
Christmas Toy, The (1990) (TV)
Christmas Tree, The (1969)
Christmas Vacation '91 (1992)
Christmas Visitor, The (1987) (TV)
Christmas Wife, The (1988) (TV)
Christmas Without Snow, A (1980) (TV)
Christmas With the Kranks (2004)I haven't actually seen this one yet, but I plan to.
Die Hard (1988)I leave this one, only because I love it. I don't think my friend will go for it though.
Don't Open Till Christmas (1985) This is a slasher film. WTF?
Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)(2000)
Dream for Christmas, A (1973) (TV)
Ebbie (1995) (TV) Surprisingly good for Lucci.
Elf (2003) Funny.
Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas (1977) (TV)
Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)
Frosty the Snowman (1969) (TV)
Fourth Wise Man, The (1985) (TV)
Gathering, Part II, The (1979) (TV)
Gathering, The (1977) (TV)
Gift of Love: A Christmas Story, The (1983) (TV)
Guess Who's Coming for Christmas? (1990) (TV)
Hobo's Christmas, A (1987) (TV)
Holiday Affair (1949)
Holiday Inn (1942)
Holly and the Ivy, The (1952)
Home Alone (1990)
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Home Alone 3 (1997)

Home for Christmas (1949)
Home for the Holidays (1972) (TV) Another slasher film, this is getting creepy.
Homecoming - A Christmas Story, The (1971) (TV) Gotta love the Waltons.
House Without a Christmas Tree, The (1972) (TV) Jason Robards is the Christmas movie go-to guy. He is in more than a few of these listed.
I'll Be Home for Christmas (1988) (TV)
I'll Be Seeing You (1944)
It Came Upon the Midnight Clear (1984) (TV)
It Happened One Christmas (1977) (TV) Reworking of the 1947 classic "It's A Wonderful Life"
It Nearly Wasn't Christmas (1989) (TV)
It's A Wonderful Life (1946)
Jingle All the Way (1996)
Kid Who Loved Christmas, The (1990) (TV)
Life & Adventures of Santa Claus, The (1985) (TV)
The Little Drummer Boy Book II (1976) (TV)
The Little Drummer Boy (1968) (TV)
Man in the Santa Claus Suit, The (1978) (TV)
Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence (1983) David Bowie as a POW, how do these things make these lists? Just because of the name?
Mickey's Christmas Carol (1984)
Midnight Clear, A (1991)
Miracle on 34th Street (1947)(1973)(1994)
Mixed Nuts (1994)
Mom for Christmas, A (1990) (TV)
Mr. Krueger's Christmas (1980) (TV)
Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol (1962)
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey Nestor (1977) (TV)
The Night Before Christmas(1994)
Night They Saved Christmas, The (1984) (TV)
Nightmare Before Christmas, The (1993)
Nutcracker (1982)(1993)
Nutcracker, The Motion Picture (1986)
One Christmas (1994) (TV)
One Magic Christmas (1985)
La Pastorela (1991) (TV)
Pinocchio's Christmas (1980) (TV)
Pluto's Christmas Tree (1952)
Polar Express, The (2004)
Prancer (1989)
Prancer Returns (1998)
Pups' Christmas, The (1936)
The Ref (1994)
Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964) (TV)
Santa Claus (1959)
Santa Claus, The Movie (1985)
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (1970) (TV)
Santa Clause, The (1994)
Santa Clause 2, The (2002)
Scrooge (1935)(1951)(1970) I watch this in any version.
Scrooged (1988) One of the favorites.
Shanty Where Santa Claus Lives, The (1933)
Smoky Mountain Christmas, A (1986) (TV) Dolly is Christmas.
The Snowman (1982)
Story of the First Christmas Snow, The (1975) (TV)
Sunshine Christmas (1977) (TV)
To Grandmother's House We Go (1992) (TV)
Very Brady Christmas, A (1988) (TV)
White Christmas (1954) Never miss it.
Year Without a Santa Claus, The (1974) (TV)
Yes Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus (1991) (TV)
Young Pioneers' Christmas (1976) (TV)
I have to admit, I had to google a lot of these films (you know, to jog my memory). Some of them them, I have earmarked to see in the future, but some are down-right depressing. I wonder how so many slasher films made the cut?

And even though the site says this is 'Every' Christmas Movie Ever Made, I think it is missing some. Any suggestions?

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Long may she reign.

We had our first really cold night last night here in Nova Scotia. It wasn't so much that it was colder but the winds were high, so it was coming in through every crack of this old house.

I came home from work last night and the boy was holed-up in his room, the rest of the house was freezing. It was the teeth-chattering, bone-chilling type of cold. The heat was on, but I had just one problem ... procrastination. (Procrastination is a country to which I am their Queen)

You see, no amount of heat blasting through the vents could compensate for the freezing winds coming from in and around (don't laugh) the air conditioner.

I know, your supposed to take those suckers out of the window for the winter but, as I stated earlier, I was busy with the duties of the Monarchy.

So now I am sitting in a walk-in freezer. What to do? I can't take it out of the window now, it's too cold. Mind you, had I decided to go this route, I would have been warm in under an hour. Fearing a coup d'état from my loyal subjects, I soldier on.

I dig out an old electric blanket someone gave me years ago. (It was so much bigger when I wasn't such a fat chick.) More trouble than it was worth. I refuse to abdicate, on to plan B.

Back when I was living in the camper, I had a portable heater. I dig that out and sit for another hour at the computer with one side of my body freezing and the other getting a heat rash. Not good for the royal Christmas card photos.

Finally I crack. I grab my trusty staple gun (I love that thing) and dig out an area rug that I had bought for the bathroom. It was not pretty but ten seconds later the winter was blocked out. However, by that time I was exhausted and went to bed anyway.

So today, its beautiful outside. The question is: Will I take this opportunity to pack up the air conditioner?

Long live the Queen.

Friday, November 24, 2006


I am finally completely free of the boy. On my computer at least.

Merry Christmas! The boy is now set up with everything essential. The accessories are not very pretty, but he has what he needs. Even internet.

We thought it might take a bit for me to get the wireless router, but the boy found old cable from years ago and he hardwired the internet. The geek doesn't fall far from the exponential tree.

Now for Xmas I can get the little things to wrap under the tree. But if he knows what it is, he will torture me endlessly ask me once, and I will give it to him.

It has always been that way. I am still a kid, and I still get a bigger thrill opening the presents before Christmas. It's like your getting away with something, then you think...Hey! I'm in charge here!

Jesus! Who put me in charge?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Almost half and half.

You Are 40% Left Brained, 60% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Close, except for the dogs and sports.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Like a scene from Home Alone.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Tech Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

I get no response, but I hear people in the background. Not unusual since a lot of people put the phone down when they are on hold for a long time. So, we wait.

The voices are raised, two, possibly three people. They are having an argument.

WOMAN "You have GOT to calm down! Screaming at them is not going to get you anywhere!"

MAN: "I will scream if I want, this fucking piece of shit! They deserve everything they are going to fucking get!"

Holy Shit! I am in for it now. It goes on and the woman is trying to calm the man down. I am debating whether I just hang the phone up or call to them and let them know I am there.

Fuck that! I am in the mood for an asshole with an attitude.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

I hear rustling, someone is picking up the phone.

"Oh! Wait! Wait! I am so sorry!" She is hurried, like she thinks she may have missed me. "This is Shirley, I am here." The sweetest, gentlest, little southern accent you have ever heard. "Just let me turn the TV down. It was keeping me company while I waited."

Relief washes over me."Oh Shirley, you don't know how good it is to hear your voice. All I could hear is the TV."

She realizes the scene she had been watching, "Oh, my land, was there lots of 'F' words, I am so sorry."

"No worries, Shirley. I am just relieved the guy from the TV didn't pick up the phone."

We laughed like idiots.

Sunday, November 19, 2006 live in Nova Scotia.

Sent to me in an email.(not to be confused with You Might Be a Redneck)

If your local Motels are closed from September through May, you live in Nova Scotia.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Nova Scotia.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Nova Scotia.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Nova Scotia.

You know you're a Nova Scotian when: "Vacation" means going any where beyond Digby for the weekend.

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Nova Scotia. . . well, of course!

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Nova Scotia

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in Nova Scotia

If you can drive 100 km/h through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Nova Scotia

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave them both unlocked, you live in Nova Scotia

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife/daughter knows how to use them, you live in Nova Scotia

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Nova Scotia

If the speed limit on the highway is 100 km/h and you're going 110 km/h and everybody is passing you, you live in Nova Scotia

The driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow... you live in Nova Scotia

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Nova Scotia

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Nova Scotia

If you find 0 degrees "a little chilly.", you live in Nova Scotia

If you actually understand these jokes....You are true a Nova Scotia citizen!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Work in Progress

Template Experiment #1.

Getting bored with the blog layout and have 2 days off.

As long as the computer does not crap out on me, I will be working on some different templates. And for the love of God, if you know where I can get a decent template, please share.

What do you think of this one?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Jesus could have, just as easily, been a Scorpio.

I am this close to getting our new computers up and running.

I promised the boy a new computer for Christmas. Mind you, we are true kids and we fly in the face of tradition.

That said, as soon as I have all the parts together (which should be this Sunday), it's Christmas.

Ya, ya, ya...I know, but they can't decide when Jesus was actually born, so who's to say it wasn't 2006 years ago this weekend?

Saturday, November 11, 2006


Take the time to share a smile and a nod with a veteran today.

Be thankful, and remember.

Friday, November 10, 2006


- Telling a wasp/hornet/bumble bee to fuck off does not dissuade them from stinging you. Somehow, they just don't give a shit or they simply refuse to learn English. I say if they are going to live in this country, they should learn the language.
- Sometimes 'E' actually means empty.
- The second you loan your bootable xp disk to someone, you will get a blue screen of death.
- Subsequently, when you get the blue screen of death, your geek will be out of town.
- Seconds after you make the decision to finally backup, your hard drive will fail!
- Seagulls will fly 60 miles inland for MacDonald's french fries.
- No good deed goes unpunished.
- Mac people have a superiority complex and a false sense of security.
- Old boyfriends never die, they just pop out of nowhere when you have a booger hanging from your nose.
- Ok, a couple of mine did die, but I am pretty sure I had nothing to do with it.
- It really is all about me.
- Best way to a man's heart? Straight through the sternum.
- Cats will eat your face when you are dead.
- Every time you call tech support, a kitten dies.
- I hate the fact that you people don't salute me.
- Farting in a hot shower won't necessarily kill you. It will, however, make you wish you were dead.

And I am pretty sure the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

A little something for the Grog-meister.

You know, so I can keep up with Homer.

Monday, November 6, 2006

Hold the pickle.

Today was my worst day in tech support.

Today, I couldn't fix a sandwich.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

In keeping with tradition.

We got the first snow of the season tonight. It wasn't enough to take a picture of, but it was still the first snow, and must be celebrated.

Tradition dictates that we must feast. And everyone knows the traditional feast for the first snow is ...

Pizza, of course.

Friday, November 3, 2006

Someone remembered my birthday!

Recieved this in an email this morning.

She is just so thoughtful.

Too fuckin' funny! In any language.

Indian Thriller: Is it just me or does it seem like the 'star' is having a seisure?

Turkish Star Trek : Discribed as having the 'gayest' Captain Kirk ever.

And this one freaks me the fuck out!!!

I am not sure if it is the dancing or the fact that he smokes and talks like a chipmunk.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

I am warning you!

I am halfway through watching the Lake House and I had to stop and write this.

I swear to God that if Keanu turns out to be the guy who got hit by the bus at the first of this movie I will shoot myself in the face!

And another thing...

Luckily for me (and my face) she changed the past. Keanu lives!

CSI Miami, new drinking game.

Every time Horatio Caine strikes a pose - everybody drinks!

I will bet my left nut that you can't stay conscious for the whole show. If the boredom doesn't get you the shear volume of alcohol consumed most definitely will.

And no need to worry if you can't find a show. Miami is on Spike for 6 hours a day. I didn't know there was that many episodes but apparently there is, so drink up!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Attica! Attica!

Again I say, just because your paranoid does not mean everyone is not out to get you.

A while back I told you about the Joh.n How.ard Conspiracy. Well, the boy is in it again. But this time I am not letting it go.

To refresh your memory, the boy was 'caught' drinking underage.

I honestly thought nothing would come of it. For starters, the cop never had to get off his fat ass and chase my juvenile delinquent down. The boy was not harassing the store clerk or vandalizing property. Hell, you couldn't even smell the beer on his breath. (Believe me, I checked.) He was asked a question by a man in authority and he told the truth. (I know, I know, I have tried to talk to him) I would bet my life on the fact that there is not one cop in that precinct that didn't have a beer before he was legal.

The cop never tested him, never got him or me to sign anything. I thought they were just doing me a favor, putting a little jolt into the boy and putting the experimental drinking part of his adolescence off for a couple of years.

Ya think? Guess not. I don't hear from the cops after that. What I do get is a letter in the mail from the John Howard Society, telling me that my sons case was referred to them. What? What fucking case? He was never charged. Now they are bypassing me all together? No fucking way!

At that very moment my son was scrubbing scuff marks off the YMCA gym floor as part of his community service from the last fiasco with the JHS.

I get on the horn with the JHS director. I lost it with him. I was so enraged, I couldn't tell you what I said or when but here are the finer points:

"What the hell scam are you people trying to pull now?"

"You guys seem to be working together to justify your existence, and get slave labour for your friends in the process. Not this time mister!"

"If you want the boy this time, you are going to have to work for him. That cop is going to have to get off his fat ass and spend the day at the courthouse with me. And he better have his shit together, because I will be accompanied by a lawyer who I will pay to have his shit together."

"This will NOT be a slam dunk and I may even counter with a harassment charge since every time my son farts in that town he gets picked up."

"I will be calling you in as well, It will be interesting to know how many kids have gone through this restorative justice thing and ended up doing community service and just how many times they have had to go through it."
(He had told us the first time we were there that this was a one chance thing. This will make three times for the boy.)

"I thought the cop was doing me a favor, but all he is teaching my son to do is lie to them." (Previously the same town cops coerced him into confessing to something he didn't do by threatening to fine him. He confessed and nothing came of it.)"So far he tells the actual truth and he gets community service."

"I will gladly pay a fine, after I get my day in court. The next stop will be the papers. I think people should know about this little arrangement you have with the police. Since you are publicly funded, I wonder if people are aware of how their tax dollars are spent prosecuting kids for drinking a beer, when a week before they still hadn't found the guy who beat the hell out of some old man and stole his car."

I have visions of "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" I am pumped.

Unfortunately for me, the boy won't join the program. I am all Norma Rae, and he is all don't make waves. He called the JHS and agreed to go through the program. I think he and his friend actually enjoyed the community service. It was a way to volunteer without being a nerd.

I am not dropping it though, I will be at the meeting with the cop and the JHS. I will voice my opinion 'on the record'. I will also be composing a letter to the editor. I think this is a issue that needs to be addressed. People need to know that this shit is going on. These cops are cooking their 'crimes solved' books with the help of a publicly funded organization without ever having to actually solve crimes.

These are our tax dollars at work, and I for one am sick of paying twice for a job not done.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Janis might have bigger problems.

I am really concerned with the mental state of Maggie. I had thought before that she was just quiet, but recent events make me suspect that she might be a sociopath.

Janis is still not back to work, so it was quite a surprise when the social commity put on a Prettiest Pet contest and Janis' dog was one of the pets.

Maggie entered Janis' dog in the contest...I kid you not.

I don't actually speak to Maggie anymore, I am afraid what I might say. And since I only see her at work, it might be a problem if we get into it. That being said, I still have her on messenger.

As I was talking to Janis one day, I notice Maggie coming online. I glance over and she has Janis' dog as a buddy icon. I thought that I must be mistaken, but Janis has the same picture as her buddy icon.

I Don't know what other reason she would have for putting it there except to torment Janis.(who probably still has her in messenger)

It gets better.

She told one of Janis' friends that she can't understand why Janis doesn't just go back to (the province she was originally from) so Maggie and the husband could be happy.

Janis' friend was shocked, all she could do was walk away.

So, here we are, today. I open up messenger and glance over at Maggie's nick. At first all I see is "Why is it that...".

That gets me interested so I open it up to see the rest.

Maggie's nick says "Why is it that some people just can't do what they know is best?"

I immediately changed mine to - "Are 'some people' on fucking crack?"

It didn't take her long to change it to something incautious.

If she wants to play mind games, I am all in.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

No good deed goes unpunished.

I don't know if you will remember. A while back I spoke of a friend's husband who died, and the trouble my fiend was having.

During this time, Maggie, was alone. She had no family in the area, but she did have one really good friend, we will call her Janis.

I have to tell you a little about Janis. She is that person. The one who wouldn't say shit if she had a mouth full of it. She is thoughtful and unselfish. And not just for her close friends. I just know her from work. We don't hang out or anything, but I consider her a friend. Janis knows I don't cook, so whenever she cooks a turkey (she does this often, and I once mentioned that I rarely do) she brings me a turkey sandwich. Just because. I also mentioned one time that I missed Lime Rickey (it is one of those drinks you had as a kid but they don't sell anymore) and while she was in another province, she saw that they sold it and brought me back a bottle. These are but a few examples, but you get the idea.

Janis was very supportive, helping Maggie with the day to day stuff. She was there for her from the time they heard Maggie's man was sick, even taking off work to help Maggie deal after he died. Taking up a collection at work to help Maggie financially. Maggie was having trouble with the ex-wife and was not sure if she was going to lose her house. At one point she had to move out of it (not sure why) she had no where to go, so (of course) Janis and her husband took her in.

Janis went above and way beyond, that is just the kind of person she is.

And what do you suppose Janis got for her trouble?

Maggie paid her back by fucking her husband, that's what.

Shocked? I know I was. How do you kick a person in the teeth after they put their life on hold to help you pick up the pieces of yours?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It wasn't me!

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Tech Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"Ok, don't laugh." I love it when they say that. You can pretty much guarantee it after an intro like that.

"My daughter downloaded"

"Oh Kay."
Like I am still waiting for the punchline. What is the big deal?

"I am a federal agent."

Mute the phone.

"You promised you wouldn't laugh."

"Sorry, couldn't help myself." He is laughing too. Until we get to the bottom of the problem he is actually calling in on.

Once he realized what she had done to his laptop, he knew he had to get rid of it. This thing gets audited regularly. In his fervor to cover his daughters tracks, he pooched the system.

Now, no one is laughing. Least of all his daughter.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Another World.

I have to say, that since moving to the dark side (tech support) I am much happier.

Being a Tech Router was a nightmare. You had to know every single product and were treated like an idiot when you didn't know that some obscure programming language was still used and every intricate detail of that language. The actual work was interesting but since it is 80% technical and your managers are 0% technical, you never got credit for the fact that you even heard of that obscure programming language. In short, you rocked on the phone, but on paper (the managers opinion) you sucked because your call time was 2 seconds off the norm.

Over on the 'other side', you have two people grading you. One grading you on customer service and an actual tenured technician grading you on the tech support aspects. Makes sense, don't it?

Just to give you a feel of how different the atmosphere is over on the 'other' side. If a customer has a good experience and wants to give you Kudos, they have an email address they can use and they often do. When someone says something nice about how you helped them, the managers send it out in an email for ALL TO SEE.

Imagine if you will, the atmosphere that sort of thing generates. Just think about it for a minute. You rock, your customers think you rock and tell your manager that you rock. Then they send out an email letting everyone know that you rock.

How fucking cool is that??? I get 2 or three emails from customers a day. Recently I got a really long email from a man I helped restore his computer, while he was miles from home in Brazil. I won't bore you with the whole thing, but just to give you an idea, I will post a couple excerpts.
...Within minutes I was connected to one of the most interesting persons I have ever had the privilege to speak with, Mrs./Ms. "Evel"...

For the novice user it was frightening to say the least, however; with the professional assurance and guidance of "Evel" the day was saved.

While everyone else was probably enjoying a happy holiday meal or a lazy day at the beach "Evel" was hard at work in a remote bastion of the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™. After completing all of "Evel's" instructions I am happy to say you have recruited another happy Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ product user, for life...

If it were in my power, I would surely promote this young lady to some sort of a management position, at the very least a pay raise. I would send as many other Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ employees to Nova Scotia to receive tutelage from this very outstanding Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ employee, as the training budget would permit of course. "Evel" is the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™...

He goes on and on, but you see the difference? On this side of the pond, you are made to feel important and valued. It is the craziest thing, because you can see where you came from (there are no walls in cubic hell) but it is a completely different world.

Monday, October 16, 2006

And the results are in.

Taken from Radmilla, I decided to take the test.

Here are the rusults of "The Director Who Films Your Life Test"

Alfred Hitchcock
Your film will be 27% romantic, 42% comedy, 53% complex plot, and a $ 43 million budget.

One of the best film directors EVER to exist. Your life must be something special if we're going to dig up Hitch to direct the film version. His films are studies of masterful technique and visual storytelling. He also has six distinct signatures he puts in each of his films, one of them being his fleeting cameo walk-by appearance. I think another one is that the leading man is always wrongly persecuted for something he didn't do, and the leading lady is usually a blonde. He made many more films than just The Birds and Psycho. PLEASE go rent, buy, or view North By Northwest or Vertigo!

Great, I end up having an affair with the director, the creepy fat guy.

Story of my life.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

I am being invaded.

It is the weirdest thing I have ever seen.
But they are all over the house.
I don't think I have ever seen this many over my entire life.
I have seen more of these in the past week than I have seen mosquitoes all summer.
I have discovered that Lady Bugs freak me out.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Bob Vila, he ain't!

My landlord is a sweet man. He is the best landlord I have had in a long time. Very helpful and willing to fix anything that goes wrong. You will noticed I used 'willing' and left out the 'able'.

He came for the rent and noticed the paint peeling off the door jam. "I must get over and put a coat of paint on that. I got some pretty yellow."

I figured, sure, the house is yellow, will be fine.

I came home to this.

I think they use the same color for those yellow lines on the road. I wonder if it glows in the dark? I don't think I can wait to find out.

I hope he is not too offended when he sees I have already started to paint over it with white.

He probably should not give up his day job.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

You say 'licking windows' like it's a bad thing.

Someone sent this in an email to me. I nearly pissed myself laughing.
Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I've done. I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm animals, vote liberal or occasionally shit yourself.......

You hang in there sunshine,You're fucking special.

Too fuckin' funny!

Sunday, October 8, 2006

I guess not everyone loves a Mac.

And this is an actual Mac owner.

A 'life-changing sum of money'.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Department™ my name is blah blah blah..."

She starts out by telling me that No.rt.on has sent her a virus. I try to assure her that this would not be something No.rt.on would do intentionally. However, she insists that they did it so she would not win a sweepstakes that she has been trying to win for 6 years. She refers to it as a 'life-changing sum of money' over and over.(she changes her voice when she says it) They knew she was close and they wanted to stop her.(of course they did)

"The woman at No.rt.on warned me not to format my computer and Oprah told me that if I called I wouldn't win the 'life-changing sum of money', but I have to get this virus off."

Did she say Oprah? What?

"I want my computer completely wiped clean and the windows reinstalled."

Cool, the woman may be looney tunes but this is the simplest call on even her planet. Nuke and Pave.

All is well until we get to the 'delete partition' part of the install.

"I am not comfortable with deleting the partition."

"If you want the hard drive completely wiped, this is what we have to do."

"I am not comfortable with deleting the partition."

I explain to her that if she wants to make sure she gets all the virus, we have to delete the partition. I explain to her that deleting the partition is not really deleting anything except the containers that the space is in. Like two bags of bananas, we are just deleting the bags, not the bananas.

"I am not comfortable with deleting the partition."

The woman is a broken record. "Well, at the beginning of this call we agreed that you wanted your computer completely wiped. If you want to start over and just repair the windows we can, but if there is was a virus before, it will still be there when we are done."

Hell, you have already defied Oprah, what the hell do you have to lose?

Once she agrees, it is pretty much a waiting game, it takes a while but the computer does pretty much all the install. So, while we wait, she decides to chat.

I won't bore you with the entire one hour conversation. Here are the key points:

- She heard about this particular sweepstakes 6 years ago on Oprah. At that time Oprah told her not to call or else she would never win the 'life-changing sum of money'. Did I mention Oprah addressed her personally from the TV?

- Apparently the sweepstakes website has been trying to keep her from winning the 'life-changing sum of money', at one point they moved drug dealers into the two houses on either side of her. I kid you not.

- She invented the Roomba, she told the sweepstakes people about it years ago and they stole the idea. She got a lawyer but he wants $10,000 just to file a claim. She thinks the sweepstakes guys bought him off. They threatened that she would not win the 'life-changing sum of money' if she continued with the lawsuit.

- No.rt.on purposely sent her a virus so she would not win the 'life-changing sum of money'. They often target the sweepstakes winners and steal the money once they have won.

- Oprah will not take her calls or return her email so she has moved on to Gail. And if that doesn't work Julia Roberts was in the audience that day and told her to call her if she has any problems.

- She has purchased, over the years, all sorts of good luck charms, cristals, hats, rings, books etc. The sweepstakes website periodically make her join book clubs and such telling her if she doesn't she can't win the 'life-changing sum of money'. (yes she believes this)

In the end I feel sorry for her. I try and convince her that after 6 years it might be time to give up. Or failing that, she shouldn't pour money into something on the off chance she could win. She should only enter contests that don't require a purchase or a fee.

But she will not be swayed. She just has to win this 'life-changing sum of money', (she is in tears) for her children. (yes she has reproduced) It's her dream and she just can't give up on her dream of winning a 'life-changing sum of money'. Oprah has promised her.

I have said it a hundred times. I blame Oprah.

Apparently, so does everyone else.

Thursday, October 5, 2006

Just when you had thougt you had heard it all...

Aparently everyone should go to this site and prepare themselves.

Unfortunatly, not many people are actually going to make it, but this site gives some very good advice for those of us heathens who will be left behind after the "Rapture".

Don't say you haven't been warned.

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

TV. She ain't what she used to be.

It used to be that actors did TV when they couldn't get a movie gig. It was a way to pay the bills till they 'made it'. Everyone's objective was to be a movie star.

Today with people going to the theaters less and less, TV has become the perfect vehicle for some former movie stars.

Gina Davis and Donald Sutherland rocked it in Commander in Chief. (Cancelled now, wonder how that went over with the old egos?)

And, of course, Donald's son Kiefer in 24.

James Woods, Shark (excellent new show on CBS).

Dennis Hopper in the E-Ring. (cancelled)

Timothy Hutton and Dana Delany in Kidnapped.

Ray Liotta in Smith.

And the big one, the West Wing, that shit was chocked full of big time stars. Again, cancelled.

I am sure they would still prefer to be movie stars. A weekly show takes a lot of time I hear, but don't you just love the fact that now they may have to actually work for a living? As opposed to 6 months on a movie that pays them millions, so they can sit on their ass for 2 years.

Nice work if you can get it.

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Ask me if I care.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Department™ my name is blah blah blah..."

I have half an hour left on my shift and I am not looking forward to my last call, I am hoping I can get the hell out of here on time.

This dude starts with 'Once upon a time...'. Fuckin great! I won't bore you with the rant, but after 25 minutes I get the following earth shattering revelations from this crayon: has sent him a virus - Of course they have, they often send out viruses so that people will call in for the 'FREE' virus support. Bill has way too much money and he is sick of laundering it. is hacking his computer - again, why not? After all you are a big important man with top secret information. No? Ok, you must be a bank president with pass codes to millions of dollars. Huh? No? Ok, then you must have launch codes, that must be it. No? Your kidding? What the hell makes you think anyone, let alone gives a rats ass about what you have on your computer. Get real! is taking over the world and Bil.l Ga.te.s is the Anti-Christ - Holy shit! Get Bill on the horn, we have to warn him, the jig is up. Oh, no worries, I forgot, they are hacking this guys computer, they can erase his evidence. Whew, close one.

Turns out this guy had DELL OEM software installed on his computer, decided to install that DELL software on his Gateway/Sony Frankenstein machine and then the server says it is not genuine.

No shit, Sherlock! That is because its not!

Friday, September 29, 2006


My friend Donna, who moved out west to become a car salesman (long story), just found out she was Top Salesperson for Southern Alberta.

Way to go, Princess!

We all knew you could do it. You could sell ice cubes to Eskimos.

Thursday, September 28, 2006


The Undisclosed Tech Support Team™ gets a lot of grief from customers about the software, when all we are there for is to fix it after the fact. This new feature targets the real culprits, the people responsible for the software, the programmers.

I can't wait for this to hit the market.

And another thing...

This one made me bust a gut! Our fearless leader and Napoleon Dynamite

You have got to watch to the end you will piss yourself.

You would not believe how many goofball videos Bi.ll Ga.tes and Balmer have done over the years. I spent the better part of this morning watching them. Go see for yourself.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Discovered at Rad's

I am not a touchy feely kind of person, but I thought this was so cool I just had to link it myself. I guess this all happened a couple years ago but someone posted it on YouTube and it became one of the most popular, and you will see why.

"Sometimes, a hug is all what we need. Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man who's sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives. In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal. As this symbol of human hope spread across the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED. What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring. In the Spirit of the free hugs campaign, PASS THIS TO A FRIEND and HUG A STRANGER! After all, If you can reach just one person... Music by Sick Puppies." -description from YouTube

Ok, I admit during the first few seconds of the video I was thinking that if I were to see this guy on the street my first inkling would be that he was probably going to pick my pocket. I, like most people, am just jaded that way.

But I would bet that every single person, who took a free hug, felt fantastic all day long.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Talent is sometimes a curse.

The boy has decided to become Itzhak Perlman. I spent yesterday hunting down a fiddle for him.

I know, your saying, (in a really snotty voice) "Excuse me, it is called a violin." But I don't care what you call it cuz you're dumb. No, you shut up.

I put it out there that I was looking for one and my nephew actually had one. Who knew? Anyway he was really accommodating and offered to drop it off to me at work. I should have known something was up.

So I finally get out of the building (my final call was actually 4 hours and 18 minutes) and the fiddle is in the back seat of my car. Wow, he is good.

I get it home and the boy is all over it like a fat kid on cake. Ten minutes later he is actually playing a song. I kid you not.

Just a heads up to those parents out there that think it might be cute to have their little angels take 'violin' lessons? Those fucking things are LOUD.

No, no, you don't understand. When I say loud, I mean really fucking loud! Earth-shattering, glass breaking, ear-splitting loud. This thing is louder than his guitar with the amp on 11.

After he got bored with the actual song he was playing he started experimenting. Seeing just what kind of sounds (not to be confused with music) he can get it to make.

Imagine a cat in heat, right after being hit by a car, screaming in pain.

Only inside your head.

If your little darlings ever present you with the choice between electric guitar and fiddle (even if they snooty-ly refer to it as a violin) please, for the love of God and all things holy, protect your sanity and go for the guitar. Right now I am trying to figure out how I can talk him into trading in the fiddle for a set of drums. Yes, it is just that bad.

At least with the guitar you can listen to them slaughter some really cool music instead of 'We Three Kings'.

Oh, the humanity!

Saturday, September 23, 2006


"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

The lady explains that her screen is saying 'shutting down windows' and has been stuck there all day.

"Ok, what we are going to do is shut the computer down."

"All right."

"Let me know when it is off"

"Well it does take a while after I close the drawer."


"Is it off?"


"Ok, turn it back on."

"Alright, it is back on."
That was quick? "It still says 'shutting down windows'."

It takes me a few minutes to realize that what she is doing is opening and closing the keyboard drawer. She believes this is the way to shut down the computer. And in her defense I can see how she would assume that. When she closes the drawer (eventually) the computer screen goes blank, and when she opens it again, it jumps to life.

I explain to her that what we are looking for is an actual button she must push and for the next few minutes I wait as she turns the monitor off and on.

"No, Mamme, the power button is located on the tower, the box that you put your CD's in." Clearly I need to dumb it down for her.

"Dell did send me a disk, but I threw it out cuz there was no where to put it."

"Uh, it has to be there somewhere."
I was starting to think she might have a laptop but that would not explain the drawer.

She finally directs her attention under the desk, "Oh, well would you look at that!"

I come to find out that she has never, in the three years she has owned this computer, ever powered it off.

How is that possible?

Friday, September 22, 2006

Say hello to my little friend.

I have a tech-buddy.

Not to be confused with a fuck-buddy. (Get your mind out of the gutter, I know you were going there.)

This is an experienced tech that will sit with you for the first little while and help you with the tools and the procedures as well as helping you not sound like a complete idiot on the phone.

Well, I have one. We will call him Miyagi-san, and this is why.

While I was taking a call, Miyagi-san was making this:

Dude is into origami.

Now, when I say he is into origami, I mean way, deep down, into it. For real. He carries a really thick binder with pockets full of stuff for origami. Books, paper, folding implements, the whole nine yards.

And he is talented. Just look at the detail. You can see this dragons tongue. I know the picture quality is not that great, my camera sucks. But believe me when I say, I was much impressed.

It appears to calm him, so I guess it has a purpose.

Of course I can see this sort of thing bugging the shit out of me after a while. I have a really low tolerance for crafts of any kind. And this is border-line craft-like.

But for now, he occupies a place of honor on top of my monitor.

Till the cat finds him, I suppose.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

A little culture crammed down your throat.

This boys voice curls my toes.

And a little English for the not so cultural.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

First day on the floor.

My first day on the floor was not so bad. It was pretty slow so I was waiting around for a long while for that first call to come in.

Thankfully I got my first call before the medication wore off.

Sunday, September 17, 2006


Just finished watching Loose Change.
"Loose Change is a documentary written and directed by Dylan Avery and produced by Korey Rowe and Jason Bermas. The film presents an alternative explanation of events during the September 11, 2001 Terrorist Attacks. The film attempts to compensate for the perceived inadequacy of government investigations and the 9/11 Commission Report. It alleges that the attacks were not the result of the organization al-Qaeda but a series of cleverly executed events carried out by the US government. It was released through the creators' company, Louder than Words, and received wide attention after being featured on a Binghamton, New York local FOX affiliate, WICZ-TV (FOX 40).[1]"- From Wikipedia

It was quite enlightening in a Michael Moore sort of way. They raise some very interesting points. Like what really happened to Flight 93? It is reported to have landed that day, was actually seen landing by airport workers at Cleveland Hopkins Airport.

Also the cell phone calls reportedly made from the plane. One man saying "Mom, it's Mark Balmer." When was the last time you called your mom and introduced yourself? Experiments after the fact showed that it was impossible to get cell phone reception from that altitude. (It wasn't until 2004 that American installed antenna on their planes to accommodate cell phones.)

And that is nothing compared to the crap about the Pentagon and the tower explosions.

It is worth seeing, but I guess with anything you have to decide what you believe.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


I am reading the archives of Pickle Juice when I come across this link.

Steve, Don't Eat It! Don't give up till you make it to the breast milk one. It is not to be missed.

Incidentally, if anyone knows what has happened to Natalie, I would dearly like to know. Her last post is July of 2005, in which she alluded to a possible jail term.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Big freakin' deal!

I am driving in to work today and I am late. As I am driving through the mall parking lot I notice people looking up into the sky.

It's a helicopter and I think, so what? It doesn't look like it is crashing so I continue on. Seems to be heading in the same direction I am.

The parking lot adjoining ours is the one for the theater and the bowling alley/pub. As I get closer I notice that the pub parking lot is full, and all the cars are 'really nice'. Not that people around here don't have nice cars, but all the cars were either dark sedans or dark SUV's. Hmmmm. Now I notice that the men standing around are all dressed in black. Black suits, white shirts, black ties.

What is going through my head is 'who died?'

As I draw close to our parking lot, I see the helicopter again and it is really low and dropping fast. Next thing I know it lands, directly in front of me on the grass!

I slam on my breaks, cuz I figure the MIB will be running for the helicopter. Not one of them moves. So I continue on.

I finally make it into work. "Sorry I am late, but I was delayed by a helicopter landing in the parking lot."

No one knew why. Then it hits me.

"Oh ya, isn't that American chick in town this week?"

"Condoleezza Rice?"

"Ya, that's the one."

Turns out she is classified as an internationally protected person. So they had to put on a decent show for her. Except here in Pictou County, the only person she would have to worry about is the nutbar that protests the elections every year by stealing the ballot boxes. But I think he is on vacation, so it was pretty much a non-event.

I am wondering how they managed to find 350 people (who would give a shit) to attend the 'invitation only' breakfast.

Betcha Pete had to call in a few favors.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Shattered Illusions.

Since I have been in training 7am to 3pm, I am not able to drive the boy to school so he has been staying with his father.

The first week was glorious. Quiet and uneventful.

Saturday night the boy and his friends were going to go to the exhibition. I worry sometimes about his friends, but he said he was going with Milhouse (not his real name), so I was relieved.

From a parents point of view, Milhouse is an ideal friend. His parents are the sort that appear diligent in what he does and who he does it with. He has not ever been in trouble (that I know of), he is polite and does well in school. In short, he is what we believe to be a good influence on our children.

So that was the plan for Saturday night. Imagine my surprise when I get a call to come and pick up the boy. At the police station. He has been picked up by the police for drinking underage. Fuckin' lovely.

All the way to the police station I am imagining him staggering around, or passed out in his own vomit. However, when I get there he and his friend 'Otto' (again, not his real name) are just sitting there. They look normal. WTF?

The cop starts to explain how the boys were picked up at a convenience store. I expect him to tell me that they were acting like delinquents and causing a disturbance, but no.

"Ok, wait a minute. What exactly did you do?"

Turns out they drank something called a cold shot. Basically it is a smaller can of beer than the regular size, about 8oz. So, they had two of them, then went to the convenience store.

They are in the convenience store and the cops come in. Picture it, your a teenager who has just done something illegal when a cop is suddenly standing in front of you. Non challant is not something teenagers do well.

So, of course, they are acting suspicious. The cop comes up to them and asks them if they have been drinking, and Tony Soprano says, "Yes."

As the cop is telling me this, I am trying hard not to shake the boy and say, "Dude? What the hell?" I don't know who this kid is sometimes, he confesses to everything. Must get that from his fathers side of the family.

Then the two of them come out with, "It's peer pressure."

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit."

"It's true, Mom, these guys pressured us into drinking."

"Oh, ya. I remember being a teenager and pressuring other kids to ... DRINK BEER THAT I PAID FOR! That is horseshit! Wait a minute. I thought you were supposed to be with Milhouse? What happened?"

"Milhouse ditched us."
And I am thinking, he didn't want to associate with you two delinquents when the cop chimes in.

"Milhouse? Hmmmm, what is Milhouse's last name?" I tell him and he starts flipping through some papers. "Uh huh, we picked up Milhouse 2 hours ago."

"There must be some mistake."

"No mistake, you want to see what we took from him?"
And he takes me aside and shows me. It's a hash pipe and some marijuana!

"Are you kidding me? Not my little Milhouse!" I was floored.

Out of the whole experience, I was most traumatized by Milhouse. Somehow I expected it from the boy and his other delinquent friend, but Milhouse? He had me completely snowed.

I am scarred for life.