No, it is NOT life changing!
No, it is NOT brilliant. It will NOT leave you speechless.
No, it is NOT unbelievable, awe inspiring or genius.
That song was NOT actually written about you.
NOTHING will change the way I feel about brushing my teeth.
If you don't know the origin of your last name by now, you have been living under a rock or you are twelve.
No, it will most likely NOT bring you to tears. And YES you can most certainly believe your eyes.
What this animal does is NOT mind boggling.
What that kid did is NOT going to change the world. He stuck his face in a birthday cake. That does not make him a phenom.
God does NOT creep Facebook to make sure you are liking and sharing something. It is just not how he rolls.
That cat is NOT a hero for waking you when there was a fire. Had you installed a cat door he would have left you there with not so much as a by-your-leave, and would be watching the bitch burn from the safety of the side walk.
What your dog does when you get home from an extended absence is NOT jaw dropping. He wagged his tail. He does that when you come back from checking the mail or taking a dump.
You don't need to share or like a meme to prove you are NOT in favor of rape, pedophilia or animal cruelty. I will NOT share it, I do NOT negotiate with terrorists or extortionists.
You don't have to share and like if you love your children. Try just telling them face to face for fuck sake. Facebook has become one giant chain letter when its not the worlds most read obit page.
What kind of fabric are you? What color dragon are you? What kind of sandwich are you? Bitch, seriously? You are human, get back on the meds.
Even if, by some stretch of the imagination, you actually did have a previous life? I can guarantee that FaceBook was in no way privy to it.
What does your underwear say about you? Nothing, its fuckin' underwear. If you think yours is dissing you behind your back you have bigger problems. Medicate.
Your zodiac sign does NOT determine whether you become an asshole or not. Oh sure, you and approximately 700 million people on the planet born in that month span are having the exact same fuckin' day as you are. Seems totally legit.
Quit whining about getting game requests. If you spent a fraction of the time you waste bitching about game requests and learned how to use Facebook, we would all be better off. I have thousands of 'friends' and get zero game requests. Why? BECAUSE I LEARNED HOW TO USE FACEBOOK!
I get it if you are fat fingered like me trying to use the teeny tiny phone keyboard. However, if you are using a full sized keyboard, there is no excuse for typing ' r u thr?' And stop bitching about grammar Nazis, just stop. How about you stop contributing to the dumbing down of an entire generation who will never even learn to sign their own name?
And another thing... for the love of God and all things holy....resist the urge to blindly share every fucking post you see.
Betty White is NOT dead. The Germans did NOT just invaded Poland. For fuck sake, get the fuck off facebook, wander into CNN every once in a while or at the very least, pick up a fuckin' book!
