Thursday, July 31, 2003

My Day Off To-Do List

Spent my day off fixing the BBQ and my son�s bike, cleaning the house and painting my nails.

The BBQ was a nightmare. I had to replace the burner in it, and considering that it is over 5 years old, you can imagine how hard it was to take it apart. There was a lot of grunting and groaning going on, and not in a good way. I finally had to resort to brute force and got out the bolt cutters. (yes, I have bolt cutters URGH URGH URGH)

It was probably the most grunting and groaning the neighbors have heard from my house since I moved here. Years ago I used to be all about that, along with drinking and partying, but I just don�t have the bone structure for it anymore. Finally, success. Fired 'er up and slapped on a $10 T-Bone, some roasted potatoes and fresh baked rolls. MMMMMM getting hungry just from the memory.

After I beat the BBQ into submission, I tackled the bike. Who knew that changing a tube would cause so much drama. I quit a couple of times after I found my self cursing at this inanimate object like it was putting up a fight or something. I almost grounded it at one point. I had to walk away. I was so mad at one point I was actually driven to start cleaning my room. If you knew me you would be concerned for my mental health. I snapped out of it so don�t worry. Around midnight I decided to harass all the people that don�t have Wednesday�s off at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� which reminds me. I have to tell you about the winner of the �Dumb As A Post� award from last night.

Welcome to the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. My name is blah blah blah.

After explaining to this crayon that his Product Y (which he had installed in the computer but didn�t have the physical copy of) was obsolete he proceeded to tell me that I should send him another copy for free.

�Sure, no problem, why don�t I send you a new computer while I�m at it?� I really thought he was kidding.

�You don�t have to get snotty with me, You say the product is obsolete and you don�t sell it anymore, I want you to send me one of the hundred thousand copies you got laying around in your desk.�

Shit, he�s serious. �Sorry sir, we really don�t have any copies of Product Y.� We are a call center you idiot. We don�t work out of the wharehouse.

�I know you have it�.let me speak to your supervisor...NO, I want to speak to the man in charge. Put me through to Bill.� People think we all sit at Bill�s house and take calls. More than one person has asked to speak to Bill. Oh ya, we are just chillin� at Bill�s. Between calls we clean the pool.

�I can�t do that sir, you can talk to my supervisor.�

�I don�t want to talk to the supervisor, I want to know why this product is obsolete, how can it be, I still use it?�

I explain the lifecycle of software.

�That�s crazy, if it still works how can it be obsolete?�

�Well sir, just because, theoretically, you could use a rotary phone, good luck finding one for sale in a store.�

�This conversation is going nowhere. Just send me the God damned copy.�
He is screaming.

�Ok sir, what is your email address?� �There, I�ll hit send.�

He is screaming incoherently.


I love my job

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Lord Stanley's Cup

My son went to see the Stanley Cup today. He and his BigBrother. I can't say much for their photography skills as you can see by the pictures of the back of Colin White's head.

They were so hokey that they took pictures of the license plate of Colin White's car as they followed him to the event.You might be a redneck.

I think the Stanley Cup has been here 4 times. So, for most people, it's getting old.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

Listen up people!

Since I started tracking search keywords for this site, (in fact this was the very first one) Google Search: starchoice hack the combination of starchoice and hack have been used 375 times. Those two words are the top hit getters.

For anyone who reaches this site now after searching for starchoice hack, let me just clear it up. There is no way on God's green earth to hack starchoice. Give it up. It's just not doable.

There, that should get me a couple hundred more hits.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Just Shoot Me.

Haven�t blogged for a while cuz I am just that pissed off. I am so far in debt that it isn�t even funny. I get paid on Thursday and by Saturday I am broke. Those 4 months that I was off work screwed me. Just trying to catch up.

And to make matters worse, my dish is down. So now I am forced to watch BB4 live feeds and nothing else. I so wish that I could see it tonight, just to see the look on the Three Stooge�s faces when they see that they really are stooges to think they were the �Dream Team�. Hopefully the dish will be back up by Monday, I was actually forced to read yesterday. Can you imagine? I never realized how much tv I actually watched till it was gone.

Things at work are going well. I actually had a woman scream at me because I was trying to talk her out of paying $35 to have a tech show her how to set up a template to print avery labels. I kept asking her to read the instructions that came with it, she wouldn't even look inside the package. The instructions in those things are so simple, a brain dead monkey could do it.


What I wanted to say. Look idiot. If you just take the fucking stick out of your ass for a second and listen I am trying to save you from paying $35 and most likely being ridiculed by the techs for having shit for brains.

What I said. �Ok, Dorothy, What credit card would you like to use today?�

She was freaking. So I guess she had more money than brains. So I put her through. I only hope that in the end she realizes that she just paid to have someone show her something a child could do.

RTFMS! Read The Fuckin� Manual Stupid. Words to live by.

Monday, July 14, 2003

More memories.

My brother sent me some more pictures he developed from a bunch of old negatives I sent him.

This is from a highschool prom. Although I don't think Kim and I were even in highschool. But our dates were. I can't believe I was ever this young.

Doug, Kim, Me, Rabbit

I remember that prom. We got to the school and Rabbit went to the bathroom and downed a quart of rum. I never saw him all night. I got one of my friends to get him out of the bathroom and into the back of the car. We went to a restaurant and then to a party at the beach. He never regained consciousness that night. But I had a ball. Every so often I would send someone to go and check if he was still breathing. Hey, I wasn�t totally heartless. I made sure the liquor pig survived the night And I deposited him on his doorstep at dawn the next morning. His mother was real impressed. We could have kept him with us until he sobered up but we figured this would be much funnier. Oh and we were nice enough to remove his nice new suit. You know, in case it got wrinkled.

This is even farther back. My father and I tending the chickens. That's me, with a bottle of Pepsi and my finger up my nose.

Saturday, July 12, 2003

Help has arrived.

A new show for all the geek fashion victims. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Finally a show that's time has come.

Thursday, July 10, 2003

It�s a small world.

Another day off, another chance to change the fingernails.

I really need to get a life.

Just in case you are interested, these are flags from different countries. There are no real personal preferences, they were just chosen for the ease factor.

This one was hard.

I just noticed that my blog hits have just gone over 10,000. Too bad that most of that is just me hitting the site to check to see if I have any comments. (and most of the time I am disappointed)

And another thing...

Just wanted to record one of the calls I got the other night. This one almost made me cry. It was 42 minutes long.

�Welcome to the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�my name is ...blah blah blah.�

Ok, this guy calls up, very upset. He has spent all day going back and forth from the store to home with his brand new computer. Every time he tries to install something, the key doesn�t work and he has to take it back to the store. He is very frustrated at this point (and so is the store for that matter) finally he decides to call me.

Ok, sir I can generate a key for you. He tells me it is Product A. He gives me the key that he is trying to use. We try 3 different keys. Nothing worked.

�Can you read to me everything on the disk, maybe we aren�t trying the right version.� Not only is it the wrong version, but the wrong product. Its Product B.

Three more keys later, and I am at my wits end. �I can�t understand this, sir, when it is asking for the key. Read to me everything it says on the screen. �

�Invalid product key�

�That�s all it says?�

�Well no, it says Thank you for purchasing Product C, please enter valid product key.�
(not product A or B, but C)

At this point I wanted to scream. One minute later he had a key for the right product and he was on his way. They don�t pay me enough I don�t think.

NOTE: If you are going to spend more than a thousand dollars for something, please throw in an extra 50 bucks and take a beginners computer course.

Society (and I) will thank you for it.

Saturday, July 5, 2003

Just another Saturday?

Last night at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� was very slow, due to the holiday in the States. I took about 15 calls all night long. Usually this means that we can put in for early release. But our sister site in the States was off for the holiday so we had to remain open. Sucks to be us.

Today, however, is my day off. I figured it would be uneventful since my son is gone with his BigBrother. So I settle on the Chesterfield for a relaxing day of watching tv.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?

This is the view from my window.

Let�s get a little closer shall we?

So, all in all, a great way to spend a day off.

Thursday, July 3, 2003

I got more time than brains.

The only way for me to grow my nails is to paint them. If I don't, I bite them. I grew very bored, very quickly with the whole pink and red thing. So I began doing designs on them.

Here's the problem. I work with a lot more people than I used to and people are noticing the nails, so now I think they are beginning to expect it. Only problem is I am running out of ideas.

This one is for the Fourth of July.

I am not even sure if you can really see this that well (I suck at taking pictures).

I wish I could figure out what setting to push on this fucking digital camera so I can take decent pictures up close but for some reason they are all grainy. I will figure something out and post the pictures on here. Here are some of the designs I have tried.

- every nail a different (crayola) color with eyeballs glued to them. (the kind that move, always a crowd pleaser)
- jewels and stickers of every shape and form.
- stripes (in every direction and of every size)
- gold and silver leaf
- gold and silver beads
- charms
- stars and stripes (see above)
- stripes and jewels (I got bored)
- every crazy combination of french manicure (ie: black with silver tips)

If anyone has a suggestion for anthing else, please let me know. Bear in mind that I can't draw to save my life.

Oh, here is one more pic that I found.

Wednesday, July 2, 2003

Clean the shit out of your ears!

"Welcome to the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, my name is Evel, may I have your name please?"

�Blah Blah Blah�

�I�m sorry, I didn�t catch that?�


(Is this guy for real? This is all I need, a fucking prank caller.)

Irritated now�..�Could you spell that for me?�

B-O-B - L-E B-L-A-N-C, just like it sounds, Blah Blah Blah!

Tuesday, July 1, 2003

In honor of Canada Day, I post this link

And you can have a look at the original Molson Canadian Commercial here.

Just a little history for all you Yanks out there.

Canada Day marks the unification of four British colonies on July 1, 1867. A single piece of legislation, known as the British North America (BNA) Act, joined the present-day provinces of Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia together as one nation.

The BNA Act proclaimed "one Dominion under the name of Canada," which is why the original name of our national holiday was called "Dominion Day."

Since confederation, six more provinces and three territories were joined under the Act. In 1982, the Act was amended to include the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, and to augment Canada's status from a simple 'dominion' of the British realm to that of a fully autonomous nation within its own right.

The Act was then renamed the Constitution Act, and Dominion Day was renamed Canada Day.

The first Dominion/Canada Day was celebrated publicly at Queen's Park in Toronto on July 1, 1875. Canada Day is always observed on July 1, unless that date falls on a Sunday, in which case it is observed the following day.

I will be working at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. The good news is, its double time and a half. WOO HOO!

Happy Canada Day!