Wednesday, May 19, 2010

It's Official

Went to see two of my doctors today. My regular GP and the heart specialist.

Kinda pissed I even have to bother with the HS, since I could’nt even get in to see him til long after my heart issues we not issues.

I was (covertly at first) vaping in the GP’s waiting room. When no-one said anything, I got bolder and took a long hard haul on it. Finally one of the old girls gave me the stink-eye. Once I told her it was not a cigarette, she was all a hundred questions. I gave her my card so her husband could call me. She though that since he is a 50 year smoker it probably wouldn’t work for him. That was until I told her I had been a smoker for 35 years.

(Any Whoo)

I wish I had had my camera ready for when I took the first drag to show my doctors how it worked. When I let out that huge plume of smoke…it was priceless.

My GP (who knows me best) was really behind me on this. She thinks its great, and my blood pressure was 120/87. That is as close to perfect as I have ever been in my life. I got a round of applause from her. “Just looking at you, I can tell you feel better. Cuz you look better.”

The HP is totally taking credit for me quitting smoking, “So would you say it is because of our discussion that you quit?”

What? Does he get a kickback or something? I say (with sarcasm), “Oh ya, it was all you dude.” …wait three beats…“Oh, and this.” And I whip out the e-cig. LOL, men.

Both my doctors were impressed, although the HP is a nazi and questioned me on when I was going to stop vaping as well. Fuck off, one vise at a time please. Lets get the fat chick dealt with before you have me running track.

So I am getting up to leave the HP and he is routing around in his desk and comes up with a sticker and puts it on my file. “What is that?”

“Oh, it just identifies you as a non-smoker.”

"FUCK ....OFF!" He is startled.

“Wow…I haven’t been that since I was eleven. “

"Did you want one?" and he hands me a sticker for my e-cig case.

So, now I want to see you VIP’ing. Send me a pic.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I have seriously done it now.

I woke up this morning and started the shower,did my 'business' and jumped in. (I know, TMI, but it is relevant to the story)

I get out of the shower, dry off and flush the toilet. (see? makes sense) As the toilet is flushing I reach above it to get the deodorant off the shelf and promptly drop it. Into the flushing toilet.

HOLY SHIT! There was literally no time to try and grab it before it went down with the rest of the water. FUCK!

Okay, so now I have flushed it. But have I? Did it go down? I flush again...asked and answered. It must be stuck in the trap, the water is rising dangerously close to the top of the bowl. How the fuck can I stop the water now? I tear the top of the tank off and grab the float.

Water stopped...for now, but I clearly can't stand here all day. I am trying to figure out what to do next when I see the water slowly receding. Thank God for small blessings. I have to reach behind the tank and shut the water off.

I couldn't deal with it then and there because I had to take off and go visit my mother. (It is mothers' day after all)So I call my landlord from the road. He will go have a look

Good news bad news. Good news, he is going to replace the toilet, it was old and a water hog anyway. Bad news, it won't be til tomorrow.

To top it all off, I seem to have forgotten to get my Depo-Provera shot. And what reminded me, you might ask? Aunt Flo came to call.

So there it is. I just can't win. Happy Mother's Day to me. (BTW, it is 5:22pm now and I have not even heard from The Boy)