Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Finally back to 5-1 peeps!

For those in the not-know, that means 5pm to 1am. That also means weekends off.

The night shift is more laid-back, however, all the crayons come out at night.

Take last night for instance. I got a frantic man who was ready to kill his friend for 'messing up' his computer. He was considering throwing the thing out and buying another one. He was flipping out. He has left a message on his friends machine telling him that he is going to kill him and that this is the last straw, he is a total moron and he is never speaking to him again. This goes on for about ten minutes before he even gets to what is wrong.

"Ok, let's take a breath, it may not be as bad as all that."
It rarely is. "Describe to me what the computer is doing."

"Ok, I went out and paid three hundred dollars for this upgrade software and my friend put it in."

"Uh, huh, so far so good."

"Ya, well, he has totally fucked it, will I have to throw it out and buy another computer?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. What is the problem?"

"Well, for days now there has been a blue star in the task bar that says this software must be activated!" Are you fucking kidding me? "He ruined it, that asshole, he didn't install it right and now it is not activated." I don't think he even knows what that means. No, scratch that, I am positive he has no idea what that means.

"So, what happens when you click on the star?"

"Huh?" I kid you not. I couldn't possibly make this shit up.

"When you click on that star, what happens?"

"Uh, you want me to click on it?" That would be helpful, you fucking idiot!

"Let's try it shall we?"

"Ok, here goes. It says 'this software must be activated, do you want to activate now?"


"And what?"
Kill me now!

"Do you want to activate now?"

"I don't know, do I?"
How do these people make it across the street without becoming a grease spot? The 'friend' must be an absolute saint for putting up with this crayon. He will be so relieved to find out that he no longer has to deal with him. Christmas came early.

"Let's give it a shot." I almost add 'just for shits and giggles'.

"Says I can activate by phone or over the internet. I am already on the phone." Good, means he at least has self awareness, we are making progress

"Let's choose internet anyway."

"Says, activation successful."

"Ok, then. I will close this case as resolved."

"Is that it?"

"Pretty much."

"Are you kidding?" Are you?

"Nope, all software has to be activated, not a big deal."

Silence. I know he is trying to figure out how to take back that answering machine messege.

"Shit!" Ya, now his brain catches up with his mouth.

"Thanks for calling, you have a nice day."

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Annual Christmas Wing Night!

Scheduled for December 15th.

No I am not tearing the wings off angels and eating them.

One of my oldest friends and I started a tradition many moons ago. For her birthday, which is the end of November, we do a wing night. She loves my wings, they are one of the few things I can actually cook without poisoning people (I have no idea why). The tradition includes an evening of decorating the Christmas tree (if I haven't already done so), gorging on wings and watching Christmas Movies (the cheesier the better).

Every year we try and add a new movie if there is a decent one out there, but we usually end up watching the same ones. It's a Wonderful Life, Santa Clause and Scrooged. So this year I decided to try and find a new one to throw into the mix.

I am told this is a list of every Christmas movie ever made. I am not sure about some of the movies listed. The Godfather? A Christmas movie? I have linked to the full list but I will be deleting the ones not truly Christmas movies. I have left the ones with 'Christmas' in the title, unless the plot has little to do with the season. I am also deleting the ones that were filmed before my mother was born, that's a little too retro, even for me.

How many have you seen? Can you recommend a favorite that is off the beaten path, but you feel I should see?

All I Want for Christmas (1991)
American Christmas Carol, An (TV) (1979)
Babes in Toyland (1934)(1961)(1986)
Bad Santa (2003) This was one of the worst movies I have ever had to sit through.
Bells of St. Mary's, The (1945) Oh, I had forgotten about this one, I love Bing.
Best Christmas Pageant Ever (1983) (TV)
Beyond Tomorrow (1940)
Bishop's Wife, The (1947)
Blackadder's Christmas Carol (1988) (TV)
Bush Christmas (1947)(1983)
Captain's Christmas, The (1938)
Carol for Another Christmas (1964) (TV)
A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
Christmas Box, The (1995) (TV)
Christmas Carol, A (1917) (1938) (1951) (1954) (1972) (1984) (1995) I have seen pretty much every version even the Muppets.
Christmas carol The Musical, A (2004) (TV)
Christmas Comes to Willow Creek (1987) (TV)
Christmas Comes but Once a Year (1936)
Christmas Eve (1947)(1986)
Christmas Gift, The (1986) (TV)
Christmas Holiday (1944)
Christmas in Connecticut (1945)(1992)I love this one, I have seen both versions.
Christmas in July (1940)
Christmas Kid, The (1967)
Christmas Lilies of the Field (1979) (TV)
Christmas Miracle in Caulfield, U.S.A. (1977) (TV)
Christmas Mountain (1980)
Christmas on Division Street (1991) (TV)
Christmas Romance, A (1994) (TV)
Christmas Stallion, The (1992) (TV)
Christmas Star, The (1986) (TV)
Christmas Story, A (1983) Who hasn't?
Christmas That Almost Wasn't, The (1966)
Christmas to Remember, A (1978) (TV)
Christmas Toy, The (1990) (TV)
Christmas Tree, The (1969)
Christmas Vacation '91 (1992)
Christmas Visitor, The (1987) (TV)
Christmas Wife, The (1988) (TV)
Christmas Without Snow, A (1980) (TV)
Christmas With the Kranks (2004)I haven't actually seen this one yet, but I plan to.
Die Hard (1988)I leave this one, only because I love it. I don't think my friend will go for it though.
Don't Open Till Christmas (1985) This is a slasher film. WTF?
Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)(2000)
Dream for Christmas, A (1973) (TV)
Ebbie (1995) (TV) Surprisingly good for Lucci.
Elf (2003) Funny.
Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas (1977) (TV)
Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)
Frosty the Snowman (1969) (TV)
Fourth Wise Man, The (1985) (TV)
Gathering, Part II, The (1979) (TV)
Gathering, The (1977) (TV)
Gift of Love: A Christmas Story, The (1983) (TV)
Guess Who's Coming for Christmas? (1990) (TV)
Hobo's Christmas, A (1987) (TV)
Holiday Affair (1949)
Holiday Inn (1942)
Holly and the Ivy, The (1952)
Home Alone (1990)
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Home Alone 3 (1997)

Home for Christmas (1949)
Home for the Holidays (1972) (TV) Another slasher film, this is getting creepy.
Homecoming - A Christmas Story, The (1971) (TV) Gotta love the Waltons.
House Without a Christmas Tree, The (1972) (TV) Jason Robards is the Christmas movie go-to guy. He is in more than a few of these listed.
I'll Be Home for Christmas (1988) (TV)
I'll Be Seeing You (1944)
It Came Upon the Midnight Clear (1984) (TV)
It Happened One Christmas (1977) (TV) Reworking of the 1947 classic "It's A Wonderful Life"
It Nearly Wasn't Christmas (1989) (TV)
It's A Wonderful Life (1946)
Jingle All the Way (1996)
Kid Who Loved Christmas, The (1990) (TV)
Life & Adventures of Santa Claus, The (1985) (TV)
The Little Drummer Boy Book II (1976) (TV)
The Little Drummer Boy (1968) (TV)
Man in the Santa Claus Suit, The (1978) (TV)
Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence (1983) David Bowie as a POW, how do these things make these lists? Just because of the name?
Mickey's Christmas Carol (1984)
Midnight Clear, A (1991)
Miracle on 34th Street (1947)(1973)(1994)
Mixed Nuts (1994)
Mom for Christmas, A (1990) (TV)
Mr. Krueger's Christmas (1980) (TV)
Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol (1962)
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey Nestor (1977) (TV)
The Night Before Christmas(1994)
Night They Saved Christmas, The (1984) (TV)
Nightmare Before Christmas, The (1993)
Nutcracker (1982)(1993)
Nutcracker, The Motion Picture (1986)
One Christmas (1994) (TV)
One Magic Christmas (1985)
La Pastorela (1991) (TV)
Pinocchio's Christmas (1980) (TV)
Pluto's Christmas Tree (1952)
Polar Express, The (2004)
Prancer (1989)
Prancer Returns (1998)
Pups' Christmas, The (1936)
The Ref (1994)
Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964) (TV)
Santa Claus (1959)
Santa Claus, The Movie (1985)
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (1970) (TV)
Santa Clause, The (1994)
Santa Clause 2, The (2002)
Scrooge (1935)(1951)(1970) I watch this in any version.
Scrooged (1988) One of the favorites.
Shanty Where Santa Claus Lives, The (1933)
Smoky Mountain Christmas, A (1986) (TV) Dolly is Christmas.
The Snowman (1982)
Story of the First Christmas Snow, The (1975) (TV)
Sunshine Christmas (1977) (TV)
To Grandmother's House We Go (1992) (TV)
Very Brady Christmas, A (1988) (TV)
White Christmas (1954) Never miss it.
Year Without a Santa Claus, The (1974) (TV)
Yes Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus (1991) (TV)
Young Pioneers' Christmas (1976) (TV)
I have to admit, I had to google a lot of these films (you know, to jog my memory). Some of them them, I have earmarked to see in the future, but some are down-right depressing. I wonder how so many slasher films made the cut?

And even though the site says this is 'Every' Christmas Movie Ever Made, I think it is missing some. Any suggestions?

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Long may she reign.

We had our first really cold night last night here in Nova Scotia. It wasn't so much that it was colder but the winds were high, so it was coming in through every crack of this old house.

I came home from work last night and the boy was holed-up in his room, the rest of the house was freezing. It was the teeth-chattering, bone-chilling type of cold. The heat was on, but I had just one problem ... procrastination. (Procrastination is a country to which I am their Queen)

You see, no amount of heat blasting through the vents could compensate for the freezing winds coming from in and around (don't laugh) the air conditioner.

I know, your supposed to take those suckers out of the window for the winter but, as I stated earlier, I was busy with the duties of the Monarchy.

So now I am sitting in a walk-in freezer. What to do? I can't take it out of the window now, it's too cold. Mind you, had I decided to go this route, I would have been warm in under an hour. Fearing a coup d'├ętat from my loyal subjects, I soldier on.

I dig out an old electric blanket someone gave me years ago. (It was so much bigger when I wasn't such a fat chick.) More trouble than it was worth. I refuse to abdicate, on to plan B.

Back when I was living in the camper, I had a portable heater. I dig that out and sit for another hour at the computer with one side of my body freezing and the other getting a heat rash. Not good for the royal Christmas card photos.

Finally I crack. I grab my trusty staple gun (I love that thing) and dig out an area rug that I had bought for the bathroom. It was not pretty but ten seconds later the winter was blocked out. However, by that time I was exhausted and went to bed anyway.

So today, its beautiful outside. The question is: Will I take this opportunity to pack up the air conditioner?

Long live the Queen.

Friday, November 24, 2006


I am finally completely free of the boy. On my computer at least.

Merry Christmas! The boy is now set up with everything essential. The accessories are not very pretty, but he has what he needs. Even internet.

We thought it might take a bit for me to get the wireless router, but the boy found old cable from years ago and he hardwired the internet. The geek doesn't fall far from the exponential tree.

Now for Xmas I can get the little things to wrap under the tree. But if he knows what it is, he will torture me endlessly ask me once, and I will give it to him.

It has always been that way. I am still a kid, and I still get a bigger thrill opening the presents before Christmas. It's like your getting away with something, then you think...Hey! I'm in charge here!

Jesus! Who put me in charge?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Almost half and half.

You Are 40% Left Brained, 60% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Close, except for the dogs and sports.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Like a scene from Home Alone.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Tech Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

I get no response, but I hear people in the background. Not unusual since a lot of people put the phone down when they are on hold for a long time. So, we wait.

The voices are raised, two, possibly three people. They are having an argument.

WOMAN "You have GOT to calm down! Screaming at them is not going to get you anywhere!"

MAN: "I will scream if I want, this fucking piece of shit! They deserve everything they are going to fucking get!"

Holy Shit! I am in for it now. It goes on and the woman is trying to calm the man down. I am debating whether I just hang the phone up or call to them and let them know I am there.

Fuck that! I am in the mood for an asshole with an attitude.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

I hear rustling, someone is picking up the phone.

"Oh! Wait! Wait! I am so sorry!" She is hurried, like she thinks she may have missed me. "This is Shirley, I am here." The sweetest, gentlest, little southern accent you have ever heard. "Just let me turn the TV down. It was keeping me company while I waited."

Relief washes over me."Oh Shirley, you don't know how good it is to hear your voice. All I could hear is the TV."

She realizes the scene she had been watching, "Oh, my land, was there lots of 'F' words, I am so sorry."

"No worries, Shirley. I am just relieved the guy from the TV didn't pick up the phone."

We laughed like idiots.

Sunday, November 19, 2006 live in Nova Scotia.

Sent to me in an email.(not to be confused with You Might Be a Redneck)

If your local Motels are closed from September through May, you live in Nova Scotia.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Nova Scotia.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Nova Scotia.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Nova Scotia.

You know you're a Nova Scotian when: "Vacation" means going any where beyond Digby for the weekend.

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Nova Scotia. . . well, of course!

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Nova Scotia

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in Nova Scotia

If you can drive 100 km/h through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Nova Scotia

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave them both unlocked, you live in Nova Scotia

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife/daughter knows how to use them, you live in Nova Scotia

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Nova Scotia

If the speed limit on the highway is 100 km/h and you're going 110 km/h and everybody is passing you, you live in Nova Scotia

The driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow... you live in Nova Scotia

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Nova Scotia

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Nova Scotia

If you find 0 degrees "a little chilly.", you live in Nova Scotia

If you actually understand these jokes....You are true a Nova Scotia citizen!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Work in Progress

Template Experiment #1.

Getting bored with the blog layout and have 2 days off.

As long as the computer does not crap out on me, I will be working on some different templates. And for the love of God, if you know where I can get a decent template, please share.

What do you think of this one?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Jesus could have, just as easily, been a Scorpio.

I am this close to getting our new computers up and running.

I promised the boy a new computer for Christmas. Mind you, we are true kids and we fly in the face of tradition.

That said, as soon as I have all the parts together (which should be this Sunday), it's Christmas.

Ya, ya, ya...I know, but they can't decide when Jesus was actually born, so who's to say it wasn't 2006 years ago this weekend?

Saturday, November 11, 2006


Take the time to share a smile and a nod with a veteran today.

Be thankful, and remember.

Friday, November 10, 2006


- Telling a wasp/hornet/bumble bee to fuck off does not dissuade them from stinging you. Somehow, they just don't give a shit or they simply refuse to learn English. I say if they are going to live in this country, they should learn the language.
- Sometimes 'E' actually means empty.
- The second you loan your bootable xp disk to someone, you will get a blue screen of death.
- Subsequently, when you get the blue screen of death, your geek will be out of town.
- Seconds after you make the decision to finally backup, your hard drive will fail!
- Seagulls will fly 60 miles inland for MacDonald's french fries.
- No good deed goes unpunished.
- Mac people have a superiority complex and a false sense of security.
- Old boyfriends never die, they just pop out of nowhere when you have a booger hanging from your nose.
- Ok, a couple of mine did die, but I am pretty sure I had nothing to do with it.
- It really is all about me.
- Best way to a man's heart? Straight through the sternum.
- Cats will eat your face when you are dead.
- Every time you call tech support, a kitten dies.
- I hate the fact that you people don't salute me.
- Farting in a hot shower won't necessarily kill you. It will, however, make you wish you were dead.

And I am pretty sure the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

A little something for the Grog-meister.

You know, so I can keep up with Homer.

Monday, November 6, 2006

Hold the pickle.

Today was my worst day in tech support.

Today, I couldn't fix a sandwich.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

In keeping with tradition.

We got the first snow of the season tonight. It wasn't enough to take a picture of, but it was still the first snow, and must be celebrated.

Tradition dictates that we must feast. And everyone knows the traditional feast for the first snow is ...

Pizza, of course.

Friday, November 3, 2006

Someone remembered my birthday!

Recieved this in an email this morning.

She is just so thoughtful.

Too fuckin' funny! In any language.

Indian Thriller: Is it just me or does it seem like the 'star' is having a seisure?

Turkish Star Trek : Discribed as having the 'gayest' Captain Kirk ever.

And this one freaks me the fuck out!!!

I am not sure if it is the dancing or the fact that he smokes and talks like a chipmunk.