Friday, February 19, 2021

That's cold, IKE....COLD!

Discussing spiders with IKE.

Has a spider in a web.
It died even though he was feeding it.
Named it Fred.

ME: What were you feeding it?
IKE: flies
ME: Live flies?
IKE: No, dead 
ME: How did you kill the fly?
IKE: Raid

He poisoned the fuckin' spider.

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Thoughts and prayers, people. Thoughts and prayers.

Next week, my buddy Mike, is having surgery to repair his rotator cuff. Among the hoops he must jump through to prep for said surgery is a conversation with the anesthesiologist.


After registration and various stops for ECG, vitals check and blood work, Mike makes his way down into the bowels of the Aberdeen Hospital. Not far  from, as luck would have it and most likely for convenience sake, the morgue.

He is ushered into a small nondescript exam room by the 40ish (slightly cranky) doctor. The requite niceties were dispatched and the interview commenced.

"So, you are having an operation on your right arm?'" 

Mike's heart skips a beat. "! My left arm." This is where the doctor decides to check the chart.Luckily, this person will not be in charge of that portion of the program. I did suggest, however, that he take a sharpie (pre-op) and write THIS ONE! on his left shoulder.

Moving along he is answering numerous questions, allergies, medications he is taking, etcetera, etcetera and then the doctor inevitably  rounds third with this...Wait for it.

"Do you smoke?"
"No, but I vape." Mike proudly proclaims his non-smoking status.
To which the doctor replies, in a 'moving right along' sort of tone, "Same thing."

Taken aback a little, Mike replies. "Well, actually it isn't. I am not getting all those chemicals...." At which time the doctor cut him off and dismissively continues his 'tick the box' questionnaire.

Let's just take a moment for that to sink in.

Mike is about to go under the knife and this fool is filling out the questionnaire on his own. Why are you even asking if you are not willing to accept the answers given?

I am going to assume that this particular doctor didn't just step off the boat from medical school and hit the ground running. I am also going to assume he is at least literate but I really want to check the published date of his reference books. As well as check his actual diploma.

Fuck that point I would have settled for a drivers license although the 'written' test for that is multiple choice.

I do not pretend to comprehend what is actually involved with the intricate calculation of the concoction that will ultimately be injected into the trusting and unsuspecting, Mike, but ...(I should note that Mike is actually standing here while I write this so he is neither trusting nor unsuspecting and the current time)...I'm thinking the correct information might prove to be invaluable in the determination of the correct dosage.

But that's just me, right?

Please keep Mike in your thoughts and prayers. Thankfully its not brain surgery so we have a decent expectation that he will pull through.

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Communing with wildlife.

So, I have been having issues with rodents in my home. Last week one of my usually useless cats had a rat cornered in the storage room. After the initial blood curdling screaming from what I assumed was the rat, all was silent for an hour or so. I figured I would go check to see how much of the carcass I would have to dispose of so I drew back the curtain, the cat looked at me and walked away. The rat proceeds to leisurely stroll out from under the dryer and he was on his way.

Did I mention the cats are useless?

In another area of the house I periodically see a small mouse scurrying under the fridge. If I forget to put the top on the butter he usually has time to eat half of it before I catch him. I know what you are thinking...and I have traps, the mouse ignores them like that cats ignore the mouse.

So, this night I made a fruit salad with yogurt and there was one strawberry that was bad so I just tossed it in the sink, I will get to that later. Later came and I was clearing a plate with a fork from the desk and as I approached the sink there he was. The mouse? Rat? Hard to say if it was a small rat or a big fat mouse. Probably from all the butter he was consuming. Anyway...he was fat.

So, as I stand there with a fork in my hand he looks up from the strawberry he was eating and I have clearly startled him. However, startled skinny mouse moves differently than startled fat ass mouse. He looks at me as if to say, "That's just great" drops the strawberry and proceeds to do his version of scurry. 

A couple of jump attempts to get out of the sink behind the taps, then a leisurely waddle past the canisters. I know where he is going, I have seen him jump behind the fridge a few times so I have placed a mouse trap behind the toaster oven for just such an occasion. (It does not dawn on me that he had to have come up the same way and he was clearly able to avoid the trap) As he makes his way, the magic bullet is his last obstacle before he is home free.

He leaps once....falls back, jumps again....falls again on his fat ass. Meanwhile, I am standing there with fork in hand thinking....."Go!, get your fat ass over that thing and jump down onto the trap...fucker!"  As he jumps for the forth time he looks back at me as if to say "A little help here?" And what do I do? I take the fork and boost him up and over the magic bullet. I quickly move to the other side of the toaster oven expecting to hear the SNAP of the trap and the screams of agony. 

Not happening, a second later he is scurrying out from behind the toaster oven and gives me a glance before disappearing behind the fridge. "Thanks, mate!"

So now we have bonded.

This was not a few seconds of action. This mouse was fat, really fat. He was moving so slow I probably could have picked him up. This whole thing took more than a minute to play out. Now I am standing here like an idiot wondering why I didn't just stab the fucker with the fork.

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Legal but still not legal.

So, as of October 17th, pot is legal in Canada. That being said, this does not mean everyone can SELL pot in Canada.

Here in Nova Scotia, the Liquor Commission (Government entity) is the only place you can get legal marijuana. Medical marijuana is and has been only legal to purchase online with prescription.

Medical marijuana dispensaries have been around for a couple years, albeit, illegally. Every now and then, over these last years, dispensaries have been raided, shut down and then opened back up. I figure they must have been making a fortune if they could do that on a regular basis considering they had all their product and cash seized. 

They get their asses on tv saying 'what will my poor patients do?' They will do what they are supposed to do and get it from licensed dispensaries online. There is literally nothing stopping them from getting it legitimately.

So, Wednesday rolls around and the first customers through the door are asking what strains of 'bud' I have. Really? 'But it's legal' is beer but I can't sell that either. Get your head on straight.

You paid for that.

My friend walked into the shop the other day with new microbladed eyebrows.

If you don't know what that is, basically, tattooed eyebrows. 
They were too dark and way too perfect. I tried, unsuccessfully, to avert my eyes but all I could think of was 'Angry Bird'. And me, being the asshole that I am, could not contain myself and told her so.

She eventually had to leave the shop because every time her eyebrows moved I lost my shit and could not control my laughter.

This shit costs upwards of $300, and she has to live with it.(and me)

People, a tattoo is a tattoo. Not on the face, never on the face.

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Your customer’s safety IS your concern.

First of all, this is my opinion. If you don't agree, I do not give one fuck. I am seeing this way too often.

Customer comes into the shop with a mechanical mod. Right away I see he has an RDA on it and he is asking about premade coils.

At this point I start questioning him.

What build do you have on it now? He just pops the cap off and shows me.
What ohms are the coils? "24 guage", he says. He has no idea what I am asking, someone at the 'other' shop built it for him.

At this point I take the mod from him. Let's see what battery he's got. I pop it out and it is pitiful. 2500 mah, 3.7v no other info on the battery and he has no idea. What catches my attention is the rips in the battery, bare steel showing. I just hang my head. "I am NOT putting that back in your mod."

Onward to the RDA. Dual coil, nicely built. He said they built it and installed if for him. Do you have an ohm meter? (blank stare, he has no idea what that is.) I put the RDA on my regulated device. The ohms are reading 0.15. Again, I hang my head.

Did they ask him what device he was firing this on? Did they ask what ohm's he prefered? Asking just one of these questions would have alerted them that this person had no idea what he was doing and needed instructions. Did they tell him what ohms the build was when they passed it back to him? I was met again with a blank stare.

"This, right here is why I do not sell mech mods", I tell him. "Do you understand that this is electricity you are dealing with?" "You know all those 'exploding' mods you see in the media? This right here, is how it is done."

I give him a battery wrap and tell him how to rewrap the battery. ( he says it is not that old) I tell him if you want to use that device it was safer to use just a regular tank with 1.8(ish) ohm coil inside. I tell him if he wants to blow clouds with a rebuildable, he needs to learn about ohm's law, coil wrapping and battery safety. Until that happens?...get a regulated mod and a subohm tank. You can blow plenty clouds and be safe doing it.

It burns me that to make a buck, a shop will sell someone a device with absolutely no instruction. Especially a mech mod. Oh its simple, who needs instructions? Mech mods and building coils need the most instruction. You have a device with absolutely no safety features with an iffy battery chemistry and ohmage that is beyond sub. You are asking that battery to push 90+ watts. Another exploding mod is just what we need with pending legislation that could regulate us right out of business.

I do sell rebuildable supplies to people who clearly know what they are doing. I do not ever build them for them. If they ask me to, that is a clear indication that they should not be using a rebuildable.

I say this every day. "It's not as easy as lightin' the end of 'er."

And another thing...

Selling a smoker/new vaper a 200 watt mod with a subohm tank on it because the only juice you sell is 3mg max VG is just ridiculous. These people are just trying to get off cigarettes, not fog a stadium.

End of Rant.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Here! Here!

"It is time we take political correctness and throw it in the garbage where it belongs and start calling a spade a spade." ~ Brigitte Gabriel (Founder and President of Act for America)

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Schizophrenia Existed before Christ.

I get that it is fashionable these days to bash Christians but you would make a better point if you found a quote from the New Testament....Christian = religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.

Jesus did not exist in the Old Testament.

Just sayin'.