Best way to get your call times up? Argue with an asshole.
"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, my name is Blah Blah Blah, may I have your name please?"
"No." Very funny.
"Can I have your name please?"
"I said no and I mean no, what do you need that for?" Ok, I am too tired and cranky to deal with attitude.
"I don't need it, but you are not getting any farther than me without providing some information." Period.
This asshole decides to go on and on about his problem. He downloaded some "crap" off the internet and now he is having problems. I ask him what program he downloaded, he tells me (not a MS product).
"Ok, not sure why you are calling me."
"Ah...a little thing called wi.ndo.ws?"
"Did your wi.ndo.ws work before you did this?"
"Ok, still not understanding why you are calling me."
"Oh, that's a great attitude."
"Excuse me? You copped an attitude with me at the beginning of this call, now if you want to provide me with some info I can see if we can help you."
He goes off in another direction, he asks where I am located. When I tell him, Canada, he says. "Man we shouldn't have stopped at the border we should have kept on invading."
"Ya, well I think your forefathers got the hint when we burned down the white house that that might be a bad idea." This is the point where my co-workers look at me like I am nuts.
"Oh ya, well at least we stole hockey from you."
I am bored so I go with it."Good luck finding an actual Americans playing on those teams. They don't have much luck when it comes to the Olympics where they have to have actual Americans. Canadians still kick butt."
I try and get him back on track. "Why don't we get some info about your product and try and get your issue resolved? Can I have your product key?"
"Why do you need that?"
"Humor me." He gives me the key and surprise surprise, its pirated. I try and explain it to him, "So, you understand why I can't offer you assistance on that software."
"Why not?" He is not getting it.
"Because it is STOLEN." Had to dumb it down for him.
"Ok, so what if I wanted to go back to 98?"
"It is out of warranty, so it would cost you 35 bucks for support."
"What? I paid a lot of money for this and it is out of warranty? That is crap."
"And its old, software has a life span, it can't be warrantied forever."
"But I still own it, like my car, its 10 years old but I still drive it."
"I'm sure you paid a lot of money for that too, I would think you would be more upset that the warranty ran out on that." I am tired, and this guy is boring me.
"So, you are saying you won't help me."
"Not with the stolen software, go out and purchase your own, and call us back, we can help then."
"Maybe I will just go out and buy a M.ac"
"Totally up to you, but good luck finding software that isn't MS." I am done with this guy.
"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Computer Software Company�, you have a nice day."