Friday, October 28, 2005


And I am pretty sure they hire retards to deliver packages. Their HR motto? "Dude, if you have ever checked your gas level with a Bic lighter? We want you!"

On October 5th I bought a skateboard for the boy on eBay. I guess it went wrong from the beginning. The 'seller' of this item was a real tool. I checked out his other feedback and it all said fast delivery, great communication. So about a few days after my payment went through I emailed the seller for the UPS tracking number.

No response.

I emailed again, nothing. Two days later, again nothing. I was starting to get worried. Here is what I finally got out of him.

FROM ME:October 18/05 I was reading your feedback, keep seeing 'great communication' I am
starting to worry that you are not even getting these emails.

Blink once if you can see this.

TOOL SELLER: (that is to say seller who is a tool, not a seller of tools, but I digress)October 18/05 get alot of email
only answer importnat ones

That made my blood boil. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? He took the time to send a snotty reply but couldn't be bothered to copy and past the fucking tracking number.

FROM ME: October 22/05 I paid you promptly, I assume you already shipped the board. I don't see the problem with sending me a tracking number so I can find out where this item is in the world. I don't know what you constitute as important to you, but this is important to me.

FROM TOOL: not in office til monday
shipped the day of feedback

FROM ME: October 26/05 Day 20, no skateboard.

FROM TOOL: will call ups

What a fucking concept! I was thinking the same thing. SIXTEEN FUCKING DAYS AGO! You can see how he got all the 'great communication' feedback.

FROM TOOL: October 27/05

Delivered on: Oct 12, 2005
11:14 A.M.
Delivered to: NEW GLASGOW, CA
Service Type: STANDARD

Now he gets all 'I told you so' when in fact that was the whole problem. If he had just given me the tracking number that he clearly had on the 6th all would have been well with the world. As it stands now I have to tear UPS a new one.

So, since they (UPS) say they delivered a skateboard, I have to inform them that I did not receive the skateboard. I call and get a very nice girl, Allison, who informed me that, yes the driver delivered that package. I know that is what they think, but I tell her that I never received it. I know this because I never signed for it. I ask her what 'Signed by: RELEASED BY DRI' means.

"Oh, that means he left it at the door."

"Are you kidding me? What door?"

"Front door."

"Ah, Allison? Can you see the shipping instructions? What do they say, dear?"

"Name, date, oh!... upstairs rear entrance..."

"Exactly. He left it in front of the house, at noon, right next to a High School. What do you suppose happened to it?"

So now she is gathering information to file a claim. Someone will notify me. Of what? They delivered the package, it was stolen from in front of the house, of that I am certain. Hello? Free skateboard! Pick it up on your way to lunch! What else could have happened to it?

The boy is upset, but I will just have to get him another one. It's too late now for him to use it this year anyway.

All I can say is if the seller had just given me the tracking number when he had it, we could have avoided all this. Believe me, I will never buy from this guy again.


UPDATE: Just got a call from Sharon at UPS, she is sending out the driver to retrace his steps, if he doesn't find the package (which I am sure he will not) then she will contact the seller and reimburse him and then he can send me a replacement board.

I may have to revise the title of this post. Cuz right now? UPS? Sucking? Not so much.

But I am positive that the seller will pick up the slack. You know, for the lack of sucking and all.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Happy Birthday Mariea.

We won't say how old you are,

Just that you are older than me, have a good one.

White Sox Win!

Big Fuckin' Deal.

Holy shit, I am sitting here watching reaction footage to the Sox win of the world series.


They - are - jumping - up - and - down. They - are - crying - and - hugging - each - other.

WTF? Its a baseball game. They didn't find a cure for cancer. No ones life was saved, they didn't find a baby after 6 days lost in the woods.

I don't understand sports fanatics. Say it with me. It - is - a - base - ball - game.

If you haven't seen any coverage, I am not sure you can grasp the utter rediculousness of it all.
"This is unreal, this is incredible, we're blessed,'' said Bryant, as parishioners around him, who had gathered to watch the game, hugged and smiled.
Are you kidding me? Blessed?

One man who joined the throng screamed into a cell phone with tears in his eyes: "We did it! We did it! We did it!''
Ok, nuttbar? You did nothing.

"This is wonderful, it's a dream come true,'' 31-year-old Robert Cruz said as he stood with a soggy black White Sox flag slung over his shoulder. "2005 is the best year of my life!''
Ok, that is just sad. This is how you define your happiness? What happens when you cure cancer? Your gonna have to retract that statement.

Ya, I don't think we have to worry about this guy curing anything but a ham.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Random spatterings of a 40 year old brain.

On November 3rd, I turn 40.

FORTY. 4-0. Four times 10. These are random thoughts from my last week of being 39.

I am not all that sure how I feel about turning 40. On the one hand I am essentially in mid-life, my youth is over. On the other there was a lot of shit that you were expected to do when you were young that your not obligated to do now. Like go out to bars, drink, smoke dope. All of which bore the hell out of me.

When you find yourself surrounded by twenty something people day in and day out, thinking back can really be depressing in some instances but some of it can make you think 'thank God I am done with that'.

Sex for instance. Back when I was young it was still safe to have it. You couldn't talk about it, but you sure could have it. And the worst that could happen is that you got knocked up. Now-a-days you can die from it. In highschool if people knew you were having sex you were a slut, now they talk openly about it and if your not having it there is something wrong with you. I prefer the old days in that regard.

Other things you lament the dying of. Like playing outside. We actually chomped at the bit to be let outside, it was torture if we had to stay in. Rain, snow, sleet hail it didn't matter. Not much kept us in, maybe a blizzard, but we sat and watched it until it calmed down enough for us to go out.

The excitement of something new. Kids today take technology for granted. The day the cable finally made it out our way. I remember watching them string the lines and praying they would make it to our house before they stopped for the day. Up until then we had two channels. Two Canadian channels. If you don't have any inkling of how bad that is, check out the CBC schedule. Even today Canadian tv is pretty crappy with very few exceptions.

The invention of the VCR. Its amazing when you think that I am only 40 but I have lived through the entire rise and fall of a technology, namely the VCR. I remember the first BETA machine that we got, it had a remote control with a 6 foot cord. Mind you it didn't last long, the dog took a liking to it. But at the time it was state of the art.

Its not really that cool that I remember these things, only that I remember NOT having these things. Things that seem commonplace now, but some of you don't remember when they weren't so.


Post-it notes - we had to use tape, the horror.
VCR's - if you missed it the first time you were SOL.
DVD's - your movie collection took up space...lots of space.
Cell Phones - we had pay phones on every corner. Good luck finding one that even works now.
Camcorders - we had those ones that you had to turn with a crank, it took a steady hand and there was no audio
Personal Computers - the comming of these things was very exciting and I lived for the next best thing. Now it's just par for the course.
Floppy disks - before this it was 5 1/4
CD's - I used to have shelves and shelves of floppy disks. These turned out to be mostly a space saver.
Walk/Disk-man's - you wanted to listen to music, you had to stay home to do it.
Liposuction - I am still waiting on the pill though.
Madonna - I know, don't you wish you were me?
Starwars - all we had was StarTrek and we were happy to think that space was just a place for Kirk to get layed.
Microsoft - the reason Nerds are hot.
AIDS - the worst std there was were herpes or crabs.
The Internet - penpals were the best we could do.Then we got something called BBS (Bulletin Board System) it was like internet lite. Some of them could host up to 12 people at one time. WOW!
School shootings - but then again, back then your father could give you the back of his hand if you acted like an asshole. Ah, the good old days.
Email - ya, you had to write it down and stick a stamp on it.
Organ Transplants - I was in highschool when someone got an artificial heart. Now they can just clone you for spare parts.
Single Fathers - you got a girl knocked up, you married her. Then again, I never thought that was a good idea anyway.
Rap - again, bet you wish you were me and could go to 'that' happy place.
Law and Order - hard to believe, I know, but there was a time when this was not on the air in any form.
Music Videos - artist had to actually have talent, not just a six pack and a cute belly button ring.
The Price is Right - yes there was a time it did not exist. However, Bob has always been on the planet since the beginning of time. It was just the name of the show that was different. Remember Truth or Consequences? I actually preferred Let's Make A Deal, but that is because it was much more cut-throat.

Any of you old timers out there want to share your recollections?

Ignore that Flaming Red G.

I just totally screwed my internet connection without realizing it. Then I left for work. When I got home I had no internet connection and had no idea why.

The reason for the Flaming Red G?

I figured out what I did, and fixed it.

I am not an officially trained geek so the G is not huge, but G it is.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I fuckin' rock sometimes.

I painted it. It was not as hard as I thought it would be.

Sometimes I scare myself. It isn't really this shiny. It is still wet. In case anyone wants to know. I used Tremclad rust paint. I did not prime or sand it. All I did was rip off the mac-tac and paint it with a roller. Couldn't use a spray because I couldn't really move it.

And I think it looks a lot better without the fake mable mac-tac.

Oh, and ignore the thumb print on the handle. I actually painted the door shut and had to force it open. I will fix that later.

Hey, I never said I was Martha Stewart.

Ok, I might have said that once. But cut me some slack.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Draft from the past.

Thought I would share with you the comments I received on a post I made to another site. This has been sitting in draft for a while waiting for a day I couldn't think of anything to blog about. This particular post was one I put here as well on June 26th. Incidentally me in this instance is not me but a pompous windbag with a superiority complex.

Comments for: Best way to get your call times up? Argue with an asshole.

I realize customers are a big PITA, but you sound like a jerk. It's not your job to be such a smartass with people - you are paid to assist them with their problem, not give them an attitude, regardless of whether they started it. If I was your employer, you'd have been fired.
Posted by me at June 29, 2004 12:22 AM

Yeah, baby! You've got some ATTITUDE. ;)
Um...can you create a case for me, please?

Posted by m. at June 29, 2004 10:52 AM

Excuse me? But I am not paid enough to be told I am an asshole by a person who has no idea who I am. Don't fucking steal my VCR and then get attitude with me when I won't show you how to work the remote.

I don't see why I should have to show common courtesy to people with none.

How's that hearts and flowers shit working for you? I would love to see you after a ten hour shift of these idiots.

Posted by Evel at June 30, 2004 03:19 AM

I would have paid $$$ to hear that call!
But you know even if he does go buy a he's still going to call you for support. Because you are computers:)

Posted July 1, 2004 01:56 AM

And by the way....I am NOT a jerk. I am a bitch, therein lies the difference.Posted by Evel at July 1, 2004 07:01 AM

I had a customer one time who did not want to tell me his name, and we had to have it to create a ticket. In frustration he said that his name was Dick. I didn't say his name at all during the call until the end and I said "thanks for calling DICK!"
Posted by Me at July 1, 2004 10:55 PM

Fine, you're being a bitch. Regardless of how much you get paid, you're not being paid to be a bitch to the customers. And honey, I HAVE worked customer service, and I KNOW it sucks, but that is your job to take their shit. It's unfortunate, and I am not saying that person isn't an asshole, but what I AM saying is that you better watch your attitude before you're canned.
Posted by me at July 2, 2004 02:30 AM

Someone takes life waaaay too seriously. How sad.
Posted by Evel at July 2, 2004 04:56 AM

Personally I'm tickled that you're Canadian and that you remember the torching of the white house!

As far as 'me' is concerned, I personally assume that anyone posting here may actually not be posting 'real life' verbatim, but rather what they wish they either had or could have said. Why would someone read this site and assume that everyone says exactly what happens in reality? (Even if you are, Cube 420, I wouldn't assume you are)

This is a venting site. These days, the most stressful jobs around are those which require being cheerful to people (because they're customers) no matter what. Flight attendants are getting chronic fatigue syndrome from having to smile all day long - I can't recall the exact term for 'smilitis', but it's increasingly being recognized as a major organizational behavior problem in the service industry.

So why pick on people here? This is effectively a health benefit. Why not bugger off and annoy someone who's actually done something to you rather than going trolling on sites that everyone else is enjoying?

If you don't like it, don't come back... it's a simple solution to a simple problem

Posted by Maggie at July 2, 2004 07:32 AM

I wouldn't say I'm trolling because I read all the entries on a daily basis and rarely comment, and when I have, it's not been in disagreement with what was said. Obviously, this girl's posts have touched a nerve of mine, and the reason why is because I have worked in the customer service industry and I have overheard people being rude and nasty like this girl claims she is and I think it's wrong. I understand this is a place to vent, but then tell it like it is, don't pretend to be so nasty. And I wouldn't be surprised if she really is that nasty either. That's my issue. Just wanted to explain. Now I will stop posting and everyone can feel good about their attitudes again. :)
Posted by me at July 2, 2004 02:55 PM

Oh and one more thing - I take life too seriously? I'm not posting long entries all the time about how nasty I am, or wish I was, to customers. Furthermore, if you're posting in a public forum, don't expect everyone to agree with you 100% of the time. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks you have an attitude problem, I'm just the only one who said it.
Posted by me at July 2, 2004 03:00 PM

HAHAHA! Comment all you like. I personally don't have a problem with my attitude.

And for the record that is exactly what I said. Not apologizing for it. I don't care what service you are providing to a 'customer' (which incidentally is not the case here since this guy was stealing the software) it does not give them the right to treat you like a second class citizen. That guy was nasty from hello. And he got it back, in spades.

You have to be a real asshole to me to illicit that kind of response, so when you are, you get it back, its that simple. I am not arbitrarily snotty to people. That guy deserved it.

Posted by Evel at July 3, 2004 03:46 AM

Never did find our who 'me' was, he was so sure of his own self-righteousness that he remained anonymous. Most idiots do.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I'm sorry, but it's over.

"It's not you, it's me."

"Ok, I lied, it's you."

Recently I discovered that my fridge had something against milk products. I thought we could work it out, possibly seek therapy but it just refused to keep them cold.

It was in denial that it even had a problem. It thought I should be satisfied with the perfect freezer performance it was giving me. That I was being unreasonable for wanting it all. We may have been able to get past that, but then it started exhibiting some passive aggressive behavior by pissing all over the floor.

That, I'm afraid, was the last straw. It is all so sad when a relationship ends. It's the kids that suffer.

So, the fridge and I had to part ways. It just wasn't working out. I called the landlord and he says, "No problem, I will bring you a new one."

He, of course, meant new in the sense that I had never laid eyes on it before. Not that it was brand new. This is what he brings me.

And yes, that is mac-tac. (Sticky paper, or whatever you call it in your neck of the woods.) That's fake marble mac-tac. Only the best for this chick. Posh! The mac-tac is, of course, to cover most of the rust.

I did say, 'most of the rust'. He looks at me and says, "Well you can change the mac-tac." Gee, thanks.

Oh well, it does keep things cold and the boy will just have to adjust to having a new fridge in the family. The old fridge is in the barn and has visitation rights. It was the least I could do.

I plan to paint the 'new' one. I might even get the sister to paint a big sunflower on it. Could be cool.

Monday, October 17, 2005

How to embarass a 14 year old in a grocery store.

Hold up a large tube of bolonga and say,loudly, "Hey Boy! How about a big fat balogny?" Then burst into fits of laughter. (You have to say Bah Lone EE and drag it out for effect.)

The boy is not amused, "Jeez Mom, your embarassing me." Looking around to see if anyone notices that he is with me.

"What? There is nothing funnier than a big ole hunk of balogny." Grab another equally large rolled meat product. "Unless it is a big hunk of salami." I am laughing so hard I snort.

The boy walks away from me like he has no idea who that crazy lady is.

Sometimes, I just crack myself up.

Dangers of sneezing.

Sneezing is the single most dangerous thing you can do. Avoid at all cost. I sneezed last night and fortunately I live to regret it.

Oh, I was throwing up at that moment. Probably should have mentioned that.

One other pearl of wisdom before I die:

When rushing to the bathroom to talk to Ralph, whatever else you forget to do in that moment, do not, under any circumstances, forget to turn on the light and fan.

These two items, while they will in no way affect the outcome of your conversation with Ralph, will prevent you from falling asleep on the porcelain phone and wake up unable to straighten into a complete standing position. The worst possible thing you could do, at that moment as well, is to sneeze.

Just a tip, carry on with your lives. Nothing to see here.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Can I get an Amen?

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ my name is blah blah blah..."

CUSTOMER: "I have this software on my computer."

ME: "Ok." I will play your silly game.

CUSTOMER: "I am trying to activate it and it won't work."

Long story short. Volume license software. OEM key.

ME: "Sorry, you have to use a volume license key for that software."

CUSTOMER: "But I want to use my OEM key for that."

ME: "I want my car to be a Fararri, but we can't always get what we want."

CUSTOMER: "That is retarded, I want to use my OEM key." I am thinking he doesn't have volume licensing. I am also thinking his mother and father were blood relations.

ME: "You can, if you install your OEM software, but if you are going to use your volume license software you will have to use your volume license key."

CUSTOMER: "I don't get it." Clearly.

ME: "I will put it this way. You are trying to start your car.....with your cat."

Thursday, October 13, 2005

How did you get this number?

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ my name is blah blah blah..."

Customer calls in, she has purchased Product A. It included a tutorial, which you need Product B to view. You don't have to purchase Product B, there is a free viewer download you can use instead. She never gives me the chance to tell her this.
CUSTOMER: "I purchased Product A, it says it is designed for Product B but it is not on the disk."
ME: "Product A?"
CUSTOMER: "No Product B, it is telling me it is not on the computer, but the box says it is designed for Product B so Product B IS on the disk."
ME: "No, it says it is designed for Product B and you don't have it."
CUSTOMER: "But it says it is included."
ME: "No it says it is designed for Product B."
CUSTOMER: "Ya, that means it is supposed to be included." In what universe?
ME: "Consider this, Product B costs $400. You paid $60 for Product A, did you really think Product B was included?"


CUSTOMER: This is a rip off! CLICK

And the conspiracy theory guy. He is always fun.

CUSTOMER: "I want to report a bug, and if you don't fix it I will file a complaint with the De.par.tme.nt of"
ME: "Ok, shoot."
CUSTOMER: "Your OS is preventing me from installing a different OS on my system."
ME: "How's that?" Can't wait to hear this one.
CUSTOMER: "It is intentionally deleting track 00 on every one of my cd's. So I cannot make a boot disk."
ME: "Let's get some additional information."

He is running an OS that is 6 years old. Let's call it 'Doors You'.

ME: "And what OS are you trying to install. Li.nix?"
ME: "Is that"
ME: "Really, I wasn't aware they even had an OS on the market." Neither did you, you say? Not suprising, considering the last version came out in '96.
CUSTOMER: "Yes they do, and the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ is activly sabotaging my attempts to install it on my pc." Like we give a shit.

I won't draw this out, you can see where it was going. This guy was going to take this all the way to the supreme court. I gave him his support options for the 5 year old software that he did have on his system. Considering it does not have its own CD burning capabilities, it is most likely the third party software he is using that is causing his cd's to be ruined. Or it could possibly be the fact that he is a moron and did not download (yes I said download) the OS2 software properly. It was going to cost him, and I am not sure how we could help with the other OS, but we would give it a try. He was fun.

CUSTOMER: "I am not paying for this. You will give me free support or I will file a complaint with the DOJ."
ME: "Ok then, is there anything else I can help you with? No, then thanks for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™, you have a nice day."

Next crayon.

Sunday, October 9, 2005

Feedback, Schmeedback.

Got the feedback for my TM interview. You know, for the job I didn't get? Incidentally, the feedback was not delivered by either of the 'women' that interviewed me. They pawned the job off on my TM. She told me I could have a meeting with one of the two if 'I insisted'. They're yella!

It appears that I am a, lets see, what did she call it? Oh ya, a ring-leader and a bad influence. I apparently influence those around me to bend to my will. Wouldn't that be a good thing? I mean, in a leadership position?

One of the two also did not appreciate some of the emails I sent to her voicing my concerns over some of the scheduled company events that repeatedly overlook half the company population. Events that are always scheduled for weekends, when half the center cannot attend because they work on the weekends. Apparently they do not appreciate the fact that I point out their thoughtlessness. I even got blamed for other people's emails along the same line.

Here's the thing. I suspect that they (meaning upper management) fear that I may 'influence' my team and others against them. But wouldn't that inspire 'them' more to make me one of 'them'? But I guess they can't risk it.

Anyway that is their story and they are sticking to it. That is the excuse they are peddling this time. If I was everyone else in this scenario I would be very insulted. To imply that these people have no mind of their own and I can make them do pretty much what I want? (not really seeing the downside here)

Ok, I suppose I can. However, I would never use my powers for evil.

Ok, I would. But I wouldn't do it to intentionally hurt anyone.

I need to stop now, I am not even convincing myself.

Wednesday, October 5, 2005

This looks interesting.

Found at Hohmann by way of Radmilla.

1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

Since mine are not numbered, it took a bit of counting to find.

" Am I dying? "

I don't know what this says about me, or even if I care.

But whatever, tag, your it.

Tuesday, October 4, 2005

The boy is wired wrong. Part Two.

I go to bed at 4pm (I work at 1am)

8:00pm - Boy crashes into the room. "Dad just came with the child support, can I get a pizza?" ME: "Fill your boots."

8:05pm - Boy crashes into the room. "Cover your eyes, I am turning on the light." He is looking for the phone book. In my room. The one with no phone.

8:10pm - Boy crashes into the room. "What do I ask for?" I don't know...ask for what you want?

8:15pm - Boy crashes into the room. "I don't know if they deliver." ME: "IT'S A FUCKING PIZZA PLACE, THEY ALL DELIVER!"

8:20pm - Now that I am awake, I have to pee. I walk out into the living room, "How long before the pizza gets here?" THE BOY: "I never ordered it, I don't know what to say." ME: "Here's a shot in the dark, how about 'bring me a pizza'?"

I end up ordering the pizza, and never getting back to sleep.

13 hour shifts are fun on 4 hours sleep. I highly recommend it.

Monday, October 3, 2005

The boy is wired wrong.

I am getting ready for work Friday night. The usual, shit, shower, shave and shove off. I reach for the toothbrush (in a glass beside the sink) I add the paste, begin to brush and ....holy shit, what is that taste? I take it out of my mouth and I notice it is black. WTF?

I find the boy in the living room. "What is up with this?" I stick it in his face.

He looks at me like I should know this, "I cleaned my trucks today." Matter of factly, like it was a regular day in the life of the boy. BTW, in case you are unaware, trucks are the part of the skateboard that attach the wheels to the board. Like an axel.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Why? Is that your toothbrush?"

"No, why would I put my toothbrush right next to the sink, in a glass? That would be retarded."
Is he kidding me?


Sorry, he says. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had used it and tossed it, but he felt the need to put it back in the glass next to the sink. You know, so I could continue to use it. He says he didn't know it was my toothbrush. Who's toothbrush could it have been? I am not running a flop house. If it wasn't his, logic would dictate that it had to be mine.

I get the pissing on the toilet seat, men are genetically wired for that. But some of the stuff this boy does, totally baffles me.

Using a roll of toilet paper a day to wipe his shitty arse. Is this because he is destined to be a big arsehole?

Leaving garbage on the counter directly above the garbage can.

Walking past the bathroom, into my room, to tell me he has to throw up.

Using a bottle of shampoo a week on half an inch of hair.

Cleaning his sneakers. Every night. With a face cloth.

Waking me up to remind me to wake him up. (You mean like I have been doing every morning since you were born?)

I guess you can chalk all that up to being male. But this? I do not get this.