Thursday, September 29, 2005

I am in some sort of parallel universe....I think.

The boy just cleaned the house. The entire house. I am officially in the Twilight Zone.

Ok, from a distance it appears clean. But upon closer inspection I have to say it's half-assed. The floor is clean but the corners are full of crumbs. When you walk into the bathroom, again it appears clean, but you look in the sink and it is full of toothpaste. The garbage is taken out, but just barely, it sits on my doorstep.

But hey, at least I didn't have to do it, and I didn't ask him to do it either. What is up with that? What has he done? What is broken? Should I expect a visit from the police or an angry father of a knocked up teenage girl?

I have decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and just go with it. I will let you know if I hear shots fired.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Wrong Word gets around.

We had a bit of a meltdown here a couple days ago. And it was all over gas, and I ain't talking flatulence here.

On the 22nd I was minding my own business when my friend called me. As I was talking to her I could hear the newscaster say 'a dollar seventy nine a litre'. She says, "Mom is stuck in a gas line, she heard that gas was going up to a dollar seventy nine a litre." Just as she said this I heard the newscaster say, 'it's just a rumor'. So, I say, "It's just a rumor."

"No way, Jimmy's friend said it is already $2.11 in Halifax!"

Again I say, "Just a rumor, it's all over the news." She is having none of it.

Later, I head out to visit a friend. You would not believe it. People were lined up for a quarter mile in each direction at every gas station. Police were directing traffic. Stations were running out of gas.

Don't these people ever listen to the news? I inch my way past one gas station and come up along side a cop directing traffic. "Have you thought to mention to these people that it is just a rumor?" The cop shrugs his shoulders and waves me by. As I look up at the station sign, it is still at $1.12 the same as it has been for over a month.

I get to my friends house and she is buzzing, "It's just a rumor." I say, feeling like a broken record. "Nope, we just passed the station down there and it is already up to $1.26 a litre." The same station I had just passed. You think this is how things get started?

"I am telling you it is just a rumor, it was all over the news."

"Your wrong, the guy at Walmart...."

"What guy at Walmart?"

"A guy, I don't know his name, he said it was already $2.11 in Halifax."
Possibly it was Jimmy's friend, spreading the word.

"Oh, well then! If the guy from Walmart says it is so, then it must be so. I, foolishly, was getting my information from the national news. But the guy from Walmart is a much more reliable source."

I wonder sometimes how these people make it across the street on their own without becoming a grease spot?

Thursday, September 22, 2005


Finally it is all complete and the boy is safely ensconced in his brand new room.

And the piece de resistance!

This logo for R.ed Dr.ago.n Socie.ty. I think it turned out pretty good.

Maybe the boy will stay now.

And another thing...

We can't forget the final touch. This is what the boy will see when he sits down to do his homework.

(See How Much I Love You!)

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Finished....well almost.

I think it turned out pretty well. And the boy likes it.



The boy wants to sleep in there tonight so I didn't get a chance to put the logo on the door.

But this is the logo, I have already traced it on the door, but will do it tomorrow when the boy is in school

I have complete faith....ya right.

Please do not try this at home.

Wish I had taken my own advice.

Just an update. I have most of it done.

Just have to put the white stripe on.

This wall might be a little tricky.

And the boy wants some sort of skateboard logo on the door.

There are muscles in my body that I had no idea I possessed.

And right this moment, I wish we had never met.

And another thing...

J.D. Fortune, wins Rockstar INXS and becomes the newest front man for that band. And he is from right here in Pictou County.

I had thought people were obnoxious when George Canyon came in second for Nashville Star. People have lost their minds here.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I just don't have the bone structure for this anymore.

Started to paint the boys room. This used to be panelling.

I first had to black out the windows so the boy would stop nailing a blanket up in front of it. He likes his room pitch black.

I just finished the priming and the trim.

Now I just have to paint the green and the stripes. I started it Monday and every bone in my entire body is screaming.

Pray for me.

Monday, September 19, 2005

David Blaine - Street weirdo Performer

What is it with this crayon?

I mean, I get the whole magic trick schtick. But what the hell does that have to do with standing on a fuckin' pole for hours? Endurance? And I should give a shit, why?

Pick a career and go with it psycho.

When this freak talks, he sounds like he is definitely on something. Supposed to make him sound deep I guess, he just sounds like he is on crack.

He gives me a headache, from rolling my eyes into the back of my head so much.

You know, your 'career' might go a little better if you tried not to creep people out so much.

End of rant.

Don't know what it is, but this guy really rubs me the wrong way.

Saturday, September 17, 2005


I might start wallpapering my room with all the PFO letters I get.

Can't be too disappointed though. At least this time they didn't give the job to some idiot.

Can't wait to hear what sort of feedback they will give me this time. Just to remind you, the feedback I got on my resume last time was - 'mention actual humans'. Should be interesting.

I will let you know what ridiculous pearls of wisdom they impart upon me this time.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I'm an astronaut and I own this bar...

Had my interview for the TM position today. I thought I would take a stroke, but I am ok. This being only the third interview I have ever had in my life.

The first was when I was in high school, and the interviewer was Japanese. Didn't go well since he didn't speak a word of English. Didn't get that job.

The second was for the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™™, and now this one. I never really had to interview for jobs before. People asked me to work for them, period.

So I get into the interview and it starts out normal enough. Work experience, educational background. Then they start in with the behavioral interview. Have you heard of this?

It makes sense I suppose but it lends itself to subterfuge. I mean, they ask you to 'Can you give us a situation where you anticipated a problem and the result was favorable'?

Now, how the hell would they know if it is true or not? It's not like they ask you to prove it. "Ya, I guess it would have to be the time I landed on the moon and Neil tripped on his space boots. He could have bounced right out into outer space had I not had the forethought to tether us together before we left the shuttle. That was a close call, I tell you what."

Ok, I will admit, they may have not bought that one, but you get the picture. It's a ridiculous process.

Anyway, they tell me that as soon as they finish the last interview on Friday that they will be choosing the successful applicants. That we will find out by end of day Friday and that person will start on Monday.

At least I won't have to stew too long.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Showing up early only works if you are the only one to think of it.

Went for bloodwork this morning. They open at 7am so I figured I would get there at 6:30am.

Good plan, eh?

It would have been if I was the only one to think of it. As it was, I was #3, and they were serving 80. WTF?

Some of these people were pro's. Probably there once a week. I propose that they take their own blood at home, they probably know how its done by now. That way they can just drop it off and I don't have to wait 3 hours for my sample after fasting (food and water) for 12 hours. Or, as an alternative, don't bother with the whole blood thing. After all, if you have to have blood drawn every week, you might just want to give up and live your life while you still have life left. It's just a big money grab, you don't really need all these tests.

Can you tell I am a little cranky now?

I wait the 3 hours and finally get in to have my sample taken. As I wait my turn I notice a teenager in scrubs and I suddenly get nervous. Please not him, please not him.

Guess what? Yeah, I got him. He takes me in the cube. I ask him which arm. He says, "Which do you prefer?"

"I only ever did this once before, so I have no idea."
I say. Then it dawns on me, "You've done this before, right?" This gets snickers from the other techs. "Yes." he says. Then he starts to poke at my inner elbow. Poke, poke, poke...poke poke poke.

"Are you looking for something in particular?" Silence. Poke, poke, poke.

I couldn't see any change affected by the poking but apparently he did. He brings out the needle and I think I saw a look on his face like, 'here goes nothing'. JESUS H CHRIST! OUCH! He got it though.

You would think the initial entry of the needle to be the most painful part. Not true. Its the changing of the vials. Taking one out and pushing another in, while trying not to move the needle in the arm. FUCK ME GENTLY!

Now I have a nice large bruise to remember him by.

Now I have to turn around in another half hour and take the boy in for his ECG. At his last doctor visit she noticed an irregular heart beat. I am trying not to let it freak me out and amazingly the boy is not freaking out over it. I will let you know how that turned out.

And another thing...

Got my PFO letter for the associate trainer job, wasn't really disappointed since I really did not want the job. However, I was told I would get an interview for the TM job.Which means, behavioral interview. Once again the politically correct, Oprah crowd rules the world.

Have you heard of this shit? Behavioral interview? "Give me an example of when you showed initiative and took the lead." Wow, could that be any more vague? Fingers crossed.

Thursday, September 8, 2005

"Throw him in the lock-up 'til he's sober."

Ok, is anyone else following Canadian Idol? I mean any sober people?

What kind of crack is the Canadian voting public on? Have we become a country of toned-deaf, internet voting freaks?

The chick, Mellisa O'Neil? Ok, she is not bad, but the other two left in the competition? WTF?

Aaron Walpole, God love him. He can carry a tune but he turns every song into a lounge act. Can you say Cheesy?

And the dude from Newfoundland, Rex Goudie. I am sorry, but this dude could not carry a note in a bucket. Not even if he had a forklift.

I think RockStar INXS has the right idea. Give the public a vote for the bottom three but let the professionals decide who stays and who goes. Not some Drunken Sailor's pre-teen daughters.

Let's get these people detox'ed for next year, eh? It's embarrassing.

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Selfless act of charity?

N.S. man preserves record of historic explosion.

Sounds like a good idea eh?

Well today there was a spot on tv about him. How he found the last resting place of a little girl who died that day and was buried in an unmarked grave. Well it is marked now thanks to him and a local funeral home. Sounds sweet, don't it?

Here's the catch. Along with the name of the little girl and of course the date of her death, the headstone has HIS name on it and the name of the funeral home. I kid you not! I wish I had a picture of it.

What the fuck is up with that? That is about the tackiest thing I think I have ever seen. I think the little girl and her family would just as soon leave her grave unmarked as have it be an advertising for a funeral home or an employment reference for some asshole genealogists.

What do you think?

Monday, September 5, 2005

They blame it on Katrina.

Is anyone buying it?

New Glasgow, Nova Scotia Gas Prices
September 02nd, 2005 04:47 PM 138.9 cents per litre
September 04th, 2005 09:03 PM 145.9 cents per litre

They blame it on Kartina, but the government has no problem taking its cut.

But what are ya gonna do?

Friday, September 2, 2005

Some days you're the windshield, other days you're the bug.

I have a trojan. I can't get rid of it.

Will have to format and re-install.

I hate formatting and re-installing.

Paging Mr. Dover, Mr. Ben Dover?

Thursdays price for gas - 128.9 cents a litre.

Bend over and take it like a man.

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Please people, don't panic.

I am driving to my friends house yesterday and see a huge line up of cars at one of the gas stations. This is weird because there are four gas stations within spitting distance of each other.

I look at the sign, nothing strange, 109.9 per litre. It's been that for a while. What do these people know that I don't?

I get on the highway and take the exit to my friends house and all becomes clear to me. The garage on that exit has a tall lighted sign that announces the price of gas.

119.9 per litre! Holy Shit! No wonder there was a line-up. However, I am of the mind that I don't have time to wait in a line-up for half an hour just to save a couple of bucks on gas.

And another thing...

Think of the gas you waste idling your engine in the gas line-up.

I'll pass. I am just glad I don't have to pay for heating oil this year.