Tuesday, November 25, 2003

The Last of the Mohicans

Just walked by the gerbil cage and threw in some food, like I do every night. I started to walk away.....wait a minute?

They didn't move. Bad sign. SHIT! I take off the top and sure enough.....both are dead.

Gumby & Pokey

I guess it was true, that they only live 3 years or so. (these ones lived for 4) The 'boy' may be a little upset. At one point in our gerbil ownership we were up to 23 gerbils (the breeding was very hard to control) and Gumby and Pokey were the last of the lot. Even with the short life span, (or because of it) I recommend them highly as a pet.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

His biggest fan.

When my son sits down to play his guitar, Oscar always wants to curl up beside him to listen. He is his biggest fan.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

It's a good thing.

If good things come in three's then I should go get myself a lottery ticket.

Not only did I pass my training, but my son found out tonight that he is Captain of his hockey team.

He had a shit eatin' grin on his face the whole way home.

Then again, he has reason to be proud. We didn't even know if he could play this year.

He broke his foot just before the beginning of the season so it was iffy whether he would be able to play at all. Then there weren't enough kids for a team at our rink, so the kids that did sign up had to be split and play for other towns. By the time we knew he could play it was a chore to find him a team to play on. Then there was the other snaffoo, his asshole father wouldn't pay for it.

I know, I know, I can't believe I slept with him either.

My little brother (the hockey freak) thought that that was just wrong, so he paid his registration fee and my other brother bought him new skates. Now my son is Captain of the Thorburn Golden Hawks - Pee Wee B team.

Do I sound proud?

Say "Hello" to Ms ProCSR.

Well Evel passed her training. Everyone in the class did, except for one.

Remember the stick figure that said, "Ya Evel."? That's the one.

Karma, Man, its all about the Karma.

Friday, November 21, 2003

Short Attention Span Theatre 2003

Don't think I have lost my mind because of the look of the place.....it is currently under construction.

You know me....short attention span.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Time well wasted.

I am calm today. Second night of training went a little better than the first.

I mentioned to someone in the smoking area that I was nervous about the class and why. He told his sister (who is a team manager) who told the Manager of Operations. The teacher comes into class and says,

�If you have any concerns, please don�t go to TM or MO, just ask me. If I don�t know the answer I will ask someone.� Excuse me�.but that was my concern. Then a little blonde stick figure child in the corner says, "Ya Evel!" You know the one? Young, rail thin. The bitch that eats like a pig and "can never seem to gain any weight." I sent her a look that would curl your toes.

Next thing ya know, the MO is in the classroom asking if we have any questions. I let him go for a bit answering questions about vacation time and scheduling, then I asked if it would be possible for him to send some people in that have actually worked the job to answer questions. He said, �That�s a great idea.�

Ya think?

So now I am just reading the book and trying to work the tools with the hopes that I can have someone answer all my questions in the end. Sort of like a correspondence course. I have talked to some people on the floor and they said just read the book get comfortable with the look of the tool and what everything does and they will teach me how to work it in a day. Hey, works for me.

So I decide to see if I can create a contract without looking at the book, just going along with the tool seeing if there was some sort of common sense I could apply to the whole thing. Well I got so far and was stuck at one point. Should I ask her?

What the hey.

She says, �Where in the book are you stuck?� I tell her I am not using the book, she says �I don�t know, I have to follow the book.� Okey Dokey!

Towards the end of class we finally start to understand how to work the tool and she says, �Now that you can do that I can tell you that there is a new tool that you will be really using that makes all of that simple.� WTF?

Second day wasted. Lord help me.

And another thing...

The song of the day today will be Pink Floyd -- Wish You Were Here. My son is currently learning the guitar solo.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Those who can't?.....teach.

Well, that was a painful experience. With an entire day of training under my belt, I can safely say I am more confused than before I went in.

Firt of all, the trainer we have has never actually worked in pro. This we discovered after half the shift was over. I clued in after the 4th time she left the room to ask a question.

Basically she was reading the textbook. When I asked her, "So, what does that mean?"

She looked up and said, "Well, I don't know." Doesn't really inspire confidence. I could have read the textbook myself. I need input. Towards the end of the evening I asked another question,

"So, how much of that do we need to remember in order to do our jobs?"

"Well, you don't really need to know any of that, the customers will never ask you, and your tools will tell you anything you need to say or do."

Okey Dokey......what exactly am I doing here then?

She is a really nice person, but I think if you are going to teach the class, you should have at least done the job before. Practical experience would have been an asset. I am really worried now whether I will be able to do this job. I guess I will just have to bug the other ProCSR's for instruction when I hit the floor.

I hope at least the tools are not too different from what I am used to. Otherwise I am screwed.

Monday, November 17, 2003

Give it to Mikey, he hates everything.

Ok, you have no doubt been annoyed with the music on this page. I thought it was cool.....the first half dozen times I opened the page, after that, I too was annoyed, and there wasn�t much control over the music selection. I was at the mercy of the music site I was linked to and the taste of the webmaster. So I decide that instead of getting rid of it all together I would give you (and me, most importantly me) the choice on whether to hear the music or not.

Every few days (or when I think of it) I will change the music. Over on the left you will see Play background music.

Now this music will be from my own personal collection which is not for everyone. I like ALL music, so you could one day listen to Frank Zappa and the next be listening to Andrea Bocelli. My taste in music is in direct connection to the actual talent of the individual or group performing it. It's called appreciation. Even though you many not enjoy opera.....you can appreciate the talent of the performer. Look at it (or hear it rather) objectively. Consider the absolute control a person with operatic training has over their voice. The right tenor singing in Italian can make your toes curl.

When I change the music I will put a link to the performers page, if you like what you hear you can get more info.

For my first selection Ladies and Gentlemen, (that was my Lawrence Welk impression) it will be Stary Stary Night, Josh Groban.

That�s me trying to cram a little culture down your throat. Give it a chance.

Well I am off to take a shower, it is my first day of training for ProCSR, wish me luck.

Saturday, November 15, 2003

Told ya so!

A lot has happened in a short time. My mother is now in the hospital, they are going to get her lithium levels straight whether she likes it or not. She should be in there for the next two weeks.

Again I get to say �I told you so.� You would think I would get used to it, but after a while, it gets really old. Why can�t people just get it through their thick skulls that I am always right? I am not exaggerating��.I say it ALL the time.
I am thinking of incorporating the �I told ya so� dance from Will & Grace. Hey, it might be obnoxious but I would be entertained, and isn�t that the main thing? Well isn't it?

I haven�t had the chance to go and see her yet, I have been working a lot of overtime. I tried to go today before work but just before I pulled into the �pay� parking I realized I didn�t have my wallet. I could have gone in but I didn't� have the ransom money to get myself out of the parking lot afterwards. Oh well. My mother has 6 children, she will just have to make do with the other 5.

And another thing...

I was asked to go ProCSR today, and even though I have been asked before, today I said yes. This is a good news/bad news sort of thing.

The good news is, I will be only dealing with professionals. Businesses with professional support contracts with the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. People who actually know what right click the mouse means. They already know that they have to pay and how much. They are educated people who do not think that Martians are controling them or that that thing that pops out of the front of the computer is a cup holder.

The bad new is, I will be only dealing with professionals. Businesses with professional support contracts with the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. People who actually know what right click the mouse means. They already know that they have to pay and how much. They are educated people who do not think that Martians are controling them or that that thing that pops out of the front of the computer is a cup holder.

This could get boring. For me and for you. There is however a silver lining. I am told I can still do my overtime shifts in Personal customer service. So we can still get our nut bar fix.

Anyway, I start training on Monday. That means an entire week off the phones.(another tic on the plus side.) We�ll see how it goes.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

God Bless America.

Ok, loyal reader. It�s been a bit since I have updated this thing, but I suppose I am not as bad as some people (Laurie).

The vacation went well, uneventful. I was pretty much holed up in the house the whole time. And no, I did not take the opportunity to clean my house. I did have a couple false starts where I actually started to do it, but I snapped out of it.

So, I am all set to go back to work on Monday. Problem was, I was scheduled to go back on Sunday. Lucky for me I ,for some bazaar reason known only to my subconscious, asked someone that was working on Saturday to check my schedule.

I have to tell you that when I took that first call on Sunday, I was noticeably chipper. Even when someone (with stolen software) told me that I was a worthless piece of shit and that I should be thanking him for fighting for my freedom (he was overseas somewhere). To which I replied cheerfully that I was in Canada. He just about lost his mind. �Well, that explains it then doesn�t it.�

Does it? I didn�t ask him to clarify that, I just told him that if he wanted to purchase some legitimate software that I would be more than happy to help him. He was ranting at this time, and I was thinking how secure I would feel as an American citizen to know that this guy was over there (wherever the hell that is) representing the country. Now that is not to say that I believe that �that guy� represents the whole of the American public, but he does represent the vast majority that I come in contact with at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�

I don�t know who coined the phrase, Ugly Americans but I am pretty sure they worked in customer service.

And another thing...

For those junkies out there that need your fix, here is a beaute that I got on Monday.

Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is ....blah blah blah�

This woman is freaking out, talking a mile a minute, ranting and raving. About how we sent her this computer and she installed the software and nothing was working. She wouldn�t let me get a word in edgewise. Finally I picked out of her fit the words Product 95. --Whoa�..obviously obsolete product alert.--

�Hold on, Mamme? Did you say Product95?�

�Yes, I installed it and nothing is working only a blank screen! I just got this computer today and it was fine till I installed the software.� It is always fun when they say this, not sure what fine was without software running on the computer, but you bite your tongue because stating the obvious to these turnips only causes more grief.

�Let me see if I understand, you received this computer today? From who?�


�The software? Or the Computer.?�

�Ah, Mamme, we don�t make computers, only software. And we don�t make Product95 anymore, it is completely obsolete. Are you sure its Product95?�
She reads the disc, and yes it is.


I couldn�t stop myself, �No, we didn�t.� She lost her mind, I think if anyone else was in the room with her she would be carted away to a nut house somewhere, she was freaking that much.

Ok, trying to calm her down I asked her to describe the computer to me, trying to find our exactly who �sent� it to her.

�The only words I can see printed on this thing is IBM.�

Lord love a duck! �Ok, Mamme, that computer is an IBM, IBM sent it to you. I am not sure why they would send Product95 with it, but lets see what we can find out.�



Okey dokey, I'll get right on that.

I often wish I could be a fly on the wall when they come to the realization that they were stunned enough to call the wrong number and act like a moron. But hey, if they weren't morons, I would be out of a job.

God Bless America.

Friday, November 7, 2003

Ya sure, it could happen.

Posted at Pickle Juice are halarious horoscopes. Go on over and check yours out.

Here is mine, and I am soooo sure it is soooo true.

SCORPIO (10/23-11/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a SOB. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Could be worse, it could have said some crap about my moon being in Jupiter. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I didn't even know I had a moon, and is it 'THE' moon or just 'A' moon? And if its 'THE' moon, then I want them to get back up there and rake the lawn and clean up the picnic area. Fuckin' tourists!

Do people really take this shit seriously? I mean really? Are you telling me that every single person on the planet that was born between October 23 and November 21 is having the exact same kind of day as me? PUL-LEASE! Come on people, think about it.

Thursday, November 6, 2003

A long boring story�.you were warned.

My mother suffers from manic depression. Totally treatable and manageable. As long as you keep yourself on an even keel. My mother also has high blood pressure, thyroid disease, diabetes and Parkinson's. Needless to say, getting her medication to sync with the lithium was quite a challenge but we had finally gotten a handle on it, we were even to the point where she was no longer shaking.

Part of the treatment of manic depression is the elimination of stress, so over the years I have slowly taken over her finances. I would pay her bills and take her shopping. I never told her when her finances were low and if she ran out of money I would just make some lame excuse for why I couldn�t bring her any cash. �The bank machine was out of order. �I left my wallet at work� things like that, then I would just give her cash from my pay check. I never told her how much her groceries came to, and if she insisted on knowing, I would tell her $100 less than what they really were. Things like this were small, but kept the stress levels down. How well you respond to lithium treatment depends on emotional and social factors in addition to physical ones, and lithium is the key to keeping her from going manic.

Well she became so stress free that she thought that she could do it all by herself. I put her off for a while and thought I could figure out a way for her to do this without stress, I was working on having her bills come automatically out of the bank, have a cap put on cash withdrawals, that sort of thing. I was hoping that she would just forget about it. But apparently the only thing that she did forget about was the wigging out she used to do. And stress is a funny thing, even when you are doing something you think you want, the fact that you are doing it all by yourself is stressful.

Anyway, apparently she has been voicing her desire to be independent to my brother. The one that comes by to see her once a month even though he drives by her house everyday. So he decides to encourage her (with, no doubt, the help of my other two brothers, the ones that swing by once a year to see their mother). �She�s doing so well.� not even taking into consideration why she was doing so well. Well I just freaked when I heard that he was taking her to the bank to get a new bank card. WTF is wrong with this guy. I marched over to my mothers and said, �If he thinks he can take over, more power to him.� gave her the bank card and walked out.

That was three weeks ago. So far she has bought out a couple of stores, taxi�ed all over town, and lost her bank card. Which was a blessing, I figured at least she wouldn�t spend all her money now that the bank card was gone. Wrong, I find out that she is borrowing money all over town.

And to cap it all off? She is totally flipped her wig. She is all over the place, talking a mile a minute, babbling about things that happened 20 years ago, one minute singing the next minute mad as hell all the while shaking from the Parkinson�s. Not sleeping, moving furniture at 3 in the morning and knocking on peoples doors at 7am. There she is, Miss Independent.

I am over there the other day and she is talking to my brother on the phone. Then she hands the phone to me, �He wants to talk to you.�

My brother: �What are we going to do with her?�

�We?� Oh no, he did NOT say we.

�We�ll talk later�, Oh most definitely!

Well when I got home I couldn�t wait, I fire off this email.

Subject: THANKS!

I just wanted to thank you boys for undoing what it took years to do. Your mother now has her "independence" and all that entails. Unfortunately what that entails is stress. And for a manic depressive*** that means your mother is now completely manic. You might want to call and get yourself a progress report. And add to the "manic" she has now (after just a few weeks) started shaking again from the Parkinson. Her medication is a balance, and it all hinges on the lithium*** doing its job.

I have taken her for bloodwork this morning, and with some luck I might be able to get her back to the way she was but then again, she might crash first.

You see their was a reason that I didn't let take care of her own bills, stress. There was a reason that I didn't let her have her bank card, she spends money hand over fist and then when she would run out she would eat peanut butter and crackers till her check came in again. I would never tell her how much her grocery order came to either. These things are to keep her on an even keel, not to "rip her off" or whatever you three were thinking(from how many hundred miles away, I might add). Being irritated with me for not bringing her something she wanted was easier (for her)than her being stressed out over having no money. Independence? She is 75 years old, that was her independence.

Next time you genius's have a great idea on how to HELP Mom, you might want to run it past the person that sees her every single day and has actually spoken to her doctor.

Thanks guys, appreciate it.


*** "A major step in the treatment of manic depression occurred in 1949 with the discovery that a simple chemical compound, lithium carbonate, would control the major mood swings of that illness. It behaved as a prophylactic, damping out future manic swings. Lithium is the lightest metallic element and occurs naturally in small proportions in much of our food. How well you respond to lithium treatment depends on emotional and social factors in addition to physical ones."

The bitch of it is? It is going to take me months to get her back the way she was, if at all. I don't� even know if I have it in me anymore. But I know that if I left it to those three rocket scientists, their solution would be to put her in a home. Forget the fact that she was perfectly fine, till they stuck their nose into it.

Men, can�t live with them, can�t shoot them in the face.

More�s the pity.

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

"Long ago, I was a little girl, just like you! "

When I was 5, my father was drinking and my mother, after just having my little brother, "wigged out" Clearly neither she, nor my father could take care of us so me and my 4 brothers and my sister had to be put in foster care. For seven months (which is a long time for a 5 year old) my sister and I were separated not only from our parents but from our brothers.

It's a long drawn out story and I have told it before on here so I won't repeat myself. Suffice to say it was traumatic for all of us. I remember that we spent Christmas away from home and family that year. Christmas was a big deal to a big Catholic family. That year, my father bought me this Mrs. Beasley doll.

When I was lonely for my mother, I would pull her string and she would make me feel better. God, I loved that doll.

Even reading these quotes from her voice box, I can hear her little granny voice and it makes me cry.

"I do think you're the nicest little friend I ever had!"

"Gracious me, you're getting to be such a big girl!"

"It would be such fun to play jump rope don't you think? "

"Speak a little louder dear, so Mrs. Beasley can hear you. "

"If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for? "

"Would you like to try on my glasses? You may if you wish. "

"Do you want to play? "

"If you were a little smaller, I could rock you to sleep. "

"Long ago, I was a little girl, just like you! "

"Do you want to hear a secret? I know one! "

"You may call me Mrs. Beasley, would you like to play?"

I really have to find one, it is my new mission in life. Before I am dead, I will have one again.

Monday, November 3, 2003

Finally, fame....can fortune be far behind?

And another thing... made the BlogsCanada's Top 10 Blogs - November 2003

It was an honor just to be nominated. I promise you all that I will try not to forget all the little people I had to step on to get to where I am today.

Another year, another wrinkle.

The old girl is 38.

I tried to party last night, but after 2 drinks (Beer and Lemon Rum) I got a splitting headache. My best friend, in her infamous wisdom, thought a nice big fat joint would "fix me right up".

Well, before that I was an old girl with a headache.....afterwards I was just a stoned old girl.....with a headache. I didn't even make it to the hot tub, and I was looking forward to that.

Oh well, maybe next year.

Note to self: "You are old, you cannot mix drinks like when you were.....well, like when you weren't old."

Saturday, November 1, 2003

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life
my 8 day vacation!

Today is the first day of my vacation. You would think that I would sleep in eh? Well no, that would be wasting my time on vacation. So, how am I spending my first day? Cleaning the house. I know....I think I might be ill. No, not ill, I just want the place clean for all the lounging I will be doing for the next 8 days.

I also have my birthday to look forward to on the 3rd. Too bad I won't get a paycheck till the 6th. Oh well, you can't be rich and beautiful. We all have our own crosses to bare.

With any luck the satalite dish will not go out for at least a week. Cross your fingers and pray to the satalite god.