Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Elvis has left the building!

Was sitting in the smoking area at work the other day and PW came out.

VISUAL: Minimal makup, baggy jeans, oversized grungy sweatshirt, sans hooker boots.

Elvis has definately left the building.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

On a lighter note.

Just sitting here giggling over commercials. The Keith's Angry Scot commercials are my favorites. They haven't got the Scurvy one up yet (my all time favorite) but here are a couple of the better ones.

Spilly Talker
Neck Brace

And the Joe Canadian commercial. The one we all want every single American on the planet to commit to memory.

Got any favorites you want to share?

A call to arms.

I spent a couple hours on the 23rd rallying the troops.

I came in to submit my resume for the trainer position only to discover that I was but one of two to do so. Not happening, we are not making it that easy for him. If he wants to stack the deck, I will make damn sure it's a full deck.

So, I went through the center bullying encouraging anyone with a resume on the system to submit it for the associate trainer position. People who didn't even want the position, it didn't matter, I even updated a couple myself at home. Now when they give the position to PW, we can all get together to tear the MO a new one.

Won't that be fun?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

And they continue to poke the bear. WTF?

Ok, I get that you are pissed off about being a garbage man but don't fling my garbage cans in the middle of my driveway and screech your tires as you drive away. I was not the one who fucked around through high school and now has to clean up after everyone else.

Not sure if I mentioned this before. (just checked, and no I didn't)Big drama surrounding the new training.

There was this one chick in our training class, we will call her PowerWhore or PW for short. First a visual. Long hair to her ass. Caked on makeup, hooker boots and a mini skirt.

PW was the cheerleader of the group. Every time someone said anything negative, she flew up the trainers ass and massaged. "You are such a smart man!" "What can we do to make you feel good about us?" She went so far as to sing to the Extremely Huge Head from the home planet. A song she had learned in 'his' native tongue, Lebanese. Immediately following the song, she asked for a private moment in one of our conference rooms. You can fill in the blanks, use your imagination.

Fast forward to end of training. She is asked to be a SME (Subject Matter Expert). Forget the fact that she has no idea about the subject matter. Then when the second wave of training begins, she announces that "They" (whoever they are) have asked her to come in and 'monitor' the training. Gee, wonder how she got that gig?

Then the rumors begin. She will be 'given' the Associate Trainer position. Needless to say I fire off an email to the Big Giant Head. He says, "No one will be 'given' anything. The position will be posted and qualified person given the job" We'll see.

Next day, job is posted by HR. Start date 19th (but posted on the 22nd) and end date 23rd.


"You need to go talk to the Big Giant Head, or I will." She really doesn't want that, and neither does the Big Giant Head.

Needless to say they are extending it for a couple of days.

Moral of the story: If you want to get ahead in this world, make damn sure you can sing in a foreign language. Or at the very least look decent in a pair of hooker boots.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Half a bubble offa plumb.

Well another weekend shift under my belt. This one was easier than the last, thank God.

I get home on Saturday afternoon and the neighbors rush out of their house to greet me. "The cops were here last night!"

"Great, what the hell did the boy do now?"

she says, "I asked if it was him and they said the boy was too young. They were looking for someone older." Turns out they told her husband,(the brain surgeon) the name of the boy they were looking for be he forgets. WTF? Four mounties surround your home at 1 in the morning and you forget who they were looking for? That man is half a bubble offa plumb.

Anyway they said they would be back but never did. They must have realized they had the wrong place.

Then this morning I wake up to a strange cat in my living room, the brain surgeons cat came through my screen! And it cannot fly either. Who knew?

I think they might be sharing the whiskas.

Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Bite Me!

My cousin Sonny's fiance, Rebecca, is finally here in Canada for good. She is from Hong Kong. She has been back and forth a couple times but she is here for good now.

The last time she was here I forgot to ask her to take a look at my tattoo. If you remember my friend and I got identical tattoos last year that said 'bite me' in Chinese. Well that was what we hoped they said. Since neither of us actually speak Chinese, we had to go on faith.

Well when Rebecca walked in today I flashed her the leg and she said,in the most adorable accent, "Oooo, bite you?"

"Well thank God, for all I knew it said 'stupid Canadian'."

I have to remember to tell Kimmy, the friend I got the tattoo with. I remember when we got them we said, "So what if it doesn't say what we want it to say, it's not like we will be running into an actual Chinese person who will point out our stupidity. Right?"

Then Sonny goes and chats up a Chinese chick. Way to make us sweat.

Four days, whatever will I do with myself?

Finished my first 'week' on the new backshift schedule. What fun. Working 1am till 2pm for three days.

The first night was brutal. I could not for the life of me sleep all that day, although I tried. By the time I got into work I was already tired. That first night I didn't get a call till 10:30am.
Nine and a half hours before I got a call! It was rough. We basically just sat around and talked, played cards and bored ourselves stiff. By the time I got home I was that tired that I don't even think I took my shoes off.
I just crashed.

The next night was a little better, although I still only took 3 calls in 13 hours. I at least had a little more sleep. But since there is only 10 hours between the shifts, I didn't get much else accomplished. I got home and was in bed at 2:13pm.

I was really rested for the last shift, and it was a good thing. We actually started to get quite a few calls on Monday morning, but it wasn't till the day shift had already arrived so I still only took 12 calls in total. But before that, we played Trivial Pursuit for about 3 hours.

Now here I sit, Tuesday afternoon, (I think) and I am tired. Must go take a nap.

And another thing...

You can disregard the 'vote for Kaysar' thing in the previous post. I have discovered a program that will send in my votes automatically. You just put in how many times you want to vote and presto. So far I have voted 10,345 times and counting. Every 5 seconds.

Don't ya just love technology?

Monday, August 8, 2005

Your Oh Kay Sar!

Ok, I have lost my mind again over Big Brother. Again.

Click to vote to bring back Kaysar. Do me a big favor and make sure that sanctimonious, holier than thou, Eric does not get back on, or I will have to cease watching. I can not stomach one more second of his little flock saying, "What would Cappy do?"

Fuck Cappy, what would McGuyver do?

He would vote for Kaysar, that's what!

Ok, I am just off three 13 hour shifts. I am just a little punchy. I will let you know how it went after a little shut-eye.

Friday, August 5, 2005

One shift down...

So, we got one shift in. Didn't go too bad. No one was killed and nothing blew up.

I start my backshift tonight at 1am. I am sure it will take a while to get my body into the rhythm. As long as I have some decent tools.

Last night I had a headset without an amp, which makes it impossible to hear yourself. If you can't hear yourself, you can't tell if you are talking loud enough. It was annoying.

I told a TM, "I will file a ticket on it." Oh great! That will make it all right. Considering I filed a ticket for roaming profile. TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO!

Then I spot the MO milling about, looking very much NOT busy. I sign off the phone and stand beside him.
"Hey, busy?"
"No." He says.
"Well, I can't hear on my phone, I need an amp."
"Did you file a ticket?"
I roll my eyes at him.
"How hard can it be, I can just boost you up over the Great Wall of China over there and you can fetch me one." He looks at me like I am kidding, and then realizes I am not.
"I will see what I can do."
"Your on it then?"
"Ya, I'm on it."
"Your the man."

So he proceeds to tell another MO, "Evel needs an amp." She turns to the TM, "Evel needs an amp." The TM goes purple. -- evil grin --

I believe if you want something done, you go to the top.

It's not like he was busy or anything.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

Stress? What stress?

My eyelid has been twitching for the past 3 weeks and it has been driving me crazy. But like a good little 60's baby I avoid the doctor like the plague.

What the hell do I need a doctor for? I have the internet. Looks like it all points to Eyelid Myokymia.

Stress? Check.
No Sleep? Check.
Caffeine? Check.

Benign, I'll take it.

Tim might be upset when I switch to decaf,
but you'll just have to suck it up, Princess.

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

It's official....sort of.

I passed the test, and the min skills. So I guess I am officially a ...what?

We are not even sure what they are going to call us. Tech routers? Something to that effect. Well we will soon find out. We hit the floor, live tomorrow.

Meanwhile back at the farm, they fire one of the MO's and an assortment of other upper management. Not sure what that is about. They say downsizing, then they announce another new project as well as hiring 40+ more techs. Make any sense?

The moral of the story? - Don't buy any green bananas.