Sunday, December 29, 2002

With a friend like you, you need nerves of steel.

I have been on the internet for quite a few years. I started out on BBS�s, back in the old days before the internet. (you youngin�s won�t know what that is) Anyway, it has been a while. One of my oldest online friends I met in Powwow (a chat program sort of like ICQ) is Ralph from Texas. I guess we clicked because A) he did not try and pick me up, and B) he has a goofy sense of humour like me.

One year his father was talking about wanting to come to Nova Scotia to see the changing of the leaves and when the time came he was ill and couldn't� make the trip. So, I boxed up some leaves and sent it to him. (here is where the goofy part comes in) Ralph decided to send me a picture of him and his father enjoying the leaves.

The first picture was him and his father holding up the box (pretty tame) the second was a picture of him, he had fashioned a sort of loin cloth out of the leaves. He was standing there in nothing but this leaf loincloth. Too funny! That is just the sort of goofball thing he does.

So, when he told me he was sending me a �headpiece�, I was understandably nervous. When the package arrived I checked the customs sticker and sure enough it said �headpiece�. (no help there) To make matters worse, there is an old guy at the post office that always wants me to open my packages there, so he can see what I got. You see I have a bit of a history with receiving weird parcels, I am an extreme eBay junky. I have bought some pretty far out stuff on eBay and he always gets a kick out of it, like the donkey that shits cigarettes to name but one.

So, I am standing there with this package and he is looking at me expectantly, �Ah, Joe? I would love to open this now, but the guy who sent it has a sense of humour that you might not fully appreciate.� (in truth I was a little scared myself) I am riding home with the box in the front seat hoping beyond hope that my son isn�t home so I can open it, the suspense was killing me. I finally get it home, and this is what is inside.

I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants, mostly from the relief. You got me with that one Ralph. I will have to come up with something that says �Nova Scotia�, to send back. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face, you always do.

Friday, December 27, 2002

The mind is the first thing to go.

I ran across one of my ramblings and I am not sure if I have blogged it yet. And since I am super lazy I will not search through the archives to find out. If I am repeating myself, then I apologize to the two people who actually read this thing.

When I was small we used to spend weekends at the cottage. Locharbre Lake. I was very small so I don�t remember a lot, but I do remember getting there. We would be driving along and all of a sudden, it seemed, we would come over the top of a hill and �voila� there it was. I remember that as soon as we saw it we would all cheer, �Locharbre!�, a half dozen kids in a station wagon, loaded to the roof with fishing rods, inner tubes, and camping gear. It was a beautiful lake and one of the few left that is truly clean. My aunt still has a cottage there and I always marvel at how clear the water is. From the end of the dock you can see clear to the bottom.

We thought it was just the best place there was. We would swim and fish, my father had a boat. We would have bonfires at night where we would roast marshmallow till we were sick and barbeque during the day and there were always visitors. I am sure my father was probably drunk as a skunk but, thankfully, I never noticed. I guess I was too young, and after so many years I guess you only remember the good times. At any rate, we had a ball. Even if our late night �nature� calls were to a two seater outhouse in the back yard. I never remember being scared though.

Years later (30) I lived in a rural community for a year and I was scared shitless to walk to my car in the dark. I was sure something (a bear) would leap out at me, tearing me to shreds before I reached the door. I couldn�t really enjoy the country. I found it was too dark and too quiet at night. I guess when you are small, you don�t know what can happen so you aren�t scared of what might happen.

Wednesday, December 25, 2002

Merry Christmas!

Hope everyone has a great one. And I didn't forget.....Day 12.

12 Drummers Drumming

Monday, December 23, 2002

Day 10

We are getting down to it, hope everyone is done of their shopping and can relax and wait for the big day.

Ten Ice Lords Leaping

Sunday, December 22, 2002

Ladle Dancers?

Ok, so there is only was the best I could do.


Given more time I suppose I could have come up with something better, but I am so busy baking night and day. I hope to be finished for good tonight. Wish me luck.

Saturday, December 21, 2002

Day 8

Ok, first apologies on the boring submission for day eight. But when I searched for maids milking I somehow got a lot porn sites. You can just let your imagination run with that one.

Anyway, here's the only tastefull one I could come up with. Happy Day 8.

Eight Maids a Milking

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

12 days of Christmas.....sort of.

The last couple of years I have been sending goofy emails for the 12 days of Christmas. This year I guess I got bored. I will list the 5 so far.

On the first day of Christmas....
(ok....stop singing, your scaring the bird)
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5

I guess I will post the rest as the days go by, if anyone has any suggestions, please feel free.

Friday, December 13, 2002

Is it just me?

I was at the grocery store today to pick up baking stuff. I also picked up some Christmas Crackers.

As I was going through the checkout the pre-pubescent checkout girl picked them up and squealed,

�Oh, how cute, what are they?�

�Uh, Christmas crackers?�
I thought she was kidding.

�What do they do?�

Ok, she wasn�t kidding. �Two people each grab an end and when you pull it makes a cracking sound. Inside there is usually a toy, a hat and a joke of some kind.�

�How cool. What will they think of next?�

�How old are you anyway?�
she didn�t hear me. One of her other equally youngish coworkers came sauntering by.

�Have you ever seen these?�

�Ya, they are Christmas crackers. I never tasted one but I heard they were good.�

I struggle not to lose my eyeballs in the back of my head. �You don�t eat them.� I again explain them to the second clerk.

�Cool, something new?�

At this point I give up on the two of them. I was hoping these kids were Amish or something but I guess this is proof yet again of just how old I am. Doesn�t anyone else know about these things or is it just me. (and the rest of the old fart population)

Christmas crackers were the best part of Christmas day when I was a kid. Everyone would get one as we sat around the table for Christmas dinner and we would help each other crack them open. The room would smell like sulphur when we were finished and we would all be wearing the stupid tissue hats, even my father.

I don�t ever remember a year that I didn�t have Christmas crackers, so how did these kids miss it? Makes you wonder what else kids today are missing out on.

Thursday, December 12, 2002

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Well the tree is up finally.

I went a little nuts this year, I think my trees get bigger every year. If that is the trend I think I might have to move next year to a bigger house.

Maybe this one?

I decided to add a train this year, it takes up room so under the tree doesn't look so bare. That can be depressing.

Thursday, December 5, 2002

Diamonds are forever

Have you heard of this? If you haven't, there is an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer about turning your cremated loved ones remains into diamonds.

Each 1/4 karat stone would run you about four grand. If you wanted a full karat it would be around 22 grand. Aparently you can get 50-100 diamonds from one stiff.

How fucked up is that?

And another thing... do you really want to wear a ring that is made up of grandpa's rotted corps?

I got one word for ya...