Tuesday, April 30, 2002

Ever wonder how people find you in cyber space? Well I found out.

I have a counter at the bottom of my page from sitemeter.com. It tells you how people found your page, where they surfed from and where they went when they left. Everyone should have one, if only for the amusement value. The most interesting is google searches. What exactly people typed in to come up with your site as a result. I had so much fun with them, I gave them their own place in cyberspace.

You Are Here...

April 30, 2002


I know I harp a lot about snow in this blog.....

I am starting to worry about the planet and what we have done to it as a society.

Ya Right ;-) I could give a rats ass...but I am thinking that this weather might have something to do with this ozone thing everyone is screaming about. I recycle because I have to,(it's the law) but to tell you the truth its half assed. I make sure there is a few blue bags out at the end of the driveway so that the garbage man doesn't suspect that I have cardboard and tin cans in the black ones.

I know I should be concerned about future generations, but unless they find a cure for death, there isn't any hope of me seeing the earth crash into the sun or whatever the doom sayers are predicting this week.

What I am concerned about though is snow...I am sick of snow. The last three days we have had snow.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do April flurries bring?

Horrible dispositions.

Thursday, April 18, 2002

You know you are old ...

- when you start looking at a crowded bar as "a definate fire hazzard"

- when you spot kids you used to babysit for in said bar and they are NOT getting carded.

- when you spend an hour planning your TV viewing for the week. (you DO NOT want to miss West Wing)

- when your son spots a record player at a flea market and asks "where do the cd's go?"

- if you can say "its been 20 years since......" unless you can finish that sentence with "I was born".......you are old.

- if you ever start a sentence with "back in my day"....forget it...its over.

- when a handfull of marshmellows is not a suitable subtitute for breakfast anymore.

- when "hopping" out of bed is no longer an option, in fact, if you try, you could really cause some damage.

- when DRUGS = Tylenol

- when you start BBQing as much as humanly possible. Usually from about March to late November.

- when you consider a bra as optional. If you were smart you would have worried about this in your 20's when they were "up there" but now its way too late, they have moved south.....let it go.

- two words.....streatchy pants...nuf said

Wednesday, April 17, 2002

Ya gotta love instant messaging.

Usually I am invisible on those things...but every once in a while I get bored and turn it on.

Ding, Ding, Ding............three messages, from men....big surprise, telling me that if I like it long and hard to message them back. Cheese and Rice.

I am not kidding you ...this is a message I recieved.

"BigMak wrote:If you like sucking the rock hard dick of a well hung man......" well it went on from there and was pretty tasteless. First of all, you can tell by the way he words it that he is messaging multiple people with the same line. How rude....not only do I get an obsene message, but this guy doesn't even have the decency to write an original obsene message just for me!

I had to know....I just had to know, how that was working out for him. I messaged him back,

"Thats an interesting first comment, how's that working out for ya?"

"So you like what you read? You interested in a private session?" he says

"No, just wondering if that message is giving you any results?" "Does that work for you? I mean, do you get many responses?"

No response.

"I'm seriously interested. I find it facinating that "A" you composed THAT particular message and "B" you may actually get favorable responses from it. I can't imagine the type of women that would recieve that message and say "Oh wow...this guy is a prince....I MUST get to know him"

Still nothing.

"Its a serious question, purely research."

"If you don't want to chat with me.....you can just say so Bitch!"

" I do want to chat....I want to know if this really works, or if you took a shot to see what would happen."

"Fuck off"

Now I am getting pissed.....if a person is brave enough to compose a message like that and mass message it to a large number of females, then he shouldn't be frightened of a little unfavorable response. "Look Buddy, you messaged me."

I think he has put me on ignore now.......so I send his contact number to everyone on my list and get him flooded with messages............Good luck filtering all those messages to find your Cinda-skankin-rella. ;-)

Sunday, April 14, 2002

Well I figure I should update regularly....even though I might not have anything earth shattering to relay.

This week I spent finalizing wedding plans with the bride. The dreaded invitations are finally in the can. You see I had the bright idea to make CD invitations and they have been the bane of my existance ever since.

First I made a mock up......with a couple different cd cases, and the bride picked the one she wanted. White - superslim. At that point I proceded to forget which brand that particular one was.

Since then (about 2 months ago) I have been searching in vain for these white slim cases. No one makes them, they only make freaky colors and black. Lots and lots of black ones. Every week I would moan to the bride about how hard it was to find the white cases.

Fianally I had to break it to her that the best I could do was pale blue translucent cases. I took her to the store to show her them and she turns to me and says "If you are going to go blue, why not just use the black ones?" I almost dropped her. I had a fantasy of pulling a ninja move on her right there in the middle of Staples. I said "Are you kidding me?" she looked at me all doe eyed and said "I don't care, it's up to you". I went with the pale blue......I couldn't let all that searching be in vain. I had worked hard to find those blue cases and damb it...I was going to use them.

I will wait till the stagette to take my revenge out on her.

Thursday, April 4, 2002

Well the wedding is on.

The wedding is off.

The wedding is back on.

Well the wedding was never "off"...but there was a chance that the bride and groom would JP it and save the unsuspecting public from the torment of having to see me in a dress, hobbling around on high heels. The last time I wore a dress was the last time the bride got married.

AHHHH I was a vision in pink taffeta with a huge burgandy bow slapped on my butt. I would like to say that I mentally blocked out the rest of that fiasco, but I am only in the midst of the long and drawn out process of blocking it out. Maybe it is too soon, after all it was only 16 years ago. I need time to heal. I wish I could get a divorce from my memory like my friend got one from husband number one. That would be cool....some sort of drive thru memory eraser like a drive thru wedding chapel. "Yes, I will have a number one platter.....summer of '86 with a side order of awkward teen years, thanks, keep the change".

Oh well we all have our crosses to bear and it seems mine will be "Maid of Honor". Don't get me wrong, I love the bride, but I am NOT a people person and I was informed that not only would I have to stumble down the isle but I would also have to make a speach. GOOD GRIEF! I feel like stealing one from the net, I have no idea what to say. My friend is a real mushy sort of gal, and I am.........well ........I am not. Maybe I will throw in a mush thing at the end for her.

Oh and did I mention the dress? Well to be fair, I have convinced her to let me wear pants, but I haven't been out of jeans for any occasion since ..........well...........the last wedding. I started out bugging her to let me wear a tux, she wanted a formal floor length gown, we met in the middle.

I am also, as the maid of honor, in charge of the shower and the stagette. For a NON-people person, this is most distressing. I have to call people and schmooze. I can't schmooze, I am not even sure I can spell schmooze. The stagette will be easier, since I plan to get everyone completely shit faced before we even venture out into the world of bars. I have found the most delicious recipe for jello shots, that ought to do it.

I am also in charge of the printed material, invitations, bulletins, reply cards, and with the on again off again status I will have to wait till the last minute to print them. And since I am a firm believer in Murphy's Law, I am expecting the worst.

Oh well, I just hope and pray that this marriage sticks, cuz it is the absolute last time I am doing this. I don't care if she is marrying the pope....I am never wearing heels again.

Sorry Riea, you know I love you but my arches fell years ago.

Wednesday, April 3, 2002

AHH Spring. In Canada it is what we live for. It is how we measure time. "God, I can't wait till spring", "It feels like spring" "Spring feels like it is just around the corner". When you are Canadian, spring means the end of your misery, spring is better than Christmas. Snow is pretty to watch, but unless you are a skier or a penquin, it gets old really fast. Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, ...ok...they weren't singing, they were shitting on my car...but who cares...as long as it isn't snow.

Spring also means Home Show season, and thankfully my boss, in his infinate wisdom, believes that he must participate in every single one. "What does this mean for Evel?" you might ask. Well it means my boss will be GONE, out of my hair, far away from me. A stress free time for me. You see I don't "do" the home shows. I don't know enough about the product to be able to demonstrate it and answer any and all questions put to me. Thank God my boss hasn't connected the fact that I prepare all the promotional material with the knowledge that I might have retained some of that information in the nine years I have worked for the company. And to make sure he never does, I have prepared a few inane questions to ask him about the product. In fact I remind myself to ask one at least once a month, I mark it on my calander. This keeps me safely away from the home shows, and tucked safely in the warmth of my jammies in front of the tv all those weekends while he is drumming up business. Do I feel guilty? Let's just say I don't lose sleep over it.

Spring has sprung, all is right with the world.