Thursday, April 28, 2005

Over there.

So we are expecting a visit from representatives of the Undisclosed Computer Software Company� on Tuesday. They will be listening to calls and what? Doing something about the customer complaints about service in foreign countries? Not fucking likely.

Most likely it's all for show. Make it look like they give a shit, when all they really care about it that the foreign country call center costs them a fourth of what ours cost them. Never mind that customers complain they can't understand a word they say, that half of my job consists of fixing the shoddy job that they do. The cases created incorrectly, the cold transfers without cases who don't even end up in the right department.

Customer of the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� typically now speak to 4 or 5 different departments before ever reaching the one they need, when one agent and one tech are all they should ever speak to. Something tells me that that will not change anytime soon.

No matter how well we do our job, no matter how high our customer satisfaction surveys are, the bottom line will be what drives the decisions. I can see the future and it consists of all customer service being handled by our favorite foreign country.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Done, done and done!

As promised, pictures of the new paint job on the kitchen. My sister protested the blue, so I told her, "For the 5 minutes you are here everyday, you can avert your eyes."

It took me 2 days, most of that time was on trying to get the f'ing hardware off so I could remove the cupboard doors. They had been painted over so many times that you couldn't even see if there were screws in them or not.

My back is killing me, and I can no longer feel my fingers, but I think it turned out ok.

PS: Ignore the dirty dishes, I am.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

New Pope

I really thought for sure this would drag out. After all Pope John Paul II changed the rules of the conclave to make it less taxing on the cardinals.

In 1996, John Paul instituted several rule changes, including one allowing the election of a new pope with a simple majority if the cardinals take more than 10 days to choose a successor.

The cardinals -- who are forbidden to leave until they elect a new pope -- used to sleep in tiny, makeshift cells set up around the Sistine Chapel. If the conclave came during the summer, there was no air conditioning to protect them from the stifling Roman heat.

"They were essentially locked into a heat trap to get them to make a decision,'' said John-Peter Pham, a former Vatican diplomat. "It's almost cruel to do that to men in their 60s and 70s.''

Since 1978, the Vatican has built new lodgings for the princes of the church.

"It's essentially a luxury hotel,'' Pham said. "Each elector has his own suite and his own thermostat. The possibility exists for a long conclave.''

Very interesting that it took less than 2 days.

And the winner is?.......................Joseph Ratzinger, 78, of Germany.
And what name will he take?....................Benedict XVI, hmmm interesting choice, Benedict XV was a moderate.

I have to say, he looks good for 78. They say he actually campaigned for the job. Which is good I suppose. Nice to have someone who actually wants the job, and he was a popular choice among the cardinals, winning on the forth ballot.

It will be interesting to see if he will be as popular and as effective as John Paul II.

Anyone have any opinions?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

It was a technician in Operating system support. He tells me that he has just formatted this ladies computer and she wants to install her office program.

Ok, simple, she just needs to be redirected to office techs.

"Ya, here's the thing. The office disk is 5 hours away from her current location."

WTF? "And you of course told her that that was impossible, right?"

He starts to laugh. "She says there has to be a way."

"Sure there is, it's called MAGIC!"
We chuckle some more, I have to talk to this crayon. "Put her on, I will take care of it, she might be installing off a company server."

Right off the bat we establish it will not be installed off the server. "Do you have the disk, Kathy?"

"No it is at the office, but there must be a way. It says on the website that you can restore."

"Well, unless you are magic, there simply is just no way."
She didn't appreciate that comment.

Now she is snotty, "It says on the website that you can restore it, if it says you can on the website then you can."

"Yes you can, but you have cleaned the hard drive so there is nothing to restore. You have taken that computer back to the beginning of time. A time when the office did not exist on that computer, so without the disk there is no way you can install the office. You have to have the actual disk to install software."

In her most sarcastic, snotty voice, "Is there some reason I am NOT talking to an office tech right now?"

Bitch! "None whatsoever. I will transfer you over to an office tech." Who will explain to you why you are NOT MAGIC you f'ing crayon!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Sp p p p p p it it out!

Five minutes to the end of my shift. The phone rings, my last call.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

I ask the customer for his first and last name.

"Em em em em em em em an an n n n n n uel K k k k k k k k k k k k k ...."
Holy shit! Please tell me the problem is with the phone.

Ok, let's go at this another way. "Could you spell that for me?" He spells it perfectly without stuttering. The phone number comes out flawlessly too. Perhaps it is a sporatic thing.

"And how can I help you tonight, Emanuel?"

No such luck. This man take 5 minutes to spit out that his server is hanging and for the life of me I cannot fathom how I know that is what he said. But when he painfully spit out "do you know what I mean" I paraphrased and he said, quite baffled, "Yes!"

Unfortunately, I would not be the person helping him solve this problem. And he would most likely be talking to someone in India. I cringed thinking about his immediate future.

"Is this causing company wide work stoppage, Emanuel?"

"Y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y e s s s s s yes."

Good Lord! This man is in charge of getting tech support for a company that is losing money hand over fist. Now, I don't think this man has just this second developed this stutter, so what possessed him to call me. For the same reason I do not attempt brain surgery, this man should not be calling in for phone support.

By the time we got to the payment options it was 25 minutes later (typical call takes 4-5 minutes) and I was not going to suffer another minute, by this time I was banging my head on the desk.

"Your in luck, Emanuel, the tool I use to process credit card charges just went down....blah blah blah it's free." Actually I hit the little X to close the window, but that is our little secret.

The sad part is, the techs in India, will not even try and help him. They will figure out a way to pass him around till he gives up. That is their MO.

Monday, April 4, 2005

For those who are interested.

I typed out the article about the hockey thing so those who are interested can read it.