Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Am I offended?

I can't decide whether I am offended or not?

In the U.S. south, is Canadian a new racial slur?
...‘Canadian' was the new derogatory term that racist Southerners were using to describe persons they would have previously referred to [with the N-word.]

I don't know about you, but no matter what context I hear that word, be it on the street or in a music video, it makes me cringe.

I suppose if you can't keep a racist from slurring, I would much rather hear the word 'Canadian' than any variation of the N-word.

I can understand if you are Black you would be completely offended, but as a Canadian, am I offended? Are you?

Suppose since 'racists' believe the other races are inferior, we can surmise that they believe Canadians are (in their warped minds) somehow inferior to them as well.

Yet I still can't be offended. I have tried, it's just not happening.

Maybe because when I picture someone using these terms, I always picture either a skinhead (no job, living in a militia encampment, dating his sister) or a red neck (no job, gun toting, derelict cars in the front yard, dating his sister) and to me, I can't see where they would feel even remotely superior to me.

Is that my racism?

After all, I am sure people who use these terms are not all as described above but it is the first images that come to mind. So, by being racists, who are they really hurting? Apart from the 15 or 20 children they are siring, do you think they are influencing anyone other than their own counterparts? I think they are doing more harm to their own kind than spreading racism across the country.

What normal person (who wasn't already racist) would listen to the retarded shit they say and go, "Oh ya, that soooo makes sense."

Unless, of course, they were dropped on their head as a child.

Here is the biggest fear. The following is the intro to Idiocracy. A comedy, but something people should really think about.

Maybe we should be less concerned with what they say and focus on reproducing faster than they do.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Of course we will credit you.

"I can't get on facebook."

"How about other sites?"

"Sure, I can get everywhere but facebook."

"There must be an issue with the site then, you can try again later."

"I pay you for internet."

"We can't control the content. You are online, our job is done."

"Will I at least get a credit for today?"

"For not getting on one website?"

"Ya, I pay for this."

Holy shit. Ok let's see... you pay fifty bucks a month for internet, divide that by 31 days, that's a $1.61 per day, devide that by the suggested number of distinct sites on the internet, 108,810,358.

I will credit this person for...let's see, oh ya 0.0000147 cents!.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Some people.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Crayon-ism. Not just for Americans anymore.

"I was moving stuff around and I pulled the mouse cable out. Can you send a technician?"

"Uh....this is the Undisclosed ISP™..."

"Ya but I can't get on the internet without the mouse."

Can you argue with that logic?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Worst dressed gay guys on TV.

You have to watch a complete episode to totally experience the wardrobe. Colin adds a huge corsage to every outfit. Every outfit. Polo shirt and cargo shorts, huge corsage of flowers, almost a bouquet. It looks ridiculous.

As they stand there, in flip-flops and a t-shirt with a short tie, critiquing the persons home decorating skills, all I can think of is ... "Who dresses these people?" Are gay guys even allowed to wear plaid?

Check out Colin & Justin's Home Heist. BTW, he is not standing in front of that bouquet of roses, it is pinned to the front of his shirt.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The ship is sinking.

I have been getting all kinds of reports from friends still working for my former employer, the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™

I believe that the biggest client, the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ will pull out completely very soon. Just before I left they lost the operating system support contract to the center in India, and soon after I left the Email support contract was lost as well.

They still have the customer service contract but I don't see it lasting. And I will tell you why.

When I was still there you would hear about people being fired for hanging up on up to 500 people in a month. One person, Five Hundred! Who does that? You would have to hang up on most of the people that call you, what makes a person do that?

Along with the firings, there are the tenured people who are quitting. People who know their jobs and do it well. Why? because they realize that there is no reward for doing your job well there. You go the extra mile to make sure the customer has a good experience, and you lose the 'bonus' because your call time is so high. Meanwhile, the guy who hung up on 500 people has excellent call times (until they realized how he was doing it) and he gets the bonus.

Middle management doesn't care, they get the bonus regardless. But when you are a tenured person, sitting next to that guy who is hanging up on everyone, and he gets the bonus instead of you? Ya, its time to move on. And what is perpetuating this? Favoritism by middle management. I have to qualify this, by saying that some middle management try, but as soon as the rest of them realize that that one good manager is fucking up the curve? They squash him.


Manager has 10 agents. Five of them are doing their job as set out by the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™. Customers are happy and the client can't say enough good things about the project.

The other five agents (the managers favored ones) do dick all, they hang up on customers, they barely take notes (because they are chatting on messenger or surfing the net) and, more often than not, transfer to the wrong techs for the issue the customer is having. At which time the customer gets transfered back and gets one of the good agents who fixes the case (screwing their handle time) and recovers the customer.

Somehow, the five assholes always seem to get the shift they want and their 'stats' are perfect and their absences are 'forgiven' so they always get the bonuses.

Now, all these agents sit together. The good ones know what the bad ones are doing. They see that they are getting better shifts and never miss getting the bonuses.

So, now the good agents are sitting there thinking, "Why the fuck am I busting my butt to satisfy the customer? Or dragging my ass in here when I am sick?" When they realize they don't have a good answer, they stop.

Now you have 10 agents that aren't doing their job. How long do you think the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ will put up with that?

Not much longer. Mark my words. This is by no means the only thing wrong with working there but ask anyone in there what their biggest gripe is and it can all be attributed to favoritism.

When upper management finally realizes it, it will be much too late. Perhaps if they knew that middle management has already begun sending out their resumes, they might get a heads up. I doubt it, they would have to take their heads out of their asses first.

Not an easy job for a Big Giant Head.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Thank you, Godfather.

The writer's strike is only going to make things worse.

Parking Wars - It can't be about the obvious, right? Oh but it is. It is like Cops, only its meter maids. I kid you not.

Seems like George Clooney has had enough, he won't let this go on to fuck up the Oscars. He'll make them an offer they can't refuse.

Apparently George is Don Vito Corleone.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Am I missing something?

I have been assaulted by this commercial every 10 minutes for the last week or so. First impression? This guy totally creeps me out. I am not all that sure why, but he seems so ... what is the word I am looking for? SMARMY? Is that a word?

Then I think, who the hell is this guy anyway? Am I supposed to know who he is? He is way too creepy to be a nobody. I mean would they risk creeping people out with the commercial if he wasn't some sort of celebrity? This commercial has got to make sense to someone. Why else would they have made it?

Finally, not being able to stand it another second, I was compelled to Google it. I was willing to bet he was a washed up porn star or something. I was wrong.

Apparently someone in Hamilton must know him. Although, with a name like that, he was born to be a porn star.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

White Horse - False peace.

The Boy's Father has again begun to freak me out. I would say that over the last few weeks we have had a half dozen civil conversations. One day he even joked around with me. It makes me very uneasy.

There has got to be a rift in the space time continuum. Even though I left him 16 years ago, TBF usually acts like I punched him in the face yesterday. This niceness seems like one of the signs of the apocalypse.

I was discussing it with Bunnie the other night. I was telling her about The Boy driving me crazy with the car and his weekly bitch fest about where we live. (away from all his loser friends) He has been impossible to live with. Then I mention the uneasiness that TBF is causing. She knows TBF, so she understands why I would be suspicious.

"What do you think he is up to?"

"I'm hoping he's trying for custody."

I have a better chance of getting struck by lightning. In my living room.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

There, but for the grace of God.

Vehicle involved in 8-death N.B.

Mourners pay last respects in New Brunswick

If you have ever had a kid travel with a sports team, you have to be thinking it today.
Once more, with feeling.

Just when you thought there was nothing on TV, American Idol begins again. I never miss the audition rounds. They are just too funny.

From the truly aweful.

To the completely insane.

Where do all these mentally ill people come from?

And that was just Philly. Can't wait.

Monday, January 14, 2008

God does not want The Boy to drive.

God really has it in for The Boy. He clearly does not want him driving a vehicle.

He failed his first road test. It happens. Then I pay to have him take a lesson so he would know how to pass the test. Next time his Aunt takes him and when they get there they realize the inspection has expired on the truck and he can't take the test.

I let him drive anyway, and he gets in an accident. Cha Ching!

After all that, he heads out today to take yet another test. He is ready, he has practiced, he has been schooled in how to get past the hard ass that gives the test. The vehicle is inspected and tuned up and insured. What could go wrong.

Snow storm.

His test was at 3:30pm, started coming down hard at 3:24pm.

The lord is trying to tell him something.


The lord has been thwarted. The Boy is legal.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Bill's last day.

In July of this year, Bill will say goodbye to Microsoft, the company he has been a part of since he was 17 years old, to devote his full energies to his foundation work.

During his last keynote address at CES, he presented a video parody of what his last day at Microsoft might be like.

It made me wonder what kind of company Microsoft will become with out his goofball personality running the show. Steve Balmer will still be there, I suppose, but how much of his goofball attitude was because Bill was there to support it.

I thought I would post just a few of my favorite Microsoft videos.

I think he will be missed. Let's hope his leaving doesn't turn Microsoft into a stuffed-shirt company.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Starting to look like a fixed race.

John Mccain is doing the happy dance tonight. If the election were today you would be saying President John Mccain. He is the clear winner early on in the New Hampshire primary and waits to see who he is up against on the Democrat side. Close race between a woman and an African-American. It couldn't look better if he rigged it himself.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think there is anything wrong with either a woman or an African-American becoming president. Do I think the yanks will actually elect either one of them as president? Not a chance.

I have heard Barack Obama speak, and I think he would make a damn fine president. But the yanks don't always do what is right for them. No matter how progressive they think they are, they won't get past his skin color. Not even Oprah can pull that shit off. Mores the pity.

Not sure what the Democrats were thinking when they sent Hilary out on the road. I suppose she is the most recognizable woman in the party, but for what? Letting her husband live after getting serviced by an intern in the oval office. She lost the red-necked vote there. Maybe she is hoping to get Bill out quail hunting.

It isn't quite time to count chickens, of course, John Mccain won the NH primary once before in 2000 but still didn't get the presidential nomination. But he has got to be thinking the view is very good from where he sits right now.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Arnie is acting up again.

Remember FTS? I get this pain in my side, more like a charlie-horse in my ribs.

More recently I have felt like it was more of (how do I describe it?) a feeling like there is something in there that shouldn't be. Like if I lean my back on a hard surface, I can feel this thing push toward the front of my body. Much like the feeling when I was pregnant and the boy would stretch his legs.

I have taken to calling it Arnie. Because, you know, it's 'not a tumor'. This does not amuse my nurse sister-in-law, Darling. She thinks I should have it looked at.

One problem. When I decide I am going to go have it checked, Arnie stays quiet and I forget he is there. He somehow knows I might be trying to get rid of him. Then a few weeks later, he starts up again.

What is really keeping me from having Arnie taken care of? What if it is a tumor? Do I want to know? You know it is always the way. The doctor will tell you that you have had it for 10 years or something retarded like that, but the second he says cancer, you die within the week.

Arnie ain't such a bad guy.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

The white elephant in the middle of the room.

With all his money you would think he could afford a better toupee. Wonder why no one says anything?

I understand it though. No one wants to be the guy who points out the white elephant, lest that white elephant delivers a roudhouse kick to the throat. He has got to know that we know, doesn't he? You can't take your eyes off it. Hard not to offer it a bowl of milk or something.

Suppose it isn't as bad as The Donald. I don't care how many helicopters he gets off of without that hair moving. It is a comb-over, albeit, an expensive 'weave' comb-over, but a comb-over none the less. Your not fooling anyone.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Bitch done lost her mind!

See this is what I mean. Give a kid that kind of money and fame and she will start to believe her own press.

She seems to think this is all a big joke. She is Britney, this is not happening.

Now she has apparently lost her mind. And all it took was someone to tell her she couldn't have something she wanted.

Friday, January 4, 2008

How bored do you have to be?

You have to be very rich and very bored to throw money at something this retarded. This thing isn't as classy as it looks. It is basically a table hoisted up by a huge crane. I kid you not.

And just how much? Dinner in the Sky (table + crane + logistic & security staff) for 22 people is a mere 7.900,00 €. (roughly 11 and a half grand Canadian) This gives you 8 hours to hang around like assholes, but does not include food. The piano player hanging below you like an idiot is extra as well.

This begs the question. What about bathroom breaks? Ever hear the expression, 'they saw you coming'?

I swear to God, money is wasted on the rich.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

'Nice girls' don't put it in their mouthes.

SUZIE: "Licorice anyone? Evel?"
ME: "Naw, don't eat licorice."

SUZIE: "You don't like it?"
ME: "Can't swallow it." She gives me a quizzical look. "I have problems swallowing lots of things, pills, french fries, nuts..."

SUZIE: "You should have that checked?"
ME: "Have what checked?"

SUZIE: "Uh, the swallowing thing?"
ME: Deadpan."I'm a nice girl, I spit."

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

YOU ARE HERE - Jan. 2, 2008
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it).

- trampling foot budapest phone (Hungary) (#3) Huh?
- nice girls don't spit (United Kingdom) (#9)
- fuck the baltimore county public library (Virginia) (#11)
- fuck off canadian politically correct (Saskatchewan) (#4)
- labatt commercial turn me loose (Pennsylvania) (#15)
- its not a tumor kindergarten cop (California) (#9)

Shouldn't you be working or studying?

Indigene Pharmaceuticals (Massachusetts)
Modern Niagara Ottawa Inc (Ontario)
Weber State University (Utah)
Mississippi Dept. Of Education (Jackson)
Credit Suisse Group (Switzerland)
Canadian Department Of Education (Halifax)
Exxon Mobil Corporation (Texas)
Shell Services International Inc (Houston)
Fairmont Hotels & Resorts Inc (Toronto)
Calgary Regional Health Authority
University Of Michigan College Of Engineering (Ann Arbor)
State Of South Carolina (Lexington)
Canadian Textiles (Ottawa)
Allstate Insurance Company (Chicago)
Citgo Petroleum Corporation (Tulsa)
Colonial Williamsburg (Virginia)
Lehigh University (Pennsylvania)
State Of Maryland (Crofton)
Makemusic Inc (Minneapolis,Minnesota)
Hanes Companies Inc (Winston Salem,NC)
Osceola County (Florida)
Hard Rock Cafe (Orlando)

Can You See Your House From Here?

HINT: Ever grab a drink at the Black Swan Ale House or a bite to eat at Tokyo Garden?

Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy Birthday, Internet.

"On New Year’s Day 1983, while the rest of the world slept off a night of partying, a small group of computer experts in the U.S. found themselves hard at work, taking deep breaths with fingers crossed."

What was I doing? Let's see, in 1983 I was 18. Still in high school. I probably heard about this at the time but I was pretty much a stoner (which explained why I was still in high school at 18) so I would have made fun of the person who informed me of this little tidbit of info. I don't remember them making a big deal about it in school. I guess Al Gore was keeping a low profile. (idiot)

Was pretty much a non-issue anyway because in my neck of the woods, we didn't get internet until the mid 90's. I remember using BBS systems first, then dial-up services for years.

However, I was a geek early on. I remember my brother getting a computer when he started his business. As soon as I saw it, I couldn't keep my hands off it. It was an Amiga 500 (or possibly a 1000 or 2000). It had no hard drive, you loaded the ROM and the operating system. And you had to save everything on floppy disk before you shut it down, or you lost everything.

Believe it or not, I spent hours playing text adventure games. I know, it sounds lame, but at the time, it was addictive. Try them for yourself. Mine were not this fancy, imagine all of that on a black dos screen. I had to actually type 'move north' or 'look east' or 'drop knife' all while trying not to fuck up the map (which I had to create myself) so I didn't get lost. And once I learned to do basic programming, forget about it. If your a geek, and of a certain age, you have created random bouncing ball or 'Hello World!'.

Anyway, I hope you find this trip down memory lane informative. How far back in internet history do you go?
Another one bites the dust.

Hope this one is better than the last. Looks good so far.