I left some stuff out, if you can believe that.

Well, we finally figured out what the training is. Well sort of. We found out why it was 'secret'.

They don't actually know what it will be in the end. It's more like a pilot. See what we can be trained for. Have us as a backup for existing centers, basically cross train us for every level of customer service highest to lowest. They are big on redundancy sites right now since our center went down in a blizzard for 4 days, and there was no one to cover.

Since most of us already have experience in consumer and professional customer service, they are training us for higher levels. You know, those customers who purchase thousands, even millions of dollars of support. Companies that may even have our technicians on site already or have the option to have them flown in.

Some of the others are a little freaked out. But these customers will require even less from us. They will know exactly what they want and who they want to speak to.

Before we even learn what we will be training for there was a little bit of tension. Especially from a few of the techs that were chosen. They are upset, understandably, about going backwards in the company. (the salary cap is lower in CC) But they don't even know where this might lead, so they should at least give it a chance.

Not this one Tech Chick. The Extremely Huge Head from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ is welcoming us and giving us an idea of what it was all about and she starts. She is upset about being there. She feels it is a demotion. Now, keep in mind, we don't work for the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™, we work for the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™, the Extrememly Huge Head is our client. He is pissed. This tech chick idiot won't shut up. He keeps telling her to take up any employment issues with her MO.

Then she does it royally, she equates her draft into this new project with being asked to flip burgers. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! You don't look your client in the face and tell him it is beneath you to work for him in this capacity.

One of the trainers (not ours, thank god) was offended by this comment, he stood up and told her that the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ was a family and no one department was any better or worse than the other and stormed out of the room.

This, you would think, would shut her up? No. She kept going. Finally the Extremely Huge Head shut her up. "I can't do anything about your employment, I can't say to your MO, fire her. All I can say is I don't want her on my project. Again, if you have any employment issues take it up with your MO."

BURN! Wonder if I will see her in training on Monday?

So, how is training going? It's frustrating. There is one chick in this class (not idiot tech chick) that is jumping all over my last nerve. She is literally holding us up. She constantly asks questions, senerios about future events, "What happens when I am on the phone for 6 years and I get a cramp?" The guy from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ who actually wrote the training book is training us and she is correcting him. I kid you not! This dude wrote the book. Even if he says the sky is green, you do not correct him. What the hell is wrong with you?

I turned to the guy beside me and said, "I'll give you 20 bucks if you break her legs."

"I think one of them is already broken."

"Ok then, ten."

Dude from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ is pretty even tempered, and clearly religious but I can see him cracking.

He might do it for free.

And another thing...

Another reason the tech chick is bitter? The CC agents get a one dollar an hour raise! Considering that the techs start out at a dollar more an hour, it has to do with wage equity in the project.

Bite me bitch!

Ignore the man behind the curtain.

Today I start the 'secret' training.

The Extremely Huge Head from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ did indeed show up yesterday. He was not impressed with the setup.

There was much angry words and smoothing of feathers. Threats and compromises. Pictures of the great wall were taken and, I assume, sent back to the home planet. I don't blame them, that wall is just indescribable.

So far the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ has not pulled the plug on the new project but they are not happy with the training facilities. Nor are they at all happy with the presence of the Undisclosed H Em Oh™.

So, what does the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ do to rectify the situation? After the Extremely Huge Head left building they constructed what can only be described as a brain fart. They hung tarps around the hastily thrown together 'special' training room. Big time security at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™.

I wish I had been there this morning when the Extremely Huge Head cast his peepers on that rediculous setup.

Can't wait to hear what his reaction was.

Your own worst enemy.

And how was your day?

Incoming message from the Big Giant Head!

The Big Giant Heads from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ flew in yesterday to begin training.

A little background. I work for the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ who's only client (until very reciently) in this center was the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™.

A couple months ago the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ courted a new client, lets call them Undisclosed H Em Oh™. They figured it would take this new client a while to make up their minds and by then they would have a new location ready for them.

Not so, they were quick to sign on the dotted line. And now they want to begin training and the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ had no place to put them. So, while waiting for a new location they put a wall down the center of our production floor. Gave them 150 cubes and they started training. They are also using all of our training rooms.

Coincidently, around this same time, the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ is also courting the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ to bring in a new project. Much training, new shifts, the whole nine yards.

They didn't figure on getting the go ahead on both projects at once.

So the Big Giant Head's from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ show up here on Monday and this is what they see.

-The great wall of china.
-Training rooms occupied.
-Strange people milling about.
-Security barring them from half of the center.
-Techs (their techs) standing around for an hour waiting for seats so they can begin working.
-One hastely constructed training room smack dab in the center of the production floor that they are informed is 'special, just for them'.

So, one of our classes begin. Trainer is distracted by production floor noise and the added noise coming from behind the great wall. He is pissed. He sends the class for a break and does not come back.

Next thing you know, the Big Giant Heads inform everyone that training is postponed till Friday and they leave. This is not good.

I suspect that they went back to their hotel and immediatly contacted the Extremely Huge Head and he is on his way from the home planet.

Heads are going to roll. I just hope that it is not mine.

Scheduling brilliance!

Last night I get to work (at 3pm) only to find that by 7:30pm I would be one of only two agents working. WTF?

Who's brilliant idea was that? And I was off at 11pm so the other poor soul (Kay) would be there all by herself till 1am.

Needless to say, I stayed till one. You got to wonder who, in upper management, lied on their resume. Organizational skills, my ass!

The TM on duty called the Big Giant Head to see if he could ask some agents to stay for OT, but she conveniently didn't call back until all the others had left. 'I could stay if I wanted to', she says. 'Yes, she knew it would only be us two', she says, but she thought I was on till one. WHAT? She thought two agents were plenty to take care of all business calls in North America? I was NOT impressed.

I ended up taking 106 calls and Kay took almost 80. If you called in last night, I apologize, but I was just rounding them up and shipping them out. No extra chatting, no going above and beyond. Everyone got the bum's rush.

And another thing...

It had to be that way, cuz we were working the professional line, and of those 106 calls I took last night, maybe 20 were professionals. All the others were calling after hours for personal support. And they weren't getting the whole "we're closed" thing. Some people can be so thick sometimes.

ME: "Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�? my name is blah blah blah..."
CUSTOMER: "Ya, I can't get this program to work." It's Me.dia Pl.ay.er. Groan!
ME: "Consumer support is closed for the evening, if you would like to call back in the morning, someone should be able to help you."
CUSTOMER: "So here's the thing..." He starts babbling about his issue.
ME: "Sir, I am not a technician..."
CUSTOMER: "Ok, I need a technician."
ME: "As I said that department is closed, if you would like to call back in the morning..."
CUSTOMER: "No I need to talk to one tonight, I will pay..."
ME: "I am sorry, but I can't charge you, there is no one here that can help, they all went home."
CUSTOMER: "So you won't help me? I paid a lot of money for this software and you are telling me that you will not support it?"
ME: "No, that is not what I said, I told you that that department is closed, everyone in that department clocked out 4 hours ago and went home."
CUSTOMER: "But your there, why are you answering the phone if you can't help customers?"
ME: "You have reached the professional group, we handle tech support for professional products."
CUSTOMER: "So you lied, there are techs on duty, you just won't send me to one."
ME: "Yes there are techs here, they are trained in professional products, if you had a professional product I could get you through to a technician. It would require the use of a support account or a credit card charge. The charge for professional support is two hundred and forty five dollars." That shut him up.
CUSTOMER: "That is so unfair!"
ME: "What is so unfair, if your tech support cost $245, you would have 24 hour service. But yours is free, so you have to call back during support hours. It's simple."
CUSTOMER:"Ok, well let me ask you this...."

Ok, this has gone on long enough, I am in Q and I don't have time for you...< - CLICK - >

And how was your night?

Curious-er and curious-er.

Another thing that makes me think this might be the Technical Router thing. All the current TM's were asked if they would volunteer for a back shift.

No one, of course, did. So since no one volunteered, someone will be voluntold.

They wouldn't ask for volunteers unless they plan on having that shift.

Fingers still crossed.

And another thing ...

For those of you concerned about my impending incineration. You will be relieved to know that I got my training schedule changed from that 7am start to 3:30pm.

Sigh of relief.

It's all so ...

Lots happening at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. A bunch of the pro agents have been in sales training this week. Then I get my schedule and there it is, training. I ask a TM what the training was for, I figured they would say sales. Not so.

"We were not told what the training was for. Just that you are scheduled for it."

Now if it were sales they would just come out and tell us it was sales.

"What is so top secret about training?"

"No idea, they won't tell us anything."

So, I ask around. I can tell that it is NOT sales for the simple fact that there are people that are already in sales in the training. There are also people from the xp tech department in this training so I am thinking it might be some sort of tech router.The suspense is killing me. I really hate not knowing.

I am really hoping that it is tech routers. Ever since they hinted that they had a new shift for possible technical routers, I have been dreaming of it. Three days on and four, count 'em, four days off.

I would kill for that. But what is with all the secrecy? Another rumour is that big giant heads from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company� are flying up for the training.

Gotta be something besides sales. After all, any moron with goo.gle access can do sales.

And another thing ...

I get an email telling me I am scheduled for training on the 20th.

AT SEVEN A M!

AM! Did I mention it was AM? Holy shit!

I have been night shift (5pm to 1am) for most of the last 2 years. I am not sure what will happen to me if I am asked to function at 7AM. And I have to work till 12:30 the night before.

I don't know but, I am pretty sure if I step outside at 7AM I will burst into flames. I am scared!

I voiced my concerns with a TM and he is going to try and get me switched to the night class. Pray for me.

Rain, Rain go away.

If it would only stop raining, I could sit here.



Can ya tell I am proud of myself?



Is it that obvious?

Stupidity. Not just for customers anymore.

I know I pick on the lowly computer home user. They are not the only ones calling me with absolutely stupid requests. (if you want to insert funny accent for tech, go ahead)

TECH: Starts to babble on about tech things, what he has tried with this customer, what he wants to try next. "What do you think?"
ME: "I think you should call your mentor."
TECH: "The mentor line is busy."
ME: "So you thought 'hey, I can't fix this, and the more experienced techs are not available, so I think I will call customer service? Did you want me to send Gerry the Janitor over and you can consult with him? Give your head a shake."<-CLICK->

TECH: "We are installing this operating system and we need a bypass key for activation."
ME: "What is wrong with the key the customer has?"
TECH: "We already used that one on his laptop."
ME: "Did he purchase a second OS?"
TECH: "No."
ME: "Then No."
TECH:Then very snotty, "If you wouldn't mind checking the case notes, there is a note from my mentor that authorizes me to call cc for a bypass key."
ME: "How nice for you, but I could care less. If your 'mentor' wants to give you the key he can fill his boots. OS software keys are one license for one installation. If I were to give you another I would be actively pirating the software."
TECH: "Really?"
ME: "I'm sorry, are you new?" <-CLICK->

TECH: "Ya, I need a bypass key for office upgrade."
ME: "Does the customer have a qualifying product?"
TECH: "No."
ME: "Then, no."
Insert snotty comment about checking case for mentor note
ME: "Did you delete the customers qualifying product?" Which does happen and we don't penalize the customer for our mistake.
TECH: "No."
ME: "Look, your 'mentor' has access to the tool. If he wants to give this guy four hundred bucks worth of software he can go right ahead, but I am not. That would be piracy. If your customer wants a full version product he has to purchase it." Who trained these people?

TECH: "I need you to redirect this customer. I am an XP tech and this case was created for office." He gives me the case number and, look at that, he is right. Says so clearly that it is office. Along with the proper transfer code for that department.
ME: "Are you kidding me? How long did you wait on hold for me?"
TECH: "Five minutes."
ME: "And all the while, staring at the proper transfer code for this customer? Why didn't you just transfer him there?"
TECH: "Ah...." <-CLICK->


TECH: "We just finished the install and we need to be transferred to activation."
ME: "So, why didn't you just call activation?"
TECH: "Ah..."
ME: "Not your secretary." <-CLICK->

Again with the roaring.

It's not fancy...



But it works.



I might start a business. LOL!

La tabella � completa!

The table is complete, with complications. I forgot to allow for the thickness of the top when I measured for the legs, so its a bit high. Sonny will cut the legs down for me.


But I think it turned out alright.

This little pile of lumber?



Is destined to become an night stand. Wish me luck!

And another thing...

After finishing the table, I was moving it to take a picture....and broke a fucking nail! Do you believe that?

More delays.

Well the jigsaw had no blade. So I had to call my cousin, Sonny. All he had was a skilsaw.



He said he would come over and saw the legs for me. Great, cuz I won't deal with anything that can cut my leg off. A flesh wound is fine but I draw the line at amputation.

So, Sonny comes by, power tools and daughter in tow. The princess and I stand back, cuz he is already down one finger and that does not inspire confidence. Once he is finished he asks if I want him to put the legs on for me.

"Ah, no. I can handle it." It's a table, not the space shuttle.

Then the princess pipes up, she is all of 5 I think, "Don't you want my daddy to make the legs for you?"

I kneel down in front of her, like I am about to prevail upon her the wisdom of the ages, "No, sweety, women don't need men to build anything, they just need their power tools." In more ways than one.

As they were leaving I thanked Sonny. "No problem" he said.

And the princess, all sweetness and light says, "Daddy, why did you say 'no problem'?"

"Oh, was he complaining the whole way over?" I ask.

"Oh Yeah."

Never trust a kid to keep a secret.

Anyway, I got one leg on the table before I had to go to work, and then it rained cats and dogs, so I won't finish until tomorrow. Pictures to follow.

Those who doubt me, can bite me!

I turned this...


Into this...


And did not break a nail.


ROAR!!!

I had to quit when I finally broke the saw, but tomorrow I will break out the jigsaw and finish 'er off.

I am woman, hear me roar!

Been busy these last few days, I am building a table for my deck.

Yes, I said building a table. With my own two little perfectly manicured hands.

So far I have just cut and laid out most of the wood, but the hand saw I have is warped. So, I am just waiting for my brother to arrive with the new saw and a power tool I need (a power driver).

A couple of people offered to do it for me, but you know men, the offer then make you wait till winter. By winter I will not need a table for my deck. So, I lugged the wood up the stairs and started on my own. Mind you, it will never make it into the Bob Vila Hall of Fame, but it will serve my purpose.

I will post pictures when it is done.

And another thing...

Building has been slowed due to the fact that my son and I had a bit of a corn boil today. I am suffering a bit.

I have come to the conclusion that you never really buy corn you just rent it. There can't be any nutritional value in corn, since it exits in the exact condition as it entered.

She's Baaaaaacccckkk!

Canada's most notorious female killer, Karla Homolka, is back on the streets, of Quebec.

She went straight from prison to the studios of Radio-Canada to do an exclusive interview in very bad french. I guess she wants to live in Quebec so decided to go the French route.

This whole thing has been huge embarrassment for the legal system in Canada. Twelve years is not adequate punishment for the monstrous things this psycho did. Rape torture and murder of several school girls including her own 15 year old sister. The prosecution jumped the gun when they plea-bargained Holmolka. Had they just waited a couple months, (until the video tapes surfaced) they could have had her for the rest of her days. Safely behind bars.

In the last hour they added a crapload of restrictions on her for a year after her release. But I doubt it will stick. Holomolka declined an offer of earlier parole consideration for just this reason, she served her entire 12 years. Meaning it is unlikely that they will be able to enforce the restrictions. The court gave her a sentence and she served the entire sentence. They just better pray that she can keep it together and not go psycho again.

I am still of the hope that there is at least one other psycho out there who will finish her off, just for the notoriety.

Hey, psycho's should be good for something, eh?

Happy Fourth!

And just for today, go ahead, blame Canada.

You know you want to. But remember.

Good news, bad news.

After being missing for 6 weeks, 8-year old Shasta Groene found at a Denny's Restaurant in Idaho in the company of Joseph Duncan a level three sex offender. Her brother, Dylan Groene, has yet to be found.

Apparently this dick-head has a blog that advocates the non conviction of sex offenders. Stating that "Sex Offender Registration is State Sanctioned Discrimination."



This guy has a string of sex offences in multiple states and has the nerve to blog the following:

"Most sex offenders are just like me, not at all concerned about re-offending since the idea is not even in the realm of possibilities to them. They are hard working responsible law abiding citizens, and in fact on average slightly better adjusted than the average working class person."

So far this 'person' is just a child abductor/abuser but judging from the fact that Shasta's brother is still missing, I wouldn't be suprised if this 'thing' is also a murderer.

Makes you wonder what the point of registering sex offenders is. Perhaps society should investigate other alternatives. Like chemical castration or, my favorite, sand blasting.

What do you think?

Happy Canada Day!

I AM CANADIAN!

Crazier than a bag of hammers!

It was an interesting night tonight. The usual bag of dumb as dirt computer users.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

CUSTOMER: Ya, I got an error message when I tried to open a file.
ME: What is the error message?
CUSTOMER: Don't remember, I closed it.
ME: (SIGH) Interestingly enough, the error message will tell you what went wrong and why.

(I wait, while he recreates the error. I tell him to tell me what he is doing as he is doing it.)

CUSTOMER: I click on this zip file, and it tells me filename.zip cannot be opened because associated program does not exist. (can't remember the exact message, but it was something to that effect.)
ME: Do you have WI.NZ.IP on your computer?
CUSTOMER: What's that?

Give me strength. Next crayon.

CUSTOMER: It says, installation incomplete, Product A upgrade cannot find a qualifying product.
ME: Can you read the disc to me?
CUSTOMER: This product will search your system for a qualifying product for this special upgrade edition.
ME: Do you have a previous version of Product A?
CUSTOMER: Ah,no.

One more...

CUSTOMER: I try and connect to the internet and it says - Cannot Connect to Server
ME: Who is your internet service provider?
CUSTOMER: Huh?
ME: Who do you pay for internet access?
CUSTOMER: You have to pay for that? I thought the internet was free?

I kid you not!

And another thing...

Just had to share this call that a co-worker told me about.

Customer called in from Ma.cD.ona.ld's Restaraunt chain. He had mistakenly shortchanged a customer fifty bucks. He wanted the CSR to look up the person in the Undisclosed Computer Software Company� database so they could contact him to come back for his change.

After telling the person that was impossible, he became frustrated. You can do it, the Undisclosed Computer Software Company� knows everything about everyone.

And how was your day?

The Emancipation Emasculation Proclamation.

Ever since my psycho adorable cat, Milo, got fixed, (Like he had a choice in the matter.) he has decided that hygiene can take a back seat. He used to be sleek and shiny, now he looks like, well, something the cat dragged in.

Right after the surgery he went to lick his balls and lost his mind. WTF? He walked around growling and meowing loudly at me as if to say, "What the fuck have I ever done to you?"

"You would have started to spray the house."

"What happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

"Dude, it's in your nature. All male cats do it."

"I refuse to be painted with your stereotypical brush. I can't believe I didn't even get a hearing. Jesus! Michael Jackson got a hearing!"

"And look how well that turned out."

After realizing the hopelessness of the situation he just said, "Fuck it, I have no one to impress anymore. And if I can't lick my balls, I ain't lickin' shit!"

"No one to impress? What about me?"

"Bitch, you cut my balls off! Your on your own!"

It may have lost something in the translation.

Huh?

Hoobastank's "The Reason" and Simple Plan's "How Could This Happen To Me?"

Same song?

Hit me baby!

In keeping with the 'old chick' theme of late. I was watching Hit Me Baby, One More Time.

No, not the Brittany Spears song, the TV show. One hit wonders singing their one hits as well as a recent hit from a recent artist. They compete for online votes. Not exactly sure yet what they win, besides the obvious exposure. Caught it in the middle, so I missed a few of the performances. That may have been a blessing.

You should check it out. You will say, at least once... "Hey, I thought he/she was dead. Cool."

-Glass tiger - Don't Forget Me. Sadly, I knew all the words. Recent song -(Everything you want - Vertical Horizons) It's always hard to hear someone else sing a song you know. But they did well with it.

-Billy Vera - At This Moment. The man still has it. Smooth. Recent song - (True - didn't catch the artist and didn't recognize the song.) He crashed and burned, especially in Spanish. I thought Vera was a Spanish name but I guess not.

-Club Nouveau - Lean On Me.. Remember the song, not the artists. Missed the cover song, but caught the recent hit. Not sure what it was, sounded like a car commercial jingle done badly.

-Thelma Houston - Don't Leave Me This Way. Have to say this woman has aged gracefully, as most African American women do. She was great. The recent hit she did (Falling -Alicia Keys) sounded like it was written for her.

-Greg Kihn - The breakup song.Sorry I missed that one, but caught the recent hit they sang (Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day). It was kind of sad.

And the winner is.....? Thelma Houston!

And I guess she wins a $20,000 donation to her favorite charity.

Overall a pretty good show for those of us from the 'vintage' era.

Reprieve!

For those of you losing sleep over the impending apocalypse, rest easy.

The boys father is now 4 days late with the child support and is avoiding my calls.

Buy all the green bananas you like.

Age hits ya like a slap in the face!

Its all over for me. I might as well pack it in. I am definitely ready for the bone yard.

Got off early tonight and thought I would sit back with a coffee and a cigarette and watch the Much Music Video awards. Hey, I'm as hip as the next guy!

Up walks Ashley (Fetus) Simpson. Cute as a button and in true red carpet tradition she was asked 'who' she was wearing.

She called it vintage. From 1983.

Ya, thanks for playing.

Times they are a changing.

There may be another opportunity for change at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. Seems they are thinking of having a shitf of technical routers in the center. Not tech support but more than customer service, somewhere in the middle. And I want it so bad I can taste it.

The shift would be Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays 11pm to 12 noon AST. That's it, three days on, four days off. This shift has two things goig for it, the fact that there is 4 days off and that it would be back shift.

Meaning, it would be dead. At 11pm AST it is 7pm PST, 8pm MST, 9pm CST and 10pm EST. That means even in California people are saying, "Fuck this I ain't doing this much overtime." and going the fuck home. Only the real loser techs would be calling me. Those who couldn't talk their way out of it. So, it would be like the old days in pro, where we took 5 calls all night, and sat around playing cards. I want it.

Did I mention I wanted it?

And another thing...

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

"Hi this is Aboo-daboo from activation. This man has oem software and a volume license key."

"Ok, did you tell him that would not work?"

"No, can I bring in the customer?" What? You don't want to tell him so I have to? WTF?

"Whatever, just bring him in." I don't feel like arguing with you since I can bearly tell what the fuck you are saying.

ME:"Hey Brian, how you doing?"
CUSTOMER:"Fine and yourself?"
ME: "Not bad, Aboo-daboo said you were having problems with activation?"
CUSTOMER: "I think so, but I couldn't understand her, not sure what she was telling me."
ME: "OK, let me clear it up. You have OEM media and you are trying to install it using a volume license key."
CUSTOMER: "Yes"
ME: "These are your options. Get an OEM key from your vendor, or volume media to use with your volume keys."
CUSTOMER: "Why is that?"
ME: "Well, right now it is like you are trying to start your car......with your cat."
CUSTOMER: he is laughing hysterically."That made more sense than what she said."
ME: ME: "It's a gift. Thanks for calling, have a nice day."

I love my job.

Go peddle your crazy somewhere else.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

CUSTOMER: It doesn't say po.cket pc on it, but it is a poc.ket pc.
ME: Just because it fits in your pocket does not make it a poc.ket pc.

XP TECH: My name is Kumar from xp support...
ME: (deadpan)Congratulations.
XP TECH: (I have stumped him, he pauses) Yes. This person got through without a case number.
ME: Not suprised, half the center is without tools.(we have procedures for that, you send them through and tell them the tech will create the case, its not brain surgery)
XP TECH: Can you create a case for me?
ME: Nope, not your secretary. --CLICK--

Woman locked out of her computer, forgot her password.

ME: We don't break, bypass or work around passwords, we can only help you format and reinstall.
CUSTOMER: But I will lose all my data.
ME: Yes, that is the purpose of the password, to protect the data.
CUSTOMER: But it is my data.
ME: We have no way to verify over the phone that it is you, sitting in front of your computer.
CUSTOMER: I can get my son on the phone.
ME: Sorry.
CUSTOMER: This sucks, you suck. (nice)
ME: Look at it this way, if someone were to steal your computer and we helped them break the password. They get all your info, steal your identity, apply for credit cards, ruin your credit. Who are you going to sue? Him or us?
CUSTOMER: I would never sue anyone!
Your American aren't you? Does it look like I just fell off a turnip truck?

After giving customer the option for paid support.

CUSTOMER: Ok, but can the tech fix this.
ME: If he can't he will refund the money.
CUSTOMER: But you can't tell me if he can fix it.
ME: I am not a tech, but if he can't he will refund the money.
CUSTOMER: I can't believe they don't have techs answering the phones.
ME: We all have our jobs.
CUSTOMER: And you know nothing about the software?
ME: If I did, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
CUSTOMER: Jesus, even the cashier at the grocery store knows about the milk.
ME: Ya, but she has no idea about the cow.

After informing customer they were running pirated software and there was no support for him. I was in a mood.

CUSTOMER: I am not getting a warm, fuzzy feeling about the Undisclosed Computer Software Company�
ME: I am pretty sure they are not too crazy about you either.
CUSTOMER: I think I will just junk this pc and buy a m.ac.
ME: Fill your boots. --CLICK--

That is like saying, I am not buying cars anymore, I am going to buy ice cream instead. You still have to drive to the ice cream parlor. We are a software comany, we don't give a shit what hardware you buy, you will still need the software. And by the way, our software company actually has a stake in that hardware company, so you would be doing us a favor. We might actually get a couple bucks out of you for a change. Crayon.

And another thing...

Just have to tell you about Jennifer.

It's a quiet Saturday night at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, the CSR next to me is trying to explain to the customer that we are closed and all the XP techs have gone home. Yes, she says, we are still here, we are professional agents and we deal with servers, that sort of thing, but XP is closed.

You can hear this woman screaming. I tell the CSR, "Just hang up." So she does.

Now we have really done it. This is the sort of person who will call back, over and over. They think that if they rant and rave that somehow we can turn back the hands of time and the techs would actually be there.

From a couple of rows down I hear, "Kay's got a screamer." On the weekends it gets boring and these types of people break up the menotony. I think, cool, hope I get her next. And I do.

CUSTOMER:"I WANT TO SPEAK TO KAY!"
ME: "Excuse me?" Faking innocence.
CUSTOMER: "I WANT TO SPEAK TO KAY!"
ME: I am sorry, I don't know who Kay is. May I help you.
CUSTOMER: FINE YOU CAN GET ME KAY'S SUPERVISOR, SHE JUST HUNG UP ON ME!
ME: I can certainly get you a supervisor, but since I have no idea who Kay is I don't know who her supervisor might be.
CUSTOMER: GET ME ANY SUPERVISOR, I HAVE BEEN DENIED SERVICE!
ME: Sure, I will need your name and phone number.
CUSTOMER: I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MY NAME, I HAVE A CASE AND I HAVE BEEN DENIED SERVICE! (I can't understand why, you are such a sweet and reasonable person)
ME: May I have your case number?(She uses her best snotty voice and I bring up the info.)
ME: Is this Jennifer?
CUSTOMER: YOU WILL NOT ADDRESS ME AS JENNIFER!
ME: I need to verify that this is the right case, is this Jennifer?
(This is where she loses her mind. She starts screaming so loud that she is going horse.)
CUSTOMER: YOU WILL NOT ADDRESS ME AS JENNIFER, YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS MRS. LOWENBOWSKI.
(evil grin)
ME: You are going to have to calm down and keep this professional ... (pause for effect) Jennifer.
(I can imagine that her head is spinning around and she is barfing pea soup.)
CUSTOMER: I TOLD YOUUUUUUUUU!(she is screaming and holding the note)NOT TO ADDRESS MEEEEEE AS JENNIFER, YOU WILL ADDRESS MEEEEEE AS MRS. LOWENBOWSKIIIIIIIIIII. I WANT YOU TO SAY MY NAME, SAY IT, SAY IT, WHAT IS MY NAME? SAY IT, SAY IT, SAAAAAAAAAY ITTTTTT!
ME: (Slowly...) "Jennifer?"
More screaming, but it's getting boring, so I hang up.

Makes you wonder about natural selection, don't it?

Save your breath.

The mood at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� has changed. So has my attitude with customers. I have heard myself saying these things and so far no one has called me on it. Sometimes I don't think they are even listening. I think our days are numbered.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

Customer: "Thank God you speak English!"
Me: "Don't get used to it."

Customer: "Please don't send me to India."
Me: "Then stop stealing software and the big giant head will stop trying to save a buck."

Customer: "I can't understand a word they say."
Me: "Give it time, you will have lots and lots of practice."

Customer: "Thank God I finally reached an American."
Me: "Sorry Sir, I am Canadian."
Customer: "Same thing." And they wonder why the big giant head does not give a shit if they complain about India, since they can't locate it on the map there is no fear of retribution.

Customer: "Three hours wait time? That's ridiculous."
Me: "Yes, but we do have really great hold music."
Customer: "Really?"
Me: "No, sorry, couldn't do it to you. But it is inspirational."
Customer: "Inspirational?"
Me: "Ya, more than one person has called back in and said, 'I was on hold for an hour and fixed it myself.'"

Customer: "I don't want to pay for support!"
Me: "Ok, thanks for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, have a nice day" --CLICK--

I think I am just tired of sugar coating it for these crayons. Tired of regurgitating the company line...the "Undisclosed Computer Software Company� is a global company and I am unable to determine where your tech support might be located." Yes I can, its in India.

What I really want to tell them is.

The Undisclosed Computer Software Company� has no intention of taking your opinions into consideration. Yes, I realize that you can't understand a word the tech is saying and he is not listening to you either. He is reading from a script and if you interrupt him he just has to start over. If you had any brains at all you would go to the self help website and read the script yourself. Save yourself some aggravation.

No, they will not give a shit if you complain. They will just say you are racist and get rid of all the 'English as a first language' agents so you are less inclined to complain about it.

Bottom line is, they pay agents in India 13,000 rupee a month (that's about 300 bucks American) to give you free tech support. They don't really need you to be satisfied, since there is not a serious contender out there as an alternative to the software they produce.

Yes, I have heard a lot of you say, "I think I will just throw out this PC and get a M.ac." Give 'er. Oh, and good luck finding software that is not produced by the Undisclosed Computer Software Company. Ya, and Lin.ux? Please! You can't manage to figure out what right click means, you are not switching to Lin.ux. I know that and the big giant head knows that, he is not worrying about the kids college fund.

Last year, our center was rated number one for customer satisfaction. The Undisclosed Computer Software Company� couldn't say enough good things about us. We were the best thing since sliced bread. They even sent us to India to train their agents there.

So, what does the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� do? Why, they change our metrix requirements, make it impossible to give good customer service. They say, "You did such a great job with 6 minute calls, now let's see you do it in 4." Oh, let's not forget they added 15 extra things that must be done within that 4 minute call. All of which, if not done are punishable. "Oh and we are going to screw with your schedules, less hours, maybe change your schedules weekly so you never know when you are working so you will have to be off work if you can't get a babysitter. By the way if you don't show up we will punish you. And we have also come up with a few hundred other menial things that we can punish you for, like eating candy at your desk." When I first joined the company, I was promised the FISH! Philosophy. And now? You will not find one fish on the production floor.

"But keep a smile on your face, go that extra mile for the customer, let them know you care. One more thing, we realize that you have been constantly cleaning up the messes that the agents in India have created, good job. As a reward, we are going to hire more Indian agents and cut your numbers in half. We really can't understand why moralle is so low. After all we let you spin our customer satisfaction wheel for your chance to win a ball point pen. Yes we are a fortune 500 company, what's your point?"

It's almost like they are trying to sabotage the center so they can move all the customer service to India. Which makes good business sense, I guess. Since they have no real concerns about losing customers.

Guess that's how the big giant head got so big.

Houston....we have railings.

Finally got a new deck, no more heart in the throat trying to climb the stairs of death.

Again, I am no Marlin Perkins.

Those of you who remember when my cat 'Oscar' had kittens are already aware of this fact. But yesterday, my gerbils, Jay and Silent Bob, became the proud parents of three.

And another thing...

For those of you playing along at home. Another possible sign of the apocalypse.

The boys father said these words, unprompted. "Do you and your mother need anything?" and then promptly passed over the child support.

Don't buy any green bananas.

My boyfriend's back!

The Boy is back.

That little experiment did not go well. The boy was not happy there, and it showed. Although the father did nothing to make it more enjoyable, he was upset that it didn't miraculously work out.

I called him from work last night. When I asked him how it went, telling the boy he would be moving home, he said, "It was the hardest thing I ever had to do." And God help me, I felt sorry for him.

Despite the fact that, for the last 14 years, that man has been treating me like I punched him in the face yesterday, I found myself saying, "At least you tried, everything will work out." (did I just say that?) I told him that spending more quality time together, just the two of them, might turn out better than trying to live together.

I also steered him away from blaming it on the fact that the girlfriend and the boy did not get along. "You can't expect her to, out of the blue, have to deal with a 14 year old that is not hers." (You know the boy has said, at least once, "Your not my mother.") There is a lot more to it but I really hope they don't let this episode come between them.

Anyway, I hope he can keep up the quality time. Right now, they are on their way to work together, just the two of them. I think this will work out better.

Sympathy vs. Empathy.

We have signs all over the place that say, "Remember Empathy". It does not, however say, look it up in the dictionary. That said, I will explain the difference between Sympathy and Empathy.

Sympathy is an emotional affinity in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other, and its synonym is pity. Translation: I care about what happens to you and it effects me deeply.

Empathy is a feeling of concern and understanding for another's situation or feelings. Translation: I know what your going through....I just don't give a shit.

Deal with it.

Get in my belly!

Just had to post this.

On my way home from work, I picked up a donair. For those unfamiliar with the product, it is spiced beef on a pita with sweet creamy sauce. And this one is as big as my head.



MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Update

This took me 3 sittings to consume. I think I am good for at least a year.

Bat Shit!

Ever hear of someone going bat shit? I have heard of it but until tonight I had never personally witnessed such a thing. I suppose you can't really say I witnessed it, since I was the one doing it.

Me and the boy were watching a movie, when out of the corner of my eye I see a small moving shadow. At first I thought it was a fly, so I swished it. Then I saw it again. This is when I went bat shit. I looked up and saw this circling the living room.



I quickly pulled the blanket over my head, informed the boy of the intruder and promptly left him in the dust as I bravely dove into the bathroom. I then proceeded to heroically instruct the boy from a crack in the door. KILL IT!

I felt just like George Dubya.

After the boy did hand to hand with the beast for a few minutes, I thought of opening the door so the thing could escape. Much preferable to the boys plan of beating it to death with a fly swatter.

Floating. Sounds better than it is.

I am on a new shift now, the evil geniuses at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center? have shaken up the whole shift preferencing thing so much so no one knows if they are getting screwed or not. There are some crazy shifts, different start times, different days off. Crazy for the people with kids.

Speaking of which, the boy is starting to think that maybe living with the father is not such a good idea. He is here 3 or 4 times a week. And its not as though they have really made him feel welcome, they haven't let him decorate the tiny room they gave him, won't let him have cable in the room, hell, they haven't even given him a key to the house. Took him home the other night and the door was locked. This was after I had called to tell them I was bringing him home after the movies. The good news is that my sister has basically moved in with the boyfriend, so his room is available. We will see how long he can hold out.

My new shift is 5pm - 1am 'floating' days off. Sounds like fun, don't it? Not so far. Can't really plan anything too far in advance, and that includes vacations. I never know from week to week what days off I have. It's always a surprise!(one way to look at it)But I guess I can't complain, at least I have a job, for now.

I think I might apply for a TM position on the new project, but there is no way I am going frontline for less pay. They don't pay me enough now to talk to these crayons, I don't want to have to talk to sick crayons.

The evil continues.

They continue to stir up the pot. They closed down a number of cubes in the tech department. And the most evil ploy of all? They brought in Pizza!

It is an ongoing joke at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� free food is a harbinger to bad news, and hot food means certain disaster.

We are all just biting our nails waiting for the chafing dishes to appear in the lunch room.

A well oiled machine?

A lot happening at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. I will nutshell it for you. Huge push for new hiring in the tech division. Sounds good, right? Then they tell us in Pro that they are changing our job classification to part time. They may, at some point, have to reduce our hours, so this is in preparation of that. This of course has nothing whatsoever to do with hiring a group of pro agents in India. HMMMM? But hey, we can transfer to tech, that would guarantee us full time. They save money, and fill the tech void.

That was last week.

This week, there is a new client for the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. An 'exciting' new opportunity. Ya right! Start off on the ground floor of this new project. Oh, did I mention the pay is at ground floor too? Ten minutes later, the tech group is cutting hours. They are over-staffed 75 agents. HMMMM? But you can transfer to the new project. Coincidence? They need 200 people for the new project. Plenty of jobs to go around.

Here is where it is evil genius. You need 200 people for a new project, at base pay. Scare the shit out of the agents you have, make them think they may be losing their jobs, or at the very least, their hours. They panic and jump to the new project at reduced wages.

Then, "OH, I guess we really didn't have to reduce the workforce in tech. My bad." Hire off the street at base wage to fill the spots left by the transfers. Fill the new project, save a shitload of money. The end.

Like I said, a well oiled machine.

Over there.

So we are expecting a visit from representatives of the Undisclosed Computer Software Company� on Tuesday. They will be listening to calls and what? Doing something about the customer complaints about service in foreign countries? Not fucking likely.

Most likely it's all for show. Make it look like they give a shit, when all they really care about it that the foreign country call center costs them a fourth of what ours cost them. Never mind that customers complain they can't understand a word they say, that half of my job consists of fixing the shoddy job that they do. The cases created incorrectly, the cold transfers without cases who don't even end up in the right department.

Customer of the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� typically now speak to 4 or 5 different departments before ever reaching the one they need, when one agent and one tech are all they should ever speak to. Something tells me that that will not change anytime soon.

No matter how well we do our job, no matter how high our customer satisfaction surveys are, the bottom line will be what drives the decisions. I can see the future and it consists of all customer service being handled by our favorite foreign country.

Done, done and done!

As promised, pictures of the new paint job on the kitchen. My sister protested the blue, so I told her, "For the 5 minutes you are here everyday, you can avert your eyes."

It took me 2 days, most of that time was on trying to get the f'ing hardware off so I could remove the cupboard doors. They had been painted over so many times that you couldn't even see if there were screws in them or not.

My back is killing me, and I can no longer feel my fingers, but I think it turned out ok.







PS: Ignore the dirty dishes, I am.

New Pope

I really thought for sure this would drag out. After all Pope John Paul II changed the rules of the conclave to make it less taxing on the cardinals.

In 1996, John Paul instituted several rule changes, including one allowing the election of a new pope with a simple majority if the cardinals take more than 10 days to choose a successor.

The cardinals -- who are forbidden to leave until they elect a new pope -- used to sleep in tiny, makeshift cells set up around the Sistine Chapel. If the conclave came during the summer, there was no air conditioning to protect them from the stifling Roman heat.

"They were essentially locked into a heat trap to get them to make a decision,'' said John-Peter Pham, a former Vatican diplomat. "It's almost cruel to do that to men in their 60s and 70s.''

Since 1978, the Vatican has built new lodgings for the princes of the church.

"It's essentially a luxury hotel,'' Pham said. "Each elector has his own suite and his own thermostat. The possibility exists for a long conclave.''

Very interesting that it took less than 2 days.

And the winner is?.......................Joseph Ratzinger, 78, of Germany.
And what name will he take?....................Benedict XVI, hmmm interesting choice, Benedict XV was a moderate.

I have to say, he looks good for 78. They say he actually campaigned for the job. Which is good I suppose. Nice to have someone who actually wants the job, and he was a popular choice among the cardinals, winning on the forth ballot.

It will be interesting to see if he will be as popular and as effective as John Paul II.

Anyone have any opinions?

Abracadabra!

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

It was a technician in Operating system support. He tells me that he has just formatted this ladies computer and she wants to install her office program.

Ok, simple, she just needs to be redirected to office techs.

"Ya, here's the thing. The office disk is 5 hours away from her current location."

WTF? "And you of course told her that that was impossible, right?"

He starts to laugh. "She says there has to be a way."

"Sure there is, it's called MAGIC!" We chuckle some more, I have to talk to this crayon. "Put her on, I will take care of it, she might be installing off a company server."

Right off the bat we establish it will not be installed off the server. "Do you have the disk, Kathy?"

"No it is at the office, but there must be a way. It says on the website that you can restore."

"Well, unless you are magic, there simply is just no way." She didn't appreciate that comment.

Now she is snotty, "It says on the website that you can restore it, if it says you can on the website then you can."

"Yes you can, but you have cleaned the hard drive so there is nothing to restore. You have taken that computer back to the beginning of time. A time when the office did not exist on that computer, so without the disk there is no way you can install the office. You have to have the actual disk to install software."

In her most sarcastic, snotty voice, "Is there some reason I am NOT talking to an office tech right now?"

Bitch! "None whatsoever. I will transfer you over to an office tech." Who will explain to you why you are NOT MAGIC you f'ing crayon!

Sp p p p p p it it out!

Five minutes to the end of my shift. The phone rings, my last call.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

I ask the customer for his first and last name.

"Em em em em em em em an an n n n n n uel K k k k k k k k k k k k k ...."
Holy shit! Please tell me the problem is with the phone.

Ok, let's go at this another way. "Could you spell that for me?" He spells it perfectly without stuttering. The phone number comes out flawlessly too. Perhaps it is a sporatic thing.

"And how can I help you tonight, Emanuel?"

No such luck. This man take 5 minutes to spit out that his server is hanging and for the life of me I cannot fathom how I know that is what he said. But when he painfully spit out "do you know what I mean" I paraphrased and he said, quite baffled, "Yes!"

Unfortunately, I would not be the person helping him solve this problem. And he would most likely be talking to someone in India. I cringed thinking about his immediate future.

"Is this causing company wide work stoppage, Emanuel?"

"Y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y e s s s s s yes."

Good Lord! This man is in charge of getting tech support for a company that is losing money hand over fist. Now, I don't think this man has just this second developed this stutter, so what possessed him to call me. For the same reason I do not attempt brain surgery, this man should not be calling in for phone support.

By the time we got to the payment options it was 25 minutes later (typical call takes 4-5 minutes) and I was not going to suffer another minute, by this time I was banging my head on the desk.

"Your in luck, Emanuel, the tool I use to process credit card charges just went down....blah blah blah it's free." Actually I hit the little X to close the window, but that is our little secret.

The sad part is, the techs in India, will not even try and help him. They will figure out a way to pass him around till he gives up. That is their MO.

For those who are interested.

I typed out the article about the hockey thing so those who are interested can read it.

I've been published.

Well, we made the paper. Hope the New Glasgow parents were embarrassed. As well they should be.



The letter to the editor also prompted a reporter to write an article on the subject.



Time will tell if we get that apology or not.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

My sister is a shop-a-holic. I am trying to get her in a 12 step program but she hasn't yet admitted that she has a problem.

She has been her about 3 weeks and has never, and I mean never, stepped through the door without a shopping bag in hand. And sometimes she walks through the door more than once a day. Dishes, dishes and more dishes cuz you never know when you may want to have 70 or 80 of your closest friends over for drinks.

I try and clamly (so as not to agitate her) explain to her that this is an apartment not a house. That at some point she will be forced to quit cold turkey when we run out of physical space for her purchases. She has already crammed as much as is humanly possible into her room and I know she is eyeing the living room.

Granted, she does buy some really nice things, and of course we have to throw out the old crappy things, my things, that they are replacing. Problem is, what happens when she moves out? I will end up with no furniture in the house.

Another problem is that weather is turning warmer and she can soon start buying for the outside of the apartment. The gleam in her eye when she looks at the deck is frightening. And what is worse, come summer, the deck will be larger, since the landlord plans to rebuild it. I may have to physically restrain her. You know, for her own good.

I see a multitude of potted plants in my future. Pray for me.

Heads will roll, ya sure, we'll see.

One of the bigwigs from the Undisclosed Computer Software Company� showed up last night and had a skip level meeting with some of the employees. He was not expecting what he got.

The employees let him have it, they bitched about all the bullshit that has gone on in the last year. They started out by telling him that a good percentage of people working there are looking for another job and would leave in a heartbeat. People just don't like working there anymore. The bitched about the seating, how everyone had to roam around looking for a place to sit, how they had to send people home so the night shift could sit. They bitched about the performance appraisals, how they were contradictory, how hard it was to meet the metric of the job and achieve a high level of customer satisfaction. How you never know week to week what shift you are going to be on. The list went on.

Half way through the meeting he took his Undisclosed Computer Software Company� hat off. One employee made sure he was writing it all down, and at the end of the meeting, asked him to read it back. He said he was sick of having meetings and nothing getting resolved. Needless to say the meeting went long.

Then he said something that shocked everyone. "Why haven't we heard from you before, if this has been going on for so long?" Everyone looked at each other, puzzled. "Wait a minute, are you guys aware of the website to contact the Undisclosed Computer Software Company� directly with your concerns?" Again, puzzled looks.

He was furious. "This stops today! A lot of this stuff I have to work through the proper channels to get resolved but the seating issue will be resolved today and every employee will be made aware of the website to contact us directly."

Not sure if any pro agents were in that meeting, perhaps we will get our chance tonight. Not like there is a chance in hell anyone will let me within 100 feet of that meeting, but a girl can dream can't she?

Reactions.

Woke up to this email. I had cc'd a copy of the Letter to the Editor to the email on the New Glasgow Minor Hockey Website.

Evel,
This is to acknowledge receipt of your e-mail and to let you know I passed it on to the Co-chair of New Glasgow Minor Hockey, Gilles Legere. It has also been forwarded to Paul Fraser,Communications Director of New Glasgow Minor Hockey.
Thank you,

I will let you all know how this pans out.

Trailer Trash, not just for trailers anymore.

The boy's team finished 3rd in the last tournament of the hockey season yesterday. They won the last game against a team that they never won against all year so it was doubly exciting. However, all was not fun and games and the parents of the other team showed a lot of us what not to do at a child's hockey game. Just thought I would post a copy of a letter I promptly sent to the editor of the local paper.

To the Editor:

I just have to write to express my disappointment and disgust at the conduct of the New Glasgow Bantam B parents at a recent tournament held Trenton this weekend.

I realize that things can get heated when you are routing for your favorite team but booing a 14 year old when he is receiving a medal is a bit beyond classless.

In two different games that Trenton had against New Glasgow, the New Glasgow parents showed poor taste and even poorer sportsmanship when they cheered a certain Trenton player when he got a penalty. Now, that can be chalked up to the heat of the moment during a tournament game,but after the games were over and the children were lined up to receive awards and medals, these parents went above and beyond tasteless.

As this particular boy was called up to receive his award, the New Glasgow parents booed him. I am sorry, but this just rubbed me the wrong way and if it had have been my son, they would have been hearing about this long before this letter was printed. What kind of an example are these people setting for their children? If I were the parent of this child I would demand an apology from the New Glasgow Minor hockey for the conduct of the parents at this tournament.

You know what? Even though it was not my son, I still demand it. Wrong is wrong, and they should be ashamed of themselves. We all signed contracts when our children were registered for hockey and they broke that contract.

The Fair Play Code of Ethics is to be followed by the PCMHA membership. Their own website states: Respect the Rules, Respect the Opponents, Respect the Officials and Their Decisions, Have Everyone Participate, Maintain Your Self-Control at all Times.

Clearly they do not practice what they preach.

Regards,

Evel Woman
Trenton Bantam B Parent

And how was your weekend?

It never gets old.

Just a little told ya so dance.

Michael is alive after a plane crash and he ends up pulling surprise, surprise, AJ out of the wreckage.

F...ing near snow blind.

And so it begins. The sister has moved in, and I come home the other night and she has moved things around. Ok, not a biggie. But she is starting to move everything. I told her to let me know before she moves me out of my room. I'll just wait till she goes to sleep and move everything back, sooner or later she will get tired of it.

I am a little different than her, I have things in certain places, not for aesthetic reasons but for pure functionality. For instance, she moved the baskets from the hall table and stacked them against the door, now I knock them over every time I come out of my room. They will soon find another home.

I also told her that the bathroom door needs to be kept shut. Not that I like it shut, or it looks better shut, or even that I want it shut. I told her it needs to be shut. Well this morning she found out why. The cat got in there and shredded the shower curtain. Let's say it together, shall we? "The door needs to be kept shut."

After she replaces a few dozen shower curtains, she might get it.

She also has some sort of eerie fascination with white, she replaced my navy blue shower curtain with a white one, blah, and my black coffee maker with a white one. Ditto for the wall clock and the clothes hamper. I swear, one more white piece of anything and I am going to throw up.

We might need to have a meeting. Or I could just get a can of red spray paint and paint while she sleeps.

How do you pronounce that?

Here at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� you are given a case number to go through for technical support, they all start the same way, SRX, then the date and then 6 more numbers.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah...may I have your first and last name please?"

Very pissed off, "ESS ARR EX, ZERO FIVE ZERO..."

Very calmly, "Thank you, and how do you pronounce that?"

Sometimes, rude people slay me.

The crazy cat sisters.

Well on my way to becoming one of the crazy cat sisters. My sister moved in with me today. Cat to follow. The boys room is officially rented.

It should be ok, since I work nights and she works days. We will not get on each others nerves too quickly.

She still has to get all her stuff out of her house, and hopefully the husband won't put up too much of a fight.

Fingers crossed.

S-H-M-I-L-Y!

SO, the boy has been gone for 3 weeks. I have to ask myself "how do I really feel about that"? Do I miss him? Or do I just miss the little boy that he was.

The kid who would write S-H-M-I-L-Y! (see how much I love you) in the butter and snicker when I found it.
The three year old who would stop what he was doing when 'our song' came on the radio and ask me to dance.
Who would play 'nap monster' with me, a game I devised at 7 in the morning when I wanted to sleep just a little longer.
The kid who loved 'tickle monster' because every single part of his body was ticklish.
The boy who would curl up on the couch with me, look at me all lovey-dovey, blow a big fart and laugh his ass off.
The kid who would learn a song on the guitar and hurry to play it for me.
The kid who wanted me to come to the skate park so I could watch him do his latest trick.

Now, he is a teenager. He doesn't want to talk to me about his day, he doesn't want me to know he has a girlfriend. He doesn't want me to drop him off right in front of the mall. He doesn't want me to kick anyone's ass on his behalf. He doesn't care if I show up at the hockey games. He rarely even calls, unless he wants something.

When did I become someone he endured?

I haven't seen SHMILY! in a long, long time.

I told you so.

Just want to go on record. Been watchin G.ene.ra.l H.osp.it.al off and on. Now I don't think I have to watch again till sweeps.

The whole kidnapping of Sonny's kids? It's AJ. He faked his own death, framed Courtney for it, got Faith to kidnap the kids and sent back all but Michael, his son. He gets revenge on them all, and gets his kid back. Mystery solved.

Now I can watch something else at 4. Any suggestions?

House or Barn edition?

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

"Ya I kent git inta ma puta"

"What version of w.in.do.ws do you have sir?"

"I have a ipac with windas xp house."

I kid you not.

Fucked up the ass, and still no dinner.

Well I guess I needed more than luck. I needed my head examined for ever getting into this mess.

The psycho DID bitch sent her daughter to the hearing, since she knew she couldn't look me in the face and lie. The daughter says, "My stepfather starts chemo tomorrow and I didn't want them to be tired for that."

Turns out this woman has been in the rental property business for over 30 years. With me, she acted like this was the first time she was ever attempting anything like this. She totally snowed me. She knew exactly what to do. She asked me to leave on 5 days notice, and she said that we should have something in writing, she sent Art over to get me to sign a paper that said I agreed to vacate the premises. I signed it, because I did agree. But she never signed it.

So, because of that little piece of paper that I didn't even write, I was walking funny by the time I left there.

The director kept saying, why did you sign that paper?

Next time I think something is too good to be true, I will listen to myself and not others who tell me to go for it. What did I have to lose?

Well turns out because I left without giving a months notice that I could be liable for January and February rent as well as heat and lights for the property. But psycho bitches daughter says she will advise her mother to just let the whole thing go. Isn't she a peach? All I had to do was agree to drop my claim for the return of the damage deposit. She however did not have to agree to anything. Don't you just love the system working? Everyone gets fucked once and then they learn. So if this woman was in the business for over 30 years, you know she has seen a lot of pump action. So, I agree. I told the director, "I just want to be shut of those people."

I wanted to climb over the table and rip off her arm and beat her to death with it. I felt like saying, "Your mother's probably poisoning her husband, cancer my ass!"

Well I think I will just chauk this one up to experience, do my time with the huge L on my forehead for a while and move on and keep my back to the wall from now on.

Wish me luck.

I know I am getting pretty lame with this blog, but I hope to start updating daily very soon.

The boy is still with his father, and I don't expect he will be back. His father has told him that he will not ask me for child support. Not suprised since that would take effort.

Tomorrow I go to the tennancy hearing and hopefully I will get some of my money back from the psyco bitch. Wish me luck on that.

It's a thankless job, but mothers have to do it.

After 14 years of doing without for him, the boy has decided that he wants to live with his father. I don't blame him really. He is 14 and when you are 14 it is all about the money, and his father has it.

His father has not paid child support since October, when the boy first went to live with him while I found another apartment. Since then the boy has been back and forth, but when he would be home with me, his father wouldn't pay because he had been with him and I didn't pay. Then I would run out of money and the boy would have to go back, there was no way for me to catch up. He would stay with his father for a month, so his father would not pay cs for a month after he came back, by that time we were eating pb&j and the boy didn't like that and would go back to his dad's. It was a vicious cycle. If the boys father's intention was to make his place look like the better deal, he succeeded.

I know that the only reason the father wants him is so he doesn't have to pay child support. He is under the impression that I will be obligated to pay the same amount that he has had to pay all these years. He does not take into account that he makes 3 times as much as me. He is also under the false impression that he will also get the same amount in child tax credit, which is based on your income. I really can't wait to see his face.

The thing that pisses me off though, is that the father will take credit for how the boy turned out. At 14 he is already the person that he will turn out to be, so I am not worried that the father will ruin him, but he will take credit for it.

Anyone with children will tell you that they are a selfish and ungrateful bunch. Year after year I went without to provide for him, but the second his father coughed up forty bucks for a skateboard deck, he was an instant hero.

I have to say that I feel a little guilty for not being more upset. But there is not much I can do. He is 14, he can decide where he wants to live and I know that living with his father he will want for nothing. Well except, hopefully, me. And it is not like he has left the country, I can see him when his busy 14 year old schedule permits.

He was worried that I would be upset, but I told him that if it was something he really wanted that I was ok with it. I told him I loved him and was proud of him and that I would miss him.

That's what they say.

I realize after working for the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, for almost two years, how wrong it is to assume. You know the saying 'makes an ass out of u and me' is so true.

Never Assume:

- everyone knows what 'right click' means.
- everyone knows what version of windows is on their pc.
- people who buy computers know what they are buying.
- people who pirate software know they are pirating software.
- you can reason with people who think Mi.cro.s.oft IS the internet.
- a person who would pay $1500 for a computer might be open to paying $35 to fix it.
- everyone knows the difference between install and download.
- everyone knows the difference between activate and register, even when they are reading the words off the screen.
- everyone knows the difference between hardware and sofware.
- anyone reads the end user license agreement on software.
- that if someone indicates they are a doctor/lawyer/candlestick maker that they will be in any way, shape or form any more reasonable than the chick who thinks Mi.cro.so.ft is taking over her computer. In fact the more educated the person the less likely they are to grasp the fact that you will not help them fix pirated software.
- that when you say "I am not a support professional and I am not technically trained" people will grasp the fact that I you are not technically trained!
- that everyone knows where to type in a URL.
- that support professionals will support you in any way or in any way be professional while not doing so.
- that when I say "have a nice day' I really give a shit about the day you have!

Have a nice day.

You just can't make this shit up.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is blah blah blah..."

"Ya, I was working with a tech and he wanted me to format my hard drive and call back when I was ready to do a clean install."

I get the case number and am about to transfer when, just for shits and giggles, I ask, "And you have the windows disk?"

"No, I don't have a disk, is that a problem?"

No, of course not, we are magic.

What to do?

Not sure when the boy turned into this huge asshole, but he has. It wasn't gradual really, it was more the second he turned 13 it was over for us. Not sure what that is about.

He tells me NOTHING! He wants EVERYTHING! I'm not sure who he thinks he is but he is not growing up Gotti! He seems to think that miraculously I am making 100 grand a year, just because he wants.

His father is not making it any better. He didn't even bother getting the boy anything for his birthday this year. (the boy just turned 14 on Feb 3) Even though the boy was staying with him at the time. He says he didn't have time to pick anything up. Funny thing is, he had time to 'pick up' a big screen TV two days earlier, no problem. Unfortunately this is a problem because the boy is not a Moron. His father used to be able to pull this shit when he was 5, now he sees the big screen TV, he knows how much it cost, he knows that means his father has both money and time, just not the desire to shop for his birthday gift.

Sad really. Not sure what I am going to have to do. He keeps getting worse, he might need a slight attitude adjustment.

And then there was one.

We have a new member of the family, Milo.



He is the only cat I have now. As I was packing up to move out of the fated rent-to-be-fucked house Luci was hit by a car. She walked home on 3 legs. I took her to the vet (on a Sunday and holiday, $$ CHA CHING $$) and after a couple days of observation they said to me, "We will have to amputate the leg." Then the vet says something to me that I can't believe he did with a strait face, he used the words 'cat' and '$265' in the same sentence.

I am sorry. Fluffy may be cute and you may love Fluffy, but Fluffy is NOT getting a liver transplant. I had to have her put down. It was sad, but she obviously could not get out of the way of a car with 4 good legs, not sure what the vet intended her to do with 3.

Anyway, the Famous Oscar (remember the man cat who gave birth?) is also no longer with us. He had been staying at my brother's while I was looking for a new place and seems to have 'ran away'. We are sticking with that story anyway. The boy was very upset, so my sister gifted him with Milo for Christmas.



This cat is, for lack of a better word, nuts! He will jump at anything, throwing himself up against the wall. He refuses to leave the kitty litter in the box, choosing to kick most of it out before doing his business. Adele fixed his wagon and bought me a box with sides on it, he is very upset with it. He will walk up to you, very nonchalant, and just bite your leg and walk away. He refuses to let me take a bath alone, even after falling in a couple times he insists on sitting on the side of the tub and I have the shredded arm to prove it. He never met a lighter he didn't like to bat around the kitchen floor at 4 in the morning, his preferred play/flip out time. He is truly nuts!

Well here are the pics of the new place I promised you. It is very cozy, with slanted walls and cheesy wood paneling but I love it.



When it clears up I will take pictures of the deck, very nice.



You can do the 'Wonder Woman' dance in this bathroom, it is huge.





I removed the contact paper that was on the wall behind the sink, fake wood paneling. What was that woman thinking?



Dark paneling and an exposed chimney, kinda cool.

Where to begin?

I am writing this from a new apartment. That's right, a lot has happened. Since it is a long and drawn out story, I am going to copy and paste the text from the papers filed with the Residential Tenancy Board. (ya, it is not pretty).

- Woman at work is posting an ad for a house on the bulletin board. I tell her that if the person ever wants to rent-to-own to give me a call.

- About a month later, she gives me a note from the caretaker of the property. Own asked him to "find the woman interested in rent-to-own".

- Conversation with Caretaker: we discuss the rent-to-own arrangement. How I would rent to own for a year and after that the owner would put the rent from that year into a down payment for a mortgage. He gives me the owner's number for me to call and discuss it with her and make an arrangement to go see the house.

- Meet at the house with my sister and my son. We discuss rent to own and the possibility of me obtaining a mortgage within the year. She also indicates that her daughter must move out of the house and that she wants someone in there as soon as possible so the house is not empty.

- Over the next month, Helena and I have numerous conversations. In every one of them we discuss the different options in obtaining a mortgage sooner than one year but always end conversation with "if I don't get approval we can start the rent-to-own thing" meaning, no matter what I would move into the house when her daughter moved out in December.

- Had two meetings with Joanne at CIBC to investigate mortgage possibilities. She suggest that I go with the rent-to-own, because after a year I would not need a down payment, that the bank would consider the rent payments, which have to be so much over the going rate, as an investment in the property and I could take that year to save up for the legal fees. I open up two accounts at CIBC to this end.

- I talk to Helena about the meeting with CIBC and she says that she is going to talk to her bank, that maybe she can help speed up the process.

- Helena?s banker suggests going through a broker to obtain a mortgage and gives us a name. I contact the broker and she investigates possible mortgage companies.

- Helena suggests that she tells the mortgage company that she is my 'aunt' and that she is gifting me with the down payment, she also offers to pay all the legal fees. She just wants to be rid of the house and appears to be willing to do anything to that end. Even at this point all conversations end with us agreeing to begin the rent to own no matter what.

- It is getting close to the date her daughter is moving so we discuss the financials for moving in on a rental basis. We agree to $675/mo and since it will be the middle of the month when I move in we agree to half months rent and half months damage deposit. Move in date is set for Dec. 13/04. Within the week I meet with her daughter to sign purchase and sale agreement.

- I show up on the 13th and she is cleaning carpets and having the furnace serviced. I won't be able to move in. This is a set back because my son has been living with his fathers and he is literally waiting on the doorstep with his belongings, he cannot stay another day. I have to take him with me to my brothers to stay the night; it is very traumatic for both of us.

- December 14, show up to get key. Helena has lease for me to sign. I admit I did not read it fully. I give her a check for $675 dated for Dec. 17/04 (my pay day). After I sign it she tells me that there is someone else interested in purchasing the house. I am stunned but at this point my things are out of storage and literally on their way to the house. My son's things are piled in the car with nowhere else to go. She tells me not to worry that the man interested in buying the house wants it as a rental property. I tell her that I hope he doesn't think I will be paying $675 because that amount was agreed to because of the rent to own option. She says I can work that out with him. She also says that if this guy does buy that she will return this payment of $675. But if I get approval for a mortgage it would be a moot point anyway.

- I hear from one of the brokers. She has approval for a 65% mortgage. She says that payments on the other 35% would be worked out between the owner and me. She tells me that after a year the mortgage would be refinanced and the owner paid out at that time. This seems reasonable to me.

- I inform Helena of this. She says to me, "I couldn't agree to that" I ask her why not? It is better than the original rent to own agreement, at least this way she would receive 65% up front. She replies with, "Oh no, I would never agree to rent to own." All I can say is "are you kidding me?" I am floored. It is right before Christmas, I am not even unpacked and I am looking at $675/mo rent on a house she is now telling me she never had any intention of selling to me. There is also no oil in the tank and I am having to get my brother to deliver it in jugs because I can?t afford to have it delivered from an oil company because they have a min delivery which I can't afford right before Christmas. On top of this, Caretaker brings the potential new owners in to see the house.

- I try in the next week to contact Helena; I can't stay in this house for this amount of rent if there is no possibility that I would end up owning it. She does not return any of my calls. Christmas eve comes and I have nothing for my son, I am tapped out and Christmas is looking grim. I check the bank and see that Helena has not cashed the check yet, so I take out $100 of it, since it is Friday night, I know the check won?t go through till Monday and I have plans to put that money back before then. Unfortunately on Christmas day the car breaks down and I have to have it towed.

- Helena calls me on Monday, (Dec. 27) she tells me the check bounced. I start to explain and she says that perhaps if I can?t afford the place that I should move out and that we should both just forget the whole thing. I agree that it is a good idea. She tells me I have to be out by the first of the month. She is also concerned about the heat and the possibility of the pipes freezing. I tell her that I will put oil in the tank before I leave.

- Dec. 28/04 I have 300L of oil delivered. ($210.11)

- Caretaker comes by with a note for me to sign saying I will 'vacate the premises' by the first of the month. Because of the holiday we revise the date until the 3rd. I give him the receipt for the oil so that Helena won't have to worry about the pipes. At this time I discuss with the caretaker the fact that Helena is now claiming that she never intended to rent to own with me. He tells me that her exact words to him were, "find the woman that was interested in renting to own", he apologizes for the whole mess.

- I move out on Dec. 3rd the place is clean and undamaged. I chalk the whole thing up to experience.

- Jan. 13/04 - Helena cashes the check dated Dec 17/04, the one she told me bounced. It did not bounce; at this point I am not sure if she really intended to do this so I give her the benefit of the doubt.

- I start calling her on her cell phone and her home phone. I get no response, and after about an hour her cell phone is turned off. I leave 2 messages on her home phone.

- Jan 14/04, still try and call her home phone until 4pm when I have to go to work.

- Jan 15/04 ? call her home phone at 9:30am. Get the message "the party you are trying to reach has chosen not to take calls at this time, please hang up." She is blocking my calls.

- That night I get the caretaker to call her to find out her intentions. He speaks to Helena's husband, Jack. Jack tells him that yes they intended to cash the check and they also have no intention of giving any of it back to me. That if I wanted to go to the tenancy board to do what I had to do.

And yes it gets better. I file the papers with the tenancy and find that she has made application to keep the damage deposit. Her reason? I abandoned the property without giving a months notice. So she wants to keep the damage deposit to apply to January's rent and wants me to pay the balance.

I know, I had the same look on my face as you do right now. Luckily I have no idea where she lives or I would be blogging right now from a jail cell.

We will see how it all turns out. My sister would have had a nervous breakdown, but the way I look at it? If it doesn't turn out? I will chalk it up to experience. I am not going to have a stroke over the whole thing.

I have to say, I really love the new apartment. I moved in sight-unseen practically but when I stepped into the bathroom, prepared to lament the loss of the footy tub, I had to catch my breath. The tub is even bigger and I had not thought that possible, but you can drown a 7 foot man in that tub. I love it.

The apartment is very cozy and spacious at the same time. The stairs would scare the average bear, but they are great for the thighs. I will get some pics up here in a few days as soon as I find the batteries for the camera.

Well I should post this before it is so long that no one dares read it, I will have to save the "three blizzards in the span of a week" conversation for another time.

Don't ya just love winter?

AHHHHHH!

That is much better.

Ok, I have a lot to catch you up on, but at the moment I have to go make some money.

Stay tuned!