I refuse to call you Doctor unless you call me Princess.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah...Can I get your name and your case number please?"

"My name is Doctor Snooty and my case number is blah blah blah." Big emphasis on Doctor.

Oh great, one of 'those'. I am sorry bitch, but unless you are between my legs diagnosing some foreign disease or hauling my heart out of my chest to give it the once over, I am not calling you doctor.

"Ok, how can I help?"

She proceeds to tell me that she tried to send out an email in LookOut Quick with an attachment that she realizes is too big but she tried it anyway. Now it will not send and it will not delete.

We navigate to her personal folder and delete the out box. We reopen LookOut Quick and the email is gone.

"So, I will be closing this case as resolved."

"Is that it?" She can't believe it is that simple.

"Yes." It is 'just' that simple.

After she hangs up I notice that she actually paid $59 for that 6 minute call. I turn to Potsie. "That call was under 10 minutes, you think I should refund her?"

"Sure, I would."

"Ok, but when I asked her her name, she said 'Doctor' Snooty."

He laughs, "Well then, no!"

"Your right, that'll be a $59 stupid tax for 'Doctor' Snooty." Cha-ching!

They really don't pay me enough.

Work has been tedious lately. It is really slow for our project in the summer since our product is mainly broken used by students, so we spend a lot of time off the phones. Which is great because I am on crayon overload right about now, but it does get boring.

Even though they take us off the phones they are loathe to send us home, just in case the unthinkable happens like the donkey dies in India and we go into queue.

Don't laugh. We have gone into queue for weirder reasons. Like an actor dying or everyone in India suddenly getting up and leaving because the bus was and hour early.

So it's almost quittin' time before I have to take a call.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"Ya, I want to change my email." Ok, I assume he switched service providers and needs to setup the new email. Although, why they never call the ISP is beyond me.

"Ok, I am just going to verify the information we have now." I verify his phone number and email address.

"That's the thing, right now it it rocketscientist at ISP dot com. I want it to be madscientist at Orange dot com."

After stifling a belly laugh at the rocket scientist part of it I ask him. "Do you work at Orange?"

"No."

"So how did you get the email address?"

"Well I don't have it yet. But that is what I want it to be."

"Oh, I get it. Well, unless you work for Orange you can't get an email address with at Orange dot com."

"The hell I can't! This is America, I can have whatever I want!" Give me strength.

"You can't just make up an email address, and you can't have 'at' Orange in it if you are not 'at' Orange. My email is at Orange dot com because I actually work 'at' Orange. See what I mean?"

"I want to speak with your manager!"

"Excuse me?" Is this crayon for real?

"You are refusing me support, I want to speak to your manager." I look at the clock, 1:02am. You know what? Peddle your crazy somewhere else! [CLICK]

The subconscious knows.

I am getting a call monitor review from my senior tech, Derwood. Basically he listens to the call and grades me on how I did. I usually spend the time arguing one point or another. Not because I disagree necessarily, but it wastes time. Time that I don't have to spend on the phone helping some schmuck. Plus it is really fun giving Derwood a hard time.

For instance, he notes that I used the word 'wonky', and that I was lucky the customer was British so he knew what it meant.

"Don't you know what it means?"

"It's slang isn't it?" We are not suppose to use slang,

"Of course it is not, I would never use a slang word!"

I have no idea if it is slang or not, but I have a 50-50 chance that if it is not, he will change my score. So I act like I am absolutely certain and make him look it up. He heads to Merriam-Websters.

Drum roll please...

Main Entry: won·ky
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): won·ki·er; -est
Etymology: probably alteration of English dialect wankle, from Middle English wankel, from Old English wancol; akin to Old High German wankOn to totter -- more at WENCH
1 British : UNSTEADY, SHAKY
2 chiefly British : AWRY, WRONG

"Well it is mainly British, if he wasn't British he wouldn't know what it meant."

"I am not British and I know what it means." As I am speaking he is frantically googling 'wonky' for another definition. His eyes light up, he turns the screen so I can see the entry for Dictionary dot com and gives me an 'AH HA' look.

won·ky /'w??ki/
Pronunciation[wong-kee]–adjective, -ki·er, -ki·est.
1. British Slang.
a. shaky, groggy, or unsteady.
b. unreliable; not trustworthy.
2. Slang. stupid; boring; unattractive.

He says, "It's on the internet, so it must be true."

"Oh please, Dictionary dot com? I have never heard of them."

"Ok, you pick one."

"Ok, if this next one says adjective, you will change the score?" He is confident, he agrees. "Fine, check out Funk & Wagnalls." And I sit back, confident. He does not know what I know.

Main Entry: won·ky
Function: adjective
Etymology: probably alteration of English dialect wankle, from Middle English wankel, from Old English wancol; akin to Old High German wankOn to totter -- more at WENCH
1 British : UNSTEADY, SHAKY
2 British : AWRY, WRONG

As he is changing my score I am bursting to tell him that the site he chose when he searched for Funk & Wagnalls, took him to Britannica. When you search Britannica and choose dictionary, like he did, it pulls it from Websters. You will notice, although he did not, that it is the same, word for word.

Like shootin` fish in a barrel.

The absolute best part of this? As he closes the tool, I get a look at his desktop wallpaper and I lose it. I could not stop laughing. He is looking at me like I lost my mind, "What?"



"Crayons, priceless!" I continue to laugh, harder since he doesn't realize what it means.

"What? I think it's a cool picture." He still can't see why I would be laughing.

I can't stand it, I have to walk away. You can fill him in, Yvette.

Where has all the good music gone?

I have had the same playlist for about as long as I have had a playlist. I might add 2 songs a year. Mostly older music that I have forgotten about or, on rare occasions, I will hear something I really like on the radio.

Maybe because I am of the radio generation. Back then, you had to have talent to get yourself on the radio. I know, you are saying as you watch MTV, "These Dude's have talent!" But are you really hearing the music? The lyrics? Or are you just reacting to the 'awesome' music video. Remember 'Video Killed the Radio Star'? It really did. Bunnie's daughter, The Lump, sends me new music every once in a while and some of it is listen-able but most of it is not. Most of it is angry or obscene. Not interested. And is it just me or does a lot of bands out there sound just like Nickleback?

The music industry is up in arms over the downloading of music, but if they actually put out a cd that had more than one decent song on it, people might actually buy it. If they were truly interested in curbing the downloads, they would spend less on the splashy videos and more on vocal coaching and decent songwriters.

I am not a music snob, my playlist has everything from Alabama to Zappa. From to Aerosmith to Zucchero. Everything except for Rap, can't stand it. I used to be able to stomach some of the earlier works of rap artists but since 'gangsta' rap came on the scene I have to take a pass.

I am the record companies worst nightmare. I demand talent. I will not listen to a song, just because the video has hot chicks or explosions. The song has to be well written with lyrics I can hear and understand and that make fuckin' sense. And most of all the artist has to be able to actually sing.

Talent. That is all I am asking for. Deliver it and I will gladly run out and buy the CD. I am like this, I am sure, because I am of the pre-video generation.

What does your playlist look like? Does it reflect your age?

Maybe we should take this opportunity to exchange information. Do you have someone on your playlist you think I would appreciate? Drop me a line, Here are a few of mine.

Andrea Bocelli - Even if you don't understand Italian, you can appreciate the talent. The man has mad skills, his voice is like velvet. He has range and control.

Josh Groban - Also has mad skills. First seen on Aly McBeal, the boy is talented.

Frank Zappa - he is good for a laugh.

A really good Monster Rock Ballad like High Enough - Damn Yankees. You can't help but turn the stereo up full blast.

You want a story that will tug at your heartstrings,(grab a tissue for that one) or make a really great point? Turn on the country station.

Come on, share your playlist.

YOU ARE HERE - 08-12-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- famous canadian indian (Australia) (#3)
- ign arch. and design gb (Italy) (#6)
- kids posing as celebrities (New York) (#3)
- annoying little flashlights csi (Arizona) (#3)
- dynetics blog (Alabama) (#4)
- whyrustalkingme (Washington) (#)
- blog working zurich insurance (Chicago) (#10) Hey...they stopped by earlier...but they are gone now.
- freeze mother bitches wav (Virginia) (#2)

HERE FROM WORK or SCHOOL?
Shouldn't you be working or studying?

United States Postal Service (California)
Salomon Inc (New York)
Health Care Plan-choicecare (New York)
California State Polytechnic University - Pomona
Electric Lightwave Inc
Hall Booth Smith & Slover Pc (Georgia)
Watson Wyatt & Company (DC)

Can You See Your House From Here?


HINT: Ever eat at Jojo's Pizza Kitchen?
Or play a round at Via Verde country club?
Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

Not enough hours in the day.

I haven't blogged all week and I am not sure why. The Boy has been working with his father and we have been ships passing in the night. So I can't blame it on the Boy this time. The house looks like a cyclone hit it, so I can't say I was busy with housework.

Ok, I confess. Holy shit is this an intervention? Where is the camera crew?

"Hi, my name is Evel and I am addicted to Big Brother." There, I said it, are you happy now?

I don't really watch the show, since I already know what happens. I do download it to skip though for the America's Player thing but mostly I just read the live updates (holy shit, people watch the live feeds 24/7 and transcribe it word-for-word) or watch video highlights from the live feeds.

If you only caught an episode here and there on the actual CBS show, you have no idea what it is all about. By this time in the 'game' the back stabbing starts. This year you can thank the presence of Evil Dick (so far all I can figure out is that he is a actor/rock groupie), an absolute social retard, for all the mayhem. His MySpace shows him dressed up as a pedophile priest and a bloody tampon for Halloween. 'Nuff said.

With Dick around, it is fight fight fight, pretty much all the time now. He started just picking on one girl, now it is everyone. He is crude and rude, the others would say nothing in the girls defense, because they were scared he would turn it on them. However, they have had enough and are starting to fight back which is making it interesting.

He had an evil plan to back-door someone that failed miserably, so he has been ranting like a lunatic for the past few days.

It's fun to watch people lose their minds. I am addicted.

Don't worry, someone will piss me off soon, and I will start posting more often

Happy'?' Natal Day.

This holiday always confused me. It is really a fucked up holiday that no one here seems to understand. It is a civic holiday and we assume it has something to do with the Navy. I know that it hasn't always been a holiday here, but for the life of me I can't remember why. I can tell you that I, personally, embrace it only because we observe it at work and I get double time and a half for being there, so HAPPY NATAL DAY!

Since I am sitting here doing nothing but having my morning coffee, I thought I would investigate Natal Day. Simple right? This is the information highway, I shouldn't have to wonder about anything on this earth, I have Google. Not as simple as I thought it would be.

Today’s Natal Day festivities sprang from humble beginnings more than a century ago, when it was just a single city celebration held in Dartmouth in 1895.

By the mid-1970s, the event had evolved into a local-municipal holiday for both Halifax and Dartmouth.

Doesn't tell me much, so I move on.

All Wikipedia has under Public holidays in Canada is : Natal Day - First Monday in August is not a statutory holiday but a common day off. No mention on the why? Did someone just make this shit up and sell it to the masses?

Google defines natal as - birthday: the date on which a person was born

Ok, getting closer...

Natal Day is the annual birthday celebration of the communities of Halifax and Dartmouth. It is a time where citizens, former citizens, guests and tourists celebrate our civic holiday.

So, I guess it has nothing to do with the Navy. And I am not sure why the rest of the Maritimes gives a flying fuck about the birthday of Halifax and Dartmouth other than the fact that Halifax is the capitol of the province.

Someone, somewhere was just pissed that Halifax/Dartmouth got an extra paid holiday so I guess they had to give it to the rest of the province too.

That just goes to prove that in the Maritimes, we will do anything for a long weekend party.

He's super feak'eh, Yeow!

The boy is a freak. He does not think he is a freak, but he clearly is.

The Evidence:
- He washes his sneakers, by hand, in the bathroom sink. Every single night. Inside and out. With bleach and a fingernail brush.
- You can put nothing in his room that does not belong there. NOTHING. This includes his own dirty clothes. He dumps it right outside his door, which is the kitchen.
- He printed out a picture of his MP3 player and taped it to his night stand. That is where he puts the MP3 player when it is charging. In that exact spot. You cannot move it under penalty of death.
- His room is the warmest in the house (summer or winter). I hate it in there, too hot for me. But I asked if I could put a pair of sneakers in there that were just washed, so they could dry out. He couldn't sleep with them there. He had to have them gone.
- He cannot sleep if the chair is pushed out from the desk. So if you sneak in at night to do tech support and leave the chair out, he will wake up and lose his mind.
- I bought him a wireless keyboard and mouse, it has never left his desk. EVER.

This is but a smidgen of the freakishness that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Don't wonder why my blood pressure is so high.

Don't get me started.

• The temperature does not drop 40 degrees when you cross the border. It's called the metric system, the whole world uses it. Besides the US, there are only 2 or 3 third world countries that are still on Imperial measure. Get with the program.
• Men who put their sunglasses on their heads. You can only pull that off if your gay. Ditto for flip flops.
  
• Stop assuming I eat lobster every day. Dude, those things are expensive and they don't just roam free in the parking lot.
• I have never even seen an igloo, let alone live in one. And the only dog sled I have ever seen was on TV.
• Metrosexuals: Pick a fuckin' team.
  
• It's called gun control, not oppression. If you see a guy with a pistol and he is not in uniform, he's a criminal. Simple.
• CSI: They are always walking around with little flashlights. Why don't they ever turn a fuckin' light on?
  
• No, Canadian is not the same as American. "Oh thank God you're American." "I am actually Canadian." "Same thing." Don't they teach you bigots geography?
• No I can't see what you are doing, its a fuckin' telephone, can you see me?
• Not all fat chicks are short, so why can't you make a pantleg for the rest of us. Shoulder pads don't fool anyone. I just look like a linebacker.
• If you want me to fix your computer, please note that "Its acting weird" is not enough information to go on. And if you start the conversation with 'once upon a time' I will beat myself to death with my keyboard.
• "The program has performed an illegal operation" does not mean the SWAT team is on its way.
• "How are you today?" Is a fuckin' rhetorical question. I do not give a flying fuck how you are.

Ya, been having a bit of a bad week.

YOU ARE HERE - 07-29-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- social retardation (Philladelphia) (#2) Fascinating subject.
- soulsphincter egypt music (Sweden) (#5)
- enovation graphics/minnesota (North Carolina) (#1)
- marillaanne (Virginia) (#2)
- apfel herz (Germany) (#?) No idea.
- ophthalmic migraines picture of aura (Ontario) (#1)
- desiree glinden (California) (#6)
- thank you for calling (Philippines) (#10)

HERE FROM WORK or SCHOOL?
Shouldn't you be working or studying?

Lancaster Outreach (Texas)
Town Of Munster (Indiana)
Cybercity (Denmark)
University Of North Carolina At Wilmington
Amazon.com Inc (Seattle)
Ocean State Higher Education And Administration Network (Rhode Island)
Dynetics Inc (Alabama)
Indigene Pharmaceuticals (Massachusetts)
Zenith Electronics Corporation (New Jersey)
News International (UK)

Can You See Your House From Here?


HINT: Ever take a stroll through Forest Park or grab a bite at Tokyo Japanese Steak House & Sushi Bar & Lounge?
Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

Fade to black.

It was ten minutes til quittin' time and my phone rings. Someone upstairs hates me. After trying to beat the software to within an inch of its life, I realize I will I have to dig it out manually with a butter knife.

This is going to take forever. Wonder if a phone malfunction will go unnoticed? I look up, I am the only one on the phones and there is just one manager, So much for that idea. It would be like two guys in an elevator. One farts and everybody knows who did it.

2AM and I can't get one of my tools to work so I can't find the list of shit I need to remove from the registry, I look around, the place is empty and I swear to God I can hear crickets chirping. I give my head a shake, "You're losing it."

Finally finish ripping the software out of the computer with my bare hands at 3AM. Thank Fuck, I can get the hell out of here.

Again I hear the crickets chirping. Shouldn't there be some kind of haunting closing music as I fade to black? Who's delusion is this anyway? I say good night to the last manager standing.

ME: "Can you hear that?"

LAST MANAGER STANDING: Without looking up. "The chirping?"

Ya, guess I am not crazy after all, just in the middle of a bad movie.

Wading in the shallow end of the gene pool.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"I am trying to put a vertical line in my document and I can't do it."

"Ok, just click on INSERT then SHAPE and you will see an icon that when you roll your mouse over it will say LINE."

"Ya, but that one is diagonal." Are you kidding me?

"Uh, only if you make it diagonal. It's a straight line tool...you can make it go any way you like."

"For real?" Give me strength.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"My son was messing around with the computer and when I opened LookOut Quick, it asked me if I wanted it as my default. I thought that was a weird thing to ask, I of course said yes. Now all my email are gone! All of them!"

"Are you sure you were using LookOut Quick before?"

"Ya,"

"Positive? Not LookOut?"

"Absolutely." After ten minutes of back and forth, me asking another way and her swearing up and down that she uses LookOut Quick, she finally yells to her husband.

"Honey? What email do we use?"

He yells back, "LookOut." She is silent.

I pretend I didn't hear him. "Just for fun lets open LookOut."

She clicks on it, "Ok, but I am sure I use LookOut Quick but..." Then I hear her singing, "Hal-le-lu-jah, Hal-le-lu-jah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hal-le-eh-lujah!" and she doesn't stop till she finishes.

"So, all your email is there?"

"Ya, now I have to go apologize to my son."

And another thing...

My friend Bunnie is vacationing on D'Nile.

"My doctor put me on two new medications, TWO!"

"Why?"

"My sugar is way up, [insert whiney voice here] He told me I have to give up sugar. But I told him [and here] it's summer, there is ice cream [yup, here too] and ice cold pepsi..." I zone out at that point. He is clearly being unreasonable, demanding that she give up the very things that make her most happy.

"Bunnie, he isn't doing it just to be mean. It's called diabetes. It's not personal."

She looks at me like Hammy from Over the Hedge as if to say, "But I love the cookie!"

Ophthalmic Migraines

This is about the freakiest thing about me. It is really hard to describe what I see during one of these migraines. The picture doesn't quite do it justice.

It starts with a small backwards 'C' in the center of my vision. The 'C' looks like it is drawn in a zig-zag pattern and is moving constantly. Sort of reminds me of TV static. My lips and the left side of my face also gets numb and tingly, and I can't put two thoughts together. Freaky.

As the 'C' gets bigger and moves to the peripheral vision it is not as easy to ignore. Sometimes it is quite comical to watch me walk, for some reason I am 'pulled' to the left, sort of like I am staggering but I swear if I didn't bump into shit I would probably involuntarily walk in a complete circle. Mind you, it wasn't that funny at first. I, like a lot of people, thought I was having a stroke.

The cause is due to a temporary spasm in the blood vessels behind the eye called "vasospasm" similar to a spasm or cramp that you may have once experienced in one of your leg muscles (Charlie-Horse).

I am lucky, in that I don't actually get a migraine per se, just a pressure at the base of my skull once the visual aura dissipates. Annoying but not painful.

YOU ARE HERE - 07-22-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- china crisis wishful thinking audio moonfruit (England) (#2) Wha??
- girls in grande prairie alberta can fucking (Edmonton) (#9) Looks like someone is planning a trip.
- how to start a cooperative corp in ca / cafe (Iowa) (#4)
- mtv's facebook group 25 000 people (New York) (#2)
- gilchrist cat breeders london ontario (Toronto) (#9)
- boys feet pedophile (Washington) (#2) Um, eeeewww.
- shit new age (Madrid) (#9) Too much fiber?

HERE FROM WORK or SCHOOL?
Shouldn't you be working or studying?

University Erlangen Nuremberg (Germany)
Berger & Singerman (Miami)
Snowman Printing (Maine)
Indiana University-purdue University At Indianapolis
Fannie Mae (DC)
Goldman Sachs Company (New York)
Greater Louisville Assoc. Of Realtor (Kentucky)
Fachhochschule Fuer Technik Und Wirtschaft (Berlin) University of Applied Sciences
Swiss Re (New York)
New Generation Software Inc (Sacramento)
U.s. Patent And Trademark Office (Virginia)
Lakehead University (Ontario)

Can You See Your House From Here?


HINT: Ever eat at Sbarro's or catch a flight out of Ronald Reagan International Airport?

Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

Nervous wreck!

I am sitting here surfing and I hear - squeak! squeak! It's faint, but I can hear it. Almost like the low mew that Milo gives me when he wants out. Sammy is a horse of a different color. When he wants out its a mournful wail. This is a faint, squeak squeak.

Then it registers, it can't be Milo because I already let him out. Oh fuck! Maybe he brought something in with him? A little gift, one only a cat would think was fucking appropriate.

I yell for the boy. I tell him what I hear and comes in armed with a flashlight. He is searching any crevice that a cat could stuff a 'gift'.

"Turn the computer off, I can't hear."

"Uh, no."

"I can't hear."

"Forget it, I will let you know if I hear it again."

A few minutes later, I do hear it again, (squeak! squeak!)I freeze. My blood runs cold. Bats make that noise too, don't they? I had a bat in here before so it is not outside the realm of possibilities. I hear it again, I can't turn around. Where is it coming from?

Bunnie is messaging me, I move the mouse to open the chat window - squeak! squeak!

Are you fucking kidding me? I message the boy, "It really was a mouse, and your mother is a moron. Thanks for playing."

I just don't have the bone structure for it anymore.

When you get old, there are some things you just have to come to terms with. Gone are the days when you could drink all night and wake up in a chair, grab the nearest beer and start all over. Sooner or later, pot ceases to send you flying and just kicks you in the ass, rendering you unconscious within minutes.

I went to a friends staggette Satruday night. I was not planning on drinking. Mainly because I hate leaving my car anywhere and going through all the bullshit of getting it back the next morning. Anyway, the bride's mother convinced me to have a few. At first I said no but she presented me with a Chocolate Russian. Ok, I was committed.

As long as we were at the house, shootin' the shit on the back deck, it was fun. I had made my decision and I was prepared to get shit-faced. I did not, however, manage to get shit-faced before they decided to take the party on the road and visit the local 'Pick-a-Pig'.

I don't do crowds very well and a crowd of drunken 20-somethings is not something I look forward to.

I made it to just outside the pub. I am sitting in the car watching the patrons pour out of the pub. A group crosses the street, one girl yells back some obscenity to the bouncer and falls flat on her ass. There she was, in all her glory with her skirt jacked up around her waste revealing a very unfortunate choice in undergarments.

At that moment my decision was made. Reality slapped me in the face. "I am definately not drunk enough to go in there."

Guess I will just quietly rage against the dying of the light. Ok, maybe not rage, more like whimper pitifully.

And another thing...

Who's fault is it then?

I don't give a shit if you are rich or poor, black, white or fucking purple. You know what you are doing is fucking wrong!

Gang-rape at Dunbar Village

Defense attorneys are blaming the government's neglect of the environment these boys grew up in. The poverty and crime they live with and the media's glorification of violence. That might fly if they were just breaking in and robbing, but they raped and tortured this woman and her son for hours.

Perhaps it is society's pension for explaining away the actions of our youths. Our own Young Offenders Act here in Canada as much says if you are under 17 you can pretty much get away with anything. Drug dealers recruit 12 year olds because they know all they will get is a slap on the wrist. The criminal minds of our society have embraced the laws, they know how to get around them. Every day we hear of people getting acquitted for horrendous deeds because they were 'abused' as a child or grew up in a bad part of town.

Give me a fucking break!

You do not have to be a Rhodes scholar to know that raping and torturing is wrong. The bleeding heart liberals are not doing the world any favors by explaining this shit away. People have to get back to basics. If you do something wrong, you go to jail. I am sure in the back of these kids minds they were thinking they could get away with it. And why not? That is what the media and the legal system is telling them on a daily basis. That is what their own experience is telling them, the assholes who hurt them got away scott free.

It's a catch 22. You have people that had to endure a lot of shit when they were younger, sexual and physical abuse and they turn into monsters when they are older. But if those abusers had been punished in the first place...?

So we have to start now, it will be tough but we have to before its too late. Before the criminals outnumber the rest of us. There has to be a clear message. You will be punished. Its easy to feel sorry for these kids and the raw deal life has given them, but where does it stop?

When do you stop making excuses?

Racial Profiling?

Got to work yesterday and there was, of course, no seats. When this happens they put us all in a room so we are not milling about. Meaning they are paying us for doing nothing. We love that shit. We sign a sheet and as the seats become available they call us out. First in first out.

I am sitting in the room with about 15 Bengali's and two white dudes. After about 15 minutes a manager comes in and says she is going to send a senior tech in to do some up-training. (Translation: something to keep us busy)

Five minutes after that the Big Giant Head walks in, looks at the sheet and then looks around. He spots White Guy #1, points at him and says, "I got a seat for you." WG#1 has a quizzical look, he is pretty sure he is not first on the list, but he goes.

Another five minutes goes by and the Big Giant Head comes back in. Again he looks at the sheet and then scans the room. "White Guy #2? You're up." I start to chuckle.

Now I am the only chick in a room full of Bengali's. One of them leans over and whispers, "He reads sheet from bottom?" Cuz this guy knows he was first to sign the sheet.

"No Dude, he just can't pronounce any of your names."

Makes ya proud, eh?

Heritage Minutes, I cringe every time one comes on the TV.

I don't know what the hell these people are thinking, but I hope none these brain dead videos are seen in any other country.

Most of them broadcast some stupid fuck up that is supposed to make us proud to be a Canadian, with a voice over that says, "So-and-so was wrong but..."

Ever wonder why we are called Canada? We had an idiot translator! Nice.

Woo Hoo, lets not forget we killed one Chinese man for every mile of the Canadian railway. Cheerful.

And, of course, we did realize that water puts out fire. Brilliant.

Our most famous Canadian Indian, was neither Canadian nor an Indian. So apparently we are gullible.

And my personal favorite, how Jean Nicollet got lost looking for the Pacific ocean and all he found was lake Michigan.

Maybe that is why Canadians give such fucked up directions. It all started with an Inukshuk.

What is your cyborg name?

Get Your Cyborg Name

Ha Ha....Cool.

YOU ARE HERE - 07-15-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- hey, if you can find the money to kill people% (California) (#2)
- getting married at holiday inn robie street (Nova Scotia) (#4)
- dufferin peel mac os (Ontario) (#3)
- fuck buddy - valley stream (New York) (#9)
- i'm not a surgeon, holiday inn (California) (#3)
- funny quotes freeze mother bitches (Australia) (#2) Wish I knew what was going through people's heads.
- were does matt bellamy buy his clothes from (England) (#3)
- search for melody layne in louisville kentucky (Georgia) (#3)
- what jamaicans have to say (England) (#4) About what?
- lurking blog creepy isp academic (England) (#1) No idea where this is going.
- british columbia the worst shit hole on earth (British Columbia) (#2) I doubt that, there are probably worse shit holes on the earth.
- layne thrasher fired (California) (#1) Ya, not clear.

HERE FROM WORK or SCHOOL?
Shouldn't you be working or studying?

Silicon Valley Bank (California)
Netscape Communications Corp (Rancho Cucamonga, California)
Six Disciplines (Findlay, Ohio)
Towerstream Corporation (Massachusetts)
St. Luke's Episcopal Hospital (Houston)
Wells Fargo And Company (California)
Kidd And Driscoll Advertising (Florida)
Google Inc (Mountain View)
Makemusic Inc (Minnesota)
Hanes Companies Inc (North Carolina)
Columbia University (New York)
University Of Toronto (Ontario)
IBM Corporation (Poughkeepsie)

Can You See Your House From Here?


HINT: Considering the businesses located here, you would think Google Earth would have more info about the area besides commenting on peoples bad parking skills. The T-Rex with little flamingos around it is interesting though.
Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

I know, I have a problem.

78%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

And according to Google:

Dyslexic seizures.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

The woman comes through without even a case created and I soon realize why. Not many people enjoy talking to the insane as much as I do. She is distraught.

"I just installed the new program and this thing in the top left corner keeps blinking at me."

"What thing?"

"The Orange Button. Oh for Christ's sake, it stopped now, but it has been driving me crazy all day, flashing. I know this sounds crazy..." ya think? "but I can't look at stuff like that I have a condition, I can't look at websites with all that flashing neither....I am, you know, dyslexic."

In her haste to cover up her insanity and give a plausible explanation why she would pay $49 to talk to me about the annoying flashing orange button, she got her diseases mixed up.

"You mean epileptic?"

"Ya, I can't look at that stuff."

"Uh, it flashes when you use the program, it probably stopped flashing because you are not doing anything. It replaces the annoying little hourglass. Unfortunately, its a feature that you can't disable."

"So, not a bug?"

"Uh, no."

It's like an epileptic seizure, only you do it out of sequence.

OKAY! OKAY! Stop poking me, I'm doing it.

Ok, this is the second time someone has tagged me for the rockin' girl award. Thanks to Anna and Michelle, I appreciate it, its just the passing it along that haven't gotten to yet.

I am pretty sure I mentioned that Procrastination is a planet and I am it's queen.

Anyway, here is a list of some of the Rockin' Chicks I know.

Radmila Cool chick, I never miss a post. Especially when she talks with or about Mamma.
Desiree She is what I would call a broad. She had the guts to get braces at 42, aces in my books.
Michelle Another Canuck, she has been through a lot of shit, but so far, not bitter.
Tomorrow (I think I just caught on that she might want anonymity) My favorite teacher, she is a great read.
Anna She knows me in real life and she still talks to me...That, in and of itself, is amazing.
Fyr She reads me....therefore she rocks.

Smells like hypocrisy...tastes like chicken.

You have gotta love the hypocrisy of the entertainment industry.

Live Earth is promoting green to save the planet - what planet are they on?

I think Al might have had good intentions but the idea of 'carbon offsetting' is just too ridiculous. Sounds good, but translates into retarded.

Carbon offsetting involves 'neutralising' the emissions you are responsible for by buying 'credits'.

A spokesperson for Live Earth says: "This might involve buying environmentally sound lightbulbs for a Third World school, planting trees, or installing solar panels in a developing country."

Are you fucking kidding me? I can blow a hole in the ozone, I just have to plant a tree in Bora Bora. Makes all kinds of sense. Sounds like someone is trying to appease all the real polluters, rich folk. After all they are the only ones who can truly afford to buy the ultra-polluting vehicles, jets etc...

Madonna, you yourself produce more than 100 times the average amount of waste produced by Britons in a year. But hey, no worries, just as long as you remember to pick up those light bulbs for that third world country on your way to and from your castle in your SUV.

I think I did more for global warming than any of them. I stayed the fuck home. Live Earth might have amounted to exactly what Bob Geldof and the Who singer Roger Daltrey predicted: a huge, offensive rock concert. Matt Bellamy, front man of the rock band Muse, has dubbed it 'private jets for climate change'.

Honestly, what planet are these crayons on. A better idea would have been to broadcast individual podcasts on the internet for free. Nobody travels, no private jets in the air, no litter, no need to recycle. But then, Madonna couldn't have gotten her ego stoked, live and in person.

Sad.

YOU ARE HERE - 07-08-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- if you think socialized medicine is a good idea ask a canadian (Toronto) (#2) The answer is yes, it is good. Thanks for asking.
- was james gandolfini shot by a fan (California) (#6) Uh, no.
- the absense of ????? makes the heart (Philippines) (#2)
- mount laurel cheating wendy (New Jersey) (#2)
- sister-in-law porn (British Columbia) (#3)
- how much of ireland's population is in reykjavik? (Connecticut) (#9)
- where was th movie the english patient filmed (Florida) (#4) Portions of it was filmed in Tunisia
- pyburn films (New Jersey) (#?)
- decent fucking weekend empty nest (New York) (#?)
- what do jamaicans call their language (Philadelphia) (#8)
- sister-in-law porn - These keywords represent 7% of search engine traffic to this site. Ya gotta love porn, eh?

HERE FROM WORK or SCHOOL?
Shouldn't you be working or studying?

Knox Basketball Inc (Melbourne)
U.s. Securities & Exchange Commission (Bronx, New York)
Education Department Of Western Australia (Canberra)
Teale Data Center (Sacramento)
Investors Bank & Trust Company (Rhode Island)
Jewish General Hospital (Montreal)
Lock Inspection Systems Ltd (London)
Bmc West Corporation (Boise, Idaho)
Eastern Virginia Medical School (Norfolk)
Holiday Inn Somerset (New Jersey)
Fort Worth Star Telegram (Texas)
Matheson Valves & Fitting (Quebec)
The Bank Of New York (Brooklyn)
Naval Surface Warfare Center (New York)
Redstone Production Network (UK)

Can You See Your House From Here?


HINT: Ever spend your Wednesdays at the Boronia Radio Control Car Club?

Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

Hello down there!


Happy Independence Day!

Hope you all partied till you puked. BBQ'ed, drank yourselves silly and blew some stuff up.

Wow, hadn't realized how fat my fingers looked. I know, this is a Happy whatever day post, but it really is all about me.

Social Retardation fascinates me.

Since the projects have been shuffled, we lost Weird Office Guy to the new ISP project. But don't have a telethon for us. There are plenty more where he came from.

Enter WOG2.

A little back story. Every Friday the Muslims in our project take off around 1:30 for prayers at a local rec center. A few of them will dress in traditional garb for the occasion. (sort of, but not quite like the pic on the left) I was walking by WOG2 and did a double take. WTF? Is he wearing pajamas? Over his clothes? I just shake my head.

This does not go unnoticed by the rest of the project. Potsie pipes up. "What is up with WOG2?"

Ok, not to pick on the weirdos, I defend him, "Well, its Friday, maybe he is going to prayers."

"Is he even Muslim?" White dude, middle aged, with a forehead that reaches almost to the back of his head, and not in a sexy 'Captain Pickard' sort of way...you get me? More like, 'I am bald but I will grow my hair long so you don't realize I am bald' sort of delusional way.

"Maybe he has converted? Either that or he is just insane." I go about my business, but in the back of my mind, I have to find out this guy's deal. I was sure he was just going to prayers with the rest of them. Why would anyone risk public humiliation if not for religion?

It doesn't take me long to get the scoop. "Hey, remember WOG2? Ya, he is not going to prayers. Turns out he is just insane."

"That's a relief."

"He went on vacation in Africa. This is his Friday suit. Says that while he was there, he made it with a princess and apparently we will all be bowing down to him when he is ruler of the continent." I get a blank stare from Potsie.

"I kid you not. Dude is seriously ill. He says that shit with a straight face."

I think I will have to investigate deeper. How do people like this function in society? I mean, most of the Uber Geeks are a bit nutty buddy, we take it for granted. But our little 'geek central' hasn't been open more than 5 years. What was this dude doing before this?

This shit fascinates me.

Greetings from the Great White North.



Have a good one, Y'all!