Happy Birthday, Internet.

"On New Year’s Day 1983, while the rest of the world slept off a night of partying, a small group of computer experts in the U.S. found themselves hard at work, taking deep breaths with fingers crossed."

What was I doing? Let's see, in 1983 I was 18. Still in high school. I probably heard about this at the time but I was pretty much a stoner (which explained why I was still in high school at 18) so I would have made fun of the person who informed me of this little tidbit of info. I don't remember them making a big deal about it in school. I guess Al Gore was keeping a low profile. (idiot)

Was pretty much a non-issue anyway because in my neck of the woods, we didn't get internet until the mid 90's. I remember using BBS systems first, then dial-up services for years.

However, I was a geek early on. I remember my brother getting a computer when he started his business. As soon as I saw it, I couldn't keep my hands off it. It was an Amiga 500 (or possibly a 1000 or 2000). It had no hard drive, you loaded the ROM and the operating system. And you had to save everything on floppy disk before you shut it down, or you lost everything.

Believe it or not, I spent hours playing text adventure games. I know, it sounds lame, but at the time, it was addictive. Try them for yourself. Mine were not this fancy, imagine all of that on a black dos screen. I had to actually type 'move north' or 'look east' or 'drop knife' all while trying not to fuck up the map (which I had to create myself) so I didn't get lost. And once I learned to do basic programming, forget about it. If your a geek, and of a certain age, you have created random bouncing ball or 'Hello World!'.

Anyway, I hope you find this trip down memory lane informative. How far back in internet history do you go?

Knock it off, or I will knock it down!

The odd, well timed, inspirational, bring awareness to a problem video is all well and good.

Just keep it off my FunWall please.

I open my Facebook and prepare to smile. What embarrassing pictures did Potsie post from his weekend at the Moose & Squirrel? Who's having a birthday, gotta post some silly animated birthday card. How many old farts from high school can I track down today. HA, someone sent me a friendship turd. This is a happy place, right?

Holy Shit! 16 dead kid videos on my FunWall? WTF? When I see those videos I get enraged, I want to hunt down the asshole who hurt those children and have them sand blasted or skinned alive. Right after I find the asshole who posted this on my FunWall and punch them in the throat!

It's called a FunWall people. Not a 'depress the shit out of everyone you know wall', the name was a little wordy so they went with FUN! Ya, you cringed at the 'dead kid' reference. "Not very sensitive or PC of you Evel." But that is exactly what I mean. I sound insensitive because they have desensitized me.

It seems there are some people who do nothing but sit and watch 'dead kid' videos and post them on everyone else's wall. How fucking depressing is that?

I am not saying don't try and bring awareness to child abuse or drunk driving but there is a time and a place for everything. I am trying to cram a little fuckin' joy into my otherwise shitty life, "You're bringing me down, Man!"

Keep that shit off my FunWall......
or I swear to God I will tear that mo'fo' down!

The subconscious knows.

I am getting a call monitor review from my senior tech, Derwood. Basically he listens to the call and grades me on how I did. I usually spend the time arguing one point or another. Not because I disagree necessarily, but it wastes time. Time that I don't have to spend on the phone helping some schmuck. Plus it is really fun giving Derwood a hard time.

For instance, he notes that I used the word 'wonky', and that I was lucky the customer was British so he knew what it meant.

"Don't you know what it means?"

"It's slang isn't it?" We are not suppose to use slang,

"Of course it is not, I would never use a slang word!"

I have no idea if it is slang or not, but I have a 50-50 chance that if it is not, he will change my score. So I act like I am absolutely certain and make him look it up. He heads to Merriam-Websters.

Drum roll please...

Main Entry: won·ky
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): won·ki·er; -est
Etymology: probably alteration of English dialect wankle, from Middle English wankel, from Old English wancol; akin to Old High German wankOn to totter -- more at WENCH
1 British : UNSTEADY, SHAKY
2 chiefly British : AWRY, WRONG

"Well it is mainly British, if he wasn't British he wouldn't know what it meant."

"I am not British and I know what it means." As I am speaking he is frantically googling 'wonky' for another definition. His eyes light up, he turns the screen so I can see the entry for Dictionary dot com and gives me an 'AH HA' look.

won·ky /'w??ki/
Pronunciation[wong-kee]–adjective, -ki·er, -ki·est.
1. British Slang.
a. shaky, groggy, or unsteady.
b. unreliable; not trustworthy.
2. Slang. stupid; boring; unattractive.

He says, "It's on the internet, so it must be true."

"Oh please, Dictionary dot com? I have never heard of them."

"Ok, you pick one."

"Ok, if this next one says adjective, you will change the score?" He is confident, he agrees. "Fine, check out Funk & Wagnalls." And I sit back, confident. He does not know what I know.

Main Entry: won·ky
Function: adjective
Etymology: probably alteration of English dialect wankle, from Middle English wankel, from Old English wancol; akin to Old High German wankOn to totter -- more at WENCH
1 British : UNSTEADY, SHAKY
2 British : AWRY, WRONG

As he is changing my score I am bursting to tell him that the site he chose when he searched for Funk & Wagnalls, took him to Britannica. When you search Britannica and choose dictionary, like he did, it pulls it from Websters. You will notice, although he did not, that it is the same, word for word.

Like shootin` fish in a barrel.

The absolute best part of this? As he closes the tool, I get a look at his desktop wallpaper and I lose it. I could not stop laughing. He is looking at me like I lost my mind, "What?"



"Crayons, priceless!" I continue to laugh, harder since he doesn't realize what it means.

"What? I think it's a cool picture." He still can't see why I would be laughing.

I can't stand it, I have to walk away. You can fill him in, Yvette.

I know, I have a problem.

78%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

And according to Google:

What next?

I woke up this morning to no internet services. After cursing Vista, and then my ISP, I decided to do what I do and start troubleshooting.

Ping, Ping, Ping. Hmmmm can't get past the modem. OK, that's the ISP. Here is my delema, my phone system is VOIP. How do I call them? Ok, I still have the cell. But if you have ever called your ISP you know there are a bunch of things they always make you do. So the first thing I did was bypass the VOIP router and connect directly to the modem.

SUCCESS! Hmmmm. Again with the head scratching. To think I almost called my ISP and grossed them out. Not that they don't deserve it in general, but in this instance they were innocent.

So, now I know who to blame, I head to the website to get the customer care number. That is when I come upon this:


Ok, they are working on it. Wait, what is this?

"For the latest information on the Verizon litigation..."

Litigation? What litigation? After a minute and a half on the website being fed the company line, I move on to google for the real story.

Vonage has no 'workaround' for Verizon technology

Hung up on Vonage

Verizon/Vonage Patent Infringement Suit: Does 3Com Actually Own the Deed?

I am pretty sure I am screwed.

Not a rhetorical question.

What exactly are you thinking?

Girls who post semi-nude pics of themselves on MySpaces. Or a strip-tease on YouTube.

Ya, you might think it is cute now, but have you ever thought of running for office? What do you mean, no way? How can you know that at 15? Well, I guess you have pretty much screwed yourself anyway. Suffice to say that at this point you would be laughed off any ballot except for the Marijuana party. You can kiss the republican nomination good bye.

What about having children? Ever think of how you would feel if you stumbled across a picture of your mother on Plentyofish, spread eagle on your living room couch? (Suppose you could tell Junior that it was the Super Bowl and that's a V for victory. Ya, he'll buy that.)

Unless you are planning to go into the oldest profession, never have children or become the oldest stripper on the planet, you need to think this shit through.

And guys, you are not off the hook. Shocking your parents by having a swastika tattooed to your forehead might seem like the thing to do right now, but unless you are planning a career as a carny, you need to wake the fuck up!

Technology and pop culture today makes it too easy to fuck up your life at a much younger age than ever before.

By George! I think he's got it!

John Chow of John Chow dot Com has a clever thing going on. He has initiated a Review My Blog for a free linkback promotion.

His goal is to have his site ranked first on Google for a specific set of search words, specifically “make money online”. He is offering to link to your blog if you review his blog. Making sure that the anchor term "make money online" is in the text.

I think it is a neat idea. After four days he is on page 1 of Google.com for the term “make money online”.

So I guess it was a success. What will he think of next? I can't wait to see.