And another thing...

The Joh.n How.ard Conspiracy.

The boy is in trouble again, for some stupid shit, a fight at the school. I know, imagine that, kids fighting at school. Call the national guard. It happened a month ago, the primaries in the dispute (which did not include the boy) had been dealt with, suspended and are back in school.

This week I get a call from the school, the boy has confessed to being involved so he is suspended. Interesting, a month later they decide to include the boy. He was there, he admits that, and at one point he laid hands on the kid. I asked the boy, he said that the kid was pushed towards him, and he pushed back. Sounds like a reaction. I picked up the boy, I asked him why he would confess to fighting if he wasn't. "She asked me if I laid hands on him, I said yes." He did not elaborate, he is the kind that just doesn't want to argue about it. "She wouldn't believe me if I told her, she would say I was lying, I didn't want to argue."

"Can't you deny?"

"What?" Who's kid is this?

"Good grief, what kind of a teenager are you. Deny, deny, deny!"

"Nice motherly advice, Mom."

"Well, Jesus, the way your going you'll end up in San Quentin for rubbing out Hoffa."

"Huh? Anyway, they said the police will be getting involved."

"Nice, well you say not another word about it. And you talk to no police without me present."

"She wants to talk to me when I come back after suspension."

"Tell her to talk to the hand, she was judge jury and executioner. You did your time, that's all she gets from you."

Fast forward to today. The police call. I'll just give you the highlights.

ME: Didn't this happen a month ago? Your just getting around to the boy?
FIVE OH: His name came up. He was there.
ME: What did the supervisor say?
FIVE OH: Huh?
ME: Oh I get it, there was no supervisor.
FIVE OH: No, we only talked to the kids.
ME: Nice, so we are taking the word of a bunch of kids, not mine of course, you can't believe a word he says right? (he gets the sarcasm)
FIVE OH: Well we have decided to allow them to go through Joh.n How.ard Soc.iety.
ME: I get it now.
FIVE OH: Excuse me?
ME: Never mind, tell me when to be there.

Let me explain about the Joh.n How.ard Soc.iety. It is an alternative to taking it to court. Sounds like a good thing for all us parents. Avoid a criminal record for the little demon spawns and we don't have to stand in front of a judge and be embarrassed by our ill mannered, unruly children. Right?

Here is the real reason for Joh.n How.ard Soc.iety. The kids are told if they confess, they go through this program, there is no criminal record, simple. Simple yes, for the Five-Oh. They don't have to actually investigate. They get to say they cracked the case without ever having to put down the doughnut. And the bonus? Since there was no investigation to speak of, they don't have to PROVE any of it in court. It's called cooking the books, boys. You didn't solve any crime, but you get points for it.

I have half a mind to just say fuck it. I will see you in court, forward your discovery documents to legal aide and clear your calendar for deposition. I will be asking you for your notes as well on how much actual time you spent on trying to get to the truth instead of taking the word of teenagers who just don't want to get in trouble with their Moms. And then I go after the school for setting him up for this little Joh.n How.ard Soc.iety bust. Don't think I didn't see the connection, asshole! That bitch principal is probably getting a kickback.

Fortunately for them, I, like most parents, are of the other half of the mind that says, "whatever dude". I will just have to speak to the boy about his tendency to confess to everything he is accused of.

I will make cards up for him that reads: "I'll TAKE THE FIFTH."

Ok, so this is Canada and it is actually Section 11 and Section 13, of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. But that would be hard to fit on a business card. It would be so much cooler if it was Section 8, but this is Canada, we are not cool.