As promised.

David Cook


Bonus

Love is most definately blind.

The only interesting thing happening on Big Brother 9. James and Chelsea, going at it hot and heavy.

That is not really the interesting part. Poor Chelsea thinks she is in love. I would love to be a fly on the wall when she finds out that James is a gay (soft?) porn star.



How could you not know something is very 'off' with that boy. He has a badly done pink Mohawk. He dresses like a clown, in purple pants that don't even fit him properly, which I suppose explains the rainbow (gay pride) belt.

He has just about the stupidest, poorly done tattoos I have ever seen. I am surprised anyone (ANYONE) found this kid in the least bit attractive.

He has told everyone he is homeless, bicycling across America for some unknown reason. I am sure he has a reason, and he has said what that reason is but it was probably so stupid that I have forgotten it. Then he turns around and tells Chelsea that he used to own a mortgage company. Seriously? She bought that hook, line and sinker. I am not sure, but I think Chelsea may have been dropped on her head as a child.

What the hell?

I have to say that so far American Idol has pretty much been a non-event for me. It is something I would stop on during my nightly channel surf that usually ended up on some reno show.

Except for tonight, this kid, David Cook, came on and sang Billy Jean. Un-fucking-believable.

He rocked it. The lyrics were there, but he totally changed the tune. If I see it on youTube, I will post it.

First day of spring.

Welcome.

I wake up to drive The Boy to school, he is in the shower.

I open up messenger and see all the moms have similar tag lines.

"seriously NO school"

"Yay!! School's canceled... even longer weekend for the kids!!" I think that one has just a touch of sarcasm attached to it.

I hate this sort of thing, you look out the window and its a perfectly normal day. No rain, no snow. No sun either, but hey, its Nova Scotia in March we don't expect much.

Back in the day we never got a day off of school on the off chance there could possibly be bad weather later on in the day. We only got dismissed from school when the snow was getting close to knee level (That's the bus drivers knees, not the kids) or the boiler stops working. That was it.

Back in the day the weather man didn't have the luxury of saying "...there is a 50% chance of rain...". He had to nail it down. Probability of precipitation, give me a break.

I remember getting off the bus and trudging through snow up to my hips to get into the house.

It makes no sense. We have better snow clearing equipment now then we did then. We have generators and snow blowers

How is it that we have gotten so soft?

If you don't hear from me...

I am installing the first service pack for Vista.

If I'm not back in 24 hours...notify the authorities.

I'm so excited!

My training com padres (Pablo, Lenny, Wayne) and I will be on the road again tomorrow.

It's been a while since we traveled and I am looking forward to catching up.

I will take notes.

Who votes for these people?

Not me, I can tell you that. I was reading this article.

Flavoured smokes leave a bad taste for MLA

Retarded laws and bans annoy the shit out of me. This is our tax dollars at work. Children are homeless and starving, and this idiot is going after a product that is not even legal for a person under the age of 19 to buy.

I had a couple minutes so I thought I would comment briefly.

"Another pointless discussion. It's illegal to buy cigarettes when your 15, they won't even show grownups the cigarettes anymore. How exactly is it luring children into buying them? Someone is just looking for publicity to justify their existence in politics.

If you were truly serious, you would ban tobacco all together. Oh, wait. The government makes too much money off of it, doesn't it?"

Then some other idiot had to pipe in.

Steve writes: Evel, the government doesn't make money on the sale of cigarettes at all. In fact the cost of treating smoking related illness far exceed any tax money it receives from the sale of cigarettes.

Flavored cigarettes are targeted at children. Because they are flavored they may become cool among the younger crowd and become a fad.

So this guy is yet another who has been sucked in by the hype. I figured I would do a little digging and find out just how much tax is on a carton of cigarettes, since this retard thinks it isn't significant.

I found this information that says that in 2007 the tax on Cigarettes is 16.52¢ per cigarette, $33.04 per carton of 200.

Holy shit. If you consider that a carton of cigarettes would cost about eighty-five bucks,(if your lucky) almost 40 percent of that is tax! (I'm to pretty to do actual math, but you get the idea)I am thinking the government might just be making a couple of bucks.

Oh, but the government really doesn't care about the money. They are all about helping the children.

BULLSHIT! It's already illegal for kids to buy smokes. Hell, when you walk into a store, you have to ask if they even sell them. The cigarettes are hidden from you behind a wall. So, how exactly are these kids being advertised to?

Fuck off, Ms. MLA. Get off your fat ass and do some real work. Like filling the potholes or feeding some starving families.

And the mother? Why don't you find out what adult your child is hanging out with who is supplying her with these cigarettes? I would be more concerned with that than if they are puffing on some flavored smokes. What do you suppose that perv asked for in return? Did you even think of that?

Once again, these bans miss the mark. They are pointless and do not stop kids from smoking. All they do is piss off the adult smokers and appease the tree huggers.

How gullible can you be?

Don't answer that.

This commercial has irritated the hell out of me for a week.



Hello! I hate to state the obvious, but actual water has zero calories.

Girl's gotta have it.

When I want something sweet, I will do anything to get it.

Last night we were in the midst of a storm, there was no way I was braving the elements to get a sugar fix.

What to do?

I am woman, right? I am so! Off I go into the cupboards to see if I can find my dog a bone.

But when I got there....you know the rest.

I do have a few things, brown sugar, oatmeal, that sort of thing. There has got to be something I can make. Dig through the drawers and drag out the Joy of Cooking (yes I have one, its about 30 years old) there must be something in this huge book that I can make.

Nope, no cocoa or chocolate, scratch that.
Crap! No eggs.....shit, damn. Looks like I might just have to scarf down a spoonful of sugar to tame the craving.

Wait just a minute....I have meringue powder, that's made out of eggs right? Hell, it is eggs, sort of.

Ok, now we are cooking with gas. And it looks like I have peanut butter. I am good to go.

I probably should have made sure I had all the ingredients before I began, but I was jones'in for cookies, I can't really be held responsible for what transpired.

So, there I am, deep into the recipe, creaming the butter, brown sugar, white sugar, simulated eggs in the bowl. It all looks good. Something is missing, this is way too moist. there has to be dry ingredients.

Flour....do I have flour? Everyone has flour....Shit! I don't have flour.

Now what? Hmmmm, I am contemplating just eating this concoction with a spoon when I spy something in the back of the cupboard.

Pancake mix. God love Aunt Jamima, Its basically flour, right? How much different could it be? I am into it now, I have nothing to lose. Ignoring the boy's rolling eyes, I crack open the pancake mix and throw it in. While I am at it, I toss in some oatmeal.

Long, long, long story short, awesome cookies!

It's from the Martha Stewart cookbook, jail house edition.

My name is Evel, and I am an addict.

Hi,EVEL!

Why am I addicted to those home buying shows? Not the home reno shows, the ones where someone is looking to buy a house.

I started off watching decorating shows, then reno shows, then moved on to house flipping shows, now it seems like all I ever watch is Sell This House or Location, Location, Location.

I have no interest in buying a house in Spain so what is up with that?

He's trying to kill me.

How do I get The Boy to fuck off with the scents? He puts so much laundry detergent in the wash that the drained water comes out blue. You can smell it all over the house. Even before I smell it, I can feel my head filling up and my throat closing off.

Just when you think it is over, he puts his clothes in the dryer and the stench starts all over again. Oh, and just one more insult, before he leaves the house, he has to douse himself in Axe.

I literally, cannot breath. I would kill a puppy (or Michael Jackson) for a SARS mask right now.

"It's not that strong." he says, "It's all in your head." he says. "Maybe your just getting a cold, ever think of that?"

Is it all in my head? Am I getting a cold? I think not. Especially when if I step outside for 2 minutes, my sinuses drain.

I know what you are saying, "Get the scent free stuff."

But what do I do with the 15 gallons of the stuff we still have in the house?

Scraping the bottom.

I always look forward to the performances of the best song nominations.

The nominations for Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures (Original Song)are:

"Happy Working Song" Enchanted
"Falling Slowly" Once
"That's How You Know" Enchanted
"Raise It Up" August Rush
"So Close" Enchanted

What can I say. Not even Disney could come up with a song I can even remember 5 seconds after it was over. Even though all through the songs I was wishing they were. Over, that is. Except perhaps "So Close".

They weren't so much bad, as they were forgettable. Certainly no 'My Heart Will Go On' or Schindler's List Theme so I just couldn't be bothered including a clip or link. You can search on uTube if you like. But I can't bring myself to listen to them again.

Ok, I might was well include a link, since I have nothing to do while I wait for the obligatory dead-guy montage. (How much you wanna bet Heath Ledger gets the end credit?)

And the winner is?

"Falling Slowly" Once

Myeh.

(Oh, and you would have lost that bet.) Predictable.

If a tree falls in the forest...

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Internet Service Provider™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"We had a guy here that tried to set up a router for us. He couldn't get it working so we scrapped the whole setup."

"Ok, how can I help?" Since we don't support routers.

"Well after he put the computer back directly on the modem, we couldn't connect."

Three minutes later, I had the computer online. He set a static IP for the computer and all I had to do was set it for automatic. Simple. Thanks for calling, right?

Wrong. Crayon alert.

"Ok, but this all happened two weeks ago. Who do I speak to to get a credit for the last two weeks?"

What?

"Did you call in two weeks ago?" As I check the notes to see if someone somhow missed this obvious fix?

"No, I didn't' really have time, this is the first time I called."

How do I respond to this? "But your service was working, I can't really give you a credit."

"Well no, I didn't have service for two weeks. I shouldn't have to pay for it."

"Here's the thing. I couldn't give you a credit unless there was an established time line showing you were without service. For instance, several calls to tech support where you couldn't get online and a tech could not get you online. Then we would look at that and issue a credit for the two weeks that you were without service. However, had you called in two weeks ago, you would have been online within three minutes. You were never actually without service."

"I disagree." No shit.

"Let me put it to you this way. You wouldn't get a credit for cable service, just because you didn't turn your tv on. The service was there, you just weren't using it."

"I disagree, I want to speak to a supervisor."

Good luck with that, off you go.

Just plain flipped.

"I can still move my eyebrows. How many men can say that?" - Jeff Lewis, host of Flipping Out on HGTV

Have i missed some sort of evolutionary regression? I don't remember learning that in school. Did you? I have 4 brothers, many nephews and I am pretty sure every last one of them can move their eyebrows.



What kind of an alternate universe does this guy live in?

A review of Jessy's Pizza

I thought I would try the new pizza place that opened up at the end of my street. Jessy's Pizza.

I should have known I was in trouble when I asked for a small combination and the girl gave me a blank stare, "What do you consider combination? The works?"

"No" I say, "The works would be the works."

"Ok, it's different for everyone."

Ah, no. That is when I realized this outfit was not from around here. If you say 'combination' here it means pepperoni, mushrooms and green peppers.

But I am committed now, I am determined to give them one shot.

Next warning sign was when she told me it would be done in 10 minutes. This tells me that they are using those awful conveyor belt ovens. Yuck.

But how was it?

I open the box, WTF? They didn't put the cheese on top so there was no retention of the juices. The mushrooms, (I am assuming they were mushrooms, only through process of elimination) were dried out and tasted like paper, ditto for the (shredded) green peppers which I identified purely from the color. I was so disappointed that I didn't even notice the pepperoni. All I can say for the sauce is one word...Ketchup.

This is what pizza should look like.

If you are going to come into Pictou County you have to know two things.

1. Cheese goes on last. It holds all that shit together so it all doesn't fall in your lap when you try and eat it. With the possible exception of bacon, it sticks to the cheese.

2. Pizza sauce is rarely ever actually red. And if grease isn't rolling down to my elbow, I feel cheated by the whole experience.

I felt cheated by the whole experience. Jessy's pizza was a disappointment. But so is Greco for me but I do like their donairs, so I will give Jessy a shot at making me a donair next time.

Third time's the charm.

The Bride is at it again.



Congrats Rhea!

It's a no-brainer, right?

A new production of A Raisin in the Sun, a made for TV movie, will air February 25th on ABC.

The role of Walter Lee Younger was originally played by Sidney Poitier in the stage play as well as the 1961 film.

So, who could they possibly choose to reprise such a role?

Why P-Diddy, of course.



I am thinking he has something to do with the production.

Fool done lost his mind.



What the hell did he just say? Sounds like the conversations we used to have after a particularly great batch of brownies was passed around.

Encore!

Because of this news story...I felt I should repost a previous rant.

Gay rights activists denounce N.S. council vote

From Saturday, August 25, 2007

Pride.

Got into a debate the other night about the Mayor of one of our towns refusing to fly the Gay Pride flag on the town hall during pride week.

Potsie and I were sitting outside smoking with 'Don'. "It's just a stupid flag. What's the big deal?" The mayor didn't think it was appropriate to fly it on the town hall building, frankly neither do I.

Don pipes up, "What if they said that during the Million Man March, told them they couldn't fly their flag." I don't even think they had a flag.

ME: "Are you seriously comparing the Million Man March with Potsie's desire to 'take one for the team'?" Potsie is busting a gut.

DON: "Well it's their community...legal rights..."

ME: "Oh please! Have you been to a gay pride parade, nothing says 'legal joint tax return' like a big harry guy in bondage garb.

The only thing that makes Potsie here any different from any other human on the planet is his sexual preference. WTF? Why does he get a flag?

Look, I really don't give a shit who you love, live with, fuck, whatever. But where does it end, do we have to fly the foot fetish flag? Or the wife swapper flag. What? All they have to do is organize a parade and they can plaster the government buildings with flags?"

Don is just shaking his head. Potsie is in stitches.

ME: "Where is my Heterosexual, Fat Chick, Missionary Position Flag? That's what I want to know! How come I don't get a fuckin' parade?"

POTSIE: "We had a meeting but the Mayor vetoed it."

ME: "Thank God for that, my buttless chaps are in the shop."

Pray for me.

The Boy turns 17 today.



Happy Birthday, Buddy.