YOU ARE HERE - 06-30-07
We do this today, because tomorrow is a holiday. How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- watch a summer in la goulette online (Australia) (#7) La Goulette is in Tunisia.
- kodak film processing menomonie wi (St. Louis) (#?)
- pecker check (Ontario) (#6)
- freeze mother bitches wav (Idaho) (#9)
- vancouver mermaid and montreal photographer (Australia) (#1) That is pretty damned specific.
- i often rely on the kindness of strangers (Virginia) (#5) Maybe my posts are just getting too weird?

- There are always tonnes of sick porn searches and something that was just so bazaar, that it was [encrypted by AOL]. Too funny.

HERE FROM WORK or SCHOOL?
Shouldn't you be working or studying?

Ronco Specialized Services (New York)
Fluke Corporation (Everett, Washington)
Sentara Health System (Virginia)
Serve You Custom Prescription (Wisconsin)
Town Of Gilbert (Arizona)
Armorworks Inc (Arizona)
Onvoy (Minnesota)
API (Washington, DC)
U.S. Patent And Trademark Office (New York & Virginia)
Enovation Graphics (Minnesota)
Eastern Virginia Medical School (Norfolk)
Thayer Capital (Washington, D.C)
Gmac Mortgage Corp (Pennsylvania)
Universidad Politecnica De Madrid (Sweden)
Smurfit-stone Container (Massachusetts)
Public Consulting Group (Tallahassee, Florida)
Raytheon Company (Massachusetts)
Ameriquest Mortgage Company (California)
Exxon Mobil Corporation (Texas)
California State University Network (Ontario, California)
National Board Of Medical Examiners (Pennsylvania)
American Business Group (Norfolk, Virginia)
Makemusic Inc (Minneapolis)
State Of South Carolina (Cottageville & Lexington)
University Of South Carolina (Columbia)
Jabatan Telekom Brunei (Brunei Darussalam)
Shuttleworth Business Systems Ltd (England)
Arcor Ag & Co. Kg (Germany)
Gilchrist & Rutter (Santa Monica, California)
Lower Allen Township (Pennsylvania)
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Admin (Maryland)
Santa Clara University (California)
Knox Basketball Inc (Australia)
University Of Rhode Island (Kingston)

Can You See Your House From Here?


HINT: Ever grab a bite at the P & J Deli? Or maybe take a stroll through Pershing Park?
Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

New Age Spirituality

"Finding and touching your spiritual core."

I am sitting here watching Vision TV. (The remote is across the room) This dude is praying to the gods and goddesses (rolls eyes). I thought the hippies were all dead? Not so, they are all in Colorado on some commune.

It is kinda interesting watching crazy people. After a while you listen less to what they say and start imagining how these people function in a way that lets them feed themselves. Then you realize they feed off each other.

Sandplay for the Soul: You pick shells off a shelf and place them into a sandbox. Apparently this will allow you to recoup from your childhood traumas. Oh, there are also action figures on the shelf....this is some deep shit. "This is your soul speaking to you." Apparently his soul needs Leggo figures to get his point across.

I will spare you the commentary on the tantric sex segment.

Luckily for them, there are other whacko's out there who will pay them for this shit.

Some nutbar, (white guy) dressed in African garb is sitting on the floor, burning incense trying to 'cure' some gay guy of his gayness. I kid you not. I watched for a couple minutes until he started praying. I am starting to suspect that it's not incense he is burning. "We ask the guidance of God and the Goddess, the angels, Michael, Rafael..."

That's when I snapped, lunged across the room for the remote, scaring the cat half to death. I draw the line at praying to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Wouldn't they all be so pissed if we could prove that the Hokey Pokey is what it is really all about?

Poetic justice or wishful thinking?


James Gandolfini Shot By Closure-Seeking Fan

Anyone who was pissed at the 'artsy' ending of the series can understand what would make this person snap.

I think we all were let down by the creators of the Sopranos with that half-assed ending. Justifiable homicide if you ask me.

What exactly have I done to deserve this?

I work. I come home. I go to work again.

I have long ago abandoned the bar scene. I don't trust myself not to snap the neck of some drunken Barbie doll for pouring her drink down my back. I don't drink (although I think after this morning I might just take it up) and don't have much patience for drunks if I am sober. Dilemma. So, aside from the biweekly booty call, I don't get out much. Which is fine, I enjoy just being at home, lounging around, surfing and watching tv. It really doesn't take much to make me happy.

I don't buy a lot for myself, I dress for coverage, that's it. The things I buy for myself are usually computer related. I am, by no stretch of the imagination, a shopper. Although I do try every so often, but standing in the entrance to Walmart makes my skin crawl, so I manage to get in and out pretty quickly.

Off topic for a second, my sister and I went to Walmart recently and she insisted on using the self-serve checkouts. They promise to be faster, do-it-yourself. After ten minutes of scanning the mini blinds over and over until the blasted machine finally recognized it, we were finally finished. "Oh ya, that was faster." I say, rolling my eyes.

As we make our way to the exit we are accosted by the store greeter. Most greeters look like carny folk and clearly this kid is ... mentally challenged? I think they put these people in this position because they think consumers will take shit from them for fear of not being politically correct. I am nothing if not a PC, equal opportunity bitch. Ok, I wouldn't kick a blind kid and blame it on the dog, but if you piss me off, I don't care if your a head in a jar, I am going to object to it. "Mind if I check your bag?" he says. My sister is secretly hoping some small, shiny object has captured my attention and I will not respond. Her hopes are dashed.

"If we say, yes would it make a difference?"

As he checks the contents of her bags against the receipt I go off. "Oh ya, this is soooo much quicker. Fight with the machine for ten minutes and then waste another ten minutes while they frisk us like shoplifters. I am so glad we didn't waste time making the cashier do the job for us."

As my sister repacks her bags, "They do the same thing at Cosco, Mamme."

"Thanks for the heads up."

Anyway, where was I? Oh ya, I don't drink, I don't go out partying and I don't spend money on myself. So why does The Boy think that I will take shit from him day in and day out? He wakes me at 7am this morning. "Make me some scrambled eggs?"

"Make em yourself."

"I don't know how!" Are you kidding me?

"It's scrambled eggs, not nuclear fusion. Fuck off somewhere!" He opens the curtains and lets the sun blast me in the face. I try to kick him and he grabs the post on the foot board of my bed and pulls. The bed crashes to the floor.

That is when I lost my mind. "Why is it that when you get mad, you smash my shit?"

I broke, started bawling. Remember its 7am and he has woken me from a dead sleep, not the most stable I have ever been. This totally takes The Boy by surprise. He then tries to fix the bed, with me in it, not an easy task. All the while I am ranting. Telling him how all I do is work and all he does is spend the money and bitch and complain about there not being enough for him. He doesn't like the house, he thinks the car is a piece of crap, he doesn't like the neighborhood, he wants to live in another town. On and on and on he bitches about how his life is so bad.

"How long do you suppose I will put up with this shit before I slit my own throat?" As I said, it doesn't take much to make me happy. Just a little peace and quiet, my things intact, that sort of thing. But faced with The Boy, breaking one of my only possessions? "Explain to me why I work to give you everything you want when you can't even manage to not break the few things I have for myself?"

I really can't wait for the empty nest.

YOU ARE HERE - 06-24-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- i live in winnipeg and i am bored (British Columbia) (#2) These exact words were searched 3 times, sadly giving the same results. You really were bored, considering you were in BC at the time.
- exotic dancer job description (Virginia) (#4) Uh...remove clothes while gyrating to the music? Just a shot in the dark.
- incoming message from the big giant head wav (Indiana) (#3) Ours tends to send emails.

The rest of the searches involved things to do with your sister-in-law when your a sick perverted fuck!

HERE FROM WORK or SCHOOL?
Shouldn't you be working or studying?

City Of Joplin Missouri (Do I really need to say?)
Sentara Health System (Virginia)
University Of Rhode Island (Kingston)
Danaher Tool Group (North Carolina)
Shuttleworth Business Systems Ltd (London)
Pyburn Films (New York)
Warren Communications News Inc (Washington, DC)
Data Mail Inc (Connecticut)
Express Scripts Incorporated (Missouri)
Hanes Companies Inc (Winston Salem, NC)
Raser Inc (Michigan)
Whirlpool Corporation (Michigan)
Haynes And Boone LLP (Dallas)
Cumbria Lancashire Education Online (England)
Harbour Vest Partners LLC (Boston)
The Irvine Company (California)
Pacific Media Group (California)
Disney Worldwide Services Inc (California)

Can You See Your House From Here?


HINT: So, have you ever watched a basketball game at the American Airlines Arena? Or maybe you attend the Flying Trapeze School at Bayfront Park?

Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me

And I am a Mac.

Lets address the Mac superiority complex. I hear it all the time.

"Mac's don't get viruses."

True, but considering Apple sales typically represent less than 5 percent of the overall U.S. personal computer market what virus author is going to waste their time making a virus for the Mac OS?

"My Mac does not crash."

I believe you that the Mac OS is more stable, and it stands to reason. Most computer crashes occur because of a compatibility issue between hardware and software. Apple makes the operating system and the hardware it sits on, there is no issue. Whereas a PC might have a dozen different companies under the hood. I do not believe, however, that you never have a problem with the Mac.

"70.2 percent of Mac users online have a college degree."

Well they have to don't they? Mac's are expensive and you typically cannot upgrade them without selling your first born. For a couple hundred bucks I can be internet ready on a new PC.

"You guys suck, I am gonna buy a Mac!"

"Fill yer boots. You will still have to deal with Orange if you want decent software."

I love it when I have to tell the Apple users that Orange no longer supports LookOut Quick for the Mac. It was a free program for email, Orange gave it away to Mac users because Apple didn't make an email program. They have less than 40 software titles. Finally Orange got fed up and created En.tou.r.age. I hear the new Mac OS has a mail app included now, but they are still pissed that we don't give away shit for free anymore.

Not all Mac users are in love with the Mac experience.



If you can afford a Mac, give 'er. I might buy one myself if I win the lottery.

Hi, I'm a PC.

My oldest brother is a Mac guy. If I told you everything I know about him, you would say 'I bet he is a Mac guy too' and you would be right. He is the Mac Guy. Not that idiot they show in the commercials, no Mac guy is really like that. Except, of course, for the superiority complex.

I often wondered what family he grew up in. He is so far removed from the rest of us it is weird. But I suppose that comes from being the oldest and from leaving home in the 70's to go to college, (he was the only one who did) thus limiting his exposure early on to the rest of us hicks.

He became a photographer, put out some pretty cool stuff (IMHO), worked on movies even in his hey-day. (I imagine he will be irritated that I summed up his career in this way)But we will never know, since he does not speak to me. Add that to the fact that he wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful of it.

He is a 'professor' now, complete with pipe and cable-knit sweaters. (definitely not the nutty kind) Living on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs with his wife, dog and 2.5 children.

While the rest of us are picking up our kids at the police station, he is sending his off to do mission work in Africa.

We get 'laid-off' he goes on 'sabbatical'.

While we are yelling in the stands as our children check the shit out of the opposing hockey team, he is attending recitals (clarinet and acoustic guitar, I believe, although I was never invited to attend).

It's Trailer Park Boys vs Leave It To Beaver. Ok, that is a bit extreme, but you get the picture.

You can cut out the nature vs nurture crap (I am pretty sure he has never even typed the word crap before)In his time-span living in-house with the rest of us our father was drunk the entire time and our mother, who is manic-depressive, was wigging out on a daily basis. It wasn't until after he left that our father got 'clean',(he didn't get sober till '78)and our mother got medicated.

Picture it, it's the 70's he is off to the city alone, I half expected he would join a commune, become a hippy. Statistics would argue that he was primed to follow our fathers example, and he may very well have done so. However, he 'appears' to have gone the complete opposite way, as far as I know. But as you can imagine, we move in different 'circles' so to speak. I am a PC he is a Mac.

Maybe that is the appeal of the Mac? His one beatnik vice. After all, Steve Jobs was a bit of a hippy wasn't he?

YOU ARE HERE - 06-17-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- why does tim hortons make us sneeze (Toronto) (#1) I have no earthly idea.
- cia mind control experiments in digby ns (Nova Scotia) (#3) LOL too funny.
- incoming message from the big giant head wav (Texas) (#1) Our's sends emails.
- tmo flarion pix nat (Slovakia) (#6) This has come up more than once and I have no idea what this guy is looking for.
- al capone's summer home in lake wales florida (Florida) (#6) I have no idea how they got here from that.

HERE FROM WORK or SCHOOL?
Shouldn't you be working or studying?

Canadian Department Of Education (Halifax)
Kimberly-clark Corporation (Mexico)
Cumbria Lancashire Education Online (Bradford, England)
Mutual Federal Savings Bank (Plano, Texas)
Nova University (Ft. Lauderdale)
Goverment Lottery Organisation (Thailand)
Chevron Corporation (New York)
Danaher Corporation (Massachusetts)
Glisten Confectionary (UK)
Taiwan Academic Network (Taipei)
Hard Rock Cafe (Miami)
Zurich American Insurance Company (Illinois)
Windsor Board Of Education (Ontario)
Stanford University Network (California)
North American Outdoor Group (Minnesota)
Quang Trung Software City (Ho Chi Minh City)
Pyburn Films (New York)
State Of South Carolina (Lexington)
The Dufferin Peel Roman Catholic Separate (Ontario)
Shuttleworth Business Systems Ltd (UK)


Can You See Your House From Here?


HINT: Ever eat at Betka Burger? Not many people can visit a medieval castle on their day off.

Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

8 Random Facts

Okay, looks like I was tagged by Ian over at Failure is the Key to Success. I am a little late but here goes:

Here are the rules to play:

1. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

My random facts:

1. I have been practically single since 1991. Don't have a telethon for me.
2. I have absolutely no fashion sense. I dress for coverage so as not to offend the masses.
3. I have all my original parts (including tonsils) and have never broken a bone.
4. Only ever spent one night in the hospital and that was giving birth.
5. I have never been outside Canada and no farther west than Ontario.
6. I buy things at yard sales that I can not identify. Just because.
7. I don't do outside. That is where the bugs are.
8. Four guys I have dated or slept with are now dead. I am pretty sure I had nothing to do with it.

Ok, I tag...

1. Anna
2. Fyr
3. Radmila
4. Shelly
5. Cattiva
6. Virginia Belle
7. Desiree
8. Heather
   

SiCKO

Just finished watching Michael Moore's new documentary on managed care in America, SiCKO. If you're an American, you really need to watch it. I was especially shocked when I heard this statement coming out of the face of the first President Bush, "If you think socialized medicine is a good idea, ask a Canadian."

Excuse me? I'm Canadian, go ahead and ask me. If I am in an accident, I don't have to worry about my HMO denying coverage for the ambulance ride. I am not turned away from the hospital because I cannot pay. And Canada is not the only country that has universal health care. In fact more countries have a form of socialized health care than don't.

I think Moore does a decent job of sticking it to the bureaucrats. He visits the UK and France where he was amazed to talk to landed Americans about the differences in the health care systems that they enjoy in their new countries. He even takes some 9/11 heroes that were denied medical treatment in the US to Cuba, where they asked for and were granted without question treatment for their ailments. What kind of fucked up system is that?

Tony Benn, former member of British parliament put it best, "What Democracy did was it moved power from the market place to the poling station from the wallet to the ballot... In the 1930's we had mass unemployment but you don't have any unemployment during the war...If you can find the money to kill people, you can find money to help people."

Most shocking is the trend for HMO hospitals to actually put patients in cabs and dump them in front of free clinics, IV's still in their arms, because they have no insurance. Un-fucking-believable.

It really does make you think. Why are American's putting up with this shit? Makes me glad to be Canadian as I am sure Brits and the French are thanking their lucky stars too.

Kell me Bub.

I have to say, I am going to miss training. I had a ball. Not the learning part, but just the people in the class.

Out of the class of 20, there were 5 white's, two Chinese guys and the rest were Bengali. It was an interesting dynamic. (If you're waiting for me to get all PC, don't hold your breath.)

There is quite a healthy Bengali population at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ and for a community that has never really had contact with people of other cultures, I think we are handling it pretty well. It helps that the Bengali's are very good natured and will answer 500 stupid questions in the run of a day without getting offended. They even go so far as literally changing their names so the rest of us hicks can pronounce them.

I sat beside this one guy who had to repeatedly tell me what his name was and for the life of me I could not get it out of my face. After three days of slaughtering the pronunciation of his name I finally gave up, "If you don't mind, I am just going to call you Bob." He laughed, "OO Key, Ewa. Kell me Bub."

The only thing that irritates me is when they start talking to each other in their language. I don't know about you, but I think that is rude. It was interesting that only the Bengali's did this. You would never catch the two Chinese guys doing it. Believe me, I tried. It was all I could do to pry a couple Chinese words out of either of them.

Anyway, as I said, the jabbering on in their own language was irritating to me. It was also irritating to the guy sitting next to me. More interesting is that he was Bengali also. Tareq and I sat in a row alone behind 5 of them, and as soon as they would start, he would lean forward and chastise them. "English please." Then he would turn to me and make sure I knew that they were not talking about anyone in the class or anything like that. He was a bit embarrassed by it.

Day two, I decided to have some fun with it. They started having what appeared to be a heated discussion when I stood up, "Excuse me! But I will have you know they pay good money for my mother!" Mizan turns, horrified. "She is not a common street walker!" The look on his face was priceless and I kept a straight face for about 10 seconds until I caught Tareq out of the corner of my eye. He had lost it, and was slapping his leg, trying not to roar with laughter.

After that, they knew they were fair game.

"Clarice, we cannot continue this call until you are wearing the tinfoil hat."

Fyr reminded me of a story.

I did not get this call but I was sitting near the person who did. A woman called in and she was frantic. She was convinced that Orange had implanted a microchip in her uterus.

How, you might ask? Well, she went to a prenatal site. Where you put in your info, due date that sort of thing. When she went back a week later, it showed a picture of her fetus and each subsequent week it would show it growing. She was freaked out. So she is now convinced that Orange has implanted her. "How else would they know?" She was frantic.

She could not be convinced otherwise. She spoke to three agents and finally asked for a manager. After the agent told the manager what she was dealing with he thought for second and replied to the agent, "Tell her its a hardware issue. She will have to call the manufacturer." I nearly died laughing.

This is not really a rare call, sometimes I am amazed that these people make it across the street safely.

YOU ARE HERE - 06-10-07
How people found this site. And the ranking. (if I can locate it)

- the exchange by giving one thing and getting another thing in the past (Sri Lanka) (#1)
- bloggingreykjavik (Reykjavik, Iceland) (#2) [Waves]
- What are some quotes i can dress the bride with for a stagette (Calgary) (#1)
- al capone goat island (Arkansas) (#3)
- how to make a bucket of frozen daiquiris ahead of time (New York) (#3) I'm gonna go out on a limb and say...make 'em and then freeze 'em?
- what to do with the used trays from tim horton's? (Toronto) (#5) They are actually excellent when you need to start the woodstove.
- translate i would die for him into french (Hamilton) (#1)
- tim hortons cat piss (Halifax) (#4) Dude, you're Canadian. You can't say that about Tim...you could get jail time.
- british accent institute in mumbai (Las Vegas) (#6)
- i know you're there...i can hear you breathing (Pennsylvania) (#3)
- text saskatoon albert cheating wife 7 kids (Saskatchewan) (#10) Makes you wonder why we even bother with search engines.
- bobby fischer blogspot.com (Texas) (#?)
- scientist/exotic dancer (Massachusetts) (#1)
- weight watchers reykjavik (Germany) (#9)
- you know you live in winnipeg when... (Detroit) (#2)
- fluffy getting a liver transplant (Florida) (#1)
- free home apnea screening huntsville alabama (Alabama) (#1)

HERE FROM WORK or SCHOOL?
Shouldn't you be working or studying?

Cedars-sinai Medical Center (Los Angeles)
Merrill Lynch And Company Inc (New York)
Kimberly-clark Corporation (Mexico)
Carter Ledyard And Millburn Llp (New York)
J. C. Penney Company Inc (Dallas)
Hard Rock Cafe (Miami)
Hilton Hotel Corporation (Louisville, Kentucky)
Zurich American Insurance Company (Illinois)
Google Inc (New York)
Network Of Ign Arch. And Design Gb (UK)
Zurich American Insurance Company (Schaumburg, Illinois)
Baltimore County Public Library (Maryland)
Ssa Baltimore (Maryland)
Tufts University (Boston)

Can You See Your House From Here?


HINT Ever attend a World Cup game at 'the office'? Or had a drink with friends at Redbones Blues Café?

Well, can you see your house from here? If you can, email me.

I love my son. I love my son. I love my son.

I do love my son. No really, I do. But The Boy and I are just about done with all this togetherness shit. For two weeks I have been on a ridiculous day shift. 7 AM to 3 PM. I leave work and my legs are all rubbery and I am dizzy, it is not a pretty sight.

They put us on the phone for an hour yesterday and I was trying to send my closing email. I was looking at this word and for the life of me I couldn't comprehend that it was actually a word. Yvette was sitting beside me, and I had to ask.

"RESOLVED. Is that even a word?" I was pronouncing it like RE SOLVE. You solve and then re-solve. It just didn't sound like it was even in the dictionary. I kid you not. I do not function well in the day time.

Back in the good ole days of 5pm - 1am, I would drive The Boy to the bus in the morning, go back to bed, pick him up at the bus stop at 3:30, drop him at home and go to work. When I got home, he was asleep and the next day we would do it all again. We only really had to co-exist on the weekend and that was plenty. It was heaven.

During the last two weeks, when I get home, he was there. Bored. The second he walks through the door, "I'm bored."

"You can't be bored, the door hasn't even shut behind you."

"I am bored, there is nothing to do."

"How do you even know that?"

"I know." I try to ignore him.

I am on the couch, beat to a snot. I am trying hard not to fall asleep or I will be up at midnight. I have that seedy feeling, like it's 5pm on the day after a big drunk. "God, I am bored!"

"What exactly do you want me to do about it?"

"Let's go for a drive?"

"Are you kidding me? I am not even sure I can get off this couch. When did it become my job to entertain you?" All I can imagine is my blood pressure rising, not exactly a day in the country driving with a sixteen year old. Absolutely not a stress reliever driving with The Boy. But The Boy is like Chinese water torture. He never lets up. The other night I had to go to bed at 7:30.

"What? Why are you going to bed so early?"

"To get away from you, I can't take it another second." I kiss his forehead. "Love ya, good night."

Thankfully, I have one day shift left on Monday (don't ask me why) and then we go back to being two ships passing in the night.

And not a moment too soon.

Attica!

Well, Paris made it a whole three days behind bars. Then, for some fucked up reason, the sheriff sent her home with an ankle bracelet. WTF? Three days?

The judge caught wind of it and said, fuck that! Dragged her boney ass back to jail. Away she goes kicking and screaming. "It's not right! ...Mom!" Poor baby.

What made that sheriff think he would get away with it? Did he really think no one would notice? Give your head a shake man.

It's absense that makes the heart grow fonder.

These day shifts are kicking my fuckin' butt. By the time 3 o'clock rolls around I am beat to a snot. It is all I can do to stay up until 8pm.

I can't wait to get back to night shift. This togetherness with The Boy is for the birds. I much preferred the 'ships passing in the night' scenario. I am about ready to strangle him. Luckily there is just today and Monday and then it all goes back to normal.

Pray for me.

SO, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

So, beginning of a new month (sorry I am a couple days late) and another installment of 'Where are you from?'

Without further ado, I give you ...

Ramsey, Isle of Man

The Isle of Man lies in the Irish Sea, between England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales, less than 60 miles west of the Lancashire coastline. It is 33 miles long, 13 miles wide and covers an area of 227 square miles. More than 40% of the Island is uninhabited.

Ramsey is a town in the north of the Isle of Man. It is the third largest town on the island. Its population is 7309 according to the 2006 census (7,322 2001 census). It has one of the biggest harbors on the island, and has a prominent derelict pier. It was formerly one of the main points of communication with Scotland.

I have to say it looks beautiful. The climate sounds perfect, cool summers and mild winters. I always wanted to live somewhere that was always spring or fall. Considering there were places that were always summer and others that were always winter, how hard could it be, right? This place sounds like it would be almost perfect for me.

So if you are one of the 7309 people living in Ramsey, give us a wave, eh?

Scientist/Exotic Dancer?

I am no expert, but I am thinking he might have more experience as an exotic dancer. But isn't that the weirdest 'slash' job description you have ever read?

I started watching Pirate Master. It is a Survivor-like show from Mark Burnett. Hey, it's summer TV, I am desperate.

You would think that with a package like that, he would have the women eating out of his hands. Unfortunately he opened his mouth to reveal he is a freak and pretty much creep'ed all the ladies out. Myself included. If you read his BIO, you will see why the vote was unanimous.

Honestly? I think it might turn out to be interesting. After 14 seasons of Survivor, I think they need to mix it up a bit.

THURSDAYS 8PM ET/PT

Brain Fart.

A little back story. Last (I think it was October) I had the cable disconnected. I never really watched it because I usually just downloaded the shows off the internet. The Boy, however, is a man and as such must be able to sit and stare at the screen while he flips though all the channels. Something to do with the addition of the Y chromosome.

Anyway, I had to talk him into it but to save money I dumped the cable. Even when you do that, if you keep the actual wire connected it does give you a bit of residual cable signal. So you get some really fuzzy reception, but better than nothing.

I was telling the downstairs neighbor this and she said..."Just hook up to mine." Great, free cable. I hooked up the line that we had going through the heating ducts. (I should mention it is a black wire while the one from the cable company is white.) It wasn't all that clear but it was free. The Boy's second connection to this was even less clear.

Fast forward. I am sitting on the couch watching the fuzzy news when I suddenly think I might be able to get the boys to come in a little clearer if he had a direct connection to the line coming from downstairs or maybe it was the splitter itself that was the problem. I decide to test it by hooking my TV up directly without the splitter.

As I am rummaging around behind the TV, sorting through the maze of cords and wires, thinking it might be a good idea to get rid of the Vonage cables that were all over the place, I see a second white wire. Huh? Where is that coming from? I try and follow it, one is going through the living room and into my room, and the other? Nowhere.

Apparently instead of replacing the white wire with the black wire, I just hooked the black wire into the mix. I little more boost to the signal but it was going back and forth so many times through the house and connecting....well long story short. I take the black wire from the heating duct and plug it into the back of my TV.


The Boy's jaw goes slack. "What the hell?" Clear as a bell on every channel. I start to laugh like a nut. I explain what I did.

I have had full cable service for seven months and didn't even know it. The Boy is not impressed. I think it's hilarious.