Well the wedding is on.
The wedding is off.
The wedding is back on.
Well the wedding was never "off"...but there was a chance that the bride and groom would JP it and save the unsuspecting public from the torment of having to see me in a dress, hobbling around on high heels. The last time I wore a dress was the last time the bride got married.
AHHHH I was a vision in pink taffeta with a huge burgandy bow slapped on my butt. I would like to say that I mentally blocked out the rest of that fiasco, but I am only in the midst of the long and drawn out process of blocking it out. Maybe it is too soon, after all it was only 16 years ago. I need time to heal. I wish I could get a divorce from my memory like my friend got one from husband number one. That would be cool....some sort of drive thru memory eraser like a drive thru wedding chapel. "Yes, I will have a number one platter.....summer of '86 with a side order of awkward teen years, thanks, keep the change".
Oh well we all have our crosses to bear and it seems mine will be "Maid of Honor". Don't get me wrong, I love the bride, but I am NOT a people person and I was informed that not only would I have to stumble down the isle but I would also have to make a speach. GOOD GRIEF! I feel like stealing one from the net, I have no idea what to say. My friend is a real mushy sort of gal, and I am.........well ........I am not. Maybe I will throw in a mush thing at the end for her.
Oh and did I mention the dress? Well to be fair, I have convinced her to let me wear pants, but I haven't been out of jeans for any occasion since ..........well...........the last wedding. I started out bugging her to let me wear a tux, she wanted a formal floor length gown, we met in the middle.
I am also, as the maid of honor, in charge of the shower and the stagette. For a NON-people person, this is most distressing. I have to call people and schmooze. I can't schmooze, I am not even sure I can spell schmooze. The stagette will be easier, since I plan to get everyone completely shit faced before we even venture out into the world of bars. I have found the most delicious recipe for jello shots, that ought to do it.
I am also in charge of the printed material, invitations, bulletins, reply cards, and with the on again off again status I will have to wait till the last minute to print them. And since I am a firm believer in Murphy's Law, I am expecting the worst.
Oh well, I just hope and pray that this marriage sticks, cuz it is the absolute last time I am doing this. I don't care if she is marrying the pope....I am never wearing heels again.
Sorry Riea, you know I love you but my arches fell years ago.
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