Intruder!

I guess I had company.

Just my opinion.

I know this might sound cold and I am probably going straight to hell for suggesting it, but if you have 12 children, you need to take extra precautions with your well being. Take your vitamins, look both ways before you cross the street. Basic common sense shit.

Deadly Manitoba crash leaves 12 children orphans

And, Dude, stay the fuck home in a blizzard. Barring that, wear your seatbelts.

I am all over this!

I have tried Champix twice now and I know this will sound lame because this is the second time but it really does work.

It takes the addiction completely from you. You do not want a smoke after you shove the first pill down your gob.

What it doesn't take away is the habit. I am fine when I am not working, I don't even think of having a cigarette. However, when I am working, I find that I will look over and there is a cigarette burning away in the ashtray that I don't remember lighting.

Recently I ran across an ad for an electronic cigarette.



How cool is this? I don't have to quit smoking. (I love smoking) It's like fake smoking.

The starter kit costs $74 US and comes with 5 cartridges and Each cartridge is equivalent to 12-15 traditional cigarettes. Then each 5 pack of cartridges are $10US. If it works, it will more than pay for itself.

I am soooo getting this thing, screw quitting smoking...this is a gadget and I love a good gadget. I need something to puff on and even though these things have nicotine, at least I will cut out the 4000 other chemicals. Not to mention I won't have to go out in the Canadian cold to smoke it. Now I just have to show this to the sister and see if she will let me use her credit card.

Wish me luck.

What's in my wallet?

Certainly not 1700 bucks, I can tell you that.

For years I have been doing my own tax returns, first by paper then in recent years I have been using Ufile. I loved it, very easy to do, all the calculations are done for you and it is a very reasonable filing fee if not free for some people.

But then you hear the hype how a professional preparer will get you more of what you are entitled to. Blah, Blah, Blah.

When you take your tax info to a professional tax preparer. What exactly do you expect? I expected that the return would be, at the very least, correct.

Last year I decided, foolishly as it turns out, to go with that big tax preparation outfit. H & R Block.(tag line (ironically) is Get it Right) I have to say, what hooked me was the guarantee. When it comes to taxes, you are always worried that mistakes can be made and you really don't want the government on your case. And I confess, I did not read the fine print. I thought the guarantee meant that if they fucked it up, it was on them not me.

Wrong. So wrong.

Long story short, what my 'professional tax preparer' recorded as a three should have been an eight and the return was off five grand.

One year later, the government checks the return and catches the error and sends me a letter. Now I am on the hook for $1700.

So, I call up H&R and get Bob. Bob apologizes and offers to cover my interest and penalties but not the $1700 mistake.

"Ah...what about the hundred and eighty three bucks I paid you to prepare this in-cor-rect return?" I split the syllables so 'Bob' understands my displeasure.

"Hmmm...I can probably get you a refund for that as well."

"Ya think?"

Don't get me wrong, I realize that I got $1700 last year that I was not entitled to but that was only because I trusted H&R Block to 'get it right'. Given the choice I would not have 'borrowed' (which is essentially what I did) $1700 from the government. In the same vein, I dont' have a credit card because I don't like to spend money I don't have. Now I have to deal with a new year and I am already $1700 in the hole.

The moral of this story is read the fine print. The H&R Block guarantee isn't really any better than what you would get from your paper boy. He fails to bring the paper, you get your money back.

Hoping 2010 is better.

The movies in 2009 were a little disappointing

Looking forward to some movies in 2010

Up in the Air - Anything with Clooney. (Sigh)
Prince of Persia
Sorcerers Apprentice -
Spy Next Door - Jackie Chan makes me chuckle
Extrodinary measures - Anytihng with Harrison Ford....I am going to be screwed when all these old guys finally pack it in.
Ironman 2
Sherlock Holmes

Seriously?

Is anyone really under the delusion that people on those phone chat lines look anything remotely like this?

Seriously?

It's the little things...

This year I finally got rid of the cats and I have decided I am going to get a new pet. After researching it I have decided on a hedgehog. I guess I was never much of a cat or dog person....small rodents are more my speed.

Anyway, every year The Sister fills my Christmas stocking and from that stocking comes my favorite gift of the year.




What was your favorite gift this year?

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me.....

Twelve drummers drumming.

There used to be 13 but one guy left to take up air guitar.

Hope your holiday was great no matter what you celebrate.

Merry Christmas.

Not for nothin', but...

I really hate to be a bitch during the holidays but this this was too much.

Bunnie was over last night and brought The Sister and I coffee. Mine was to be a Triple Triple and her's, one cream



I have no idea what kind of fucked up hieroglyphics they were using but I really hope Bunnie did not tip.

Day Eleven...almost there.

Eleven Pipers Piping.



Ok, technically, a hookah. But if you ask me that's just a glorified bong anyway.

On the tenth day of Christmas...

Ten lords a-leaping.



Exhausted from the double duty (ie dancing lady gig) but always the consummate professional. The show must go on.

On the ninth day of Christmas...

Nine ladies dancing.



Like troupers, the eight out-of-work milk maids recruited one of the leaping lords and became dancing ladies....the lord is in drag, but he rather enjoys it.

On the eighth day of Christmas...

Times are tough and you can't find a milk maid to save your life. Most likely because of this.



These cows milk themselves. I kid you not. When they feel like they need to get milked, they just walk into the stall and the machine hooks up to them automatically. No human is involved.

The milkmaids are going to have to learn to type.

Day Seven

And welcome to day seven. Over half way there.

Unfortunately, I had the swans since day one and, well, they drowned around day five.

Leave it to me to find the only swans that couldn't swim.

They are still good eatin'. Moist.

On the sixth day of Christmas...

Six geezer's sleighing.



And one chick.

FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!

Ok, so they are onion rings.

And who can eat just five?

On the fourth day of Christmas...

And welcome to day four.

On the third day of Christmas...

As it happens, I was only able to find one Frenchen. Not a real popular name.

However, it does say on Frank's myspace that he is a parent. So, we will assume he was married at some point, so that makes at least 3.

Enjoy day three.

On the second day of Christmas...

Two turtles dove.

Ok, they aren't diving right this minute, but they were earlier.

I might have read that wrong.

Damned homonyms!

On the first day of Christmas...

Ok, I realize that the 12 days of Christmas are supposed to start after Christmas day and continue until the Feast of the Epiphany (I am not a heathen) but this is my blog and I am going to use it as a countdown. Excommunicate Sue me. Besides, once Christmas day arrives, no one wants to hear another word about it.

So, here we go.

On the first day of Christmas...

My true love gave to me...

A Partridge in a pear tree.

Ok, so he is not exactly in a pear tree.

But he is being treed by a bear.

Close enough. Carry on.