Heavy sigh!

Well Christmas is over and all I can say is.....

Thank Fuck!

I am so glad that all of that shit is finally over. I think maybe I never quite got into the mood this year. It may have been the fact that we had no snow for Christmas. Christmas Eve it was about 15 degrees here. (That's around 55 for the Yanks in the crowd) We sat outside and ate chili, coats were optional.

I think for a person to truly get in the mood there must at least be some snow on the ground. Otherwise it is just depressing. I guess when you are not used to having snow it is different. But to me, Christmas will always be white.

HO! HO! HO!

Santa was good to at least one of us. Does he look pleased?

Actually we both made out like bandits. It was a good one.

Now I just threw the bird (as an afterthought) into the oven so in a couple of hours we might even eat.

Last night at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� we had a ball. We filled one of the cubes with cookies and candies. I brought my discman and a set of tiny speakers and we had music. And our "fireman" Chris, brought (what else?) chili. We had a great time.



At midnight we broke open the crackers.



It still amazes me that there is a whole generation out there that has no idea what they are. We sat around wearing silly hats and playing with the cheezy prizes.

There she blows!

In case anyone is interested in how the whole tree thing turned out, here are some pics (without the commentary, it's 5am here.)

And the jack came back ther very next day.

Came into work last night and the place was a buzz. Jack had been back, making the rounds through customer service.

Someone managed to get his phone number out of him and brought up his "case". And what a case it is. He has a rap sheet as long as your arm. He's been calling on and off for a year. He was graced at one point and his issue resolved. Now he figures since we did it before we should do it again.

You are so wrong, Jack.

Jack has made it on the watch list. We love the watch list. We can have fun with people on the watch list. We don't have to be nice to them, we just transfer him to security where they inform him that if he does not cease and desist that legal action will be taken against him.

Congradulations, Jack. And you have a Merry Christmas.

Holiday fun at Undisclosed Customer Service Center�

Now that I am in the Pro section of the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� I no longer deal with the redneck morons of the general public but inevitably a few stragglers get through. I believe these people get through purely for my amusement, and for that I send out a big thank you.

The Pro section of the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� is open 24x7, but consumer is closed at 7pm our time on the weekends. However, some people ignore this and call the Pro line. Last night �Jack� got through at around 9:30pm. There are only 6 of us on duty at this time of day and as luck would have it, it was 3 girls and 3 guys.

Mellissa gets �Jack�, Jack says, �I was looking for a man.� CLICK

Okey dokey.

Jeff takes his last call, its Jack. Jack has Product 98. (obsolete but you can still pay to get support till the first of the year, at that point you are shit out of luck) Jack did not enjoy hearing this. He further did not enjoy the fact that in the event he was willing to part with $35 that no one would help him, cuz the consumer tech support is closed. Much screaming from Jack and several patient �Keep this professional.� sir�s from Jeff later and even Jeff had had enough and hooked him.

Now there is jovial discussion about �Jack�, Mellissa says �When he said he wanted a man, I wanted to say I�m sorry sir this is Undisclosed Customer Service Center� we don�t provide that sort of service.� Good one.

We have had people like �Jack� before, and they inevitably call back, over and over. Full of righteous indignation demanding satisfaction. We all joke about who gets him next. I suggest the �men� log off the phone so he is forced to get one of the girls. Too late, Marc gets �Jack�.

Marc tries to explain, that there is no way we can transfer him even if we wanted to, the techs for that product have gone home. Jack is taking some sort of a seizure at this point and Marc is forced to hook him.

Craig is next, he at least gets his name out before Jack begins his tirade. Jack must have complained about the woman he got first and that he was glad at least Craig was a man. Craig informs him that he had a 50-50 chance of getting a woman since there was an equal amount of men and women on duty. But no matter, there was nothing anyone could do for him because he had called the Pro line Then he must have said that he would pay for professional support. To which Criag informed him the fee was $245, I think Jack swallowed his tongue because the line went dead.

I am giddy at this point because I am next in line. I love this shit. The phone rings, �Hello Jack� I am ready for him. I was waiting for him to comment on the fact that I was a woman because I was going to use Mellisa�s line. But all Jack wanted to do was complain about the men. �The let me waste my breath for 10 minutes telling them my problem, then they interrupt me to tell me they can�t help me.� Jack wouldn�t let them (or me) get a word in edgewise. And I tried repeatedly to interrupt him (cuz I know he loves it) but all he got was more irritated. So I decide to just talk over him. This puts Jack into an even better mood. I can barely keep from laughing in his ear.

In my best sing-song, children's tv show voice I say,�Well, Jack. Unfortunately, as you know, I am going to have to tell you that I can�t help you either. You were given your support options, there is nothing I can do. �

�You are very rude, Evel. I hope you burn in hell.�

�Well, thank you for calling Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, Jack and I will see you there.�

Do you believe he hung up on me?

For the love of God, people!

Use your freakin' head. You DID NOT inherit an oil company. Nigerian diplomats do not need you to filter money out of the country. If you fail to send that stupid chain letter you will NOT self destruct. M.i.cr.o.sof.t DOES NOT send out viruses. The check is NOT in the mail, and YES you CAN get pregnant if you "do it" standing up.

You know that old addage? If it sounds too good to be true, then it is? There is a good reason that one has been around so long.

BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!

But then again, another one has been around just as long. There is a sucker born every minute. And aparently those suckers are born in litters.

Now THAT is a tree!

As per usual I have gone completely overboard with the Christmas tree. I would post a picture, but my camera is on loan. I will have to paint a mental picture for you. In my living room I have 10ft ceilings. There is also an alcove about two feet deep and 5ft across. Much like a bay window, only angular. This is where I put my Christmas tree. Usually it takes up about two thirds of the space.

The boy and I decided to get our tree after the hockey game tonight, in which he (of course) got a goal. [Insert motherly pride here](this is also accompanied by a smug look, an unfortunate side effect) We pass by one lot that is closed. WTF? Ten minutes past 7 and they pack it in? So now we have to truck to the other side of town. I say 'truck' but that doesn't paint the right picture. A sane person would have taken a truck, but not I.

We arrive at the site and as we step out, all you can smell is fir tree, (mmmm Christmas) I immediately spy this glorious tree. As I get closer, however, the tree gets bigger. Undaunted, I stand in front of it and I am in love. "How big is this one?" (Please don't be too big.)

"That one is 10 feet." The boy raises an eyebrow and starts to look elsewhere. I am still standing in front of the tree. It was the most beautifully shaped, full, symmetrical, wondrous tree. It was also 50 bucks. That price received a snort from the boy.

"But it's only once a year." I tell him. But in his mind, that is 50 bucks I won't be spending on him. He shakes his head.

"It's not gonna fit."

"I can make it fit." Now he has ruined it for me. "Ok, lets look at some other ones." But as we browse through the Charlie Brown section they all come up wanting. All of them are downright puny next to "THE' tree.

The little devil on my shoulder says, "You want that tree, and aren't you the boss? If you want it, take it, we will cram it into that space if we have to." Then from the left shoulder, "For Christ's sake, that trunk is NOT going to fit in your stand. And why would you need to hack that tree up to make it fit, why not just get a tree that does fit?"

Damn! The voice of reason. I hate that bitch. So, I start looking at tree trunks. Not the trees, just the trunks. I figure, why get my heart set on a tree if the snotty bitch on the left is just going to bitch and moan that it's just not possible.

Then I see it, the perfect size trunk. The boy has seen it too. "Stand that one up, how tall is it?"

"9 feet, but I can cut some off the bottom." Ok, I have 10ft ceilings, cut some off the bottom, allow for the stand. Perfect!

Now you think the bitch on my shoulder would settle for that, but noooooo! The man is dragging it over to the bailer. "Your never going to fit that in the car you know." Shut up bitch! The guy can barely get it through the bailer, says he may not be able to bail it at all.

"If you can't bail it, I can't take it." I say. He tries harder, and with much grunting and groaning and some help from his buddy, it is bailed into a somewhat manageable package.

Then he turns to me, "Where do you want it?" I turn to look over at my car. Did he groan? He did.

I am NOT giving up on this tree, "It will fit."

"No it wont", says the bitch.

"Yes, it will."

After more grunting and groaning and miles of bailers twine the tree is (sort of) in the trunk. I pay him and as he comes back with my change he is also (to my embarassment) carrying an orange flag to tie on the end that is sticking about 6 feet out from behind the car. He looks me square in the eye, "Do not go on the highway."

I get into the car, "See, I told you it would fit." The boy just rolls his eyes.

As we near our destination the bitch is back. "Nice work Einstein, who the hell is going to drag that monstrosity into the house?" FUCK! That would be me. "And did we forget about the cats? They are going to have a great time climbing that redwood."

Fade to 11:45pm. I have just sat down to write this. It has taken me the better part of 5 hours to wrestle the tree from the trunk, up the stairs, through three doorways, around two corner (not easy) until finally the tree is standing. Still in its binding it just kisses the ceiling. A little off the top and Santa will have that tree up his butt and it will be perfect.

As I get to the half way point of cutting away the binding, I hear Chevy Chase's voice in my head. "I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree!" And the fuckin' thing let go! I nearly fell off the chair I was standing on. I was so busy worrying about how tall it was, I never even considered that it would be this wide. It completely fills the space. But Holy Shit! It is beautiful.

Then the cats stroll by. Another half hour to secure it with bailers twine in three places. That sucker is NOT going anywhere. Hell, I could climb it. Of course, now I am too whipped to decorate it. It is just going to have to stay in its natural wonder for a couple days.

I can live with that.

WTF?

Not sure what happened to the blog. I honestly did nothing but all of a sudden I have these teeny tiny fonts. Hmmm.

Its a dirty job...but someone has to do it.

Well, having a little trouble with the email since switching back to high speed internet. So, since Aliant has a new thing called Net Assistant. I thought I would give it a hook.

Its supposed to be like a chat.

Aliant Internet Member Services 08:50:26 Dec 16 2003
Your service request has been recieved and will be queued shortly.

Aliant Internet Member Services 08:50:34 Dec 16 2003
Your request has been received by the Aliant Internet Member Services, and has been put in the ConsumerEnglish queue until a Technical Support Agent is available. our hours of Operation are from 8am to 10pm, 7 days a week. If you are looking for support after hours please call the helpdesk at###-###_#### or visit our website.

Ok, so I have a bit of time, lets see....aparently just sit and wait. Then after a bit, I get this message.

Aliant Internet Member Services 09:43:45 Dec 16 2003
Your trouble report has been assigned to Technical Support Agent Peter S.

Great! Now we are getting somewhere. This is too cool.

Aliant Internet Member Services 09:43:46 Dec 16 2003
The Technical Support Agent has requested to close this incident.

WTF? Exactly a second after he was "assigned" the report, he asked to have it closed. So basically this Net Assistant is really just an assistant to the techs, to keep us from calling them by phone. Nice work. If you can get it.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Thought I would cheer the place up a bit. Seeing as how I can't seem to find the time to decorate my house. I started (again) tonight to do it, but so far I have one pitiful string of lights up.

I thought I would get more done, but when you are a junkie, it is tough to get yourself moving.

Oh, didn't I mention my new addiction?

Hmmm...lets just say, if anyone asks you if you want to try The Sims? Run, don't walk, as fast as you can in the other direction. It is completely addictive. I have been up till 5am most nights since I got the fuckin' thing. And I keep forgetting to teach my guy how to cook and he ends up burning his kitchen down, with him in it. Then the wife comes home from work to find a pile of ash in the kitchen and that is the end of her, she is inconsolable, she won't eat, she won't go to work, stuff starts getting reposessed. It is an ugly scene.

Just say no to the Sims. No good can come of it.

On a lighter note, I am finished with the overtime and feeling great. Can't wait to see the paycheck, maybe Ca.na.da Cu.st.oms will even let me keep some of it.

We'll see.

HELLO? Is this thing on?

Spending my days working my fingers to the bone. Ok, so it's not manual labour but it is cutting into my blogging and sleeping time. I am trying to get as much overtime in as humanly possible before Christmas. Thankfully, tonight is the last night of OT for the next paycheck so I can relax.

Pro has been great. I absolutely love it. It's sort of like sitting around socializing with your friends and every now and then you take a call. You would think the time goes by slow, but it doesn't because everyone is in the same boat.

The only down side is that the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� has forbid us from surfing the net or using instant messaging. This is because a few morons have abused the privilage by downloading games and installing Kazaa on the server, thus causing viruses to invade. Assholes! So the rest of us that were using it...well....like adults, have to suffer.

Another thing that is sticking in my craw is PA's. These are Performance Assessments. You get one every 6 months and they more or less determine your raise. One thing that I am told effects it is volunteering for extra duties. Walking the floor to help out newbies, station checks and mentoring. There is one problem. You can volunteer, but the same handfull of people seem to get these jobs. WTF?

You bring it up to your team manager, "How do I get those cushy jobs?"

"Oh, just ask me."

"HELLO! What the hell do you think I am doing?" DUH!

For the past three days, it has been the same 3 people walking the floors. One of them I have never met, so I don't have an opinion on (hey, it happens), The second one has been off sick for a few weeks, and I don't think she has taken a call since she has been back. Nice girl, but while we are all working our asses off, doing OT what reward do we get? Dick all, that's what. The third is a man that on the few occasions that I have called and got him on the mentor line has given me the wrong information. So, basically its the blind leading the blind. But hey, he looks good and that's the main thing I guess.

The thing is, they (management) don't realize that they are causing a lot of grumbling on the floor. And when employees aren't happy? Customers don't get good service. They want us to go that extra mile, but with not so much as a nod from them.

So, I am done being suttle. (no really, I can be, don't laugh) I think I will take someone aside and see what I can accomplish on the QT.

Hey, it worked during training didn't it?

Rumours of my death have been greatly exagerated.

Long time no post.

Stop screaming....I am still alive. Just got the internet disconnected. They have this annoying habit of wanting payment. Rotten bastards!

Oh well we should be back up and running on Monday.

Stay tuned.

The Last of the Mohicans

Just walked by the gerbil cage and threw in some food, like I do every night. I started to walk away.....wait a minute?

They didn't move. Bad sign. SHIT! I take off the top and sure enough.....both are dead.


Gumby & Pokey

I guess it was true, that they only live 3 years or so. (these ones lived for 4) The 'boy' may be a little upset. At one point in our gerbil ownership we were up to 23 gerbils (the breeding was very hard to control) and Gumby and Pokey were the last of the lot. Even with the short life span, (or because of it) I recommend them highly as a pet.

His biggest fan.

When my son sits down to play his guitar, Oscar always wants to curl up beside him to listen. He is his biggest fan.

It's a good thing.

If good things come in three's then I should go get myself a lottery ticket.

Not only did I pass my training, but my son found out tonight that he is Captain of his hockey team.

He had a shit eatin' grin on his face the whole way home.

Then again, he has reason to be proud. We didn't even know if he could play this year.

He broke his foot just before the beginning of the season so it was iffy whether he would be able to play at all. Then there weren't enough kids for a team at our rink, so the kids that did sign up had to be split and play for other towns. By the time we knew he could play it was a chore to find him a team to play on. Then there was the other snaffoo, his asshole father wouldn't pay for it.

I know, I know, I can't believe I slept with him either.

My little brother (the hockey freak) thought that that was just wrong, so he paid his registration fee and my other brother bought him new skates. Now my son is Captain of the Thorburn Golden Hawks - Pee Wee B team.

Do I sound proud?

Say "Hello" to Ms ProCSR.

Well Evel passed her training. Everyone in the class did, except for one.

Remember the stick figure that said, "Ya Evel."? That's the one.

Karma, Man, its all about the Karma.

Short Attention Span Theatre 2003

Don't think I have lost my mind because of the look of the place.....it is currently under construction.

You know me....short attention span.

Time well wasted.

I am calm today. Second night of training went a little better than the first.

I mentioned to someone in the smoking area that I was nervous about the class and why. He told his sister (who is a team manager) who told the Manager of Operations. The teacher comes into class and says,

�If you have any concerns, please don�t go to TM or MO, just ask me. If I don�t know the answer I will ask someone.� Excuse me�.but that was my concern. Then a little blonde stick figure child in the corner says, "Ya Evel!" You know the one? Young, rail thin. The bitch that eats like a pig and "can never seem to gain any weight." I sent her a look that would curl your toes.

Next thing ya know, the MO is in the classroom asking if we have any questions. I let him go for a bit answering questions about vacation time and scheduling, then I asked if it would be possible for him to send some people in that have actually worked the job to answer questions. He said, �That�s a great idea.�

Ya think?

So now I am just reading the book and trying to work the tools with the hopes that I can have someone answer all my questions in the end. Sort of like a correspondence course. I have talked to some people on the floor and they said just read the book get comfortable with the look of the tool and what everything does and they will teach me how to work it in a day. Hey, works for me.

So I decide to see if I can create a contract without looking at the book, just going along with the tool seeing if there was some sort of common sense I could apply to the whole thing. Well I got so far and was stuck at one point. Should I ask her?

What the hey.

She says, �Where in the book are you stuck?� I tell her I am not using the book, she says �I don�t know, I have to follow the book.� Okey Dokey!

Towards the end of class we finally start to understand how to work the tool and she says, �Now that you can do that I can tell you that there is a new tool that you will be really using that makes all of that simple.� WTF?

Second day wasted. Lord help me.

And another thing...

The song of the day today will be Pink Floyd -- Wish You Were Here. My son is currently learning the guitar solo.

Those who can't?.....teach.

Well, that was a painful experience. With an entire day of training under my belt, I can safely say I am more confused than before I went in.

Firt of all, the trainer we have has never actually worked in pro. This we discovered after half the shift was over. I clued in after the 4th time she left the room to ask a question.

Basically she was reading the textbook. When I asked her, "So, what does that mean?"

She looked up and said, "Well, I don't know." Doesn't really inspire confidence. I could have read the textbook myself. I need input. Towards the end of the evening I asked another question,

"So, how much of that do we need to remember in order to do our jobs?"

"Well, you don't really need to know any of that, the customers will never ask you, and your tools will tell you anything you need to say or do."

Okey Dokey......what exactly am I doing here then?

She is a really nice person, but I think if you are going to teach the class, you should have at least done the job before. Practical experience would have been an asset. I am really worried now whether I will be able to do this job. I guess I will just have to bug the other ProCSR's for instruction when I hit the floor.

I hope at least the tools are not too different from what I am used to. Otherwise I am screwed.

Give it to Mikey, he hates everything.

Ok, you have no doubt been annoyed with the music on this page. I thought it was cool.....the first half dozen times I opened the page, after that, I too was annoyed, and there wasn�t much control over the music selection. I was at the mercy of the music site I was linked to and the taste of the webmaster. So I decide that instead of getting rid of it all together I would give you (and me, most importantly me) the choice on whether to hear the music or not.

Every few days (or when I think of it) I will change the music. Over on the left you will see Play background music.

Now this music will be from my own personal collection which is not for everyone. I like ALL music, so you could one day listen to Frank Zappa and the next be listening to Andrea Bocelli. My taste in music is in direct connection to the actual talent of the individual or group performing it. It's called appreciation. Even though you many not enjoy opera.....you can appreciate the talent of the performer. Look at it (or hear it rather) objectively. Consider the absolute control a person with operatic training has over their voice. The right tenor singing in Italian can make your toes curl.

When I change the music I will put a link to the performers page, if you like what you hear you can get more info.

For my first selection Ladies and Gentlemen, (that was my Lawrence Welk impression) it will be Stary Stary Night, Josh Groban.

That�s me trying to cram a little culture down your throat. Give it a chance.

Well I am off to take a shower, it is my first day of training for ProCSR, wish me luck.