Seriously?

Is anyone really under the delusion that people on those phone chat lines look anything remotely like this?

Seriously?

It's the little things...

This year I finally got rid of the cats and I have decided I am going to get a new pet. After researching it I have decided on a hedgehog. I guess I was never much of a cat or dog person....small rodents are more my speed.

Anyway, every year The Sister fills my Christmas stocking and from that stocking comes my favorite gift of the year.




What was your favorite gift this year?

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me.....

Twelve drummers drumming.

There used to be 13 but one guy left to take up air guitar.

Hope your holiday was great no matter what you celebrate.

Merry Christmas.

Not for nothin', but...

I really hate to be a bitch during the holidays but this this was too much.

Bunnie was over last night and brought The Sister and I coffee. Mine was to be a Triple Triple and her's, one cream



I have no idea what kind of fucked up hieroglyphics they were using but I really hope Bunnie did not tip.

Day Eleven...almost there.

Eleven Pipers Piping.



Ok, technically, a hookah. But if you ask me that's just a glorified bong anyway.

On the tenth day of Christmas...

Ten lords a-leaping.



Exhausted from the double duty (ie dancing lady gig) but always the consummate professional. The show must go on.

On the ninth day of Christmas...

Nine ladies dancing.



Like troupers, the eight out-of-work milk maids recruited one of the leaping lords and became dancing ladies....the lord is in drag, but he rather enjoys it.

On the eighth day of Christmas...

Times are tough and you can't find a milk maid to save your life. Most likely because of this.



These cows milk themselves. I kid you not. When they feel like they need to get milked, they just walk into the stall and the machine hooks up to them automatically. No human is involved.

The milkmaids are going to have to learn to type.

Day Seven

And welcome to day seven. Over half way there.

Unfortunately, I had the swans since day one and, well, they drowned around day five.

Leave it to me to find the only swans that couldn't swim.

They are still good eatin'. Moist.

On the sixth day of Christmas...

Six geezer's sleighing.



And one chick.

FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!

Ok, so they are onion rings.

And who can eat just five?

On the fourth day of Christmas...

And welcome to day four.

On the third day of Christmas...

As it happens, I was only able to find one Frenchen. Not a real popular name.

However, it does say on Frank's myspace that he is a parent. So, we will assume he was married at some point, so that makes at least 3.

Enjoy day three.

On the second day of Christmas...

Two turtles dove.

Ok, they aren't diving right this minute, but they were earlier.

I might have read that wrong.

Damned homonyms!

On the first day of Christmas...

Ok, I realize that the 12 days of Christmas are supposed to start after Christmas day and continue until the Feast of the Epiphany (I am not a heathen) but this is my blog and I am going to use it as a countdown. Excommunicate Sue me. Besides, once Christmas day arrives, no one wants to hear another word about it.

So, here we go.

On the first day of Christmas...

My true love gave to me...

A Partridge in a pear tree.

Ok, so he is not exactly in a pear tree.

But he is being treed by a bear.

Close enough. Carry on.

Wing Night.

Every year for Tracey's birthday, we do wing night. We watch Christmas movies, I make wings and decorate the tree.

I give you...



The Campbell family Christmas tree.



The Carnage.



Again this year the cashier questioned me about the crackers. Some people had a sheltered life, Christmas without Christmas crackers.



But we got 'er done and almost made it to midnight this year.

WTF?

Some crayon on CNN actually said the words - Greener Oil

Seriously?

Are you kidding me?

What the hell is up with Barbara Walters? Adam Lambert? One of the 10 most facinating people? Did she run out of people on the planet? Goog God! What the hell makes him so facinating?

The most facinating thing about most of these people is that they are actually still working.

Just goes to show how limited the pool of talent really is.

Can't wait to see who she thinks is 'the' most facinating.

Ok, she nailed it. But the rest of them.....still pitiful.

Why you should never buy a paint pen at a dollar store.

I did, and I regret it.

I thought I would put a little bit of silver on the guide of my printer so I could see better where to put the cd cartrige in. It was black on black.

So I shook the pen and pulled the top off.



Unfortunately the entire top came off as I was leaned over the printer.

This is the aftermath.



At least none got inside the printer, it just looks hellish. And it is never coming out of the carpet.

Recycle

I thought I might dig up the ol' 12 days of Christmas that I did a couple years ago...if I can find it, that is.

It's beginning to look a lot like ...

It snowed this morning.



This is now my desktop picture.

Oh...and I saw this in the bank the other day. It is the exact replica of the nativity scene we had as kids. Right down to the stable construction. I was gobsmacked.

How can this be?

I can't believe my sister has been alive 49 years and has never seen White Christmas.

How is that even possible?

This is the scene we are watching right now.



And she is watching this with a big goofy grin on her face. (Shhhh, don't tell her, I don't think she realizes it.)

That's what a classic will do for ya. It just isn't Christmas without a little Bing.

This is my favorite bit from the movie.



Next up, Christmas in Connecticut and then maybe the Bells of Saint Mary's or Holiday Inn.

If you have not seen these classics, you might want to give them a try. I know everyone always watches It's a Wonderful Life, but these others will also put you in the Christmas spirit.