Help has arrived.

A new show for all the geek fashion victims. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Finally a show that's time has come.

It�s a small world.

Another day off, another chance to change the fingernails.

I really need to get a life.

Just in case you are interested, these are flags from different countries. There are no real personal preferences, they were just chosen for the ease factor.

This one was hard.

I just noticed that my blog hits have just gone over 10,000. Too bad that most of that is just me hitting the site to check to see if I have any comments. (and most of the time I am disappointed)

And another thing...

Just wanted to record one of the calls I got the other night. This one almost made me cry. It was 42 minutes long.

�Welcome to the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�my name is ...blah blah blah.�

Ok, this guy calls up, very upset. He has spent all day going back and forth from the store to home with his brand new computer. Every time he tries to install something, the key doesn�t work and he has to take it back to the store. He is very frustrated at this point (and so is the store for that matter) finally he decides to call me.

Ok, sir I can generate a key for you. He tells me it is Product A. He gives me the key that he is trying to use. We try 3 different keys. Nothing worked.

�Can you read to me everything on the disk, maybe we aren�t trying the right version.� Not only is it the wrong version, but the wrong product. Its Product B.

Three more keys later, and I am at my wits end. �I can�t understand this, sir, when it is asking for the key. Read to me everything it says on the screen. �

�Invalid product key�

�That�s all it says?�

�Well no, it says Thank you for purchasing Product C, please enter valid product key.� (not product A or B, but C)

At this point I wanted to scream. One minute later he had a key for the right product and he was on his way. They don�t pay me enough I don�t think.

NOTE: If you are going to spend more than a thousand dollars for something, please throw in an extra 50 bucks and take a beginners computer course.

Society (and I) will thank you for it.

Just another Saturday?

Last night at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� was very slow, due to the holiday in the States. I took about 15 calls all night long. Usually this means that we can put in for early release. But our sister site in the States was off for the holiday so we had to remain open. Sucks to be us.

Today, however, is my day off. I figured it would be uneventful since my son is gone with his BigBrother. So I settle on the Chesterfield for a relaxing day of watching tv.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?

This is the view from my window.




Let�s get a little closer shall we?






So, all in all, a great way to spend a day off.

I got more time than brains.

The only way for me to grow my nails is to paint them. If I don't, I bite them. I grew very bored, very quickly with the whole pink and red thing. So I began doing designs on them.

Here's the problem. I work with a lot more people than I used to and people are noticing the nails, so now I think they are beginning to expect it. Only problem is I am running out of ideas.

This one is for the Fourth of July.



I am not even sure if you can really see this that well (I suck at taking pictures).

I wish I could figure out what setting to push on this fucking digital camera so I can take decent pictures up close but for some reason they are all grainy. I will figure something out and post the pictures on here. Here are some of the designs I have tried.

- every nail a different (crayola) color with eyeballs glued to them. (the kind that move, always a crowd pleaser)
- jewels and stickers of every shape and form.
- stripes (in every direction and of every size)
- gold and silver leaf
- gold and silver beads
- charms
- stars and stripes (see above)
- stripes and jewels (I got bored)
- every crazy combination of french manicure (ie: black with silver tips)

If anyone has a suggestion for anthing else, please let me know. Bear in mind that I can't draw to save my life.

Oh, here is one more pic that I found.

Clean the shit out of your ears!

"Welcome to the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, my name is Evel, may I have your name please?"

�Blah Blah Blah�

�I�m sorry, I didn�t catch that?�

�BLAH BLAH BLAH!�

(Is this guy for real? This is all I need, a fucking prank caller.)

Irritated now�..�Could you spell that for me?�

B-O-B - L-E B-L-A-N-C, just like it sounds, Blah Blah Blah!

In honor of Canada Day, I post this link



And you can have a look at the original Molson Canadian Commercial here.

Just a little history for all you Yanks out there.

Canada Day marks the unification of four British colonies on July 1, 1867. A single piece of legislation, known as the British North America (BNA) Act, joined the present-day provinces of Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia together as one nation.

The BNA Act proclaimed "one Dominion under the name of Canada," which is why the original name of our national holiday was called "Dominion Day."

Since confederation, six more provinces and three territories were joined under the Act. In 1982, the Act was amended to include the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, and to augment Canada's status from a simple 'dominion' of the British realm to that of a fully autonomous nation within its own right.

The Act was then renamed the Constitution Act, and Dominion Day was renamed Canada Day.

The first Dominion/Canada Day was celebrated publicly at Queen's Park in Toronto on July 1, 1875. Canada Day is always observed on July 1, unless that date falls on a Sunday, in which case it is observed the following day.

I will be working at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. The good news is, its double time and a half. WOO HOO!

Happy Canada Day!

Ok, what the fuck happened to bloglinker? Anyone know?

OK, Last time people.

If you are stealing software from Bill, he will not pay some tech people to sit around and wait for you to call in and request free tech support for the software that you just stole from him. Hello? Are you hearing me?

Yes, he has a lot of money. So what? He has a lot of money because he doesn't go around giving shit away. Its called free enterprise. And just becasue he has lots of money doesn't mean he has to give it to you.

Personally I really don't give a shit if you steal the software but wrap your fucking head around the fact that it is stolen and stop fucking calling me and getting up in my face because you can't get your stolen software to fucking work.

If I stole your VCR I would not be so thick as to call you up and expect you to tell me how to work the fucking remote.

Thank you for calling the fucking Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, You have a fucking nice day!

Ok, end of rant.

OH HAPPY DAY!

Today I recieved my wheel lights. I bought them on eBay. They are the second set I bought, the first ones were pretty flimsy and they blinked. Day and night. These ones are a step up. They stay on solid and only at night.

picture these spinning


Do I every look dorky cool driving around with them.


And another thing...

Stolen directly from aka.cooties, this link will get your juices flowing. It's payback time. I encourage everyone to take advantage of their services. They being FriedSpam. They have a wonderful welcome which is, and I quote:

"So you've just received a junk email encouraging you to visit a website for some irresistible pornography or to consolidate your debts! Well, it's time to oblige the people who fill your mailbox with spam. Let FriedSPAM visit their sites for you -- about a million times! After all, you are only doing what the spammers are asking you to do. Just enter the URLs of the websites that the spammers want you to visit, and hit START. After that, FriedSPAM will do the visiting for you, as many times as you want. Let FriedSPAM visit while you sleep! That's what the spammers want, isn't it? After all, why else would they stuff your mailbox with such tempting invitations?"

Visit them often.

All quiet on the western front.

Sundays are pretty damn slow at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� and usually I sign up for �go home early�.

Here�s how it works, you put your name on a list and if they feel that the call volume is low, they get a call from on high that they can send some people home. Now the people on the list are not sent home first come first served. There are two shifts, 10-6 and 11-7. No matter where on the list the 10-6�s are they go first. This month I am unfortunately on 11-7, so guess what, I didn�t get home early.

Call volume on Sundays are, as I said, very low. I think I took about 20 calls all day, where on a normal shift it would be between 50 and 60. And unfortunately the people who call on a Sunday are (how to put it delicately?) dumb as posts. It�s mindnumbingly dull to sit with nothing to do for 10 or 15 minutes, add to that a call from some crayon who can�t even tell you what version of Window�s he is running on his system. How do you not know this? I decided to make a list today (since I was pretty much twiddling my thumbs all fucking day) of just what some people DO NOT know.

The Undisclosed Customer Service Center� Presents�..

DUH...I DON�t KNOW�and other such lame answers.

Q:What version of windows are you running? (you see it every fucking time you start your computer.)
A: I don�t know. I think its version 8.

Q:May I have your phone number?
A:Just a sec�..(long silence) Mom, whats the phone number?

Q:What time zone are you in Bubba?
A:It�s five o�clock.(how do you NOT know what time zone you are in?)

Q:Do you have a �My Computer� icon on your desktop?
A:Your computer? (Yes idiot, reach through the phone and click on my computer)

Q:May I ask who the manufacturer of your computer is?
A:Intel?

Q:Can I get you to �right� click on that? (two buttons on the mouse, jeez)
A:Should I use a marker?

Q:How did you obtain this software?
A:I downloaded it from the internet.

Q:Is that written in black marker?
A:Ya, and I smudged the product key, can you give me another. (NO, YOU FUCKING CRAYON! I CAN NOT GIVE YOU ANOTHER!)

Q:Do you want to add an email address to this case?
A:Ya, 123 West Fifty third street, apartment 3a�..
ME:No sir, an email address.
CRAYON: Oh, no I�m not comfortable giving my email address out. (Oh, you can tell me which window to climb through so I can blow your fucking brains out while you sleep, but you won�t part with the email address?)

Q:Is your number lock key on?
A:What�s that?

Q:Ok, sir, can you right click on my computer?
A:No I�m calling you from a phone booth.

Then I answer the phone and immediately get a baby screaming in my ear. And this guy procedes to get upset with me because I can�t hear what he is saying.

PLEASE PEOPLE! PUT THE FUCKING SCREAMING KID DOWN BEFORE YOU CALL!

Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� you have a nice day.

New Addition

There is a new addition to my brother's family.

Everyone, meet Wally.



Look at that face, ya gotta love him.

Car insurance? Not really.

It used to be that you got car insurance for just that, insurance. Insurance against theft or damage.

But today it is a whole other kettle of fish. Nowadays you get insurance because it�s the law and if you want to be �legal� you have to pay. And pay you do, every year you pay more and more. No one ever (if they are smart) makes a claim on their insurance. Sure, the insurance company will pay but eventually you end up paying through the nose with skyrocketed premiums. It is cheaper to pay for the damage to your car than put in a claim. And they say insurance companies aren�t corrupt. (who the fuck are �they� anyway)

Home owners insurance isn�t any better, make more than one claim on your policy and they can (and do) cut you off. Oh, and good luck finding another insurance carrier, once you are dropped by one you are pretty much blackballed.

Finally the politicians are starting to make some waves. The Premiers are meeting this month to discuss putting a cap on insurance premiums. The New Brunswick premier went so far as to say that if they couldn't get the insurance companies to agree to be regulated that they ought to think about starting their own province run insurance plan.

It makes sense, if you are going to have a law that says we have to have car insurance then the government should, at the very least, be regulating the industry.

No need to fear the reaper.

You all will be relieved to know that I do not have to kill myself.

Ok, I will explain. Thursday night I asked my son to tape the Amazing Race for me. I left for work, secure in the knowledge that my 12 year old was, like any other pre-teen, completely competent when it comes to electronics. I returned home and retrieved the tape from the machine, and since I couldn�t watch it till the morning I went to bed.

I wake up about noonish and insert the tape in the vcr. That�s when my blood ran cold. It was completely blank. I had two options, quit my job or kill myself. Luckily I decided to sleep on it, and promptly forgot about it. That was until tonight. I was surfing through the channels on the old satellite dish and stumbled upon Outdoor Life Network. The planets must have been aligned just right, because I usually have that channel blocked out (usually sports of some kind�.YUCK!) but tonight I hit the wrong button and there it was the Amazing Race. What luck on my night off!

So, I guess I can live to blog another day.

This looks like fun.

The website fulifier


"The Fulifier fulifies a site, which means turning it around three thousand times uglier than it was before, making it look something like all the sites around 1998 made by lame ten year old script kiddie who wanted to prove they knew some HTML, liked colors, and knew how to use gif-animations from some clipart archive.

It puts in loads of colors, fonts and other ugly annoying elements. Even a complete idiot can use it. Just type in the address below.

If you were wondering, "Ful" is a Swedish word meaning "Ugly"

Since there's lots of random in it, you can hit reload while watching a page and the fulifier is randomizing another style to use."

Give it a try on your site.

Deep philosophical debate.

If you were to steal a car, would you expect the dealership to honor the warranty?

Try to post that question to a crayon that is stealing software.

My claim to fame....sort of.

Finally, something I am truly good at. And the best part is I beat the ass off Laurie.


How much of a pottymouth are you?

Blast from the past.

My brother found some old negatives from way, way, way back. This is a picture of me, I would say I might be 11 or 12 in this photo. What is really bugging me, is that I have no idea who the other kid is.

There�s one born every minute.

Everyone can relate to the irate customer who, upon hearing he has to pay $35 for tech support, loses his mind. However, there is a flip side to this phenomenon. The Undisclosed Customer Service Center� proudly presents...

"What People Will PAY $35 For"

How to create a shortcut on the desktop

Renaming a folder

Unlocking their toolbar

Changing fonts on their desktop (I had one guy who, somehow, enlarged fonts by 200% and couldn�t get it changed back)

How to use screensavers

Attaching a file to email

How to get into windows from a black screen (c:\windows\)

Changing wallpaper

Saving a .doc file as a .txt file

Clearing the history in their browser

Changing screen resolution

Installing software�..any software. (they won�t even try)

Saving pictures off the internet (Ah, right click and save as. They still want to talk to tech, �it can�t be that easy�. Oh but it is.)

Finding a file on their own computer (a woman had a picture of her son, somewhere on the hd and needed help finding it)

Someone was getting the error during boot up �non system disk error�. I could NOT get him to eject the disk from the A drive. He wanted to speak to a �trained� professional.

One guy had retail software (free support) but he didn�t want the free support. He wanted to talk to a �real� tech. I guess he figured that the free support consisted of some guy with a blindfold and a dart board.

With all these people, I tried (and failed) to get them to go to our no charge self help page. They would have none of it. Some people really do have more money than brains.

They grow 'em thick south of our border.

I spent 10 minutes last night trying to convince some nut bar not to delete files from the operating system directory.

She didn�t have a problem with her computer, she just wanted to free up some disk space and since the computers operating system was taking up a lot of space, she figured she would start there. Then she thought that since there were so many programs in that directory that some of them must be viruses.

I won�t even post the actual conversation I had with this crayon, but she has an antivirus program and she wasn�t having any problem with her computer and she wanted to pay to speak to someone in tech support. She had me speechless at one point. I had no idea why she was calling me.

Finally I said, �Donna, if it ain�t broke, don�t fix it.�

NO CHAWGE! -- click--

Then I get this guy who was actually having a serious problem.

�As a customer service representative, Arthur, I will be working with you to see how the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� can best assist you. May I have your phone number starting with the area code please?�

�Why?�

�We just use the phone number to distinguish you from the thousands of other Arthurs who call us.�

�I�m not sure I want to give you my number.�

�Well, Arthur, if I don�t get your information, I can�t send you through to tech. I can assure you we do not give your number to anyone, nor will we call you for any reason after your issue is resolved.�

Silence

�What is your concern about giving me the number?�

�Privacy.�

�I don�t understand. If you give me your name, wouldn�t I be able to just look up the number in the phone book?�

�Not if I don�t give you my name.�

�Well if you refuse to give me any information, I can�t help you. However, I have call display, so I already know your name.�

--Click-- (we don�t, but I thought I would say so just to freak him out and it worked)

No worries, he will have to call back. He has to activate that software within 30 days or it will stop working and then he will have to give his info, Maybe he is in the witness protection program. That�s a scary thought, some prosecutor is pinning his hopes on this crayon.

How Cool is this!

I have been taken out of context.