Wednesday, November 12, 2003

God Bless America.

Ok, loyal reader. It�s been a bit since I have updated this thing, but I suppose I am not as bad as some people (Laurie).

The vacation went well, uneventful. I was pretty much holed up in the house the whole time. And no, I did not take the opportunity to clean my house. I did have a couple false starts where I actually started to do it, but I snapped out of it.

So, I am all set to go back to work on Monday. Problem was, I was scheduled to go back on Sunday. Lucky for me I ,for some bazaar reason known only to my subconscious, asked someone that was working on Saturday to check my schedule.

I have to tell you that when I took that first call on Sunday, I was noticeably chipper. Even when someone (with stolen software) told me that I was a worthless piece of shit and that I should be thanking him for fighting for my freedom (he was overseas somewhere). To which I replied cheerfully that I was in Canada. He just about lost his mind. �Well, that explains it then doesn�t it.�

Does it? I didn�t ask him to clarify that, I just told him that if he wanted to purchase some legitimate software that I would be more than happy to help him. He was ranting at this time, and I was thinking how secure I would feel as an American citizen to know that this guy was over there (wherever the hell that is) representing the country. Now that is not to say that I believe that �that guy� represents the whole of the American public, but he does represent the vast majority that I come in contact with at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�

I don�t know who coined the phrase, Ugly Americans but I am pretty sure they worked in customer service.

And another thing...

For those junkies out there that need your fix, here is a beaute that I got on Monday.

Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� my name is ....blah blah blah�

This woman is freaking out, talking a mile a minute, ranting and raving. About how we sent her this computer and she installed the software and nothing was working. She wouldn�t let me get a word in edgewise. Finally I picked out of her fit the words Product 95. --Whoa�..obviously obsolete product alert.--

�Hold on, Mamme? Did you say Product95?�

�Yes, I installed it and nothing is working only a blank screen! I just got this computer today and it was fine till I installed the software.� It is always fun when they say this, not sure what fine was without software running on the computer, but you bite your tongue because stating the obvious to these turnips only causes more grief.

�Let me see if I understand, you received this computer today? From who?�


�The software? Or the Computer.?�

�Ah, Mamme, we don�t make computers, only software. And we don�t make Product95 anymore, it is completely obsolete. Are you sure its Product95?�
She reads the disc, and yes it is.


I couldn�t stop myself, �No, we didn�t.� She lost her mind, I think if anyone else was in the room with her she would be carted away to a nut house somewhere, she was freaking that much.

Ok, trying to calm her down I asked her to describe the computer to me, trying to find our exactly who �sent� it to her.

�The only words I can see printed on this thing is IBM.�

Lord love a duck! �Ok, Mamme, that computer is an IBM, IBM sent it to you. I am not sure why they would send Product95 with it, but lets see what we can find out.�



Okey dokey, I'll get right on that.

I often wish I could be a fly on the wall when they come to the realization that they were stunned enough to call the wrong number and act like a moron. But hey, if they weren't morons, I would be out of a job.

God Bless America.

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