Friday, March 30, 2007

F.C.S.

I know I have to eat better. With more thought to nutrition as opposed to taste. Cuz, let's face it, the two are mutually exclusive.

I don't eat, and when I do it's take-out (since I don't cook) or microwave stuff, since I hate doing dishes and they come with their own. Did I mention I am a domestic goddess?

I don't exercise, I walk to the car. That is it. I avoid the mall like the plague, as it too involves walking. I sit on my ass all day at my computer and all night at work to the point where my ass has actually started to take the shape of my chair. Its a nice looking chair but makes a lousy looking ass.

Seems like anything that is good for you gives me hives.

The Boy tried to blame me for us running out of milk.

I can not believe he is blaming me. "How am I supposed to know we need milk if you leave the empty carton in the fridge?"

"Uh, when you go for a drink, you see that it is empty."
His logic astounds me.

"I don't drink milk."

"What? You should, its good for you."

"It's cow juice. The only way I can drink that shit is if I soak some frosted flakes in it first."


Unfortunately, my nutritional habits have contributed to my FCS. This became apparent one night at work when I was suddenly and violently gripped with what felt like a charlie horse in my ribs.

I contort myself in the most unflattering pose you can imagine, trying desperately to ease the pain that I can feel building rapidly. Bunnie looks at me horrified. "What's wrong?"

It looks like I am scarring her, I try and look less traumatized, "Nothing, I am fine. It's just the FCS acting up."

You could tell she was trying to figure out what that meant. After all she has had pretty much every ailment worth having (including gout...I kid you not) and she would know of all the major diseases and she clearly never heard of FCS. With a worried look (thinking this was some rare new malady), "What is FCS?"

"Fat Chick Syndrome."


Blank stare.

"You see, my organs are viewing all this available real estate on the outside of my skeletal structure and they are attempting to relocate."

2 comments:

Nadine said...

U are 2 funny

David Paul Robinson said...

Hehe...

I have linked to your blog from my own at http://www.davidpaulrobinson.com

If you care to link back that would be, like awesome!

Paul