Saturday, February 18, 2017

Schizophrenia Existed before Christ.

I get that it is fashionable these days to bash Christians but you would make a better point if you found a quote from the New Testament....Christian = religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.

Jesus did not exist in the Old Testament.

Just sayin'.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Remember me.

It's a crazy thing when people die, everyone says such nice things about them. Even the really big loser/asshole/psychopath/pedophiles of this world. I keep thinking, did this person, spouting poetry about the dearly departed, ever actually MEET them? Or did they just forget how much of a maggot the person was?

All of a sudden they go at it like its a real estate or personal ad.

"He was a quiet sensitive soul" DUDE! He was a pedophile. And if you believe in God, no he is not looking 'down' on us all he is most definitely peering up our skirts.

"She was such a sharing person." Maybe over sharing...she told people at the bar that her kids were dead when, in fact, she had just left them home alone. I am sure she got more than a few free drinks out of that.

"He was a pillar of the community." Maybe of the Arian Brotherhood Community.

"She put her heart and soul into everything she did." OMG....look up 'sociopath' in the dictionary...you will find her picture. She had the attributes of a cult leader. She manipulated 3 people into offing themselves just so she could host the candle light vigils and gofundme campaigns to help with funeral expenses.

I am sure everyone knows that one person that, upon their death, would be like me. Attending the wake armed with a hat pin so I can drive it into their temple (on the guise of kissing them goodbye) to make damned sure they are actually dead from one of the many terminal illnesses they NEVER had.

For the love of all things holy. When I die, please do not forget that I could be a complete asshole at times and I probably won't get wings on the first day. Me and Clarence will be fighting for the record.


Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Don't let the wife do the math.

I see a post on Facebook, Bott has sent a picture of his daughter to show another friend.  This is what transpires.


I am still laughing out loud. ;-)

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Stupid question? No such thing.

So, I have been vaping for more than 6 years. I have heard and seen it all. People are always saying they hate to ask stupid questions.

I am here to tell you that even after 6+ years, I make newbie mistakes. Probably more than newbies because I never read instructions. With my reviews I have always just opened the box to see how easy/hard the device is to figure out.

So, yesterday I get this vapemail. 
Joyetech 75W eVic AIO (all in one)

Classy looking, right?

On the back there is a usb charging port.

I look at it and assume this is what charges it. I click the obligatory 5 times to turn it on. Nothing. Battery must be dead so I plug it in and it does this.

video

Clearly it is not charging and when I press the fire button I get that 'device too hot' message. Great...they sent me a dudd. I pack it up and send an email to the supplyer saying it was DOA.

Later I am home talking to a friend online. We will call him, Obiwan. I am telling him how nice it is even though it doesn't work. Then I am wondering the mAh on the battery so I look it up on the site. 

This is the discription: 

75W Joyetech eVic AIO VT Kit W/O Battery


Do you see it? W/O battery.....sans battery. Now I see where you can pop it open.


I message Obiwan: "We shall never speak of this!" 

In my defense, the directions that I finally read said nothing about how to install a battery. Or that it even took a battery.


My reward after all this is that it is a great vape. And.... this:


Friday, January 22, 2016

What's on your mind? FUCK OFF, ZUCKERBERG!

No, it is NOT life changing!

No, it is NOT brilliant. It will NOT leave you speechless. 

No, it is NOT unbelievable, awe inspiring or genius.

That song was NOT actually written about you.

NOTHING will change the way I feel about brushing my teeth.

If you don't know the origin of your last name by now, you have been living under a rock or you are twelve.

No, it will most likely NOT bring you to tears. And YES you can most certainly believe your eyes.

What this animal does is NOT mind boggling.

What that kid did is NOT going to change the world. He stuck his face in a birthday cake. That does not make him a phenom. 

God does NOT creep Facebook to make sure you are liking and sharing something. It is just not how he rolls.

That cat is NOT a hero for waking you when there was a fire. Had you installed a cat door he would have left you there with not so much as a by-your-leave, and would be watching the bitch burn from the safety of the side walk.

What your dog does when you get home from an extended absence is NOT jaw dropping. He wagged his tail. He does that when you come back from checking the mail or taking a dump.

You don't need to share or like a meme to prove you are NOT in favor of rape,  pedophilia or animal cruelty. I will NOT share it, I do NOT negotiate with terrorists or extortionists. 

You don't have to share and like if you love your children. Try just telling them face to face for fuck sake. Facebook has become one giant chain letter when its not the worlds most read obit page.

What kind of fabric are you? What color dragon are you? What kind of sandwich are you? Bitch, seriously? You are human, get back on the meds.

Even if, by some stretch of the imagination, you actually did have a previous life? I can guarantee that FaceBook was in no way privy to it.

What does your underwear say about you? Nothing, its fuckin' underwear. If you think yours is dissing you behind your back you have bigger problems. Medicate.

Your zodiac sign does NOT determine whether you become an asshole or not. Oh sure, you and approximately 700 million people on the planet born in that month span are having the exact same fuckin' day as you are. Seems totally legit.

Quit whining about getting game requests. If you spent a fraction of the time you waste bitching about game requests and learned how to use Facebook, we would all be better off. I have thousands of 'friends' and get zero game requests. Why? BECAUSE I LEARNED HOW TO USE FACEBOOK!

I get it if you are fat fingered like me trying to use the teeny tiny phone keyboard. However, if you are using a full sized keyboard, there is no excuse for typing ' r u thr?' And stop bitching about grammar Nazis, just stop. How about you stop contributing to the dumbing down of an entire generation who will never even learn to sign their own name?

And another thing... for the love of God and all things holy....resist the urge to blindly share every fucking post you see. 

Betty White is NOT dead. The Germans did NOT just invaded Poland. For fuck sake, get the fuck off facebook, wander into CNN every once in a while or at the very least, pick up a fuckin' book!

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Phone shopping. (aka Dr. Evil accessory shopping)

So, Superstore was a bust. He wanted to bring up my account. "Whoa....don't mess with that account, its grandfathered six ways to Sunday."

Anyway, long story short....too pricey for what they have.

Onward to Staples. They have, like, 5 phones. Girl approaches, I say what is the difference between the Asus ZenFone 2 and the Asus Zenfone 2 Laser. ...She says, "This one has laser?"

I repeated what she said back to her, only with air quotes. She didn't get it. So I said, can I strap it to a shark? Blank stare.

So we put a call in to the geeks in the dungeon. After 10 or 15 minutes, we still can't figure out what the difference is apart from the $100 difference in price.

Dual Sim card slots for both. Neither one of us could figure out what use that would be other than maybe drug dealers can swap out their work sim and still call their mom all on one phone.

So I took the Laser (cheaper of the two) I figure I got 14 days to find out what is so much better than the Laser that costs $100 more.

So, out the door. Phone, sim card (for the extra slot..you know...in case I want to become a drug dealer someday) and a case, under $400 tax in.

Mission accomplished.