Tuesday, March 11, 2014

SHOW GIVE ME THE MY MONEY!

Thanks to all the drug cartels out there, I am limited on how much of my own money I can have access to at any given time.

At least that is the bank's story and they are sticking to it. Its all about the money laundering laws.

Pretty bad when the biggest issue with running a business is getting access to your OWN money.

Daily, weekly, monthly, per transaction limits would boggle your fuckin' mind. Pretty bad when you have $30k in the bank but you can't pay your vendor because you exceeded your daily EMT limits.

Ask the bank what you can do? No, you can't get higher limits even though you have ten times the amount in the bank. Their suggestion? Get a credit card with a $10k limit. Can you say 'money grab'?

Read my lips. I DON'T NEED CREDIT, I HAVE MONEY, GIVE IT TO ME!

Sunday, March 2, 2014

FAT CHICKS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!

If you are a fat chick, do not buy a Chrysler. The guy at the dealership tried to charge me for a fat chick seat belt extender.
"Ya, I don't have any in, I can order one for $61"

"Excuse me? Uh, Ford gave me one for free."

"I don't know what to tell ya."

As I march my fat ass through the showroom, "I guess you are telling me that you don't sell cars to fat chicks!"

I went home and purchased one online for $17, pretty much the cost of shipping.

As fat chicks, I think we should boycott Chrysler.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Deep Thoughts.

I don’t know what’s better about e-cigs – not getting cancer or annoying non-smokers by not getting cancer.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Not exactly a criminal mastermind.

So, we got 'robbed' at the shop. Just thinking about it, I am shaking my head.

Dude comes into the shop and says he ordered a battery online from one of our friends in Saskatchewan, Mitch. Okay, we know the guy well. This guy says the battery is dead and Mitch directed him to us. 

I figured, I would take the battery back and have Mitch just send me a bat when he sends me my next order of juice. Unfortunately, I am out of batteries but they are expected within a few days. I tell him its not a problem, come back in a few days and I will fix him up.

The guy pokes around for a bit while I am texting back and forth with Mitch. He knows of who I speak and we make arrangements to make this dude happy.

So, Bunny is manning the til and she is ringing up a lady, after she leaves, dude leaves. As soon as he does, Bunny asks if I seen her blue setup. The lady immediately comes back and says that she waited for the dude to leave to come back to tell us that dude pocketed Bunny's setup.

Bunny is ready to string the guy up and chases after him. He is long gone. I just chuckle and text Mitch that his little friend lifted some merchandise. He chuckles and sends me the dude's name and address.

Bunny is flipping out and I am still just chuckling, looking at all the expensive things he could have taken, he lands on a $12 battery that is about a year old.

We call the police and give them his name and address. We don't want to press charges, just want him served with a protection order, so he will never return.

But Bunny has other plans. She too has his name and address.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

He went out one night for smokes and never came back.

Okay, so not for smokes, but Norman went out one night and never came back. Its been about a month now so I am pretty sure he is not coming back. He might...but there has been two blizzards since he left so I really don't hold out much hope.

That being said, I guess I miss him. Maybe not him personally but I have decided that I need something else in the house with a heart beat.

Something else 'alive' in the house.

I thought about an iguana but someone said they get five feet long or something crazy. This is a trailer, not gonna play. 

Then I thought of a chameleon. Interesting, found this pic even and was making plans to get it. I was convinced and I planned to call him Fluffy. Then I investigated the care and feeding of the chameleon...gross and gross. Basically said I would be living with live bugs........on purpose. Not happening.

So, cat it is. Put out feelers, and on of my FB friends said she had kittens. So I said, 'Ya, whatever, bring it.'

Then she says she has two left, one boy, one girl. Then she ends it with "they are brother and sister".

WELL FUCK! Brother and sister? Really? "Just bring them both."

Really? You can't just show up at an orphanage and take the brother and leave the sister behind. I guess they can be company for each other when I am not around which is a lot of the time.

The life of Riley.

After moving from the 'cave' ... a long story, I moved into a trailor owned by my oldest best friend, Kimmy.

I really am living the life of Riley but before I give you the particulars I just need to say, "Don't hate the playah."

I pay less rent than the cave, I have no neighbors above or below me. It is peaceful.

And...that is just the least of it. Kimmy (my landlady) is not only my best friend but she is also my housekeeper, laundress, chef and valet. She cleans my house, does my dishes, does my laundry, cooks me dinner and even starts my car in the morning and cleans off the snow.

I get free internet and when I told her I didn't want cable (I download my tv shows for free) so wasn't going to get a phone, she brought one of her cordless phones over. I kid you not.

Will I ever move?

Sure....kicking and screaming.

Monday, February 3, 2014

It amazes me still why I never married that man.

So, TBF won the lottery. I know, you are saying "There is no God." So you think maybe he spread the wealth to his son? Not a freakin' chance.

The Boys coworkers from TBF's shop looked upon him in pity and said, "Dude, too bad yer mom didn't win." Even they knew he wouldn't see a dime.

So today the boy is 23. I could not be more proud of him and took him yesterday to buy new work clothes and boots. TBF says to him, "New gear? What's the occasion?"  Mind like a steel trap, that one.

Quick thinker that he is, he sends his daughter to MacDonalds to pick up lunch and as a birthday honor, he allows The Boy first pick from the assortment of cookies. 

The man is generous to a fault.

UPDATE: New Information: Turns out the daughter bought lunch, TBF didn't even pay for the cookies. Pitiful.