Remember me.

It's a crazy thing when people die, everyone says such nice things about them. Even the really big loser/asshole/psychopath/pedophiles of this world. I keep thinking, did this person, spouting poetry about the dearly departed, ever actually MEET them? Or did they just forget how much of a maggot the person was?

All of a sudden they go at it like its a real estate or personal ad.

"He was a quiet sensitive soul" DUDE! He was a pedophile. And if you believe in God, no he is not looking 'down' on us all he is most definitely peering up our skirts.

"She was such a sharing person." Maybe over sharing...she told people at the bar that her kids were dead when, in fact, she had just left them home alone. I am sure she got more than a few free drinks out of that.

"He was a pillar of the community." Maybe of the Arian Brotherhood Community.

"She put her heart and soul into everything she did." OMG....look up 'sociopath' in the dictionary...you will find her picture. She had the attributes of a cult leader. She manipulated 3 people into offing themselves just so she could host the candle light vigils and gofundme campaigns to help with funeral expenses.

I am sure everyone knows that one person that, upon their death, would be like me. Attending the wake armed with a hat pin so I can drive it into their temple (on the guise of kissing them goodbye) to make damned sure they are actually dead from one of the many terminal illnesses they NEVER had.

For the love of all things holy. When I die, please do not forget that I could be a complete asshole at times and I probably won't get wings on the first day. Me and Clarence will be fighting for the record.

Trump for President?

At first I thought it was a joke. I don't own a TV so I just go online every once in a while to CNN or something and catch up on all the shit I care nothing about.

So, I see Trump and listen to him go full retard on national TV and think...this is a joke, right? A gag? Punking the nation.

But it keeps on going. Day after day. I opened the page one day and it was a rally with thousands of people holding signs that said Trump for President. 

Shit just got serious. 

They are not seriously going to consider this crayon, are they? I mean, this is mass idiocracy, am I right?

To the moe rons who are thinking of actually voting for this clown.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MINDS?

No joke. 

Legit question.

Not exactly a criminal mastermind.

So, we got 'robbed' at the shop. Just thinking about it, I am shaking my head.

Dude comes into the shop and says he ordered a battery online from one of our friends in Saskatchewan, Mitch. Okay, we know the guy well. This guy says the battery is dead and Mitch directed him to us. 

I figured, I would take the battery back and have Mitch just send me a bat when he sends me my next order of juice. Unfortunately, I am out of batteries but they are expected within a few days. I tell him its not a problem, come back in a few days and I will fix him up.

The guy pokes around for a bit while I am texting back and forth with Mitch. He knows of who I speak and we make arrangements to make this dude happy.

So, Bunny is manning the til and she is ringing up a lady, after she leaves, dude leaves. As soon as he does, Bunny asks if I seen her blue setup. The lady immediately comes back and says that she waited for the dude to leave to come back to tell us that dude pocketed Bunny's setup.

Bunny is ready to string the guy up and chases after him. He is long gone. I just chuckle and text Mitch that his little friend lifted some merchandise. He chuckles and sends me the dude's name and address.

Bunny is flipping out and I am still just chuckling, looking at all the expensive things he could have taken, he lands on a $12 battery that is about a year old.

We call the police and give them his name and address. We don't want to press charges, just want him served with a protection order, so he will never return.

But Bunny has other plans. She too has his name and address.

Road Retarded.

Why can't men grasp the concept of the four-way stop?

We had a power outage and people lost their minds. I mean, really. Ok, so 5 minutes ago there were traffic lights and now they are dark. Whatever will you do?

Duh. You treat it like a four-way stop. Simple, right?

You would think, but no. You always get that one idiot that has to play traffic cop. Things are going smoothly, people taking turns, one after another clockwise. Til you get to this idiot who decides he is going to 'let you go' ahead of him. He is sitting there waving me on.

If I go, then he will go after me, which will effectively make everyone think that we are switching the whole direction of the four-way stop. I sit there hoping he will get the message and just take his turn, but no. He flashes his lights for me to go.

That is when I lose it, I start screaming at him, "Holy Fuck! Just fucking go! It's your turn and you will just fuck the rest of these idiots up."

He gives me the finger like he is hurting my feelings. I don't give a shit if he moons me, as long as he moves his ass along.

And here I was, thinking I was going to drive around wasting time til the power came back on. After that, I had to get off the road before I hurt someone.

You can't un-shoot that gun.

Long story short. Chick writes a bit of music in 1968 while working at an ad firm. Its for Hockey Night in Canada. The CBC liked it so much they kept it. Making this chick a lot of money. Part of the 'agreement' was that they can play it only in Canada. (She could sell the rights to other 3rd parties at will.)

For those of you (Yanks) who don't know it.



Apparently the CBC broadcast a game in the UK and 'allowed' the theme to be played. Now this chick got her knickers in an uproar and she sues the CBC.

Well the chick totally shot the golden goose on this one. Her gripe was that she was the only one that could make money off it outside of Canada. Well, since the CBC won't be using it any longer, no one else is going to want it either. It sort of goes hand in hand. People want the anthem of Hockey Night in Canada, and now it's not.

She jumped into the same boat as the 'Happy Birthday' Lady. Pretty soon, no one will remember that little ditty either.

So basically the CBC said, "Fuck you!" and decided to just change the theme. And now we have this. The Hockey Anthem Challenge. A competition to come up with a new anthem.

"Now Canada will decide which anthem will open CBC's Hockey Night in Canada during the 2008 / 2009 season (and perhaps beyond)."

This submission is composed by a friend of mine, Scott DeCoste. Please sign in and vote.



It will be weird not to hear that song on the show, it has been like a second national anthem here in Canada for so long.

But I am proud of the CBC for not getting butt-fucked by that money grubbing bitch who has probably been living off that one composition for forty years.

Good luck with your retirement, Lady.

I am glad I work from home.

ISP service call drama leads to N.S. playwright's arrest.

"She told the technician, in a tirade, that he was not leaving her until her internet was working and she told him she was keeping him hostage," said Carr.

Luckily, not one of our customers.

Thanks, Kelly.

Ya, sure you are.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Internet Service Provider™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"I can't get connected."

"How many lights on the modem?"

Impatiently, "They are all on and on the router too."

"Ok, can you pull the power from the router?" It's usually the router.

"I have done all that, I'm an IT guy."

"Ok, what kind of error do you get?"

"Local area connection, network cable unplugged."

Guess what? The network cable was unplugged.

Another idiot who lied on his resume.

They are cute...but they are food.

They are just food. Food that, some people believe, if left to multiply like rabbits, would wipe out other food sources. Whether that is true or not, they are just food, and of course pelts. A "significant" source of income in many remote, coastal communities.

The seal hunt is not just a sadistic slaughter its a managed annual cull. Did I mention people eat them? I don't see you having a telethon for the cod fish, Paul. Oh, that's right, they aren't cute. (Oh and he doesn't pose with the seals that are actually part of the hunt, just these cute baby ones, who haven't been hunted since 1987, he almost got arrested for being this close one.)

So Paul McCartney thinks the seals are cute. Well, so is Bambi, but you aren't trekking through the woods of Tennessee and getting between Bubba and his ten point buck. No. Cuz Bubba would pop a cap in your ass. Whereas Canadians just ask you politely to step aside.

Tragedies have marked the seal hunt this year. More than usual and I can't help but wonder if they are truly accidents.

The Sea Shepherd Society seems to be more aggressive this year compared to other years, (most likely because of Paul) going so far as attempting to water hose sealers as they are walking the ice flows. This is not some cast-a-net-and-haul-it-in operation, you have to get off the boat and walk on the ice flows. Very dangerous work.

Then the idiot captain of the Sea Shepherd, Paul Watson, makes some bone-headed comment after four sealers lose their lives when their boat capsizes.

"the deaths of four sealers is a tragedy," but added "the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of seal pups is an even greater tragedy."

"They are vicious killers who are now pleading for sympathy because some of their own died while engaged in a viciously brutal activity."

I kid you not!

Oh, but they are surprised by the reception they get when they try to dock at Saint-Pierre and Miquelon. Sailors were quick to make them aware that they were not welcome and cut their lines to set them adrift.

I know the face of the seal hunt protest is a cute little, furry, white baby seal. What they don't tell you is that baby seal hunting was banned in 1987. (BTW, the seals' white coats disappear after four weeks, while those animals killed in the hunt are eight weeks or older) People really need to get the facts before they just jump on Paul McCartney's band wagon. But I guess if they did, Paul Watson would have to get a real job.

FACT: A seal can eat 2-3 kilos of fish a day. The population is estimated at 5.5 million seal. The quota for the cull this year is (I believe) 270,000 seal. For some sealers, the seal hunt represents up to one-third of their annual income.

It is not just done, willy nilly, its called management of the fisheries, Paul, go fuck off somewhere!

Of course we will credit you.

"I can't get on facebook."

"How about other sites?"

"Sure, I can get everywhere but facebook."

"There must be an issue with the site then, you can try again later."

"I pay you for internet."

"We can't control the content. You are online, our job is done."

"Will I at least get a credit for today?"

"For not getting on one website?"

"Ya, I pay for this."

Holy shit. Ok let's see... you pay fifty bucks a month for internet, divide that by 31 days, that's a $1.61 per day, devide that by the suggested number of distinct sites on the internet, 108,810,358.

I will credit this person for...let's see, oh ya 0.0000147 cents!.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Some people.

Crayon-ism. Not just for Americans anymore.

"I was moving stuff around and I pulled the mouse cable out. Can you send a technician?"

"Uh....this is the Undisclosed ISP™..."

"Ya but I can't get on the internet without the mouse."

Can you argue with that logic?

Once more, with feeling.

Just when you thought there was nothing on TV, American Idol begins again. I never miss the audition rounds. They are just too funny.

From the truly aweful.



To the completely insane.


Where do all these mentally ill people come from?


And that was just Philly. Can't wait.

Bitch done lost her mind!

See this is what I mean. Give a kid that kind of money and fame and she will start to believe her own press.

She seems to think this is all a big joke. She is Britney, this is not happening.

Now she has apparently lost her mind. And all it took was someone to tell her she couldn't have something she wanted.

How bored do you have to be?

You have to be very rich and very bored to throw money at something this retarded. This thing isn't as classy as it looks. It is basically a table hoisted up by a huge crane. I kid you not.

And just how much? Dinner in the Sky (table + crane + logistic & security staff) for 22 people is a mere 7.900,00 €. (roughly 11 and a half grand Canadian) This gives you 8 hours to hang around like assholes, but does not include food. The piano player hanging below you like an idiot is extra as well.

This begs the question. What about bathroom breaks? Ever hear the expression, 'they saw you coming'?

I swear to God, money is wasted on the rich.

Artists are just plain fucked up!

The Turner Prize. Some of them are of course interesting, but some are completely lazy and stupid

Nathan Coley - Threshold sculpture, a 2 by 4 accross the entrance. "...designed to make you aware you are entering..." Are you fucking kidding me? More like designed to trip you on the way in or out. That has to be a fire hazzard or something.

Mark Wallinger - "...he dressed in a bear suit and wandered aimlessly around an art gallery in Berlin..." I kid you not. A video of him doing this was his entry. And he actually won, not for the bear suit thing but for this. Which is sort of interesting

About freakin' time!

Pedestrian to be charged in accident

"A 65-year-old woman will be charged for not using a crosswalk after being hit by a car while crossing a Halifax street.

Halifax Regional Police say the incident occurred at about 9:30 p.m. Tuesday in the 3100 block of Joseph Howe Drive.

The woman, who was allegedly jaywalking when she was hit, was taken to hospital with non-life-threatening injuries, police said."

It's the little things that drive you batshit.

Ever hear something familiar and for the life of you just can't remember where you heard it? Ever since this US presidential election thing started invading every single news cast, I hear this guys name and it has been driving me crazy.

Mike Huckabee... hmmmm... Mike Huckabee? Where have I heard that name before?



Oh ya.....now I remember. Guess I didn't recognize him, since he lost all that weight.

Same shit, different day.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Internet Service Provider™ my name is blah blah blah..."

No hello, just starts right in, flipping out.

"I don't think that I should have to pay for this shit if it doesn't work!"

"I agree, what's the problem."

"Well I try and get on the internet and everything is sideways. It's been like that for a month."

"I see that you do have connection to the internet, so the modem is online and working fine. Do you mean all the web pages are sideways or everything on the computer screen is sideways?"

"Everything! I am not paying for this! Your internet does not work!"

"Can you do something for me? Can you hold down the Control key, then hold down the Alt key and hit the right arrow key?"

"You mean I have to do this every time? This is ridiculous! I want my money back for this computer."

"Sir, we did not sell you the computer, we only provide the internet connection."

"Fine, I will call the phone company, that is who I bought it from."

It's a DELL.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Internet Service Provider™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"When I start up my computer it says 'connecting to Lindsay' but my name is Leanne."

"Where is it saying that?"

"On the little picture at the bottom."

"Are you sure it says Lindsay?"

"Let me check.....I guess it says Linky. But I don't know anyone named Linky either, I think someone is hacking me!"

"Could you look a little closer, does it say L-I-N-K-S-Y-S?"

"Ya, it does. Who is that?"

That, my friends, is job security.

I refuse to call you Doctor unless you call me Princess.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah...Can I get your name and your case number please?"

"My name is Doctor Snooty and my case number is blah blah blah." Big emphasis on Doctor.

Oh great, one of 'those'. I am sorry bitch, but unless you are between my legs diagnosing some foreign disease or hauling my heart out of my chest to give it the once over, I am not calling you doctor.

"Ok, how can I help?"

She proceeds to tell me that she tried to send out an email in LookOut Quick with an attachment that she realizes is too big but she tried it anyway. Now it will not send and it will not delete.

We navigate to her personal folder and delete the out box. We reopen LookOut Quick and the email is gone.

"So, I will be closing this case as resolved."

"Is that it?" She can't believe it is that simple.

"Yes." It is 'just' that simple.

After she hangs up I notice that she actually paid $59 for that 6 minute call. I turn to Potsie. "That call was under 10 minutes, you think I should refund her?"

"Sure, I would."

"Ok, but when I asked her her name, she said 'Doctor' Snooty."

He laughs, "Well then, no!"

"Your right, that'll be a $59 stupid tax for 'Doctor' Snooty." Cha-ching!

They really don't pay me enough.

Work has been tedious lately. It is really slow for our project in the summer since our product is mainly broken used by students, so we spend a lot of time off the phones. Which is great because I am on crayon overload right about now, but it does get boring.

Even though they take us off the phones they are loathe to send us home, just in case the unthinkable happens like the donkey dies in India and we go into queue.

Don't laugh. We have gone into queue for weirder reasons. Like an actor dying or everyone in India suddenly getting up and leaving because the bus was and hour early.

So it's almost quittin' time before I have to take a call.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"Ya, I want to change my email." Ok, I assume he switched service providers and needs to setup the new email. Although, why they never call the ISP is beyond me.

"Ok, I am just going to verify the information we have now." I verify his phone number and email address.

"That's the thing, right now it it rocketscientist at ISP dot com. I want it to be madscientist at Orange dot com."

After stifling a belly laugh at the rocket scientist part of it I ask him. "Do you work at Orange?"

"No."

"So how did you get the email address?"

"Well I don't have it yet. But that is what I want it to be."

"Oh, I get it. Well, unless you work for Orange you can't get an email address with at Orange dot com."

"The hell I can't! This is America, I can have whatever I want!" Give me strength.

"You can't just make up an email address, and you can't have 'at' Orange in it if you are not 'at' Orange. My email is at Orange dot com because I actually work 'at' Orange. See what I mean?"

"I want to speak with your manager!"

"Excuse me?" Is this crayon for real?

"You are refusing me support, I want to speak to your manager." I look at the clock, 1:02am. You know what? Peddle your crazy somewhere else! [CLICK]

The subconscious knows.

I am getting a call monitor review from my senior tech, Derwood. Basically he listens to the call and grades me on how I did. I usually spend the time arguing one point or another. Not because I disagree necessarily, but it wastes time. Time that I don't have to spend on the phone helping some schmuck. Plus it is really fun giving Derwood a hard time.

For instance, he notes that I used the word 'wonky', and that I was lucky the customer was British so he knew what it meant.

"Don't you know what it means?"

"It's slang isn't it?" We are not suppose to use slang,

"Of course it is not, I would never use a slang word!"

I have no idea if it is slang or not, but I have a 50-50 chance that if it is not, he will change my score. So I act like I am absolutely certain and make him look it up. He heads to Merriam-Websters.

Drum roll please...

Main Entry: won·ky
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): won·ki·er; -est
Etymology: probably alteration of English dialect wankle, from Middle English wankel, from Old English wancol; akin to Old High German wankOn to totter -- more at WENCH
1 British : UNSTEADY, SHAKY
2 chiefly British : AWRY, WRONG

"Well it is mainly British, if he wasn't British he wouldn't know what it meant."

"I am not British and I know what it means." As I am speaking he is frantically googling 'wonky' for another definition. His eyes light up, he turns the screen so I can see the entry for Dictionary dot com and gives me an 'AH HA' look.

won·ky /'w??ki/
Pronunciation[wong-kee]–adjective, -ki·er, -ki·est.
1. British Slang.
a. shaky, groggy, or unsteady.
b. unreliable; not trustworthy.
2. Slang. stupid; boring; unattractive.

He says, "It's on the internet, so it must be true."

"Oh please, Dictionary dot com? I have never heard of them."

"Ok, you pick one."

"Ok, if this next one says adjective, you will change the score?" He is confident, he agrees. "Fine, check out Funk & Wagnalls." And I sit back, confident. He does not know what I know.

Main Entry: won·ky
Function: adjective
Etymology: probably alteration of English dialect wankle, from Middle English wankel, from Old English wancol; akin to Old High German wankOn to totter -- more at WENCH
1 British : UNSTEADY, SHAKY
2 British : AWRY, WRONG

As he is changing my score I am bursting to tell him that the site he chose when he searched for Funk & Wagnalls, took him to Britannica. When you search Britannica and choose dictionary, like he did, it pulls it from Websters. You will notice, although he did not, that it is the same, word for word.

Like shootin` fish in a barrel.

The absolute best part of this? As he closes the tool, I get a look at his desktop wallpaper and I lose it. I could not stop laughing. He is looking at me like I lost my mind, "What?"



"Crayons, priceless!" I continue to laugh, harder since he doesn't realize what it means.

"What? I think it's a cool picture." He still can't see why I would be laughing.

I can't stand it, I have to walk away. You can fill him in, Yvette.