"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Internet Service Provider™ my name is blah blah blah..."
"I can't get connected."
"How many lights on the modem?"
Impatiently, "They are all on and on the router too."
"Ok, can you pull the power from the router?" It's usually the router.
"I have done all that, I'm an IT guy."
"Ok, what kind of error do you get?"
"Local area connection, network cable unplugged."
Guess what? The network cable was unplugged.
Another idiot who lied on his resume.