There ought to be a stupid tax.
"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."
I ask her name and case number and then, like an idiot, I ask her how she is today. Big mistake.
"I am totally DISGUSTED!"
"I went away for a couple of days and they changed my email program, it used to be LookOut Quick, now its just LookOut two zero zero something. They just took it off my computer."
"Who is 'they'?"
"ORANGE OF COURSE!" Oh dear God. This crayon totally thinks this is possible. I mean, it might be, but who do these people think they are? You think we just sit around and say, 'Oh ya, Joan Schmoe from ButtFuck Nowhere, we need to fuck up her computer. It's on the schedule.' Why do they imagine we give a shit?
People think they are being hacked all the time? Do you know how rare that is? If I was a hacker? Why would I waste my time hacking some idiot gas station attendant, who can't even turn his computer on half the time, when there are banks out there? Or something interesting like the FBI or the DMV?
While I am trying to get her case to come up, I go for the obvious. You wouldn't believe how many times you have to cram the obvious down someones throat.
"Ok, let's see if we can do something. Can I get you to click start and then all programs?"
"Ok." Under her breath, "Un-fuckin-believable."
"Do you see LookOut Quick?"
"Click on it, did it open?" You can hear her brain catching up to her.
"Oh for heaven's sake."
"It will say it is not your default email, when it asks if you want to make it the default, say yes."
"Is that all there is to it?"
"Uh huh. I will refund your credit card, since there was absolutely nothing wrong with your computer." Should be a stupid tax, but I will take pity on her, since I can imagine she is in her closet wearing a tinfoil hat.
You can't kick a stupid person, it just wouldn't be right. With any luck she will stop buying Orange and switch to Apple...be their brain tumor for a while.