"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Technical Support Team™ my name is blah blah blah..."
"Ya, I was just talking to Charter for over an hour and they said this was an Orange issue." Fuck, every ISP says that."What's the issue?"
"I can't send or receive email." Ok, sounds like an Orange issue.
We go through the normal 'who the hell are you' shit and I ask him what anti virus program he is using, sometimes it is the security software that stops you from sending and receiving. He has no idea so we start rolling the mouse along the icons in the task bar.
"As you roll your mouse over them, read them to me."
"...messenger signed in ... java platform ... local area connection limited or no conectivity ..."
"Hold it!"
"What?"
"Local area connection? Limited or no connectivity? I take a beat, hoping he might clue into the fact that he isn't connected to the internet. No such luck.
"I think I know what the problem is."
He is amazed and it shows in his voice. "Really? Already?"
"Yes, open up your browser. Tell me what it says."
"Can't connect to the server."
I am equally amazed that this man had been on the phone for an hour with his ISP "And Charter never tested to see if you even had connection to the internet?"
"No, I told them I couldn't send or receive email and they said that was an Orange issue." Give me strength.
Five minutes later, I had power cycled his modem (not my job, Charter's) and was telling him I was refunding his credit card.
"Oh no! You don't need to do that, you fixed my email. You deserve that money."
"Uh, there was never anything wrong with your email. I am refunding your credit card." We don't charge a stupid tax.
Contrary to popular belief, we do not take advantage of the computer illiterate.
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