Friday, February 24, 2006

It would make your head spin.

I went into the grocery store tonight. I had a hankerin' for some juice. I wasn't sure what kind I wanted, figured I would choose when I got there. I had thought my choice would be tropical, apple or orange. I could get really crazy and go for grapefruit, but hey, I was leaving it up to fate. I had had some at my sisters, couldn't remember what it was, I would know it when I saw it, right?

What I found at that grocery store was more than a little bit disturbing. There was an entire aisle of just juices. I stood there, baffled. How is anyone supposed to make a choice? There are just too many. I was getting really upset. Fuck it, I will go for the refrigerated kind. It wasn't much better there. There were a couple dozen kinds of just orange juice.

How is that possible? How can there be different kinds of orange juice? Oranges are oranges. With pulp, without pulp, grove stand, sugar free, less pulp, more pulp. Fuck, someone is obsessed with pulp. Then you move on to the dozen variations of orange combined with another fruit or combination of fruits. Row upon row upon row of juice. I was getting a headache.

Then I start thinking. Half this fucking store is dedicated to liquids of some form. Soda (every flavor even some I didn't approve of, not to mention the retro flavors, coffee (decaf, fine grind, regular grind, flavored, coffee free), tea (a kazillion flavors), water (how can there be so many choices of water?), fruit drinks, sports drinks (cocaine for the working class), milk (regular, 1%, 2%, soy, chocolate, chocolate soy, lactose free)and on and on. In every conceivable container and combination of flavors.

And don't get me started on the frozen drinks. I was upset. My 'quick' trip to the grocery store for juice became the quest for the holy grail. I was exhausted, and I don't even think I like the juice I got.

And the kicker? I didn't even see the flavor that my sister had. That meant there more choices than I was given.

Who the fuck needs this many choices in beverages? What is the world coming to? When you have 45 different kinds of apple juice but no cure for cancer. Put the fuckin' juice research money on that. Get your priorities straight.

And how was your day?


Anonymous said...

Um, I like Juicy Juice. All the diabetics drink it I believe. I'm not diabetic, but I have friends who are. We all drink Juicy Juice. It makes a great mixer for Vodka.

Anonymous said...

LMFAO too many options, i myself prefer tropicana 50% less sugar orange juice with no pulp. :) i sound like americans ordering coffee at starbucks...

Anonymous said...

Our routine is the frozen o.j. no pulp that is on sale that week. And buy 6 while you're at it :) Lasts 4 or 5 days :P

Female Jim said...

Screw the juice and go straight for the liquor.

Murphy Jacobs said...

There are different kinds of oranges, although most of them aren't used in juice unless it's a speciality (like Blood Oranges, which are just creepy -- taste great, but CREEPY. Oranges should not bleed.)

It's like wine. Or beer. Beer is beer, yes? Yet that is not so.

Could be worse, of course. Could have to go to the Orange Juice Store ;>

I live in the land of orange juice. We have citrus trees growing outside our bedroom window. I avoid the stuff.