Saturday, February 18, 2006

Hold please....forever.

"Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™ my name is blah blah blah..."

"Ya, I just bought ten thousand dollars worth of computers with 'consumer specific, media enhanced software' on them and I want to connect them to my domain."

"That software will not connect to a server, it was not designed for that, you need professional software."
Figured that was the end of the story.

"I know it won't do it now, I want you to make it do it."

"Excuse me? That software was designed with home users in mind, to turn their home computer into a home entertainment system. It is not designed for connection to a company domain. It has very limited networking capabilities, and domains will reject it because it does not have the required security for a domain environment."

I figured this would be the end of it. He bought the wrong thing and he needs to reevaluate his purchase and contact the OEM.

"I know what I bought, I know that it was not meant for this, but I want it to do it. I am willing to pay for it. I want you to connect me with someone who can get this done."

"I have noone who can do it."

"Connect me to the media pc people."

"Well that is a consumer group, they will not be able to help you connect this to the domain."

"Then give me a domain person."

"The domain techs will not touch the consumer product. They will just tell you it can't be done."

"I know there is someone who can do this, I will hold."

"Sir, I am sure there is some developer on this planet that could rig this up for you but I don't know who that is."

"Fine, I will hold till you find him."
Are you kidding me? What does this guy want? David Copperfield? "Mamme, I am not going away, I will stay on hold till you produce a developer that can get this done for me."

I am losing patience with this guy. "Sir, I cannot 'produce' a developer that can do this by the end of my shift. I need at least nine months for that. And that is if I start right now."

The broken record replied, "I'll hold."

I will spare you the tirade about the Undisclosed Computer Software Company™ being the most technologically advanced company and all the money Bill makes. The usual crap. I was about to tell him that this is not 'Pimp my Ride' but I bit my tounge.

"Look sir, this is premier and developer support, but I cannot give you a developer that can do this. He just does not exist here. And I cannot leave you on hold till he does."

"Fine, give me your manager."

He gets my manager, who tells him that we cannot make the software magic and there is no solution for his problem. He proceeds to tell my manager that I promised him a developer. (He neglected to tell him that I intended to give birth to it.) He wants to hold for my manager's manager. It is 10:30 pm, he is not in. He offers a callback, he wants to hold. My manager refuses.

This crayon calls back 5 more times and gets everyone else still in the center, he will not go away. Finally one of the other managers takes him.

"You want to hold till my manager comes in in the morning? Fine."

He was still holding when we left the center at 1am. I am sure this guys company will be a resounding success.

And how was your week?


Sherri said...

I thought people like that were only in the movies -- he can buy anything? Even stuff that doesn't exist? How many loose knobs does this guy have?

I want his money. He certainly doesn't need it. I can waste it MUCH more efficiently.

nadine said...

so .. days later.. have you sent him a developer or is the poor guys still on HOLD>???