Tuesday, June 11, 2002

I love kids, as long as they're cooked properly.

When I was young, I used to say to people, when they asked if I wanted kids, "I'm not having kids, I will just have cats". At the time, I didn't even like cats.

They would say, "Don't you like kids?" and I would reply, "I love kids, as long as they are cooked properly".

Sometimes, I look at my son and think, "Why didn't I just get a cat?"

Don't let anyone tell you that motherhood is a completely miraculous thing, its not.

Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but sometimes I would like to strangle him. Real mothers will know exactly what I am talking about. New mothers don't count, you are still under the influence of "newborn intoxication". Once your son/daughter starts to talk, then you can chime in with your two cents worth.

I can tell you exactly when my son turned on me. I have the video.

When he was first born I filmed him every single day, first smile, first laugh, first roll over, first fart. Hours and hours of him sitting eating, or sleeping. (Side effect of "infant intoxication")

As he got older, the films got better, but one xmas, when he was 2, I was telling him he should be good or Santa wouldn't bring him anything. He turned to the camera, with murder in his eyes, and said " I'll kill Santa!".

CUT! That's a wrap people!

No more streaming video. After that little demon moment, the only video of him are 10 minutes clips of his birthdays, and xmas'.

Nothing is completely anything. It's got its pro's and con's. The real con is that you don't know what little personality you are gonna get, and if you don't like it......there are no refunds. And at the exact moment you are ready to wrap your fingers around their little screaming throat......they say "You look pretty today, Mom."

"Ok, you can live......... for now".

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