Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Zoo Tycoon.

Went out last night to a friends house to pick up a couple gerbils. I missed having them and she keeps a shitload to feed her snake, so she gave me a couple. She also has, in a separate tank, mice, lots and lots of mice.

I approach the tanks and am slightly amused to see hamster wheels. Ok, this is a staple of any good rodent cage, but it seems kinda sadistic here. After all, these are not pets, they are food. I stick my hand in the tank and a dozen of the more stupid gerbils approach my hand and try and climb up.

I shouldn't say stupid, because the appearance of the 'big giant hand' could mean food or it could mean someone is going on a long trip that they shan't return from. And I suppose no one has ever returned to tell of the horrors of being eaten by a snake.

I pick a couple of small black ones, Jay and SilentBob. These two don't know it yet, but I just saved their lives.

I then direct my attention to a smaller tank with the mice, again with a hamster wheel. As I am oooing and awwwing over the cute little things, face to the glass, one of them turns and HOLY SHIT! That one is a boy!

Just a tip, if you are wondering if the mice in the pet store are boys or girls, wonder no longer. I am here to say that you cannot mistake a girl for a boy in the mouse world. This thing had balls. Huge balls, gigantic, drag on the ground, hairless balls.

Picture if you will, a tiny mouse the size of your thumb. Cute eh? Now put human balls hanging off it, the size of two plump peas. I wish I had a picture, because my discription really doesn't do it justice. I am completely traumatized.

I think she probably just drowns the boy mice, cuz ya just know the snake would gag on those puppies. You thought German Shepherds were bad? They got nothing on mice.

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