And another thing...

Time, Gentlemen, please.

It�s 12:58am at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� and I am off at one. I was just about to sign off my phone when the fuckin� thing rings. Ok, I hope it is a quick one.

�Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, my name is Evel, may I have your name please?�

�Jess, me nayme isa Madia? Mooay cumputair is no work.� At least that is what I think she said.

FUCK ME GENTLY! I have 2 minutes till quittin� time and I got fucking Charo on the line. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Now I am thinking, what possessed the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� to discontinue the Spanish Line?

�Mariea? What seems to be the problem?� She doesn�t hear me, so I have to speak much louder.

She starts rambling and I can�t understand a word she is saying. I rack my brain on how to get rid of her as quickly as possible, hoping like hell she is OEM so I can pass her off to Dell or some such place. I am trying to get a word in edgewise to determine this when I hear,

�...en it no go off�

�Mariea, are you saying your computer will not turn off?� , this sends the whole line of cubicles into fits of laughter.

�Jess�

I have to put her on mute because I am about to have an aneurism from holding my own laughter.

Gaining control of myself, �Have you tried the power button?�

�Eees no ting say power?�

�Well, no, but there is a button on the front of the computer itself that if you push it in, it will turn the computer off.�

�no, jus computer on, no off� Oh, they do not pay me enough for this shit.

�Mariea, it is the same button for off and for on.�

�I push and it go off?�

�Yes, Mariea, try it now.�

�ju want I push?�

�Yes please, Mariea.�

�It go black�

�Ok, so its off, is there anything else I can do for you Mariea?� Please say no, please say no.

�Jess� FUCK! I am banging my head on the desk now, and everyone around me is again in fits of laughter. Why did I say it? Because I have been conditioned by the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� to say it, that�s why.

�Tomorrow I push, and it come on?�

�Yes, Mariea, it will come back on when you push it again.�

�I do now, ju wait.�

She says something in Spanish that I take to indicate that she is truly amazed at the magical on/off button.

�O-J� and with that she promptly hangs up on me. No �thank you�, nothing. Its 1:15am, and I am so preconditioned that I say, to the dead air, �Thank you for calling Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, have a nice day.�