Wednesday, May 28, 2003

The patients are running the asylum.

We were asked to voice the number one concern of the customers phoning the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� and also the number one concern we had personally.

Well number one with the customers has to bethe fact that when they buy a computer with Product X preinstalled they do not get support from the makers of Product X. They are �supposed� to get the support from the makers of their computer. I say supposed to because they don�t.

Either they set some ridiculous deadline for warranty (like 30 days) or their techs are such morons that they can�t help them. Apparently their training involves memorizing the speech �insert recovery disk�. So basically they can restore factory settings and that is the full extent of their technical training. Oh, and they know how to use the phone because they promise tech support and transfer them directly to the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� and we have to inform them that in order to get support from us, they have to pay.

And do they get angry with the makers of their computer, the asshole that sold them their piece of junk? NOOOOO, they think it is an Undisclosed Software Company� money grab conspiracy. Even when we get them to read what it says on their software �for support contact the manufacturer of your pc� they still call us bitches and con artists. Hey asshole, when I spend a couple of grand on something, I research it, I read the instructions. I read the licensing agreement. It is not my fault you are a moron. Go slap your mother.

The second thing they asked is what was our number one concern at our work place. My answer. Cubical/headset Nazis. There are literally hundreds of people working at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, and there are NOT hundreds of cubicles. You show up, and if a seat is free, you take it.

Seems simple enough, right? Wrong! You sit down and are accosted with sticky notes. DO NOT REMOVE HEADSET. DO NOT MOVE MONITOR. DO NOT REMOVE CHAIR. DO NOT CHANGE PHONE SETTINGS. BLAH BLAH FUCKIN� BLAH!

Look asshole, you show me the fuckin� receipt for this cubicle and its entire contents and I will gladly do whatever you say. News Flash! You are not the only person sitting here in a 24 hour period, get over yourself.

One guy last night had �his� headset go missing and you would think that a child had been abducted, this grown man completely lost his mind. There was a full out company wide search for the headset. They called in the search and rescue and the dogs were sniffing every crotch in the place. The guy went around searching every desk, slamming drawers and cursing. He sent out an mass email requesting the return an threatening legal action to the culprit. Quite the example he was setting for the rest of us, seeing as how he was a manager and all. It was all quite laughable, and of course, fodder for the blog.

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