Saturday, May 3, 2003

Fun and Games at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�

Thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. My name is Evel, may I have your name please?

�No, I want to be transferred to tech support right now.�

He has stumped me. But I go on with my schpeal.

�As a customer service representative, I will be working with you to see how the Undisclosed Customer Service Center� can best assist you. May I have your telephone number starting with the area code please?�

�No, I have been transferred around to different numbers all day and I am not doing it any more, I want tech support now!�

�Sir, I can�t transfer you unless�..�

�I am telling you right now, I will not give you any information, I gave it to the last three people I talked to and I am tired of it. Just put me through.�

Now what do I do?

�Well sir, if I don�t know what type of tech support you need I will be unable to transfer you to the proper group. And if I just send you to one and it turns out to be the wrong one, they will just transfer you back to me and we will have to begin again.�


�What kind of fucking outfit are you running� over there at Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. I paid a lot of money for this shit and now I need support and you have to ask me a hundred questions before I can get any help.�

�Well sir, we ask these questions so that we can transfer you properly and you will receive help faster.�

He ain�t buying it. This is about 10 min into the call and I still don�t know this assholes name.

�Why can�t you just transfer me to tech support.�

I am wondering now if he thinks its just me and another guy here at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�. I take the information and Gerry over there talks them through their problem. This is a very large company we are talking about. There are hundreds of tech support people and not all of them here, there are many locations across the country as well as overseas and in the US.

�Well sir, first I have to determine your support options and then I transfer you to the tech support that deals with your specific problem. One group deals with X but knows nothing about Y or Z, so I need to know exactly which product you have.�

He begrudgingly gives up his phone number. Finally I can find this guy in the system. Lo and behold there is already a case number assigned to him. I have the assholes name. (I want to call him Bubba, but I resist the urge)

�Dave, can I ask if you are calling on a continuing issue?�

�As a matter of fact I am!�

For the love of God, why didn�t he just say that in the first place, I could have brought up the case and he would have been transferred in seconds. But no, this guy had to be a hard ass.

�Did they give you a case number, can I have that please?�

�No, I told you I am not repeating myself one more time.�

Ok there is more than one way to skin a cat.

�That�s fine Dave, I can search through your file for the case number if you are unwilling to read it off the paper you are holding in your hand, hold please.�


I let him sit on hold for 3 minutes while I laugh about him with my coworkers. When I come back on the line I talk very slowly so he will have to wait that much longer to be transferred. I go through the case and ask him questions, (to determine if it is the same issue) give him the hours of operation for the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, the self help website etc, etc. He is really steamed now.

Again, very slowly, �Before I transfer you, is there anything else I can help you with today Dave?�

�Oh for Christ�s sake would you just transfer me?�

�Ok, Dave,
(extra slowly) if there is nothing else I can help you with I will be transferring you now to the next available agent in our X product group. I want to thank you for calling the Undisclosed Customer Service Center�, and you have a good day. B-bye.�

He is cursing in the background while I transfer him. The entire call took just over 16 minutes.

I love my job.

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