And what stupid thing is Peter MacKay doing today?

Instead of addressing the fact that the Canadian military is now carrying made-in-china knives, Defence minister, Peter MacKay is riding a bike down my street.

All I am is irritated. He is blocking traffic and I need my coffee.

They are all just running for the Senate.

I don't know what it is about politicians. Scratch that, I do know. The problem with most Canadian politicians is they are always thinking about the end game. They will do whatever it takes to get elected and stay elected. They all aspire to that brass ring called the Senate.

The Senate is like winning the lottery. Its the ultimate retirement community for politicians. They don't actually have to do any work, (and many of them don't show up at all) they have about as much power as the Queen, but they are paid more. Used to be that a senate seat was for life but they changed it to 75. (which is essentially the same thing)Once you hit the senate you are home free.

Keepin' it real.

This poor soul is the less fortunate that I chose to help. By buying him lunch at the Dairy Queen. Not sure what his story is but he only has one foot.



Of course the boy was throwing french fries to the left and right of him so he could watch him hop.

It was funny to see, but he wouldn't hold still for the video.

Who elected these crayons?

Kentville, N.S., first town in Atlantic Canada to ban vehicle idling

Dude! This is Canada...we need to warm up the car or freeze our asses off. Can you fuck off already about the carbon emissions of everything?

Did you know that humans account for only 3.5% of the planets carbon emissions? Most emissions are from rotting animals and vegetation, volcanoes and forest fires.

96.5% of all carbon dioxide emissions are from natural sources, mankind is responsible for only 3.5%, with 0.6% coming from fuel to move vehicles, and about 1% from fuel to heat buildings. Yet vehicle fuel (petrol) is taxed at 300% while fuel to heat buildings is taxed at 5% even though buildings emit nearly twice as much carbon dioxide!

Now there are plenty of studies that refute these and plenty that support it. And which study is crammed down your throat depends on who is in office or trying to get into office. Who really knows then?

In the past carbon levels in the atmosphere have been 18 times higher...and that was long before cars were even invented.

Know this. Carbon in the atmosphere does not change the temperature of the planet. The sun does. So, unless you are planning to fly up and put a filter on that sucker...shut the fuck up, I am warming this car up before I go anywhere.

I would read the fine print, but then I would have to admit I needed glasses.

The Boy calls me, "Can you go online and see what's playing."

I start rhyming off movies, "Do they accept passes?"



That doesn't sound right. What exactly do they mean? Those tickets are paid for, just because I buy that shit ahead of time, I don't get to use them at this movie?

My employer is fixing to send me ten of those things. Even if they are free to me, someone is paying for them, this can't be right.

"They have been doing that forever, Mom."

"Not for long."

So I call the local theater. A teenager answers, "Hi, my name is Dean, how can I help you."

We get the pleasantries over with, "I just have a question. I am on the website and it says The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (No passes accepted). What exactly does that mean?"

"Oh yeah, we don't accept passes for those movies."

"So, your telling me that if I buy movie passes I can't use them to see whatever movie I want to? I didn't see that in any of your sales material. How's that marketing ploy working out for ya?"

"Well, you can still see the movie, just not use a pass."

"Does that sound logical to you? Do you tell people that before you sell these things, that yes you are paying full price for a movie, but only the ones we think we can't make money on any other way?"

After stuttering a bit, "Uh, just a sec." He yells for his manager.

Before she starts, "I know this has to be a misunderstanding. Even if I get these passes free as a gift or a reward at work, someone, somewhere is paying for it. Money has changed hands at some point. I think that my employer would love to know that the 'incentives' they are handing out are essentially worthless and perhaps they should change to Burger King gift certificates or something."

"Oh no. I apologize, it is a bit confusing. When we say 'no passes' we mean in the event that something went wrong during one of the movies, we give out free passes to another one. Those are the passes we mean."

"Well, that makes sense but do people know what you mean?"

"Huh?"

"Because it isn't really clear on the website. Perhaps you should take steps to educate the public, starting with the kid that answered the phone."

I went on to ask her specifically what 'passes' were accepted. Air miles, movie money, night out for two, etc. She assures me that only the passes that are handed out by the theater, free for whatever reason, are the ones that are restricted. And that these are only restricted for the first ten days that a so-called 'blockbuster' is playing. These 'free' tickets will clearly state this restriction on them under the terms and conditions.

Now, here is the bigger question. How many of you thought that you couldn't use your prepaid gift card, or airmiles movie passes for these movies and went ahead and paid cash for admission?

I will give them the benefit of the doubt that it was not there intention to mislead the public. However, it is interesting that the kid that was answering the phones was under the same impression as my son.

As far as the eye can see.

On one stretch of road, every 4 or 5 feet, there is one of these signs.

I could be wrong...

...but I think Tom wants to be mayor.

Gossip.

My sister was on the job the other day when a guy in dump truck stops, gets out and sees her sitting in her pickup. He trots over to her, "You know a girl out here called 'Oh-dell'?" Cuz, you know, she's a chick and should know any other chicks that might be on the job.

"Ah, no."

He figures, she's a chick, she will enjoy some gossip, "Well the talk is all over the CB radio. This Oh-dell welded for two weeks in Hamilton and landed this job inspecting, making five grand every two weeks." He is clearly appalled by his own statement.

"Actually, the name is 'Ah'dell, and I have been an inspector for 10 years and welded for 4 years before that...and that would be TEN grand."

I wish we had a picture, I would have loved to see the look on his face.

Way to go, Sis!

Who's bright idea was that?

Four seasons of Prison Break? You would think after the first season they would have stepped up security just a little.

The Boy's Father used to love Unsolved Mysteries. Why would I want to watch something for which I may never know the outcome?

24. Seven seasons. A week's worth of shit. I would rather watch paint dry.

America's Got Talent. More like watching Nascar, you're just waiting for a crash.

Speaking of auto racing. How dull. "Oooo, I wonder what he is going to do....oh yeah, he's turning left." That's some gripping shit right there.

I think I am ready for the fall season to start.....please God, make it stop.

Happy Birthday Mom!

My mother turned 80 today.

We all went out for Chinese food and cake.

Everyone had a good time.

We stuffed our faces and had a good laugh.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Thought I would sneak this in.

THE BOY



Since he never reads this, I might just be safe.

You can't un-shoot that gun.

Long story short. Chick writes a bit of music in 1968 while working at an ad firm. Its for Hockey Night in Canada. The CBC liked it so much they kept it. Making this chick a lot of money. Part of the 'agreement' was that they can play it only in Canada. (She could sell the rights to other 3rd parties at will.)

For those of you (Yanks) who don't know it.



Apparently the CBC broadcast a game in the UK and 'allowed' the theme to be played. Now this chick got her knickers in an uproar and she sues the CBC.

Well the chick totally shot the golden goose on this one. Her gripe was that she was the only one that could make money off it outside of Canada. Well, since the CBC won't be using it any longer, no one else is going to want it either. It sort of goes hand in hand. People want the anthem of Hockey Night in Canada, and now it's not.

She jumped into the same boat as the 'Happy Birthday' Lady. Pretty soon, no one will remember that little ditty either.

So basically the CBC said, "Fuck you!" and decided to just change the theme. And now we have this. The Hockey Anthem Challenge. A competition to come up with a new anthem.

"Now Canada will decide which anthem will open CBC's Hockey Night in Canada during the 2008 / 2009 season (and perhaps beyond)."

This submission is composed by a friend of mine, Scott DeCoste. Please sign in and vote.



It will be weird not to hear that song on the show, it has been like a second national anthem here in Canada for so long.

But I am proud of the CBC for not getting butt-fucked by that money grubbing bitch who has probably been living off that one composition for forty years.

Good luck with your retirement, Lady.

Dodged a bullet.

Almost had my mug plastered all over the television.

I am heading for the bank and this dude is standing outside with a camera guy.

He blocks my entry, "Hi, my name is Ross Lord..."

"Yeah, I know who you are."

"We are trying to get some reactions from the public about the local election..."

Out of the corner of my eye I spot the camera guy hoisting his camera onto his shoulder. I cut Mr. Lord off, "Whoa, sorry, if it were radio, I might consider it."

I am extremely non-photogenic.

No one needs to see that.

I am glad I work from home.

ISP service call drama leads to N.S. playwright's arrest.

"She told the technician, in a tirade, that he was not leaving her until her internet was working and she told him she was keeping him hostage," said Carr.

Luckily, not one of our customers.

Thanks, Kelly.

I can hide from the neighbors now.

I actually got some window coverings thanks to my sister. She was home for the weekend and thanks to Sunday shopping we actually had a lot of fun. I know, I said fun and shopping in the same sentence.


Sister was shopping like she was on fire. All that new moolah burning a hole in her pocket. She bought the shades and the rug and some moonlights for my walkway.

Was fun til it started to rain and we had a bit of a flash flood. Went up to see Mom and were confronted with this.



A flooded parking lot. Luckily we were driving the company's big-ass truck, so we had no worries.



Oh yes we did drive through that.

And another thing...

Picked this baby (microwave) up at the overstock store for twenty five bucks. It is just missing the handle.



Now if I had a port-a-potty in here I would never have to leave my room.

They just don't make 'em like that anymore.

My sister is what you call 'high maintenance'. She is my complete opposite. She is thin, I am not. She is always dressed to the nines, I dress for coverage, period. She is a tanner, I could signal ships at night with my pasty, white thighs. You get the picture.

She has been working a new job in New Brunswick. She works 6 days a week so she rarely makes it home, but managed to swing it for the Labour Day weekend. She calls me at 9:47PM, Saturday night, from the half way point. (The 'when' is important.)

She is frantic. "Do you have Bruce on your messenger?" Bruce is a former co-worker who happens to own the Golden Oasis Tanning Salon.

"No, but I can check to see if he is online, what do you need him for?"

"I need a tan." She said it like she 'needed' a fix.

"Uh, It's 10pm, I am pretty sure they are closed and tomorrow is Sunday."

"They are open on Sunday."

"Are you sure? This is a long weekend."

She is distraught. You have to understand, my sister is a tanning junkie. I don't think I have ever seen her 'natural' color except for in old pictures. The woman had open heart surgery last year and what she was most distressed about was that her tan had faded. I kid you not.

I don't really expect to get anywhere with it, but I message Bruce. He is aware of my sister's 'problem' but he is renovating the salon and informs me it will be closed on Sunday as well as Monday.

I relay this to my sister. Judging her reaction, you would swear someone kicked her dog. "I have a farmer's tan, I am desperate." I am not sure exactly what a farmer's tan is, but by the way she spat out the words, I am figuring it can't be good.

Long and short of it. After a bit of whining Bruce took pity and said if she didn't mind the mess he would meet her in the morning and let her get a tan.

Who does that in this day and age? You just don't get that kind of customer service anymore. Now, mind you, it is not something he would do everyday, but he recognized an actual damsel in distress and went above and beyond.

If I ever decide to get naked and stuff my fat ass into a lighted tube, Golden Oasis Tanning is the place I will do it.

No Bruce, that is not a threat.

Memories

Cousin Jean (Jeanie Weanie) dug up some old pictures of us. That's me on the left.



This is huge, because my mother has none of me before I was in school. I used to tease my mother that I was adopted. And she could not prove otherwise.



How freakin' cute were we?

SOLD!

The old girl is gone. I have to say Kijiji rocks! (Sorry Tena)

I really didn't intend to sell so quickly. I had planned to put it in the Barter and possibly the paper and see what I could get for it.

Then someone said, "You should put it on Kijiji." Since I was bored at work with nothing to do, I listed it.

Before I got the activation of my account complete, I had 4 emails on it and someone actually stopped by to see it. By the next morning, someone was making arrangements to come by after work to purchase it.

Less than 24 hours later, the old girl was driving off into the sunset with her new owner.

The saga continues.

I think I need my head examined. I decided (late Sunday afternoon) to tear up this crappy blue carpet. Sort of glad I did, got some nice looking hardwood underneath.



There are a few spots of paint here and there, but I don't think I will even have to sand it, it is pretty well preserved. The bitch will be trying to do it without moving the furniture out of the room.



Ya never know what you're gonna find though. I was lucky that it was not glued down and that there was no underlay. That stuff is hard to get up.



But I did find this? They didn't even bother to try and cover it first.



I don't even want to imagine what might come up through those holes. I really need to get some molding.

And fast.

For those of you too cheap busy to buy the publication.

From MrBarters, August 22, 2008.


Click on image read the article.

Did I miss something?

When did it become copacetic to work in the food service industry with nails and shit pounded into your face?

Am I supposed to find that appetizing?

Screw the environment!

I brought out the big guns, toxic chemicals.

I knew I could not live with getting those mofo's drunk and letting them pass out and pass on to that great fruit basket in the sky. I am much too bloodthirsty for that.

I am willing to spray this shit on my food if that is what it takes to rid myself of them.

I am all for poking another big ol' hole in the ozone.

I want them to eat shit, choke and die!