More home improvement.

So, no, I am not sitting around watching soaps and eating bon-bons. I am actually accomplishing some things.

Like new tile in the entry way. I actually bought these at the dollar store.


And finally a defense against the raccoons. If you can't beat 'em, lock the fuckers out!



This cost me exactly zero dollars. Made it from an old headboard and the shelf from the closet.

I am Eva Vila.

It's an allen conspiracy.

Found a great sale on parsons chairs, so the table doesn't look so depressing anymore.

What a nightmare, and it is all due to the allen key.

Every piece of furniture you buy now has this annoying tool that comes with it. I suppose it is fine for someone who typically has no tools laying around the house, but the whole process would have been much less stressful had the bolts come with a phillips or square head. But no, they all come with this annoying fucking tool and a hex head.

Helpful? No, it took me an hour to put together one chair. I sat back and thought there just had to be a better way. So, off I go to the hardware store and enter the tool corral. I figured that if they were going to name it something like that, they would have whatever I could possibly need.

I drop the bolt and the allen key on the counter, "There has got to be a better way."

The guy looks at me and, "Let me see what I got." He searches the whole corral and comes up empty. The best he could do was another allen key. Not one set of screw drivers or bits in this entire store came with a hex head. Is that even possible? If you have ever tried to use one of these things, I broke a nail and I came out of it with a blister, and that was after just one chair. I would never make it through all four.

I am frustrated and hold up the offending tool, "If I could just get this L taken off I could put the rest of it in my power drill."

A light bulb goes off in his head. He grabs a pair of vice grips and a hack saw off the wall and proceeds to cut the L off the allen key.

Voila! "You, my friend, are a rock star!" He blushes. "What do I owe you for the hacksaw?" He grins and just puts it back on the rack.

So, ten minutes to put together the other three chairs and they look great and are very comfy.


Now I have to repaint the kitchen to match them and lay the laminate flooring. It's a vicious cycle.

Quite an eventful day.

My new fridge shows up just as I am about to start work, so I had to call in and say I would be late.

Out with the old.


And in with the new.


Then with an hour left in the shift I get a call from the principle at The Boy's school. There had been an 'altercation', can I come pick him up?

One of the 'friends' of the kid that hit The Boy with the pipe decided to pick a fight with The Boy. The Boy told him he didn't want to fight him in school but the kid insisted. So The Boy had to KICK HIS ASS!

That is what the principal told me. Well, he actually used different words. "He didn't throw the first punch but he got most of the licks in." (Edumacation makes it sound so purdy, donit?)

Anyway, I go get the boy and I am off to take Sammy to the vet. He is not happy with me at all. I get him into the carrier and he pretty much flips out. It was like I was carrying the Tazmanian Devil in a burlap sack. The vet just looked at me and asked if it was domesticated. I stick my finger in the cage and he calms down. That is enough for her.

Then she brings out the forms and runs down the 'extras' for me to decide on.

- Advantage treatment? "Uh its February, he doesn't have fleas." NO
- Post surgery take home treatment? "He routinely comes home looking like he has been through the Bore War, he has proven he has no problem with pain." NO
- They will cut his nails while he is sleeping. "Dude, he comes back looking like he was in that war and lost, are you kidding me?" NO
- Shots and vaccinations? NO
- Pre-surgery blood work? What? "Is that optional? Really?" Then NO

We do agree that he needs to be cleaned up. She tells me that they will bath him if he doesn't wake up too soon after the surgery. "Huh?"

"Well we only bath them while they are asleep." She explains that they throw him in a bucket of soapy water. I kid you not, those were her exact words. So, I agree to that.

So now I have some time. I decide to take the video card that I bought yesterday back to Staples. Couldn't find any drivers on the planet that would make it work and on my way back I decide to buy a kitchen table that I saw the other day at Canadian Tire. (We have already established my Canadian Red-neck'ed'ness.)

I purchase the thing before I ever wonder how I will transport it. So in the store it stays for now. I go home and regroup. While doing that I toss my old table and rickety chairs out for the landlord to take to the dump.

(Wow, I have had a long day.)

So I remember that Sister has a truck, sort of. An SUV. I call her up and off we go to pick up the table. She brings her friend with her. I don't know yet how I worked this out, but I managed to be the only person in this little trio to not handle the table as it is schlepped through the snow and up the stairs.

But there she is...a Debbie Travis Walnut Parsons table.


Let's just take a moment, shall we?

Now that it is together, I realize it is too big and I have no chairs. But I am too tired, it is just going to have to stay.

And how was your day?

I feel safer already.

About a week or so ago, my front door blew open and ever since then it wouldn't actually close all the way. Well, it would close but you could open it without turning the handle, so it wasn't latching.

So today I call the landlord. He came over with his partner in crime to fix it. Well they of course jerry-rigged it into closing. Problem was that when they got it to close, they couldn't get it to open up again.

So there they were, one inside and one outside trying to open it.



Santa's Little Helper is getting desperate.



Gonna have to start charging him rent.



This is where they figure out what went wrong.



Free at last, free at last!



And the aftermath.





I believe this is the reason his wife won't let him do things around the house. She calls in the professionals. This is the same man who tried to paint the trim on my door with a god-aweful yellow paint. The same paint they use to make those yellow lines on the road.

I can hide from the neighbors now.

I actually got some window coverings thanks to my sister. She was home for the weekend and thanks to Sunday shopping we actually had a lot of fun. I know, I said fun and shopping in the same sentence.


Sister was shopping like she was on fire. All that new moolah burning a hole in her pocket. She bought the shades and the rug and some moonlights for my walkway.

Was fun til it started to rain and we had a bit of a flash flood. Went up to see Mom and were confronted with this.



A flooded parking lot. Luckily we were driving the company's big-ass truck, so we had no worries.



Oh yes we did drive through that.

And another thing...

Picked this baby (microwave) up at the overstock store for twenty five bucks. It is just missing the handle.



Now if I had a port-a-potty in here I would never have to leave my room.

The saga continues.

I think I need my head examined. I decided (late Sunday afternoon) to tear up this crappy blue carpet. Sort of glad I did, got some nice looking hardwood underneath.



There are a few spots of paint here and there, but I don't think I will even have to sand it, it is pretty well preserved. The bitch will be trying to do it without moving the furniture out of the room.



Ya never know what you're gonna find though. I was lucky that it was not glued down and that there was no underlay. That stuff is hard to get up.



But I did find this? They didn't even bother to try and cover it first.



I don't even want to imagine what might come up through those holes. I really need to get some molding.

And fast.

Almost there.

I decided to go ahead and paint that wall a darker color and even though these pictures don't really do it justice, it turned out nicely.


The color looks different at different times of day and from different angles, but if you are interested it is called Dapper Tan from CIL


Anyway, I still have to touch up the trim but it is mostly done. Since putting all this effort into the living room (at, I might add, the hottest time of the year) something had to suffer. And in my case it was the kitchen.


And The Boy's room.


Wondering where all that crap went from the shelves in the living room? Ya, and I have to clean all the dust off that shit before I put it back. Maybe when it isn't so fuckin' hot!


But Sammy doesn't seem to mind.

Already looking brighter.

BEFORE

AFTER



BEFORE

AFTER
All this with just one eye.


BEFORE

AFTER

Now I need some new furniture. Maybe its too bright. What do you think?

I hate to do this but...

I know what you're saying, "That looks like it hurts."

You would be putting it mildly, my friend. I am in real pain here.

This is so that when I post the pictures of the completed living room you will feel less inclined to say 'you missed a spot', now that you know what I had to endure to get 'er done.

I started getting this baby on Friday night, and it progressively got worse. This is it on Sunday afternoon as it was starting to get better, if you can believe it.

And it actually feels worse than it looks.

UPDATE: And the answer to your question is 'YES'.

It actually could get worse, and did.Had to go into the ER (we call it the out-door here) and get some antibiotics.



Caused quite a stir at 5:30 in the morning. It was slow, as you can imagine, I was the only person in there. After the first nurse saw me, I became a bit of a freak show, and heard things like, "You have got to see this one." Followed by an endless stream of nurses and orderlies.

You know you're in trouble when the doctor stops dead in his tracks and says, "Whoa!"

Now What?

I have used up all my excuses for not finishing the living room. I got off to a good start, but then ran into problems.

UnfortunatelyFortunately each obstacle was quickly overcome.

- I ran out of supplies. - My sister loaned me the money.
- I have no way to get supplies, my car is broke. - Mechanic came to the house and fixed it in the driveway
- Its too hot! It's fucking July, you know! - No its not, it rained all night and is now overcast.
- I don't have time. - I am off for the weekend.
- I am tired, I am hungry, I have a sty in my eye.(Seriously, I look like Quasimodo) - Quit whining and get your ass in gear.

I think the problem is that I set my computer up in another room. If it was sitting in a corner somewhere there would be more of an incentive to get a move on and have its home completed.

It is a double edged sword though. The place where it resides now is not ideal by any stretch of the imagination. Right now it is here, in my bedroom. The same room that I have my work computer set up. It is on a coffee table so I have to slump over to type, and I have bruises all over my left leg from whacking it as I swivel from my work computer.

For the past week or so, this has been my life.

I roll out of bed, turn on my production machine.

Turn in my chair 90 degrees and check my email on my home computer.

Play on that until work starts, then 90 degrees to the right and spend 4 hours taking tech calls.

Have lunch, turn 180 degrees for my afternoon nap.

Back up at 5. Another 4 hours shift.

9PM and I am at my home computer til about midnight, 180 degrees back to bed.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I leave this room for two reasons, eating and bathroom. You can imagine, it is getting on my nerves.

Its Sunday now, and all that is left is the paint. Should be done by the end of the day.

I never seem to learn.

My living room is dark and depressing. It really shouldnt be, since the living room has three good sized windows. I believe it is mostly because of the dark wood paneling.



So, since the floor in the kitchen went so well, I will be directing my attention to the living room. I have decided to paint the paneling. From what I have gathered through research on the net, it shouldn't be that difficult.



This only looks bright because of the flash.

I decided that I should (of course) paint it a light color. It can't be white, since the wood furniture in there is all a sort of pecan color. So off I went to Walmart for some paint chips. You would not believe how many shades of beige there are. I came home with about 50 and there were still more to choose from.



I finally narrowed it down to a couple and have chosen it mostly because it will transition well from the bright yellow of the kitchen. The final color...Wedding Silk.

What I really am having an issue with is this...



Not really sure what they were thinking here. And no, you can't scrape it, it is not stucco. It is almost like a plastic. Hard as the hinges of hell.

I figure with the de-glosser and the primer and the paint and accessories, it will cost me in the neighborhood of $150. Deducted from the rent, of course

I will try and get some 'in progress' pictures as well as post the finished result.

Any suggestions on window treatments?

Ok, so Bob Vila I am not.

I am having a bit of an issue with the new floor I laid in the kitchen.



I should have known it would be an issue, its not like the floor is even remotely close to being level. In fact, if you drop a marble in one side of the room, only Ben Johnson could beat it to the other side.

So, this is what is happening, the tiles are starting to shift.

It was not an issue on the other sides of the room, as I was finishing each wall, I was stapling them down at the walls edge and covering them with the quarter round molding, so they weren't going anywhere.

Unfortunately when I got to the last rows (under the cabinets)I was not able to put a staple in them, no way to get the stapler under the toe kicks.



I went out and bought a couple more packages of the floor tile, thinking I would have to tear up the last two rows and do them over. Then my sister says to me, "Just heat them with a hair dryer and it loosens the glue." (I think she is channeling Bob Vila)

Ok, I am going to give that a try. But that still does not help with them shifting over time. I will have to try and figure out how to keep them in place until the glue sets.



As you can see, I found that the hair dryer was not hot enough, it was taking forever. It took me 5 minutes to do one with the hair dryer and 10 to do all the rest with the iron.

And yes, that is duct tape. Red Green would be proud.