Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Christmas, a chance for all the crappy musicians to get some air time.


I am sitting watching a Christmas special. It is being broadcast on a local station. You know the kind of program I am talking about. If you sing or play an instrument, come on down we will put you on the air for the torture entertainment of the masses.

Now we do have quite a few really talented people in Pictou County. A couple (JD Fortune and George Canyon) are even pretty famous. But, of course, they will not be performing on this program. Instead we get the B performers, which are still pretty damn good. We also, however, get the C and D performers. Like I said, if they show up at the studio with a guitar, they are ushered on stage.

My favorite from this program so far is...gosh I can't remember his name. He will probably thank me for this, so as not to have his name attached to the song he had written. Here are just a few lines of the song:
I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet to fly.
I wish I could say the tune was catchy, but I would be lying. I just wonder if this kid was on some sort of mood altering medication when he wrote this slop.

Then we have one of the reporters, Liz Rigney. Clearly a frustrated artist who could not make it as a singer, so is now making my ears bleed with her rendition of 'Oh Holy Night'. I wish I could describe the degree in which she is slaughtering this song. Picture SNL's Sweeney Sisters (Dunn and Hooks)without the harmony.

Oh, its John Gracie. Whoa, he's wearing some Ray Charles glasses. Groovy, but completely inappropriate. He's jazzing up 'The Christmas Song'. "Oh yeah, Chestnuts roasting baby!"

And Doris Mason. She is a pretty decent jazz artist so this should be good. Oh great, she is singing with her nieces. GROAN! A song the kids wrote. Time to hit mute.

Finally, some real entertainment. Son's of Maxwell, singing Cape Breton Christmas. A funny Christmas song, toe tapping music. They are always entertaining. Click the link and scroll a little to the song clip, you will see what I mean.

Well, I think I will go clean the blood out of my ears. Seems they will be broadcasting a similar horror show for New Year's Eve.

Can't wait.

3 comments:

Laura said...

Newish reader from Enfield.... OMG, someone who agrees with me about Liz! I did the school choir concert thing with her *gag me* I hope she sticks to TV because then we can mute her :)

Anonymous said...

you said

> My favorite from this program so far is...
>
> I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
> I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet to fly.
>
> I wish I could say the tune was catchy, but
> I would be lying. I just wonder if this kid
> was on some sort of mood altering
> medication when he wrote this slop.

Umm... the song was written by Joni Mitchell, on her 1971 album "Blue".

Cheesy, perhaps, maybe even mood-altered... but not written by whoever was in the xmas pageant.

Evel said...

Wow, it was such a stupid song I guess I just assumed this idiot had written it.

My bad.