And another thing...

Cat Flu.

My cat has the flu. I was not aware that cats could get the flu, but Sammy is sneezing and snotting all over everything. He looked at me the other day, his nose running, eye snot all gross and pitiful like. I just looked down at him and said, "Walk it off."

If it wasn't for the fact that vets cost more than real doctors, he might have a better time of it. But I already put a couple of their kids through college.

A couple of years ago my cat, Luci, got hit by a car. On Christmas day, cha ching! She walked in the house on three legs, one was hanging by a thread. Whadda ya do?

So, off to the vet we go. Like an episode of ER, she is bundled and rushed out back. They will examine her and observe her. Once she is out of shock they will evaluate her again and weigh their options. From the number of multiple syllable words this woman was tossing out, I could only imagine what this little episode was going to cost me.

I give the 'nurse' a blank stare. "Just keep in mind, its a cat." She looked at me like I had threatened to gutt her grandmother.

Three days later I get a call.
This is our conversation, please, no hate mail.

"Looks like we are going to have to amputate the leg."

"She couldn't get out of the way of a car on four good legs, and you want to cut one off? Jesus, how much is that going to cost me?"

"The cat will have have to stay an additional day for recovery after surgery. With post-op charges, it will be about two hundred and sixty dollars." She said this like it was totally reasonable.

I choked. I couldn't believe she said 'cat' and 265 bucks in the same sentence. I was still pissed that I had to pay 17 bucks for the cat when I got her. "How much to put her down?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, did I stutter? How much to put her down."

"Forty dollars."

"Sold."

Don't look at me like that! If she had said anything up to a hundred dollars, I may have considered it. But this is a cat we are talking about and I am sorry, my son eats first. Fluffy might be cute, and you might love Fluffy. But Fluffy is not getting a liver transplant.

Fast forward to yesterday. The Boy says to me, "You should take Sammy to the vet, his eyes are running."

"Me and Sam had a little talk today. I told him it was totally up to him if he wanted to go to the vet. He decided against it."

"What are you talking about, Lunatic."

"I told him it costs 40 bucks to have him put down, if he thought his treatment would be less than that, then by all means I would rush him over ASAP."

"Mom."

"What? I think he made a wise choice."

I do feel bad for the cat, but I think vets should feel worse, for charging retarded fees for treatment. They get you in there and gouge the shit out of you and make you feel like a sub-human if you don't sign your gerbil up for chemotherapy.

He has got a cold. Period. If it turns out it is worse than that? Well, its in God's hands.

I tell you what, someone is going to pay for the fact that I am blowing a cats nose like it was a toddler. At least a toddler doesn't have claws.