Too good to be true? I'll let you know.

A friend alerted me to this offer. The Royal Bank of Canada, giving away computers.

Are you kidding? I have to get me some of that. But what is the catch?

Back in the day you would get a new toaster for opening up an account, but a computer?

Appears so.

So I call. Ten minutes later, I have switched my account (2 bucks more than I am paying now with overdraft protection I never had before) and I am on my way to getting a new computer.

One little hiccup in the mix. I was on bankbook so I have to switch to paper statements, wait till I actually get a paper statement and switch to electronic statements.

So, a couple of hoops to jump through, but a small price.

I will let you know if I, or my friend, ever actually get one of these cute little things.

He's back!

So, The Boy has been home for a week. When I say home, I mean he is back in Nova Scotia, but since I am car-less, he is avoiding this place like the plague. He has been staying with his father until we get the car fixed. It's taking longer than expected since we have been having some shitty weather and the guy who is fixing the car has to work on it outside. It SNOWED last night. WTF?

I expected a huge story to go with the early return, but there wasn't one. Seems that they only intended to stay a week, just didn't feel like relaying that info to The Boy. Probably since if they had told him he would spend most of his time driving, he may have reconsidered the whole trip.

Even though he is back in town I still had the house to myself for the last two weeks. It has been wondrous, even without a car. The place is always clean and there is no one around to complain. Well, except for the cats. And The Boy finally got an interview for a job at a local fast food joint, so he could be employed soon. That will save me some money since gas went up to $1.26 a litre.

Now I am just starting to get bored. The house is clean, the dishes are done, there is nothing on tv. What to do?

I think I might take the vacuum cleaner apart...its making a funny noise.

You know you are bored when...

First Day.

A photo journal of the bunnies and me, our first day on the job.

Had to wake up at the crack of nine. Not bad since training forced me up at 5am. In case you are wondering, yes I showered and yes I did shave my legs. Although these pictures do not make it look as if I did. But you older folk out there will recognize poor circulation when you see it.

This is us, working hard.


And here we are, taking a coffee break. This required us to swivel in our chair about 14 degrees. It was an exhausting trip through mid-morning traffic.



Most of the day, however, the bunnies stayed under the desk. They like it there, they play pinochle and chat quietly. And of course keep my tootsies warm.



Then a bit of lunch.



I will let you know how I manage this hectic schedule.

And another thing...

Just an update. Got my pension papers in on Wednesday (built up pension contributions from Undisclosed Customer Service Center™) and they deposited the money in my account this morning. They had told me 3-5 days and it was exactly 3 which blew me away.

I went out tonight to get an obnoxiously comfy chair for my office. I wasn't able to find the chair I could really be happy in, so I ended up getting this one.

And I am a Mac.

Lets address the Mac superiority complex. I hear it all the time.

"Mac's don't get viruses."

True, but considering Apple sales typically represent less than 5 percent of the overall U.S. personal computer market what virus author is going to waste their time making a virus for the Mac OS?

"My Mac does not crash."

I believe you that the Mac OS is more stable, and it stands to reason. Most computer crashes occur because of a compatibility issue between hardware and software. Apple makes the operating system and the hardware it sits on, there is no issue. Whereas a PC might have a dozen different companies under the hood. I do not believe, however, that you never have a problem with the Mac.

"70.2 percent of Mac users online have a college degree."

Well they have to don't they? Mac's are expensive and you typically cannot upgrade them without selling your first born. For a couple hundred bucks I can be internet ready on a new PC.

"You guys suck, I am gonna buy a Mac!"

"Fill yer boots. You will still have to deal with Orange if you want decent software."

I love it when I have to tell the Apple users that Orange no longer supports LookOut Quick for the Mac. It was a free program for email, Orange gave it away to Mac users because Apple didn't make an email program. They have less than 40 software titles. Finally Orange got fed up and created En.tou.r.age. I hear the new Mac OS has a mail app included now, but they are still pissed that we don't give away shit for free anymore.

Not all Mac users are in love with the Mac experience.



If you can afford a Mac, give 'er. I might buy one myself if I win the lottery.

Brain Fart.

A little back story. Last (I think it was October) I had the cable disconnected. I never really watched it because I usually just downloaded the shows off the internet. The Boy, however, is a man and as such must be able to sit and stare at the screen while he flips though all the channels. Something to do with the addition of the Y chromosome.

Anyway, I had to talk him into it but to save money I dumped the cable. Even when you do that, if you keep the actual wire connected it does give you a bit of residual cable signal. So you get some really fuzzy reception, but better than nothing.

I was telling the downstairs neighbor this and she said..."Just hook up to mine." Great, free cable. I hooked up the line that we had going through the heating ducts. (I should mention it is a black wire while the one from the cable company is white.) It wasn't all that clear but it was free. The Boy's second connection to this was even less clear.

Fast forward. I am sitting on the couch watching the fuzzy news when I suddenly think I might be able to get the boys to come in a little clearer if he had a direct connection to the line coming from downstairs or maybe it was the splitter itself that was the problem. I decide to test it by hooking my TV up directly without the splitter.

As I am rummaging around behind the TV, sorting through the maze of cords and wires, thinking it might be a good idea to get rid of the Vonage cables that were all over the place, I see a second white wire. Huh? Where is that coming from? I try and follow it, one is going through the living room and into my room, and the other? Nowhere.

Apparently instead of replacing the white wire with the black wire, I just hooked the black wire into the mix. I little more boost to the signal but it was going back and forth so many times through the house and connecting....well long story short. I take the black wire from the heating duct and plug it into the back of my TV.


The Boy's jaw goes slack. "What the hell?" Clear as a bell on every channel. I start to laugh like a nut. I explain what I did.

I have had full cable service for seven months and didn't even know it. The Boy is not impressed. I think it's hilarious.

And the bank's reply?

Got a reply to my inquiry about my OD charges. As expected, it was a bit confusing.

Dear Ms. Evel:

We have received your message regarding an Overdraft Interest Fee of $0.01 debited from your account and also the processing time of your withdrawals/purchases versus your deposits. My name is Mary and I am pleased to provide you with the following information.

Firstly, Overdraft interest is applied on the second business day following the 15th of each month and covers the period from the 16th of the previous month up to and including the 15th of the current month. The $0.01 Overdraft interest charged to your account is for when the account was in overdraft on February 5, 2007 for -$5.44 due to your monthly fee of $6. Please confirm with your previous month statement.

Secondly, please be advise Online Banking indicates the effective date of a transaction rather than the actual date the transaction was made.

Transactions made outside regular business hours are not processed until the next business day.

For example: if you make a withdrawal from a bank machine on Saturday, the effective date will be Monday or the next business day. The same is true of a transaction made after 6 p.m.

No matter what date a transaction displays in Online Banking, your deposit account balance will always be up to the minute.

I trust this information will help to address your inquiry.

Thank you for using BANK-messaging Service. Please do not hesitate to contact us again through this message centre or by phone at 1-800-555-5555, if we may be of further assistance.

Sincerely,

Ms. Bank Lady

So it was completely my fault. Although the only time I go into OD is when they apply the $6 monthly fee. (I have checked, it's pretty much every month.)

I know some of you Canucks are cringing, six bucks is a lot for service fees on an account with typically 3 deposits and 5-10 uses of a bank card every month.

I know I should switch banks, but every time I think of it I cringe. I don't know if it is like this where you live, but when you open a checking account here, you have to go through a credit check. That's right. You have to pass a credit check for the bank to hold your money for you. Then you have to have your direct deposits changed and wait for your new card. Yadda Yadda Yadda.

And I guess I would just rather pay 6 dollars and one cent every month so I don't have to go through all that.

Cat Flu.

My cat has the flu. I was not aware that cats could get the flu, but Sammy is sneezing and snotting all over everything. He looked at me the other day, his nose running, eye snot all gross and pitiful like. I just looked down at him and said, "Walk it off."

If it wasn't for the fact that vets cost more than real doctors, he might have a better time of it. But I already put a couple of their kids through college.

A couple of years ago my cat, Luci, got hit by a car. On Christmas day, cha ching! She walked in the house on three legs, one was hanging by a thread. Whadda ya do?

So, off to the vet we go. Like an episode of ER, she is bundled and rushed out back. They will examine her and observe her. Once she is out of shock they will evaluate her again and weigh their options. From the number of multiple syllable words this woman was tossing out, I could only imagine what this little episode was going to cost me.

I give the 'nurse' a blank stare. "Just keep in mind, its a cat." She looked at me like I had threatened to gutt her grandmother.

Three days later I get a call.
This is our conversation, please, no hate mail.

"Looks like we are going to have to amputate the leg."

"She couldn't get out of the way of a car on four good legs, and you want to cut one off? Jesus, how much is that going to cost me?"

"The cat will have have to stay an additional day for recovery after surgery. With post-op charges, it will be about two hundred and sixty dollars." She said this like it was totally reasonable.

I choked. I couldn't believe she said 'cat' and 265 bucks in the same sentence. I was still pissed that I had to pay 17 bucks for the cat when I got her. "How much to put her down?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, did I stutter? How much to put her down."

"Forty dollars."

"Sold."

Don't look at me like that! If she had said anything up to a hundred dollars, I may have considered it. But this is a cat we are talking about and I am sorry, my son eats first. Fluffy might be cute, and you might love Fluffy. But Fluffy is not getting a liver transplant.

Fast forward to yesterday. The Boy says to me, "You should take Sammy to the vet, his eyes are running."

"Me and Sam had a little talk today. I told him it was totally up to him if he wanted to go to the vet. He decided against it."

"What are you talking about, Lunatic."

"I told him it costs 40 bucks to have him put down, if he thought his treatment would be less than that, then by all means I would rush him over ASAP."

"Mom."

"What? I think he made a wise choice."

I do feel bad for the cat, but I think vets should feel worse, for charging retarded fees for treatment. They get you in there and gouge the shit out of you and make you feel like a sub-human if you don't sign your gerbil up for chemotherapy.

He has got a cold. Period. If it turns out it is worse than that? Well, its in God's hands.

I tell you what, someone is going to pay for the fact that I am blowing a cats nose like it was a toddler. At least a toddler doesn't have claws.

The rich get richer.

Let me just start off by saying I do not have an overdraft on my bank account. That being said, every single month, I get OD charges on my statement.

It's usually something like a cent or two, so I pretty much ignore it but its there every month. Then I started wondering how. Below is my bank statement for the last week or so.

Again, I don't have an overdraft so I can't actually withdraw or pay bills until the money is in the bank. And believe me, before those deposits go in, the balance is almost absolute zero.

Notice the two deposits, one is my paycheck and one is the pecker check.

This is the real time-line. February 20th, the pecker check goes in, I pick up a few things at the grocery store ($18.62), on the way home I withdraw $80.00. Later that day I withdraw $140 to pay the landlord. Leaving me a balance of $3.40.

Then two days later my paycheck goes in and I start paying bills. I know from experience, if I had tried to make a purchase of even $3.41, let alone $3.42 before that paycheck went in, my card would have been rejected. Remember I have no overdraft on this account.

Notice how the bank records these transactions, putting a couple of the withdrawals 'before' the deposit, which puts me into overdraft. Then promptly charges me OD fees.

It's just a penny here and there, but that is just in my case. If this bank does this to every single customer, you begin to understand how they make billions of dollars a year.

It looks like fraud to me and I have sent them an email asking them to explain themselves.

There is a special place in hell for thankless children.

-from 2002, repost for carnival.

My son calls me yesterday. Wants to know if I can get paid early? Someone at the skate park is selling his board for $30 and he wants it.

"You have a board."

"Mom! My board is crap, this one is worth $100 and he"s selling it cheap."

"I'll see what I can do"

Well I know how much he loves skateboarding and I get all mushy inside. I go ask the boss if I can get paid early, no easy task since I spent the better part of that morning in a screaming match with him. (it was a draw)

Now I leave work, check in hand, and head to my friends house to see if she can cash it for me since the banks are closed. Half way there I realize that I am nearly out of gas, running on fumes. If she can"t cash the check I am walking home.

Twenty minutes later I am on my way back to town, bank card in hand. I get the cash and call my son on his cell phone.

"Never mind Mom, the kid sold it to someone else. Later" Click.

GOOD GRIEF! Your welcome.

I am still sore from baseball last weekend, hobbling around, dragging my old bones home at last, its 6:15pm. I walk in the door, and I want to cry. I am by no stretch of the imagination an even mediocre housekeeper, but my son lost his mind today, and quite possibly his life when he gets home.

Before me lay clothes, papers and miscellaneous sporting equipment strewn in a path from the front door through the kitchen and living room all the way back to my bedroom. I can"t believe that that kid had the nerve to ask me for money.

One hour later my son comes rushing in, "Mom, can we put that $30 in the bank so we can save for a new board?" When he says "we" he means me. "Fine" I tell him, I"ll give you the $30, you clean the house."

That"s when he really lost his mind. He starts to rant and rave and go on. His head starts to spin and he starts spewing pea soup. (ok that isn"t exactly accurate, but pretty close)

"I have to do everything around here, I can"t clean the whole house, God, I am only 11."

My turn to lose my mind, "What all, exactly, do you do around here?"

He looks at me, "I take the garbage out to the basement and then to the curb." He is serious. He thinks he has won the argument.

"Ok, when you took the garbage to the curb last time, how many bags were there?"

He is not sure where I am going with this but he raises his eyes to the ceiling, thinking, counting on his fingers, "6 whole bags!" he says. He seriously believes that this is a huge number.

"Lets break this down. The garbage truck comes every two weeks, so in 14 days you have taken out 6 bags. So if you only took one bag out on any given day, you would have 8 days where you did nothing. Hmmm. If it takes you, say, 30 seconds to take the bag out of the house, and another 30 to take each bag from the basement to the curb. That"s a minute a bag. $30 for 6 bags, $5 per bag per minute?"

"Sounds right." He doesn"t really want to do the math, so he concedes.

"At $5 per minute, you want me to pay you $300 per hour. How do I get THAT job?!!!"

He is speechless now, and I am cleaning the house myself. I finally get to the end of the papers and I turn around, I can"t believe it, he has actually dropped his coat in the middle of the living room floor.

At that moment I understood how people, who were not wise to begin with, could kill their own children.

Calmly I look at him, "Just how long do you imagine I will consent to live this life? Where I go to work each day to a job I hate, so I can feed and clothe you and buy you skateboards when the whim takes you, getting nothing but shit on in return? Hmmm?"

I leave him to ponder this as I lock myself in the bathroom, just in case the urge to kill him truly takes hold of me.