And another thing...

This is a long one, brace yourself.

This is a really long story, but I will try and keep it brief. I have been having some issues at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™. Mostly with authority, or lack thereof.

As you may or may not be able to imagine from my writings. I am not the most conforming creature on the planet. I am a good worker and I enjoy my job. That being said, here is my problem. I have no patience for idiocy. I have no problem obeying the rules of the road as long as the reason for that rule is not 'cuz I said'. I know I am not really explaining this well and without getting into specifics I guess I can't.

Suffice to say, they have some pretty screwed up rules at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™. Not where it applies to how you actually deliver customer service, but how you are gauged against your peers as far as job performance metrics are concerned. Does that make sense?

For instance, I could be on a difficult call, someone developing an app for a website, using a specific programming language, affecting the OS and the office products with a really weird error message. It could be the code, it could be the app it could be the OS or the combination of all, or something completely different that the customer hasn't even thought of.

I have to figure out where the real problem lies. All of this and he can't find his contract number, so now I have to also track down his account manager and get authorization for the case at 10:30 on a Saturday night. Twenty minutes later, I am conferencing in the only tech on the planet that has seen this before and has a solution. The customer is beside himself thanking me for my help. His job is saved, the website will be up and running. Everyone is happy, right?

Wrong. I get the call coach for that call and I fail because I didn't say his name enough. I kid you not. There is a number, they won't tell us that number but there is one. You're on a call this long, you say his name this many times. WTF? They tell us if we get 'meets expectations' on every one of the tool's sections, our score is 3, a pass on the call. Great. But then they say in order to get a raise, you have to be 3.17. Then they can't figure out why this might upset people. So, of course I voice my opinion and basically tell my TM he is an idiot and promptly get a professionalism letter added to my file.

This is just one of the things that frustrates all of us at the Undisclosed Customer Service Center™. We know we are doing our job, and going even that extra mile to make sure our customers speak to the right tech the first time, every time. However, the TM's have a little list that they tick off and some of them don't even take into account how the overall call went.

Everyone is complaining, I am just the loudest one. Another TM tried to explain the stupid logic behind the process and I gave him the hand. Stopped him from talking and said, "Ya know what? I just don't give a shit."

Next thing you know I get an email from the MO, requesting a meeting. Friday at 5pm. Don't they fire people on Fridays?

So, I am not in on Thursday (I hurt myself moving a tv, tell ya that story later) and on Friday I am prepared. I park at the front of the building just in case the MO wants to swipe me out of the building I don't have to walk past everyone. I am hopped up on pain medication so I am surprisingly calm. I walk into her office cube and I was blown away. She spent about 30 seconds commenting on my attitude then it took a bizarre turn.

I won't bore you with the details but she said stuff like, "When your happy, everyone is happy. What can we do to make you happy?" and "If you going to be a team manager..."

She tells me that I have the ability to influence those around me, and that when I feel like the TM's are not listening to me or giving me the right information to just not bother with them and come straight to her.

I can't let an invitation like that go so I start in on my tirade. Tell her everything that is bothering me about everything. I let her know how everyone is feeling. That no one even thinks they will ever get a raise again. On and on and on, she is typing feverishly through the whole thing.

Then she turns to me and says. "This information that you have is totally false. 95% of your group is getting raises, and 10% of those are getting the highest raise."

"There is a problem then, because your information is NOT getting translated properly to us."

Bottom line: I need to stop getting so upset over bad information from the lower management. It's not that they are giving false info. They just aren't explaining themselves very well. I can deal with that.

The better part of an hour goes by and we are laughing as we leave her cube. I look across the floor and see my team, all standing up watching for me. I laugh. They were worried or hoping that I got the sack. Depending on whom you ask.

As I take my place with my team, I walk by the TM who is responsible for getting that meeting for me. I am practically giddy, pat him on the back and in my best 'children's tv host' voice say, "Hey, TM, how is your day going?"

I really love my job.